Communication skills - what is it in simple words

Hello, my dear readers! Today I want to discuss with you one interesting, important and relevant topic for many. I will try to answer the question: is it possible to develop sociability and how to do this?

It would seem that what could be more natural than communicating with other people?

Man is a social being; he has a natural desire to interact with his own kind.

But for many people, getting into contact with someone and maintaining it is a real challenge. And here the main question arises: can it be solved? And most importantly, how?

I’ll answer right away: communication skill is a skill like any other. And it can be developed in the same way as other skills. There would be a desire.

What is communication skills

Wikipedia defines the term as “sociability, ability to form connections, compatibility with other people.”

The Internet encyclopedia also notes that this skill develops throughout life, and parents and teachers play a major role in its formation.

They should teach the child:

Impartiality and the ability to calmly perceive someone else’s position;
Flexibility of thinking;
Empathy – understanding the state and mood of other people;
Tactfulness in expressing views and thoughts.

Obviously, communication skills are not only the ability to start a conversation, but also the ability to maintain it, form a positive opinion about yourself and establish strong connections with people.

Choleric

Strong, unbalanced, mobile type. This is an impulsive and ardent person who devotes himself to his work with all passion. He prefers to overcome obstacles rather than bypass them. The energy of his nature is clearly reflected in his speech, gestures and facial expressions. A hot-tempered and impatient choleric person does not always control his emotions and can turn to aggression. Doesn't calm down right away. Prone to sudden mood swings.

“+”: sales manager, reporter, radio or television presenter, director, designer, guide and other professions that require flexibility and the ability to establish contacts.

“-“: librarian, literary editor and other professions that involve monotony of action. Boredom is the main enemy of choleric people.

Sociable person - who is he?

Relaxation and the ability to start a conversation are key skills. But they are not enough to be considered a sociable person.

Based on the interpretation of Wikipedia and a number of psychology textbooks, this concept is much broader and includes a number of personal characteristics:

Broad outlook and ability to hold a conversation on any topic;
Tolerance and impartiality, the ability to calmly relate to other people's views, even if they are diametrically opposed to yours;
Flexibility. A sociable person does not experience stress when there is a sudden change in topic and circumstances - he easily adapts to them;
Sincerity. After all, it is unlikely that anyone will want to communicate closely with a person who lies, keeps back and is disingenuous;
Charismatic. A sociable person always arouses the sympathy of others;
Ability to adapt to any type of communication. He can easily come to an agreement both with the boss and with the impudent person on the bus, he knows different techniques for conducting a conversation;
Calmness and self-confidence. It is not difficult for a sociable person to start talking to strangers simply because he does not experience a crisis of self-esteem and anxiety.

A number of these skills develop successfully in childhood. But you should not create illusions: even the most talented person is not able to know everything and communicate freely on any topic. Therefore, when he has a meeting with strangers and a new company, he tries to prepare for it in advance - find out what topics are interesting to these people and study them.

Thus, the willingness to constantly acquire new knowledge is also an integral feature of a sociable person. Perhaps this is why employers are so eager to have them on their team.

Conclusion

Communication skills are rightfully one of the most in-demand skills today. Without effective communication, it is difficult to make acquaintances, create a personal brand, build a career, and achieve high goals. It is logical that employers want to see communication skills in a candidate’s resume. But how to indicate it if the concept itself is so multifaceted? We have prepared a small checklist for you.

How to write about communication skills in an application: a checklist for applicants

Take a piece of paper and a pen. Draw a table with two columns.
Take an inventory of your communication skills. Write down everything you own in the first column.
Analyze the vacancy, highlight and move keywords related to sociability into the second column.
Match the information in both columns. Any coincidences? This is exactly what you need to include in your resume.
Didn't find anything in common? Then study the vacancy again and mark the points that need to be worked on.
Put key skills on your resume, but start developing them now. This way you won't deceive anyone. And the recruiter will certainly appreciate your efforts during the interview.

Advantages and disadvantages of a sociable person

Powerful charisma and an open smile will charm anyone. Therefore, it is much easier for a sociable person to move through life:

He aces interviews and gets the best jobs;
He quickly grows up the career ladder and often by the age of 30 becomes a manager or owner of a business;
It is easier for a sociable person to build relationships with the opposite sex. He is able to make you fall in love with him from the first meeting, so his family life is always in order;
A sociable person has many friends and acquaintances. Not only does he never suffer alone, but he is almost always able to find support in any life and everyday tasks;
He is not stressed. To suffer quietly and slide down the wall on his claws from resentment is not his path.
A sociable person quickly overcomes crises in relationships and at work.

Shy and suspicious people think that he is simply the embodiment of intelligence, sociability and charisma, an ideal personality. But a sociable person can also have shortcomings. They largely depend on the severity of his character traits:

The ability to feel and empathize often makes sociable people perceive other people’s problems as their own and experience shock “out of the blue”;
Curiosity and learning ability sometimes lead to the fact that a person is not able to develop in one narrow niche - he changes professions, has many hobbies and is always short of time;
Excessive self-confidence can also trip you up. For example, lead to a lower grade on an exam.

When learning to communicate, people often use broad gestures and theatrical facial expressions. And at this stage they can have the opposite effect - scaring people away. Keep this in mind if you intend to improve your communication skills.

Types of communication skills

Psychologists divide people into extroverts and introverts. It is easier for the former to become sociable, since self-confidence, a thirst for communication and charisma are inherent in them by nature.

Other skills can be developed with a skillful approach. Introverts have a more difficult time - they are much more interested in being alone than in a noisy company.

However, man is a social being, forced to interact with others. And because of how we do this, there are 4 types of communication:

Introverted;
Rigid;
Dominant;
Mobile.

Sociable people belong to the 4th type and must be able to adapt to the previous three.

Introverted type

“Introverted” people are often shy, suspicious and are the first to make contact only in cases of urgent need. When communicating with introverts, you absolutely cannot:

Use rude language;
Make offensive statements;
Talk about intimate topics;
Praise loudly and give insincere compliments;
Interrupt and criticize.

You will have to take the initiative in communication into your own hands - they will easily cede it to you. Introverts will consider a pleasant conversationalist to be someone who expresses sincere interest in them and reinforces it with non-verbal gestures - eye contact, nodding, an open position.

Rigid

People of this type also give the initiative into the wrong hands when communicating. Moreover, they are wary of a new interlocutor. Therefore, you cannot with them:

“Rush right off the bat.” If you immediately begin discussing an issue that is important to you, he will diligently avoid answering: “I’ll think about it,” “Perhaps,” “I need to consult” - you won’t achieve anything else;
Start from afar. In this case, you may not get to the point at all.

A rigid interlocutor should be slightly “warmed up” - start with an introduction, hints, and then move on to discussing the matter.

Dominant

This style of communication is characteristic of leaders and brawlers. They speak loudly, assertively, not paying attention to the attempts of others to get a word in. The initiative is always in their hands. The only way to build effective communication with them is to let them talk, pause, and then quickly, clearly and clearly express their thoughts. In this case, the dominant speaker will have to listen to you.

Mobile

This type of communication is characteristic of sociable people. They easily take the initiative, let others speak, and adapt to the interlocutor.

How to develop your communication skills

Mastering communication skills and becoming charming as an adult is not easy. After all, each of us has our own complexes and behavioral stereotypes laid down in childhood. And you will have to fight them. But there are also basic rules that will help you become a more pleasant conversationalist.

What prevents you from becoming a sociable person?

An introverted personality is far from the most serious obstacle to mastering communication skills. There are also more significant ones:

Shyness. It is difficult for such a person to start a conversation, even if the initiative comes from someone else. It is important to understand its reasons and try to get rid of the fear of communication;
Low self-esteem. It is difficult to have a relaxed dialogue if you are constantly thinking about your shortcomings. Meanwhile, others may simply not see them. This problem needs to be solved with a psychologist;
Speech defects. They often lead to complexes, teasing, and difficulties in building a dialogue. A speech therapist will help solve the problem;
Impaired concentration. This shortcoming is more typical of women - they have their head in the clouds, thinking about what they must do today, tomorrow and in a year. It is important to learn to pay attention to the words of your interlocutor;
Emotionality. It is unlikely that you will be able to calmly accept a different point of view if you are overwhelmed by indignation and anger. Learn to control yourself.

Any obstacle can be overcome. But the main thing is to gain self-confidence. After all, you can be a pleasant plump person, and not a fat cow, speak in the French manner, and not desperately burr. Much depends on your perception and ability to present yourself.

Golden Rules of Effective Communication

A sociable person is a charismatic person who arouses our sympathy. The reason for this lies in his observance of a number of unspoken rules, the violation of which can cause rejection even on a subconscious level. And everyone can master them:

Openness. Crossing your arms and legs, nervously tapping your fingers on the table, and a tense facial expression are traits that cause a wave of misunderstanding and fear in us. Therefore, if you want to make a good impression, give up these gestures and smile more often;
Sincerity. Talking is not moving bags. But if you are lying or disingenuous, many people intuitively feel it. The reason for this is facial expressions and gestures. Therefore, either learn to control them, or be sincere;
Accept someone else's point of view. You shouldn’t expect your interlocutor to agree with you on everything. Be prepared to accept his position as well;
Pay attention. The ability to speak is not as great a talent as the skill of active listening. Pay attention to your interlocutor’s words, nod if you agree with him, ask clarifying questions. And you will definitely make a good impression;
Entrust the choice of topic to your opponent. After all, everyone enjoys talking about what interests them;
Constantly replenish your knowledge base. Communication skills are the ability to speak on any topic. Moreover, there may not be time to prepare. Watch the news, read books so you can always carry on a conversation.

If you follow these rules, you are sure to make a good impression. But if you break the prohibitions, then all your efforts will go to waste. Therefore, let's talk about them.

5 prohibitions in communication

Many people have no idea why they fell out of favor with their friends and relatives. Meanwhile, the answer often lies on the surface - in the area of mistakes that a sociable person would never make:

Criticism. Especially if it affects a person’s personality or sounds offensive. Even if a person treated you dishonestly, take responsibility for your emotions and say: “Your actions upset me,” and not “It’s all your fault!”;
Adviсe. As Dale Carnegie said, you can only give them for a good price. In all other cases, you should not give advice and teach other people how to live;
The desire to appear better than you really are. Firstly, as Mikhail Litvak said, you can’t stand on tiptoe for long - people will still find out what you’re really worth. Secondly, ideal people always cause irritation and doubt;
Untidy. It lowers self-esteem. If you know that you have a stain on your clothes or a button is missing, you will involuntarily wonder if the other person noticed it. As a result, concentration will be disrupted and the whole day will go awry;
Irony towards other people. A joke thrown in the interlocutor's face can be perceived as an insult. And making fun of those who are absent is the lot of gossips and cowards.

Avoid these mistakes and you will see how the number of people wanting to communicate with you will increase dramatically.

Exercises to develop communication skills

Everyone can speak. But maintaining a conversation on any topic and achieving set goals is rare. And if you are not one of them, you should devote at least 15-20 minutes a day to developing communication skills. Here are some simple and effective exercises:

Reading. Good literature replenishes your vocabulary, teaches you to formulate thoughts correctly, which helps increase self-esteem;
Success Diary. Every day, write down in a notebook what you managed to accomplish during the day and where you performed best. Just a couple of lines a day will over time strengthen your self-confidence, increase self-esteem and relieve inhibitions when communicating with people;
Stop the video at any time. Improvise: tell what will happen next or develop the idea of the person who spoke;
Read a poem or tell a story by heart and record it on video. This will help identify shortcomings in speech and tell you which points need to be worked on;
Talk to a random person. On the street, at a bus stop or on the bus. Just a couple of phrases on a neutral topic - about the weather or some situation. And you will understand that there is nothing wrong with taking the initiative in communication.

Reasons for unsociability

In order to become a sociable person in the future, it is necessary to understand the factors that make a person withdrawn and unsure of his abilities.

Factors of isolation and uncertainty

Psychological trauma in the past . Thanks to this, a “barrier” arises that prevents the possibility of repeating a painful experience. It can grow out of a situation where a person was ridiculed or shamed while trying to communicate. Awareness and acceptance of trauma will help get rid of the heavy burden of the past, which interferes with a full life in the present.
Inability to hear and listen . The reasons for this lie in egocentrism, lack of empathy for the interlocutor and excessive aggressiveness. Most often, others like such people, they want to get to know them, but things don’t go further than that. They do not know how to build strong and long-term relationships.
Low self-esteem. Psychologists define such people as those who really want communication and are drawn to it, but due to natural timidity are afraid to take the first step towards meeting a stranger. This fear arises due to internal rejection of oneself, that is, the logic of a closed individual is that if he does not like himself, then others cannot like him.
Complexes. Combines all the previous factors. Low self-esteem, selfishness, narcissism, and delusions of grandeur are equally present here. The vector of opinion about oneself is divided into two opposite branches, on one side - “I am not worthy of communicating with this person”, on the other - “he is not worthy of communicating with me.”

How to develop communication skills in children

Our parents raise us in the best possible way. And then we spend a long time working through the consequences of upbringing with a psychologist.

And so that your child does not have to contact a specialist to combat shyness and complexes, follow simple rules for developing communication skills:

Never say the words “Shut your mouth”, “Be silent when elders are talking” and the like. Getting used to being quiet and inconspicuous in childhood, your child will continue this habit in the future;
Never criticize him as a person. Explain what action upset you and why. Not “you’re crooked,” but “you spilled tea, clean up after yourself”;
Play with dolls together. Building a dialogue between toys helps teach a child politeness, basic rules of communication and even empathy, the ability to feel the mood of other people;
Choose good books and encyclopedias for children. The more interest a child shows in reading, the higher the chances of developing a good knowledge base in adulthood;
Walk more. Meeting and communicating with other children is the first step to building relationships with other people;
Talk to your child often. About everything in the world - about animals in the zoo, human relationships, social roles and professions. By asking questions and expressing his position, the child learns to communicate productively.

Sociability and charm are not a gift of nature, but character traits that can be formed at any age. And if you want to acquire them or instill them in your child, start acting now.