How to give a man emotional intimacy or make him fall in love with you forever and deeply

Why did I immediately say that this topic would be surprising for many? Because we all know that for men the most important and decisive thing is sexual drive

.
Many young ladies, as well as men, sincerely believe that all these emotional things are not very important to men.
The main thing is that she has a vigorous body, the main thing is that she is cheerful, the main thing is that she performs the functions that are intended for women. But this is actually a mistake and is absolutely not true.

In fact, men experience things emotionally much more than you and I, young ladies.

Hearing this postulate, I am sure that many young ladies now joyfully rubbed their hands and said: “Wow, what happiness!” Finally, they need emotions! We, women, will now give them three buckets of these emotions, the men will simply not be able to disentangle themselves.” And at this moment, my dears, you will be extremely wrong. What you and I mean by an emotional state, by an influx of emotions, by unity, by merging, by delight, in the male world is called a completely different word, which you definitely don’t want to know.

Emotional intimacy for men

- this is a completely different story and now I will tell you in detail, and you will read and find out what men perceive as emotional intimacy with women.

Why can't we understand this? Because 99% of us women don’t understand ourselves. If I'm right, write about it in the comments. Haven’t you had something like this: in the morning I woke up and started to rush, my mood is up and down, then I’m happy, then I want to die, then everything is fine, then it’s just terrible, then I love him, then he infuriates me and annoys me and really doesn’t care. I know what to do with it. If this has happened to you in your life, girls, then write about it in the comments.

In fact, such emotional swings, of course, do not bring joy to anyone - neither you personally nor men. Where do they come from? From a simple inability to love yourself correctly.

When you don’t love yourself correctly, then, accordingly, what do you give to men? Still the same, to put it mildly, not quite right love.

So, what do men mean by emotional intimacy with a woman? That is, which woman will they finally feel close to and understand that we are of the same blood?

Female respect for a man

The first thing is if a woman understands what respect is

Oh, how I know very well that this is one of the most difficult moments. Just the day before yesterday, someone wrote to me, I think, on Instagram: “How can this be? I respect him, but he humiliates me all the time. What should I do about this? I really wanted to answer, but I didn’t, because it’s clearly clear that how you think what respect is and how men perceive what respect is are two big differences

What do we women perceive by the word “respect”? It's that there is someone who we like very much and we accept what he does and we don't argue too much internally with it. If I'm right, write about it in the comments.

And despite the fact that we respect this person, we recognize his merits, this will never stop us from getting into an argument with him if we disagree with something. Right?

Respect in the male world reflects something completely different. If a man respects another man, he never argues with him. He does what he is told. He perceives that this person, respected by him, is an authority.

That is, this famous phrase of two drunk men: “ Do you respect me?

” says that “I will listen to you, I’m right. And, if I’m right, then you support and absolutely accurately perceive my information, stop doubting it and do what I think is right.” Dear and beloved men who came to this article, if I’m right, I beg you, write about it in the comments.

How to find out what feelings a reserved man is experiencing?

Does a woman need to “pry out the secret”? Constant questions “Do you love me?” or “How do you feel about me?” are annoying and cause nothing but discomfort and embarrassment.

It is important for a woman not to rush a man. A man's love is expressed in a hundred other nuances, and words are not so important. If a man is not yet confident in his chosen one, and has not established the same emotional wavelength with her, constant questions will scare away and break the relationship that is just emerging.

Time is an incomparable assistant if used wisely.

Women freely express hurt, anger or joy. They constantly want attention, care, and need a strong male shoulder.

Why are men different?

Men's freedom and its sense of sensation

The second important component of emotional intimacy is a feeling of freedom.

I have written an endless number of articles about the feeling of freedom in relationships among men. But, unfortunately, I can’t always convey to you, young ladies, the essence of what men perceive as freedom

For some reason, many women, having heard about this from me, begin to argue with me and say: “Yeah, give him freedom, and he will rush to irrigate fields, farms and other women with his own sperm.”

For some reason, women sincerely believe that freedom equals permissiveness

.
My dear, this is absolutely not true. Freedom and permissiveness are completely different things
. What is freedom in a man's understanding? Freedom in a man's understanding is doing what he likes.

Believe me, a man's world is much more complicated.

, than ours, female. In their male world, mostly men never do things that simply give them pleasure. That is, all sorts of strange hobbies, some of their attachments, some of their interesting things. Some people like to strum the guitar, some like to sit in the garage, some like fishing, some like hunting.

Look for yourself, women, with what claws and teeth they bite into their hobbies or their passions every time. Because it is precisely doing what gives them pleasure that is freedom for men. Because the rest of a man’s life is “ you have to

" and "
you must
".
Not only are you eating his brain
, believe me,
he himself knows what he should and what he is obliged to do
. It always sits in his head and knocks his head off.

Therefore, if you want a man to feel free next to you, then never cut off for him those actions that give him pleasure.

How to manage yourself and men (in general terms)

He is interested in you, but, as it seems to you, without much enthusiasm. The fire of passion has turned into a smoldering ember - it’s good with you, but it’s also good without you. What's happened? Why don't you ignite it anymore? Because you have lost your feminine power over him, or simply did not find the key to his feelings in time.

We bet on emotions

It is generally accepted that men are less emotional than women. However, the “impenetrability” of the stronger sex is just a myth, which can easily be debunked by any woman who has mastered the game of male feelings.

The first key to controlling a man is to be able to evoke strong emotions in him. Strong feelings and emotional intensity can interrupt all his iron masculine logic. To control a strong man , you need to deprive him of restraint and self-control, while remaining unperturbed and calm. These qualities are rarely innate; they are usually the result of honest work on oneself. Exercises that develop equanimity and calmness are given in the distance training Hypnosis of the Manipulator.

Women are weak and strong

A woman, full of pure femininity, tries to control a man with pouting lips and eyes full of tears. But a woman who is not inclined to speculate on her weakness can go much further.

The fact is that modern men have acquired a strong immunity to the tears and whims of “hyperfeminine women.” The frantic pace of our times has given most men a thick skin that can only be penetrated if their own ego is compromised.

So there are two options to control a man : either, squeezing out tears, trying to take pity on him, or with a calm expression on his face, slowly but surely, hitting his hidden complexes, and at times, treating them, gently, stroking...

“The more submissive a woman is, the more readily a man asserts himself in his rights, becoming a despot (as in the article For lovers of suffering) But the more heartless and treacherous she is, the worse she treats him, the more she twists him with causeless cruelty, the more she ignites a strong desire in him, securing love and adoration for herself,” is a golden quote from the book by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, “Venus in Fur.”

Attention! The article Manipulate wisely describes how to distinguish the so-called Sacher-Masochs and other lovers of cruel games from other types of men, and most importantly, how to maintain balance without going too far...

Hardness and softness

Our parents controlled us only to the extent that they made us feel guilty. As soon as we stopped feeling guilty for our “bad behavior,” the influence of our parents disappeared. Remember how they alternated toughness with softness: “You’ve settled in well, your mother and father are working hard, and you’re having fun!” And if this didn’t work, then it was said differently: “You don’t care about us: if we die, you’ll step over and go!” After these words, how did you not have a painful desire to justify yourself to your ancestors? I wanted to prove to you that you are not such an “ungrateful trash”? And whatever you can do to get mommy to hug us and pat us on the head again!

The one who controls is the one who causes the fear of “not pleasing.” What is behind this unaccountable fear? The eternal need to assuage doubts about whether he is worthy of your love. If you can cause such slight doubt, then you know how to control a man . About why and under what conditions to alternate the expression of love and cruelty is written in the book Falling in Love by Causing Pain (Conquering a manipulative man).

Remembering the moments when you were affectionate and open with him, he looks into your eyes again and again, he tries to please you and certainly consolidate his authority. In an effort to gain your approval, a man unconsciously gives you the lion's share of his energy. So what do you do then? And then you warm up - you reward him for wasted emotional resources, for example, give him a high-quality compliment or kiss him tenderly...

Emotions to order

Before managing others, learn to manage yourself . Try to holistically enter a state of reckless rage, sadness, tenderness, ruthlessness, etc., and then transfer these “states” to your partner. There are two ways to do this: associate yourself with a situation in which you always have “that” mood, or associate yourself with some animal that naturally has such a mood.

Imagine yourself at different times of the day: an angry tigress, an affectionate cat, a ruthless wolf, a perky monkey. If you learn to enter into the image holistically, throwing away your usual “I,” you can easily transfer your mood to other people, and thus control them.

For example, you need him to be touched and experience tender feelings for you - enter into the image of a little abandoned kitten who has lost its mother and is looking for somewhere to warm up. And if you need your man to inflame with passion for you, you can enter the image of a bucking horse, which, due to its temperament, does not allow itself to be ridden.

Get into his soul

Jumping into bed is the easiest way. It is much more difficult to get into a man’s soul. to do this, again learn to play on his emotions. Talk to him about things that worried him in the past, or even touch him to this day.

Frank conversations are welcome! Don’t shamelessly pry for details - wait for the moment when he is completely relaxed and wants to “tell you something.”

Ask him about “big and pure love.” Open up old wounds: let him remember with you all the emotions associated with his first true love. When he speaks and enters a trance-like state, start kissing him. In this way, you will pull him out of the past, and he will unconsciously project the feelings that surged during the memories onto you.

The main rule

Intimacy as openness on the part of a woman

The next most important aspect of emotional intimacy is openness on the part of the woman.

I won’t even tell you how much we don’t clearly understand what openness is. I’ll tell you right away how men perceive what openness on the part of a woman

. This is when a woman explains to a man in clear language what she wants, what she needs in order to become happy and content.

Honestly, ladies, one of the biggest fears of men is that they don’t understand us

do not make their life any easier
with our hints, some strange wishes, some comparative images and other florid, sophisticated things .

A man needs to understand what exactly we want. And when he understands exactly what we want, then he can fulfill our desires. And since 90% of women sincerely believe that men cannot honestly say what you think you want

, it turns out that no matter what he tries to do, he will always be at fault, because you are, by and large, a closed, mysterious book that needs to be read.

Reason No. 2. Education

If the parents did not hug their son, did not speak words of love and tenderness to him, then, as an adult, the man will copy the line of behavior “inherited” in childhood. A man does not know how to give compliments or show emotions. He believes that this is unworthy of a representative of the strong half of humanity, or he does not even realize that the woman he loves is eager to hear the “cherished three words.”

For some reason, parents believe that affection, tenderness and a kind word are not as important for a boy as for a girl. The son must be raised to be a man - strong and reliable, a man who will endure all hardships. From early childhood, he develops a sense of self-worth and responsibility for the lives of loved ones, and willpower. As a result, having become an adult, a man does not know how to freely express his feelings and emotions.

Emotional Intimacy as a Deep Connection

And the last most important point about what men perceive as emotional intimacy. In English it’s called “deep connection”; in Russian, if translated, it’s probably some kind of very deep connection

In fact, the connection is not as deep as you and I think. Deep connection means that you are connected with a man by some common interests

and common interests are not only sex, not only raising children and not just some kind of everyday life, what to cook, what to eat, what store to go to, but you are connected on some deeper emotional level.

You share a passion for the same music, you can go on some kind of hike together, because you both sincerely like it, and not because you pretend to go with him, so that, God forbid, he You can’t just leave it there, what you have, what you really have to talk about for a long time, express points of view, that you read the same literature and you are absorbed in it, you like to talk about it.

Either you love horror movies together, or, conversely, your man is sentimental and you both sniffle when you watch romantic comedies.

In general, it doesn’t matter what, the main thing is that there is a community of interests

at least in some way, then the man can say: “She understands me. She is amazing, she is not like everyone else. Where else can I find one like this? As far as I understand, this is exactly what you want, dear ladies.

Well, we’ve sorted out the main aspects of emotional intimacy, let’s enhance it with romance in order to finally emotionally destroy your man’s tower, click and find out what “acting masks in relationships” are.

Reason No. 3. Fear of addiction

A man hates dependence, it is not inherent in a man’s character. A man realizes that dependence is the first step to manipulation and control, and this threatens the loss of personal freedom.

Men are proud to be called “representatives of the stronger half of humanity.” They, like women, are afraid of pain. The best way to impress the woman you like is to show strength.

They need much more time (compared to women) to establish emotional intimacy.

Catch yourself the moment you start to get angry

First of all, you must learn to catch yourself doing this.

The person opposite is out to get you.

He talks, talks, talks.

Maybe even squeal.

The most important thing you have to do here is notice that you are angry.

It sounds simple, but don't let the simplicity fool you.

When anger begins to boil within you, you must say to yourself: “I am angry.”

Many people don't do this.

They follow their emotions, as if hypnotized.

But you are here to learn how to manage your emotions.

So, in stressful moments, tell yourself: “I feel angry.”

And move on to the second point.

Take a little time out

With strong emotional arousal, people tend to assess the situation inadequately. If you feel yourself raising your voice, take a time out. This will help you avoid saying something you will regret later. Think about what exactly you want to convey to your interlocutor, and most importantly, how to do it without hysteria. The best solution would be to take a 20-minute walk alone. It will allow you to be distracted and give vent to your anger without causing harm to yourself or others. Try to walk quickly and pay attention to everything that is happening around you. Instead of walking, you can dance, go to exercise, or do some stretching. When you return, you can calmly continue the conversation.

What should you not do with an emotionally reserved man?

Answer in kind. A man already knows that you are different - tender, vulnerable, and often cry while watching a Brazilian series. Changes in your behavior will not bear fruit. Don’t say (or better yet, don’t think) how cold, insensitive and narcissistic he is. Do not focus on rare manifestations of feelings. Never mention how he cried when he saw the consequences of you going out on your own in a new car.

Keep a diary of emotions

What you can’t express out loud can be written down on paper. This not only helps to get rid of destructive feelings and look at the problem from a different angle, but also perfectly develops emotional intelligence. Try keeping an “anger diary” for a month. Write down there all the cases of outbursts of anger, their reasons and the emotions that you experienced. Don't be shy in your expressions. You will soon notice that you have become better able to distinguish between your states and feelings. And most importantly, you can intentionally avoid those situations that most often cause attacks of anger. By the way, such a diary does not have to be kept on paper. You can use one of the mobile applications.

Warms up

And decent men sometimes need women’s emotions for harmless purposes. For what? Let's look at an example. Ivan is a hot and emotional person. Maria is calm and reserved. Such opposites, but happy together for many years. When Ivan becomes completely sad next to his “cold as a roach” wife, he begins to “warm her up”. He achieves an emotional explosion in various ways. Often these are serious quarrels, but they always end in violent sex. And then peace and harmony reign in the house again. In such cases, psychological attacks serve as a kind of pill, giving him a portion of adrenaline and her a release (it’s not easy to keep everything inside yourself all the time).

Manipulates

Who are manipulators? These are people who know how to control others, playing on their feelings and weaknesses. Example situation (names are fictitious). Katya and Vadim planned to go to her parents’ dacha for the weekend to help improve the territory. More precisely, Katya planned, and Vadim wasn’t particularly eager, but he couldn’t refuse outright. What is he doing? He begins to provoke Ekaterina with words and actions - he “accidentally” stains her favorite T-shirt, crumples and throws an important report in the trash can, and leaves a dirty plate on the floor near the sofa. For what? He deliberately irritates the girl, arouses her into negative emotions and inflames her. The result is a domestic quarrel. Katya is to blame, and Vadim is “white and fluffy”, he didn’t do it on purpose. An offended man will never go to his father-in-law's dacha; he would rather watch football with beer, which Katya sends for as an apology. Sound familiar?

Another story. One day Olya started replanting indoor flowers. Her husband Oleg really didn’t want to help her; sheer laziness and an online backgammon tournament on his smartphone were to blame. But how can you refuse your beloved wife, by the way, because these flower pots are so big and heavy? We need to play on her irritability and love for fast, high-quality work. Then Oleg takes an ordinary tablespoon (the one for soup), a basin, sits on the floor next to the pot and begins to scoop out the soil from it with a spoon. Olya had enough time to contemplate such “hard” work for 5 minutes. Then she freaked out, picked up the pot, turned it over, shook it and poured all the soil into the basin. Then Oleg was offended: “you don’t like my help, then do everything yourself, do you think I’m stupid or lazy...”. And he went on to play backgammon and lie on the couch (the story, by the way, is real).

There are different manipulations. Some of them are aimed at doing something, others - at not doing something. In both cases, the manipulator achieves what he wants by putting pressure on the “victim’s” psyche, her feelings, weaknesses and habits - pity, love, anger, irritability, punctuality... Yes, and punctuality too. An acquaintance of mine was always late home for dinner, to college, to the train, always and everywhere, making excuses about the uselessness of public transport. His parents, punctual and obligatory people, were very annoyed by this. Therefore, they gave him a wristwatch and a car, which is what he actually wanted. So not only other halves can manipulate, but also children, friends, parents, and random passers-by. To resist them, you need to know your weaknesses, be able to recognize psychological pressure and control your reactions to it.

Flute: cleansing and healing effect

The flute is considered a wind instrument, playing which a person hears high and rich sounds. Its sound is not only pleasant to the human ear, but also very useful. The flute calms, clears the mind, helps get rid of tension and accumulated problems that are a stumbling block on the path of creative development.

Playing the flute, a person develops fine motor skills of the fingers, cleanses and develops breathing, and also learns to control it. When a musician breathes deeply and correctly, every organ is saturated with oxygen, which has a positive effect on overall health. A person becomes stronger and healthier.

Each instrument is good in its own way. Therefore, you can choose a device based on your well-being and preferences. And even if you don’t know how to play, knowing the positive influence of instruments will serve as an excellent incentive to learn the basics of musical art.

FUCK. WITH HIM.

This is your magic wand so no one else can piss you off.

It's so simple that it's even stupid.

But it works.

You say, “Fuck him,” and the one who pisses you off loses his influence.

He stops pissing you off because a wall of three words has appeared in your head.

That's it - now you know how to stay calm when you're being pissed off.

Use this algorithm whenever your insides begin to boil from another asshole or just a loved one who thought that he was the smartest and could teach you.

I'll repeat it so you can go back and quickly refresh your memory:

Catch yourself when you start to lose control
Look at yourself and your interlocutor from the outside
Name the reasons for your rage
Let go of your emotions ("Fuck it")

See you later.

Vlad Makeev.

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Spoil his things

You need to treat your loved one’s belongings with the utmost care. His work cannot be underestimated. Some things can be especially expensive for a man and it is better to know about this in advance so as not to accidentally throw them away or spoil them. Representatives of the stronger sex lose their temper when women take something for use without permission or treat their property carelessly.

Many men get very angry when women clean their desks and put things in perfect order. They perceive such actions as an invasion of their personal space. If you want to help your chosen one clean his office or alter his favorite trousers, it is better to discuss such issues with him in advance.

Command and criticize

To anger a man, you need to criticize him as often as possible and preferably in front of witnesses. This bad advice is suitable for girls who are tired of relationships. It works flawlessly. To completely disappoint, you can often compare him with more successful, lucky and beautiful friends.

Men are very sensitive to not only criticism, but also commands. When they try to tell them what to do and how, they lose their temper. Psychologists call this behavior a defensive reaction, which in this case is quite expected. Trying to rise above her chosen one and take a dominant position, the woman humiliates him. With the help of aggression, a man seeks to prove his importance.

What to do with an emotionally reserved man?

If you decide that this man is your man and you will have a family, be patient.

Be an example. Give love freely without demanding a response. Ask questions, don't make statements. Trouble at work? Why don't you want to go to the theater? When will we go on vacation? Summarize your feelings (“I know we love each other, so we can handle this”).

He hid them under reliable armor.

Reason #5: Painful experience

If a man’s past relationship ended in a fantastic fiasco, he will be careful in showing emotions in the future.

Women's betrayal, betrayal and deception give rise to 2 thoughts in a man's head:

“I loved, but they hurt me, what a fool I was.” “In order not to get a knife in the back, you cannot show feelings.”

His new lady will need a lot of patience and love for the man to open up to her. Over time, these categorical arguments disappear, and the man plunges into new relationships with all passion.

Or is it indifference?

It is difficult for a woman (if she does not have the appropriate education) to determine the line between emotional coldness and indifference. The external manifestation of these parameters is the same - the absence of gentle words.

An unmistakable indicator of the male love of an emotionally cold man is his actions. What is important is real help and support, not promises and unsuccessful attempts.

Self-asserting

Another category of men are weak-willed cowards who deliberately anger women with their actions and words, why? This is how they assert themselves. An example for clarity. Elvira, coming home from work, listens to a bunch of disguised complaints from her husband:

“There’s nothing else to eat besides this stew.”
“I just washed my feet, they are dirty again, just like the floors.”
“And Marinka (his sister) got a new haircut today, she’s so beautiful, I can’t take my eyes off her, but I’ve somehow gotten used to your look.”
“You looked like you were planting potatoes in the garden in this dress.”
“Why are gaskets so expensive?”...

And such phrases rain down in an endless stream until Elvira explodes or simply says: “that’s enough.” This is what Ildar (husband) needs. The stream of little phrases turns into a stormy waterfall of insults, now unconcealed and aggressive. The sooner Elvira cries, the sooner Ildar will stop, after accusing his wife of making him angry. Ildar got what he wanted: Elvira was humiliated, trampled and left guilty, and he was a handsome man and a male.

Why are they doing that? Only weak women (especially those who depend on them, for example, those on maternity leave) cannot fight back. It’s scary to fight with others, but how can you raise your self-esteem? Take it out on those who are weaker. How to deal with these? If possible, run without looking back. If not, do not react to their provocations. Psychologists advise that during attacks, mentally distract yourself - repeat the multiplication table, dream about a trip to the sea, choose the color of the wallpaper, or plan to rearrange the furniture. Another effective technique is to mentally build a brick wall or put on a cap made of armored glass.

Vampirite

The same category includes energy vampires who feed on the energy released by a woman when she is angry, screams or cries. Male vampires behave in the same way as in the previous example. But, as soon as the “victim” loses his peace of mind, they calm down, do not swear, and only with rare interventions add fuel to the fire, preventing passions from dying out too early.