Perfectionism in simple words: what it is, its antipode and how to overcome it

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December 15, 2022 |

The concept of perfectionism is a trait that turns life into an endless report card with assessments of one’s achievements. A perfectionist suffers from the fact that he does not look perfect enough, has not arranged his workplace sufficiently, has not won a competition, and so on endlessly. A healthy perfectionist transforms this into self-motivation. This approach to yourself and society encourages you to overcome difficulties and achieve success. When you're unhealthy, it can be a quick and lasting path to unhappiness.

Sick perfectionism does not allow a person to enjoy achievements. This leads to a negative mindset. Such people do not believe in unconditional love, expecting the affection and approval of others to depend on circumstances. Extreme perfectionists cannot live in the moment; they constantly look for (or invent) flaws and try to correct them. Perfectionist children suffer from the fact that they do not receive the best grades, that someone in the class was praised better or more than him.

What causes perfectionism?

Perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures, such as the desire to avoid failure or harsh judgment. There is likely a social component as well, as perfectionistic tendencies have increased significantly among young people over the past 30 years, regardless of gender or culture. Increased academic and professional competition, as well as the ubiquitous presence of social media and the harmful social comparisons it generates, are thought to play a major role.

Perfectionism - pros and cons: advantages and disadvantages

Before understanding the question of whether perfectionism needs to be treated, it is important to understand what its advantages and disadvantages are.

The positive aspects of this phenomenon are expressed in the following qualities:

• Hard work
• Self-criticism
• Demands on yourself
• Constantly learning something new and developing
• Striving for personal growth
• Improving skills at work. They try to make them perfect
• Trying to achieve recognition, respect and fame
• Achieving significant heights in life

Despite the fact that the advantages are quite significant, perfectionism also has its disadvantages:

• Such a person is too demanding of himself
• Self-criticism may not always be justified
• Often, when it is impossible to achieve the ideal, self-esteem decreases
• Perfectionists don't like to be criticized. They are too sensitive to it
• He is often irritable, nervous, or develops obsessive states
• May be too smart or boring
• Unable to enjoy the results obtained if they are not perfect
• Inability to set achievable goals; as a rule, those that are impossible to achieve are set

What are the signs that someone is a perfectionist?

Perfectionists are overly demanding and have unrealistically high expectations for themselves and others. They quickly find flaws and are overly critical of mistakes. They tend to put off a project due to fear of failure. They brush off compliments and forget to celebrate their success. Instead, they look to specific people in their lives for approval. And then they stop limiting themselves to correcting themselves, and begin to correct others, and in an extremely aggressive form.

Perfectionism and pedantry - what's the difference?

Many people are confused by three concepts: pedantry, idealism and perfectionism. Let's figure it out. Right away we will rule out idealism, because this is a purely philosophical concept and has nothing to do with personality type.

But a perfectionist is indeed often confused with a pedant. Only they have one main difference: a pedant will strictly follow instructions, do everything according to a clear plan, on time, accurately and thoroughly, while a perfectionist does not care about rules. For him, only the result is important, which should be the best (the fastest, the most beautiful, the most fashionable, and so on).

Is life easy for a pedant? It's a matter of perspective: if you're a pedant, you can pride yourself on your knowledge of detail and your ability to follow rules - no matter how meaningless those rules may be. But, if a pedant lives with you, and you, for example, are a creative person who prefers a certain chaos, you will find yourself in hell.

Signs and characteristics of a perfectionist man

Improving yourself is a great idea as long as it doesn’t affect others. Men who are perfectionists are demanding, caustic in their comments, and productive of malicious and unconstructive criticism.

At home

Adequately (!) - when there is a scandal because of unerased dust, improperly laid out books or plates, or because of a remaining stain on the wallpaper. If the form of perfectionism is healthy, normal, you will only get crooked smiles and dissatisfied grimaces for the listed “jambs”.

In case of severe pathology, the ingredients for soup are weighed on scales, napkins are measured with rulers and centimeters, in the middle of the night a perfectionist can spit on sleep and run to the bookshelf to arrange the volumes in an ideal line. There is no point in interfering; psychotherapy will be needed to cure this.

At work

As a boss, he finds fault with little things (there is an organizer at the other end of the table, the keyboard is located at the wrong angle in relation to the monitor), shouts and fires for the slightest offense (the number in the report is ugly corrected, the toilet seat is not raised, the table is a mess).

In a relationship

He is as demanding of half as he is of himself. If he irons his socks and arranges them in a checkerboard pattern, and makes his bed perfectly smooth in the morning, the same is expected of you. If you systematically violate the rules of a perfectionist, he will abandon you.

Is perfectionism a mental illness?

Perfection, of course, is an abstraction, an impossibility in reality. If taken too far, the pursuit of perfection can lead to negative results. The life of a perfectionist suffers from the following factors:

• delay;
• tendency to avoid problems;
• rigid all-or-nothing thinking;
• toxic comparisons;
• lack of creativity.

Maladaptive perfectionism is often driven by fear of failure, feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences. This is often accompanied by depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders and even suicidal impulses. The big one explains his constant nagging towards others with his desire for perfection.

Differences and similarities

What is the difference between pedantry and perfectionism? Want to see a comparison and spot the differences?

The following information is for you:

1. Although pedantry and perfectionism are somewhat similar, for a pedant the form is more important. He strictly follows all rules and regulations. They have a natural desire to maintain order and be neat. It doesn’t matter to a pedant whether others like his actions or not.
2. A perfectionist obsesses over content. They are often late and do not care about punctuality; they are ready to miss a deadline if the work is not done well enough. He does not need to wear ironed clothes and write in a clean notebook without marks. It doesn't matter at work. Another question is if you need to do something to be assessed by experts. Here a perfectionist will give his 1000%.
3. Pedants achieve ideality in small things, perfectionists work on a large scale. A pedant will nitpick every detail to complete a task, while a perfectionist only sees a flawless end result.
4. A perfectionist recognizes that his work has been done well if many people from the outside praise him. It is important for the pedant to understand for himself that he did everything right.
5. Pedants, in comparison with perfectionists, are more conservative.

Recommended reading → What is the difference between a pessimist and an optimist in simple words

Pedantry and perfectionism, their differences are quite significant, but what is similar if they are confused?

Similarities:

1. There is increased anxiety. If it is not there, then the perfectionist and pedant feel comfortable.
2. They lack flexibility. They get used to doing what is comfortable and convenient for them.
3. They are willing to endure traumatic situations for a long time. They dwell on their mistakes, experiencing personal tragedy.
4. Pedants and perfectionists put a lot of effort into doing their job flawlessly.
5. They constantly doubt whether they did a task correctly.

Of course, there is a difference between a pedant and a perfectionist, but each of these personality types wants to create certain ideal conditions for work, life and existence.

Is perfectionism healthy?

There is a difference between striving for perfection and demanding perfection. Adaptive or positive perfectionists set high goals, hold themselves to high standards, and work tirelessly to achieve success. They are achievement oriented, while maladaptive perfectionists are failure oriented. Adaptive perfectionists strive for growth, enjoy being challenged, and are good problem solvers. Their perfectionistic tendencies are a strength, not a weakness.

The opposite of a perfectionist is a phlegmatic person. Such a person does not care at all what others think about him. He is ready to go with the flow and consciously refuses to change anything in his life.

Who is a perfectionist? Meaning of the word

• A person who strives to complete work with 6 points on a 5-point system.
• A person who cannot refuse to carry out a task that is recognized as unprofitable, and its further development is disastrous.
• Finally, a person who does not “know how” to step on the seams of tiles and cannot go to bed until he has eliminated all the debris in his apartment or trimmed the uneven grass in his yard.

(Look at the photo)

These are graduated definitions (in fact, the concept and meaning of perfectionism is multifaceted and can manifest itself in different ways): from positive to neurotic.

Some people think that a perfectionist is very afraid of responsibility. This is wrong!

Synonyms

There are no official synonyms for perfectionism. There are also no adjacent or close phenomena.

The following words are actively used in everyday life:

• perfection;
• ideal;
• impeccability;
• perfection;
• absolute, etc.

Antonyms

The concept of destructionism becomes antonymous to perfectionism: these are spenders and spendthrifts who tend to destroy (create chaos) and are incapable of construction or creating something new. Another clearly opposite phenomenon (although the source is fundamentally different) is “not giving a damn”, here a person makes nothing at all, no decisions, relying on the beloved “maybe” by many.

From here, from “not giving a fuck,” a thread stretches to procrastination (putting things off), which can become a natural consequence of perfectionism (putting things off due to fear that it won’t be possible to do something perfectly, perfectly).

How to cure perfectionism with a psychologist: therapy

Fear of a perfectionist
Treating perfectionism on your own is quite difficult, because to do this you need to constantly adhere to the recommendations of a psychologist. However, you will not find any other way. If you turn to a psychologist with your problem, then he, of course, will have different methods of work. First of all, he will conduct psychoanalysis and only then prescribe therapy. As a rule, it is aimed at changing thinking and behavior. Moreover, a specialist will definitely select a relaxation technique, because a perfectionist constantly experiences tension.

Why perfectionism is dangerous: consequences

Treating perfectionism is important because it can not only cause problems in life, but also lead to some mental disorders. Why is he dangerous? The thing is that while a person is trying to achieve the ideal, he ultimately does not get pleasure if the result is not exactly the same. Ultimately, even successes are disappointing because they could have done better.

This leads to constant emotional discomfort. Accordingly, the perfectionist becomes less productive. Feelings of fatigue, anxiety and hopelessness increase. Since a person is constantly stressed, for this reason he develops headaches, feels weak and his chronic diseases may worsen. In difficult cases, nervous breakdown or depression occurs.

Every person who is a perfectionist is overly sensitive to criticism. So he treats even praise with caution. It often happens that a person remains lonely because he makes excessive demands.

How to get rid of the feeling of perfectionism?

There is usually no need to treat perfectionism. At least it's not a mental disorder. Psychologists give several useful recommendations that will help you overcome the perfectionist within you:

• Look at the pros and cons of perfectionism . Think about what benefited you from this and what didn’t. How does all this affect your life?
• It's important to move away from all-or-nothing thinking . It is not always possible to complete tasks 100%. For complex ones this is simply impossible. You are human and have the right to be imperfect or not complete a task.
• Try to do something less than ideal on purpose . It will be difficult at first, but then it will become easier. This way you will cultivate humility and modesty.
• Look at the whole picture, not just the parts . Don't get hung up on the little things, otherwise you can get bogged down in them.
• Celebrate your successes and think less about failures.
• When you think that you are worthy of something, then think about whether you really need it. Maybe you just want something because it's a good ad or because others have it.
• Learn to prioritize . You cannot complete 20 tasks with equal value. Always pick a few and focus on them.
• Reevaluate your values. Consider whether something is really important. How valuable will it be to you over time?
• Consider worse options. What will be the consequences? Will something terrible happen if you fail?
• Always focus on the process and think less about the results. You need to appreciate all events, even the most unpleasant ones. This will be an incentive for you to grow and learn.
• Recognize limitations. Learn to value yourself and accept living conditions. Understand that you won’t always be able to control the situation; something will still not go according to plan.
• Cast aside all doubts and replace them with respect and self-love. Know yourself, and do not create an ideal image for the outside world.
• Perfectionism requires a person to experience only specific emotions . You must understand that any emotion can exist and you cannot choose what exactly to feel. Accept them openly and don't judge yourself for it.
• Healthy relationships should be your priority. Show everyone the real you. This is the best way to get closer.
• Think body, mind and soul. Learn to take care of yourself - your nutrition should be correct, you should rest, have fun, and lead an active life.
• Don't think too much. Just do it and that's it. If you do nothing, you will never know what will happen as a result.
• Your vocabulary should not contain the words “must”, “should”... Change them to “I want”, I choose.”
• Perfectionism and the desire to control everything are associated with children's attempts to cope with anxiety. You are already an adult and not so helpless. You can do better things to manage your anxiety.
• Fear should not dictate your behavior . You may feel embarrassed, but you still need to act. There will be mistakes anyway because they don't define your worth.
• Formulate core values ​​and goals . You must allocate time, resources and energy correctly. You should have ideals simply as guidelines, and not as absolute truth.

Perfectionism in neurosis: features

Neurotic perfectionism
There is such a term as neurotic perfectionism. When it occurs, people focus on mistakes and failures, they become anxious and ashamed. They are always afraid of being a failure, and even if everything works out, they do not feel pleasure from it. Moreover, they are overly self-critical. At the same time, with this form many disorders appear. It is clear that perfectionism should be treated in this case.

And it's not just for these reasons. The fact is that this condition affects different aspects of a person’s life. He has an unstable emotional state, it is difficult for him to build relationships, and his productivity is somewhat different. Increased anxiety can cause depression, suicidal tendencies, neurosis, and shame. Such people are too afraid that they will seem bad to others, that they will fail or be disgraced.

By the way, this behavior can contribute to the development of cardiovascular diseases at a young age. A person does not give himself any right to make a mistake, relying on the fact that he can be condemned. This fear is so strong that it leads to the abandonment of the goal or makes it impossible to achieve it. Psychologists also call this condition “paralysis of activity.” A person simply avoids situations where the bar is high.

If you find yourself exhibiting neurotic perfectionism, try to set achievable goals. For example, do not immediately strive to become a boss, but start as a simple worker.