Perfectionism is a person's belief that an ideal exists and can be achieved. Perfectionists always try to be perfect and often make the same demands on the people around them and the whole world.
In simple words, perfectionism is a person’s desire for ideal and perfection in all areas of life. At first glance, this desire seems quite reasonable, but in reality it can cause harm to a person, and in severe form, even develop into a mental illness. Each of us has perfectionism to some extent. That is why we try to choose the best products in the store, furnish our own apartment well, etc. But there are people who are ready to do anything in pursuit of imaginary ideals. For example, completely change your appearance to meet the standards of others.
They can spend hours honing some minor details in their work, missing all the deadlines, but at the same time they cannot get any satisfaction from the result - it always seems to them that they did something wrong, made a mistake somewhere. This often leads to procrastination - a person begins to think that it is not worth trying to do something, because it will still not be possible to achieve the ideal. Therefore, he refuses to carry out many of his plans, because in practice they do not correspond to his ideas.
A perfectionist does not understand that it is impossible to be perfect in everything, each of us has our own weaknesses and shortcomings, everyone can make mistakes, and this is absolutely normal.
What is perfectionism in simple words?
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism refers to the desire for perfection. Accordingly, such a person strives for ideals, and believes in their existence, which means they can be achieved. Treatment for perfectionism may not be necessary in this case, but not in a pathological situation. In the latter case, a person believes that only ideal people and things can live in this world.
In some ways, perfectionism is even good. It makes you strive for heights and engage in your own development, work on it and constantly hone your skills. However, nothing in this life is perfect and this makes perfectionists feel bad. They are forced to remain inactive or compromise their principles out of fear of not being perfect.
Types of perfectionism
There are four types of perfectionism:
- Self-directed. This type is expressed by self-criticism and striving for ideals. They rarely make demands on others; such people are focused on themselves and criticize only their own actions and achievements.
- Directed at others. This type is characterized by inflated demands on friends, work colleagues, and one’s own family.
- Aimed at the whole world. A person suffering from this type of perfectionism believes that there is only one correct model for building the world, which he himself tries to comply with and which, in his opinion, everyone around him should adhere to.
- Social. It is expressed by a desire to meet all existing standards and meet the expectations of other people. A person with social perfectionism is very dependent on public opinion.
Perfectionism - pros and cons: advantages and disadvantages
Before understanding the question of whether perfectionism needs to be treated, it is important to understand what its advantages and disadvantages are.
The positive aspects of this phenomenon are expressed in the following qualities:
- Hard work
- Self-criticism
- Demands on yourself
- Constantly learning something new and developing
- Striving for personal growth
- Improving skills at work. They try to make them perfect
- Trying to achieve recognition, respect and fame
- Achieving significant heights in life
Despite the fact that the advantages are quite significant, perfectionism also has its disadvantages:
- Such a person is too demanding of himself
- Self-criticism may not always be justified
- Often, when it is impossible to achieve the ideal, self-esteem decreases
- Perfectionists don't like to be criticized. They are too sensitive to it
- He is often irritable, nervous, or develops obsessive states
- May be too smart or boring
- Unable to enjoy the results obtained if they are not perfect
- Inability to set achievable goals; as a rule, those that are impossible to achieve are set
Psychological reasons for perfectionism - why does it manifest itself?
Where does perfectionism come from?
At the moment, psychologists have not yet fully studied how this condition manifests itself and how exactly to treat perfectionism. The main idea is that a person develops all this from childhood, because he is in the same social environment.
Moreover, this also applies to the methods used in education. There are many of them, but two are most powerful:
- Creating a landmark without a clear goal
Let's say a mother says that she would like a son like her friend. Of course, the child tries to strive for perfection and earn love, but he doesn’t understand at all what’s wrong with him - the hairstyle is wrong, the character is wrong, or what? The child’s psyche breaks down because he tries to be the best in everything and every failure is taken seriously.
- Imposing your own value system
Dad tells his daughter that she made a great doll, and a minute later mom tells her about crooked bows and the wrong fabric on the dress. The child gets upset and tries to please his mother, whose expectations are too high. Such parents raise wonderful perfectionists.
You may be surprised, but there are significantly more perfectionists among modern children and teenagers than among past generations. Here, various advertisements also have a great influence, for example, it is proposed to make a genius out of a child or teach him to speak at two years old. And so, as soon as it is learned that the child’s vocabulary is small, it declines in the eyes of the parents. And he needs love. This ultimately leads to the development of destructive perfectionism. And he enters adult life with constant tension, fear of making mistakes, high standards and an inability to accept criticism.
Dialogue with the inner critic
If the first way is more aimed at behavior - external manifestations of perfectionism, then the second way of working with perfectionism is from the inside.
Here, as I already said, you have to establish a relationship with a character called the Inner Critic. It sits in the head of any perfectionist and, as a rule, controls his life.
Once upon a time, this Critic appeared to protect you. For example, your mother scolded you for bad grades, and you were so hurt and lonely at these moments, then the Critic decided to do everything to protect you from your mother’s scolding. He started scolding you in advance - even before your mother saw the mark.
How to negotiate with a Critic and make friends? I offer my clients to conduct a real dialogue - they speak on behalf of the Critic, and I ask questions on their behalf. You can write down this dialogue on paper yourself. Prepare in advance the questions you want to ask the Critic. For example:
- How do you like living with me?
- What do you get pleasure from?
- why are you torturing me?
- Can I do something for you so that you don't torment me anymore?
This is a rough list - it will be different for each person. Then you become your Inner Critic and answer these questions honestly. To complete the transformation, you can wear a hat or robe - or take a teacher's pointer
