Low self-esteem: causes and signs

What you broadcast to the world is what you receive.
The extent to which you accept yourself, your body, what thoughts you think about yourself - all this is scanned by other people. Remember. When you walk down the street and see a person, you immediately give him some kind of assessment:

this poor one;
this one is rich;
This one is kind of weird;
This is some kind of bitch;
It’s better not to mess with this;
You should stay away from this;
this guy is kind of funny.

Every moment in your life, when you see a person, you put some kind of label on him. If this is done to other people, then, of course, other people are doing it to you. People understand how to treat you and how not to. They know what you are like. And this comes not from them, but from you.

You are the source that emits the signal about what kind of person you really are. How you can and how you can’t. You are like a beacon, sending out a beam that other people receive.

Let's figure out how this happens, how it affects life and the level of abundance.

The impact of self-esteem on life

If you consider yourself a great professional, a talented, worthy person, if you feel that you are better than someone else, then other people read this. They feel inner confidence. They understand that you can cope with the tasks received, you can be entrusted with business. They feel that the person is worth the money he is asking for.

Or vice versa. If you are afraid to express yourself to the world, you don’t know how to present yourself, you have doubts about your professionalism, impostor syndrome flourishes inside, other people feel it. If you don’t trust yourself and your competencies, then you broadcast these feelings to the world. This directly affects abundance. Since people either choose you to solve their problems, to interact, or not.

This applies not only to work, but throughout life. In a relationship, your partner knows exactly what you will tolerate and what you won’t, how you can be treated and how you can’t.

People read your inner sense of self.

This is the key thing in interaction. And we send all these signals ourselves. We establish rules on our territory:

is it possible to violate personal boundaries or not;
whether we are worthy of being cared for or not;
whether we know how to take care or not.

Listening to Affirmations

This is a short phrase that represents a verbal formula. When repeated many times, an attitude is fixed in the subconscious that helps improve the psycho-emotional background. This is one of the effective ways to correct low self-esteem. It is important to formulate affirmations as a fait accompli. This forces a person to take them for granted and think accordingly. If you subconsciously want to be confident in yourself, then gradually you will become so.

Typical examples of af, “I am successful,” “Everything comes to me freely and effortlessly,” “I have everything I want,” “I am a strong woman,” “I am loved and respected.” These formulas need to be repeated out loud on your own throughout the day. You can also make a recording of motivating affirmations and listen to them on your player.

Signs of low self-esteem

How does low self-esteem manifest in people? How can you recognize them in your surroundings? Here are the signs:

Constant indecisiveness

The problem of indecision is associated with the fear of making a mistake. This reason comes from childhood. People with low self-esteem cannot make decisions on any issues. This stops their development and prevents them from moving forward.

Desire to please in order to fit into the team

Such people want to belong in any team. It is important for them to please others, to be good to everyone. Typically, such individuals do not know how to say “no,” even if they do not want to fulfill the request. They do this to their own detriment.

Hostility and envy

At the same time, a person with low self-esteem has hostility towards others and envy of other people's successes. He doesn't like it when someone is better than him. And since in his opinion all people are better, he does not tolerate anyone.

Pathological jealousy

One of the reasons for jealousy is lack of self-confidence. Such people are jealous not only of their partner, but also of their friends, family, and relatives. Jealousy is a destructive feeling. It is difficult to build a trusting relationship with her, and not every person will tolerate her towards himself.

Strong self-criticism

Everywhere and in everything is bad, even if it is not so. Such a person is constantly dissatisfied with himself. Even though people will say that he gave a good report, played excellent football, completed the task well, they will not believe it. A negative opinion about yourself will not change.

Willingness to waste time on things that don't bring you pleasure

Time is the most valuable resource that cannot be returned. Such people are ready to spend it on something they don’t like. What is annoying. They are hesitant to try new things, because the fear of “not working out” is stronger.

Being in a destructive relationship

People with low self-esteem are unable to leave destructive relationships in which they feel bad. They are not able to choose themselves. This distinguishes them from people with healthy self-esteem, who will always act for their own good. If they feel bad in some place, they will leave there without regret.

Who is susceptible

Self-doubt can be clearly seen in teenagers. This condition is typical for age-related crises.

The teenager is still a schoolboy. His time is occupied with study and relationships with friends, but the first changes in his internal position are observed, manifestations of low self-esteem appear. The desire to establish a student’s personality and position causes acute internal conflict, which affects the child’s behavior and self-esteem. The situation is aggravated by increasing tension with parents and quarrels with friends.

The problem affects children living in families that prefer an authoritarian method of education.

There is a way to identify whether a child has problems seeing his own personality. To do this, you should conduct a self-esteem test for teenagers.

A simple way to determine low or high levels of confidence is to examine the position of the child's drawings on a piece of paper. If a boy or girl draws at the top of the sheet, then self-esteem is high, at the bottom - low, in the middle - the child adequately evaluates himself.

To determine the attitude towards oneself, a self-esteem test for children called “Ladder” is carried out. The sheet shows a ladder and 10 steps.

After this, they tell the child that bad children are on the lower steps, those who are a little better rise one step higher, and the best ones are at the top of the ladder. He must draw himself where he thinks he should stand.

The results are assessed as follows:

If the drawing is made at the level of 1-3 steps, then self-esteem is low.
The image on steps 4 to 7 indicates an adequate assessment and there is no need to worry.
If he portrayed himself at level 8-10, then he has high self-esteem.

The test will help to detect the symptoms of a problem in a child in time and find a way to solve it.

Common causes of low self-esteem

The reasons for low self-esteem can be different:

external data;
family;
environment;
genetic characteristics;
psychological trauma.

Let's take a closer look at the main points of where low self-esteem comes from and why it is dangerous.

Upbringing

People often develop low self-esteem because of their parents. When mom and dad do not praise the child from childhood, but only scold them and constantly compare them with other children, this has a bad effect on the child’s psychological development.

In this case, as an adult, a person will not love himself. And on what basis? To love because you are constantly scolded and told that you are somehow different?

Let's go back to childhood. Remember yourself. Was it nice to be compared to others? What did you feel at that moment? I think hatred for the person with whom you were put on the same level. Hate is a dark, negative feeling. Therefore, you should not cause it in your children.

If you criticize a child for all his endeavors and aspirations, this discourages him from trying new things and achieving something. A person who was constantly scolded in childhood is afraid in adulthood and avoids mistakes. But without them it is impossible to achieve results. It's okay to make mistakes. But for people with low self-esteem, this is a disaster.

Every child needs approval and praise. This gives him confidence in his strengths and abilities. It is enough to tell your child a couple of times that he drew a picture very beautifully or calculated an expression in mathematics so quickly for his self-esteem to increase a little. Therefore, praise your children more often, even for little things, so that they develop a sense of self-worth.

Childhood failures

Childhood failures also affect a person’s life: they form low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. Not all children can take failures calmly, especially if they are painful and traumatic. This affects the child’s psyche due to feelings of guilt, which can develop into constant doubts and inability to make decisions in adulthood.

All this leads to the fact that even small troubles are perceived by the baby as global problems. Especially if the parents do not show understanding and do not consider the child’s experiences as something important.

Even losing a competition can be a serious challenge for a child who does not know how to lose.

Environment

The environment affects not only children, but also adult men and women. If around you there are insecure people who do not strive for anything and are content with little, you are unlikely to want to change anything in your life. And it will do, no need to stand out.

If you are in a toxic environment that is pulling you back, constantly complaining about life, draining your energy, congratulations. There are energy vampires around you who prevent you from realizing your goals and desires.

It is better to get rid of such an environment if you want to develop and change your life for the better. Communicate with those who are successful, know how to earn money, enjoy little things and live in harmony with themselves.

Health and appearance problems

Many people depend on other people's opinions. Especially in childhood, when the child has congenital diseases or external imperfections.

And even if parents do everything right, behave as correctly as possible, everything can be ruined by the environment and peers.

One of the biggest and most common problems with low self-esteem due to appearance in teenagers is excess weight. A child may be called names at school, teased about this, or bullied. Low self-esteem is guaranteed.

It is important to take action in time. If possible, help your child get rid of shortcomings. If not, you need to develop other strong qualities that will make him more self-confident, developed, and charismatic.

Try to turn disadvantages into advantages. If your child is overweight, you can take him to wrestling or boxing, where this will be an advantage. If he has an unusual appearance, then you can try acting, where there is a chance of becoming a famous artist with an unusual type.

There are many stories in the world where people with physical disabilities achieved success and world fame. Take Nick Vujicic, a man with such willpower that it is impossible to describe. This guy was born without legs and arms. He was bullied at school, he could not live like an ordinary child, he tried to commit suicide. But he had the strength not only to pull himself out of this state, but also to help other adults cope with their problems and love themselves. Now he is a world-famous motivational speaker who gathers huge halls with thousands of people. He is invited to various festivals in Europe, Russia, and America. Nick created a happy family. He has a wife and four healthy children.

And after such examples, how can one not believe that everything is possible? The power is always within us. And even low self-esteem cannot change this.

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2) You are stressed and stop focusing on the present moment

Your brain is like a washing machine—it spins about 60,000 thoughts through your head every day. And unfortunately, you usually end up throwing something negative into your “wash.” These could be your worries about the past or worries about the future.

Sometimes you think about good things, for example, about your goals and plans. But then your “rinse mode” turns on again, and you go back to memories. You are bubbling around in your head with fears, thoughts about past failures and feelings of guilt.

Surprisingly, only people think according to this principle. Compared to us, animals are always in the moment - “here and now.”

For example, a lion. He has eaten and is fast asleep. When a lion is full, he is absolutely happy. He doesn’t think: “God, how I screwed up when I didn’t catch an antelope the day before yesterday! How the flock looked at me! I'm just a loser! What will my lion cubs eat tomorrow? What if I don’t catch anyone tomorrow? I'll screw it up again! What will the pack think of me? No, I’m definitely a loser!”

Do you find it funny? Me too.

Or an antelope. When a lion is chasing her, her brain gives the order to release an infernal amount of stress hormones - adrenaline - into her blood. This helps the antelope to run very quickly. But as soon as the chase is over, literally within a couple of minutes the antelope is calmly chewing grass. Understand? She doesn’t go on a binge for six months because of the stress she has experienced. She's just chewing grass.

So why do you keep falling out of the present moment? You spin negative thoughts in your head so often that you have become addicted to stress.

It makes no difference to your brain whether you think about the past or the present. The stress hormone is released in any case if you think about something negative.

The stress hormone spreads throughout your body, and your health is destroyed from constant “rinsing of negativity.”

But when you are in the moment, here and now, you automatically pull yourself out of negative experiences. Being in the moment is good for your health. Think about it.

In the meantime, let's move on to the third indicator of low self-esteem.

The dangers of low self-esteem

Why is low self-esteem dangerous and what does it lead to?

Low self-esteem is eternal self-doubt, self-flagellation, wondering what to do in a given situation, and wrong decisions.

You cannot become happy with such self-esteem. You will not enjoy life, achieve your goals, or fulfill your dreams. You won’t be able to reach your potential because you don’t adequately assess your capabilities and skills. Fears will devour you from within and stop you. You will stand in one place without the slightest movement forward.

Low self-esteem is the main factor in a person’s financial insolvency, according to psychologists. When you lack self-confidence, high earnings seem unattainable, let alone running your own business. All this leads to poverty, complexes and depression.

Self-development

In almost any city you can find a psychologist who conducts events, seminars and trainings aimed at increasing self-esteem and teaching self-confidence. As practice shows, within just a few months a timid and indecisive individual becomes a strong-willed, purposeful and self-satisfied person. The main thing is to have a desire for change and an initial impulse.

Some people find it helpful to read good motivational literature. For example, this includes the following books: “Self-Esteem” by Brian Tracy, “How Much Are You Worth?” Sharon Wegshida-Cruz, Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, The Charm of Femininity by Helen Andelin.

Low self-esteem in women

If we talk about signs of low self-esteem in women, then first of all we can note seriousness and lack of understanding of jokes. Such girls cannot stand it when people laugh at them, because they take everything personally. They think that their shortcomings are being ridiculed, which they cannot stand anyway.

Such girls are sensitive to criticism. If you tell a confident lady that she is fat, you can see the middle finger and also hear a couple of affectionate words. But a girl with low self-esteem will rush to lose weight, even if she looks great.

Low self-esteem in a woman affects how her loved one takes care of herself. Such people either think about themselves last or not at all. They expect someone to take care of them. And if no one does this, then she doesn’t deserve it.

Leaving your comfort zone

This method involves performing new, unusual actions. At first it may seem that this is impossible and very difficult, and that the world outside your comfort zone is inhospitable and hostile. But over time, the understanding will come that this is real life, which is full of positive emotions and adventures. Constantly being in familiar conditions can be compared to an invisible cage, from which it is scary to get out just because it is familiar. You need to learn to leave your comfort zone and at the same time be balanced, calm and collected. This will help you gain a powerful incentive to raise even very low self-esteem.

What to do to get out of your comfort zone? We need to start small. For example, you can stop sitting at the computer after work and go jogging, meditation, yoga or strength training in the gym. You can set other goals - learn an unfamiliar language in six months or meet the opposite sex right today. It is clear that not everything will work out the first time. But positive impressions and increased self-esteem are definitely guaranteed.

Psychologists often recommend the following two exercises to help you get out of your comfort zone.

"Speaker for Life" Typically, people with low self-esteem are very afraid to speak in front of a large number of people. To get rid of this fear, you need to try to speak publicly as often as possible. If your boss at work asks you to prepare a presentation, go on a business trip to give a report, or organize an event, you should take the initiative and take on this function yourself.
"Clown". This exercise helps get rid of low self-esteem if you always feel like others are discussing you. The point is this. You need to look ridiculous (for example, wear a funny jacket, an oversized tie, or use curlers). After this, you need to go outside and behave as if this is your normal everyday appearance. Naturally, discomfort will be felt, but at the same time, dependence on surrounding opinion will decrease.

The exercises are based on the fact that atypical situations are perceived as normal over time, so they cease to cause stress. Psychologists say that the best way to deal with fear is to face it head on. And this is true, because this is how human psychology works. There is no other way to get rid of low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem in men

When a man has low self-esteem, it is difficult for him to tolerate the successes of other people. Especially your soulmate. He is the stronger sex, he should be in front. And if a girl earns more, then this is a blow to the most painful place - her pride. On this basis, conflicts arise in couples.

Such men take failures hard. They may become depressed and self-reproachful. They don’t pull themselves together for months, lie on the couch, watch TV.

Jealousy among insecure men takes on incredible proportions. Sometimes it even develops into abusive behavior. Don’t go to cafes, don’t talk to guys, don’t wear shorts, and generally stay at home and don’t go out anywhere. By controlling the girl, the guy asserts himself. He's so cool. He tells her what to do, and she obeys him, carries out all orders. Self-esteem rises greatly.

Change of environment

Since man is a social being, he is highly dependent on his environment. Therefore, it will have to be changed if you need to improve low self-esteem. As already mentioned, communicating with lazy, lethargic, unambitious and lacking initiative people leads to a lack of self-confidence and motivation in life.

Contact with prosperous and successful individuals will help you learn to value individuality, find purpose, treat your personal time differently, and achieve success. Self-respect and self-love will gradually return.

The program is not a value - an example from a client

I had a client who came in completely distraught in all areas. Her husband left her for a younger man, there was a breakdown at work, and she was fired. The project the girl was working on was completely completed, and she was left without income. She had problems in her relationship with her mother; they did not communicate for 15 years. On top of all this there are problems with children. Everything and everywhere was falling apart. In this state, she came to me for the “Foundation” course. This girl constantly had a program of no value, self-deprecation.

What do you think, when we worked on it, what happened?

The husband took the divorce petition, asks for forgiveness, wants to go back.
The eldest teenage son, with whom there were the most conflicts, began to hear her and say: “Mom, how great you are,” although he had previously said: “Others are lucky with their mother, but I’m not.”
She received 4 job offers. Thanks to this, she may not grab onto one that does not correspond to her goals. She can choose the place where she can best realize her potential and goals.

All the problems were contained in one program: “I am not valuable. I am nobody. I have to earn love, I have to sacrifice myself for other people.” This is a program of sacrifice, low self-esteem, which was reflected in all areas of life. After all, the people around her taught her this “non-value”:

husband chose another;
others were chosen at work;
even my son said that other mothers are better.

That is, the girl did not choose herself and did not consider herself valuable. This is why it is so important to work with your thinking and get rid of negative programs.

Refusal of self-flagellation

Self-esteem will not increase if you constantly overly criticize, blame yourself and reproach yourself for mistakes. If you stop doing this, you can immediately achieve several goals.

There will be free time that can be spent on family and more interesting activities.
An understanding will arise: “I am the one and only person on the planet.”
A vision of your positive qualities will appear. It’s better not to focus on the negative, but to purposefully work on developing your strengths.

In the end, any failures, disappointments and mistakes can be turned to your advantage by using them as life experience.

Important tips from psychologists

If self-esteem is too low, then it is better to seek help from a specialist. Great results can be achieved through individual consultations. And so, psychologists usually give simple advice to people who lack self-confidence:

Don't compare yourself to others.
Don't criticize yourself.
Communicate with positive people.
Act, rather than think about action.
Do what you like and what works for you.
Keep a diary of achievements.
Self-development both spiritually and physically.

It is quite possible to improve low self-esteem. The main thing is to have a great desire to change and take steps towards self-improvement.

Keeping a diary of achievements

Such a diary is a powerful stimulating tool that makes you believe in yourself. It clearly shows what has been achieved in a short period of time. It needs to be maintained daily, and summed up every week or month. They will prove that achievements really exist, and low self-esteem will rise.

You need to record any, even minor, successes and victories in your diary. To make it more clear what we are talking about, here are a few examples:

Earnings were 5% more than last month.
Went to bed and woke up on time (as planned).
I wanted to buy junk food, but I resisted.
Pleased your loved one.
I took my grandmother across the road.

Little things like this are considered personal successes, so they definitely need to be recorded in your diary. If you record at least 3 achievements a day, then in a month that will already be 90 victories! And this is not so little.