Definition
By definition, narcissism means a personality trait of a person that encourages him to constantly admire himself. And it’s not just about looking at one’s appearance in the mirror. A person admires personal qualities, virtues, achievements, abilities and what contributes to his manifestation in the world around him.
Self-admiration is inherent in all people without exception. The difference is in the degree to which it manifests itself. Someone is deservedly proud of their merits and successes. And someone develops narcissism - a condition in which a person considers himself to be an order of magnitude better than the people around him.
It is worth noting that narcissism has nothing to do with pride. These are not synonyms. Narcissism manifests itself at different periods of life and in relation to different qualities, achievements, etc. Self-love is a constant character trait, one of the facets of self-esteem.
The tendency to narcissism appears at certain periods of life, when an individual is able to analyze himself and his life, distinguish himself from the background of people around him and the world as a whole.
It all starts with respect
What is needed for love first? Respect. You cannot love someone you do not respect. At the same time, you can accept a variety of character traits. Including those that you don't like. However, respect will be there. In this case, what you call love for a person is precisely love.
Remember the one you love, despite some of his mistakes. Imagine this person in front of you. Take a look at your facial expression in the mirror, asking yourself if you respect it, even though it is not perfect. Most likely, you respect him. And if not, it's not love. This is something different. Perhaps an experienced psychologist can help you figure it out.
Do you respect yourself? This tells you whether you love yourself or not.
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Note the contrast to the aforementioned Valeria. Daria is a smart woman, but God deprived her of beauty. She is not upset, because she respects herself at least for her intelligence. This is what helped her become a successful businesswoman. As a result, she signed up for a fitness center, began visiting beauty salons regularly, and met a worthy man. She got married, had children, and is happily married. Worthy of respect. This man really loves himself. So there is a reason for it.
Advantages and disadvantages of narcissism
It is difficult to say unequivocally whether it is bad or good to engage in narcissism. At first glance, it seems that there is nothing good about it. But that's not true. In some cases, it helps to develop abilities and reveal inner potential. This happens if a person evaluates himself adequately, supporting the assessment with objective facts. This has nothing to do with narcissism. For example, imagine a schoolchild who is proud and praises himself for completing a difficult task. Or, for example, a girl who spent a lot of time in front of the mirror, creating a certain image. She will leave the house not only in a good mood, but also with self-confidence, her attractiveness and strength.
It turns out that narcissism helps you first see something good in yourself, and then unobtrusively tell society about it.
What can you say about the shortcomings?
- Excessive narcissism inhibits personal development and leads to the appearance of blocks. A person loses the ability to look at himself from the outside, give an objective assessment of his qualities, and analyze his behavior. As a result, he cannot properly present himself to society, which leads to the destruction of his reputation and the inability to make plans. As an example, imagine a speaker giving a speech. It is unlikely that listeners will get anything useful out of it if he is focused on demonstrating himself rather than conveying important information to people. Such a person doesn’t care whether they listen to him or fall asleep from boredom. Or take, for example, a dancer. Because of his narcissism, the harmony of the composition will be disrupted.
- Narcissism goes hand in hand with high self-esteem. If it is excessive, it can decrease sharply. Why? A person experiences a pathological need to compare himself with other people, while confirming his importance and superiority. Can you imagine his feelings when someone criticizes him or doubts his exclusivity?
- At some point, a person carried away by narcissism may find himself alone. It is unlikely that anyone will want to communicate with someone who ridicules or ignores other people's achievements or successes. Such forced isolation leads to problems in work, personal life, and also disrupts harmony with oneself.
It is noteworthy that the active use of social networks leads to the development of narcissism. People endlessly post selfies there, stories about their successes and achievements, photos of vacations, food, shopping, etc. They openly admire themselves and encourage others to do the same. However, criticism is not implied here. Reviews should automatically be positive.
Annoying syndrome
A little success or insignificant help to someone - and the person gets carried away. He is delighted with himself - so good, smart and generally wonderful in all respects. But such an attitude can play a cruel joke. If you get carried away by narcissism, then in work, for example, it is not difficult to make a mistake, sometimes literally out of the blue. A miss in this case is sobering—like a bucket of cold water thrown over your head.
While doing something, another person does not think about the work he is doing - he admires himself, admires the result in advance. For example, a not very outstanding actor, while playing in a play, is busy thinking about his own genius. Creating the image of the hero fades into the background. The audience senses this and is annoyed by this manner. Self-indulgence can be present in any activity, but the result always suffers.
A person sometimes gets offended by others if they do not consider him something out of the ordinary. It is possible that constant narcissism can transform into a very unpleasant “unrecognized genius syndrome.” At the same time, another individual does not care that there are almost no real achievements. Like, he could do a lot “if only”. Other people are necessarily to blame for his failure. Admitting your involvement in the problem is beyond your strength.
Reasons for narcissism
If we talk about positive narcissism, then this is the result of the fact that a person has really achieved something, for example, moved up the career ladder, worked on his appearance, etc.
With pathological narcissism the situation is more complicated. Most often, according to psychologists, this is an attempt to hide from oneself, to escape reality. The only question is why a person does this. In most cases, in order to protect oneself from pain provoked by any psychological trauma.
The second reason is an inadequate perception of personality. The individual enjoys admiring himself and his imaginary achievements and successes so much that he loses touch with reality. He develops a sincere belief in what he has imagined for himself. And the further it goes, the more difficult it is to convince him that in reality there is nothing like that. Illusions in this case can be compared to a swamp that draws you in more and more. At some point, a person realizes that he no longer wants to see himself as real. This means that his personal and professional growth either slows down or stops altogether.
Mindfulness versus Illusions
Prevention of narcissism is the ability to be yourself. It is possible to learn this, although it is not always easy. Restoring contact with your inner world requires considerable effort and even courage. This activity may seem too boring to some. Sometimes it’s simply scary to see your real self - after all, disappointment can be quite painful.
It is commendable to strive for greater achievements, but at the same time we must not forget about our current level. Everyone has abilities that require development and improvement. Another thing is that efforts need to be directed in the right direction. There is no point in a football player lamenting that he is not a musician, or an artist lamenting that he was not born an astronaut.
It is difficult to remain mindful and aware of your own thoughts and feelings. It's easy to lose control over them. After all, there are often “well-wishers” who are not averse to pointing out what you should feel and think about. The ability to remain oneself in such a situation is a sign of a certain maturity of the individual. Mindfulness is not cultivated overnight; it will take time and effort. But the more valuable the result.
Tags: self-education, self-analysis, personal psychology, working on oneself, psychological problems
What to do
So, narcissism is a quality that encourages you to create an inner world based on comparing yourself with the people around you. And the comparison is usually in his favor. As stated above, this often plays a cruel joke on a person, leading him into the world of illusions, depriving him of the opportunity to build full-fledged relationships with society, and to experience genuine joy from real victories and achievements. We can say that he becomes a slave to his ego.
How to avoid being overly self-involved? There are 5 tips:
- Remember that others don't owe you anything. They have no obligation to constantly praise you, admire you, constantly thank you for your services and help.
- Don't get hung up on who treats you and how. Don't count the people who praised or didn't praise. Don't forget that everyone can have their own opinion about you. You evoke warm feelings in some people, while others give you a low rating. This is fine.
- Realize that sometimes you exaggerate your importance in the eyes of other people.
- Think about the fact that narcissism and false pride are a source of pain and disappointment. Isn't it better to find objective reasons for praise?
- Stop trying to prove your superiority, convince yourself of your wonderfulness.
Psychologists recommend thinking more often about what you give to others, instead of how they benefit you. Try to give others attention, thank them for their help and compliments, and show concern. Remember that the amount of joy, satisfaction and other positive emotions is directly proportional to how much good you give to those around you.
And one more piece of advice on how to get rid of narcissism: look at yourself from the outside from time to time. Take time for self-development.
