How long does love last in marriage and at a distance, and is it possible to preserve it?

Photo: shutterstock Love changes people and their lives. A person who knows it looks at the world from a different angle. Bringing with it great happiness or insane pain, it attracts those who want to experience it.

“Being in love” means plunging headlong into the pool. People with a little wisdom know that falling in love is only the beginning on the path to true feeling.

Eight Stages of Convergence

Acquaintance. At this stage, the first meetings take place. People evaluate each other. They are interested in communication. Both men and women bring out their best qualities. The girl speaks softly and flirts. And the new acquaintance strives to show himself more courageous.
Courtship. This period is the most exciting. Mutual attraction arises. A premonition of love appears. A man tries to win a girl. The phase of the candy-bouquet period begins. Young people communicate a lot on the phone.
Butterflies in the stomach. The lovers' eyes sparkle. There is no one more important than your soulmate. People hear and see only their loved ones. They try to spend all their free time together.
Addiction. An important stage. The relationship is stable, which can lead to boredom. Partners begin to feel like they know everything about each other. Anticipating the words and behavior of the other half, lovers become irritated. The thought that they will always be there leads to mutual relaxation and withdrawal of kindred spirits. The further development of the relationship depends on the “addiction” stage.
Jealousy. Doubts are caused by boredom and the need to revive fading feelings. Quarrels happen more often. Due to growing grievances, lovers spend more time at work and with friends.
Contempt. The first meeting and the feeling of all-encompassing happiness are forgotten. It is difficult for people to be together because of quarrels over any issue. Long lists of complaints against a loved one appear.
Parting. Some couples do not go through this stage. Other partners break up. Relationships that have been given strength and time are destroyed. The reasons are different: from betrayal to everyday trifles that became the last straw. But the separation does not pass without a trace. Negative experience contributes to the formation of a new worldview, taking into account the mistakes made in an outdated union. Often, wanting to forget their lover, people get carried away with a new partner or an interesting activity. But not everyone is successful in their hobbies.
Real love. People who have tasted it know that it has not only a sweet taste, but also a bitter one. Couples in which a man and a woman truly love each other maintain their union despite quarrels, separations, and past grievances.

Many lovers go through the stages described above. But other options for developing relations are also possible. People living in passion can live their whole lives together without learning to truly love. Lovers may separate and never meet again during their lives. An option is possible that excludes the stages of separation, contempt, and jealousy. A person who is committed to a serious relationship will be happy even with a partner with whom he was not initially in love.

Personal life

The singer does not hide her stormy personal life: in an interview, Lyubov Zalmanovna openly admitted that there were men “like drops in the sea,” but the vocalist did not regret a single romance. According to Uspenskaya, connections, including fleeting ones, provided inspiration for creativity.

Lyubov Zalmanovna got married for the first time in her youth, as a 17-year-old girl, with the consent of her father. Musician Viktor Shumilovich turned out to be the husband. However, in marriage I had to endure one of the most difficult trials in my life. Uspenskaya gave birth to twins, but the children did not survive. One died immediately, and the second died 2 weeks later. The marriage ended.

The second husband, Yuri Uspensky, also studied music. When life in Soviet reality seemed unbearable, it was with Yuri that the artist left for the USA. In America, the family broke up, but Lyubov Zalmanovna kept her surname. There, the vocalist met Vladimir Frantsevich Lisitsa, an old friend who became not only the singer’s third chosen one, but also a producer and inspirer. At the end of the 80s, the creatively fruitful union fell apart.

Lyubov Uspenskaya recently stated that her husband Alexander Plaksin has been living in America for a long time, and at her expense.
66-year-old… Posted by Showbiz News on Thursday, February 4, 2021

Lyubov Uspenskaya and Alexander Plaksin with their daughter
Later, Uspenskaya was conquered by businessman Alexander Plaksin. The soloist enthusiastically recalls the gesture of a wealthy suitor: the very next day after they met, Alexander presented his beloved with a white convertible as a gift. The couple spent about 30 happy years together. Lyubov Zalmanovna is grateful to Plaksin, because her husband gave her the joy of motherhood. The marriage produced a daughter, Tatyana.

In November 2016, Uspenskaya became a guest of the TV show “Secret for a Million” with Lera Kudryavtseva. The singer turned out to be the first celebrity in all episodes of the program who decided to reveal the main secret in exchange for a prize of a million rubles. Lyubov Zalmanovna sent the money to charity. For the sake of winning, the artist told how at the age of 16 she had an abortion in makeshift conditions.

Lyubov Uspenskaya - “To the only tender one”

Charity events for orphans were also organized by Lyubov Uspenskaya’s daughter, Tatyana. In addition to participating in the lives of her wards, the heiress travels a lot around the world, practices yoga, and at one time was interested in music, poetry and painting. For a long time Plaksina lived in Costa Rica.

In 2022, an accident happened to Tatyana - Uspenskaya’s daughter fell while riding a bicycle along the street. The injury turned out to be serious: Tanya broke her jaw in two places and lost five teeth. An operation was needed. During surgery, she received blood poisoning. To avoid gangrene, Tanya was placed in a Swiss clinic. Subsequently, Plaksina underwent 4 plastic surgeries to restore her face.

In 2022, the singer shocked fans with the statement that she wanted to have a child again and was already looking for a surrogate mother - inspired by the example of Alla Pugacheva. However, later, Uspenskaya was dissuaded from taking a decisive step by her daughter: according to Lyubov Zalmanovna, Tatyana is jealous of her mother and is not ready to share a relative with a brother or sister.

Science's view of human relationships

Scientists have come to the conclusion that falling in love, a state caused by processes occurring in the body, is necessary for procreation. Lust, attraction and attachment are responsible for chemical reactions that lead to the production of hormones: adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin.

Adrenaline is produced at the very beginning of falling in love, when there are fears associated with the object of desire. The hormone increases heart rate and causes thirst. Due to the release of adrenaline, a person begins to say stupid things, which he regrets after the effect of the neurotransmitter stops.

Dopamine promotes a state of euphoria. Drugs also cause a similar effect. The hormone is responsible for a cheerful state, decreased appetite and a huge amount of energy.

Serotonin is produced in large quantities by lovers. With the release of the “happiness hormone,” mood improves and mechanisms responsible for memory are activated. The action of the hormone explains constant thoughts about a partner.

Oxytocin is responsible for attachment. It is produced through tactile communication: hugging, physical intimacy, affection. The more touches, the more intense the neurotransmitter is produced.

Vasopressin levels are higher in couples who pay attention to sex. The more active their sex life, the longer the relationship.

Where did these three years even come from?

In the late 90s, Frederic Beigbeder wrote the now cult novel “Love Lives for Three Years,” and many people mistook this period of time for the factory expiration date.
In the work, the author, on behalf of the main character, expresses the idea that love is the fruit of chemical processes that regulate hormones and neurotransmitters responsible for falling in love, sexual desire and affection. According to the hero, for such a three-year-old love, the life cycle is divided into three large stages: first passion, then tenderness, then disappointment and rejection when the effect of the hormones stops. According to evolutionary scientists, such a three-year cycle was necessary for ancient people to successfully bear children and protect them early in life. Approximately three years included the beginning of a relationship, the conception of a child, pregnancy and childbirth for a woman, then recovery after childbirth and support for the child in the early stages of development. During this time, parents needed to be close and support each other, and hormones strengthened this connection: dopamine and vasopressin.

Once these hormones stopped working, parents could separate and have offspring with other partners, thereby expanding the genetic diversity of the next generation

However, as society developed, human reproductive behavior became more complex and burdened with morality and social norms. The institution of marriage appeared, which secured monogamous couples. Relationships cemented by such ties were supposed to be something eternal, to the grave and beyond. True, love in such marriages was rare, and choosing another partner was considered treason and was severely punished in many cultures.

In parallel with the complication of culture, medicine developed, contraception appeared, and soon love, which was necessary for the survival of the species, was separated from the function of reproduction.

“Ordinary love, a certain sexual impulse, lasts no more than two months. During this period, both partners show each other a kind of demo version of themselves. And rare people try to be sincere with themselves. The motives for this behavior are to overcome two main fears: the male basic fear “I can’t” and the female one – “they don’t want me, they don’t love me.” That is, from a state of these fears, partners try to seem like someone, proving to themselves that after all, “they can” and still “they want and love them,” only haste and reluctance to understand the choice, in diagnosing a partner, creates a lot of disappointments and problems that are clarified after about two months. It’s already difficult to pretend and irritation from insincerity accumulates,”

— comments psychologist and psychodiagnostician Anna Sukhova.

How long does it take to love a person?

Janusz Wisniewski, a Polish writer, said:

“Of all that is eternal, love has the shortest life”

But this is only the opinion of one author. Love lives a long time - all your life. Falling in love has an expiration date. And how long it will last and whether it will transform into a true feeling depends on the amount of work done by two people.

How long does love last at a distance?

Everything is very individual. While some couples, having passed the test of distance, reunite, others separate. Question: “What measures should be taken to ensure that the kinship of souls is preserved at a distance?” more literate.

If partners inspire each other, support each other, and look in the same direction, the relationship will only get stronger. The main thing is to strive to ensure that over time there is no distance between lovers.

Feelings in marriage

Does love last a lifetime? Yes. But it has nothing to do with the pseudo-love imposed on viewers from the “blue screens”. Fairy tales about princesses and romance novels with happy endings often lie. Inspired viewers and readers, rejoicing for the heroes, sigh with relief and move on with life, dreaming of the same illusory love.

Marriage registration is not the end goal, but the beginning of the journey. Whether love will pass over the years is everyone's personal choice. If spouses are ready to take care of their appearance, develop, are not selfish, accept everyday life as an inevitable part of family life, look in the same direction, perceive the word “respect” not as an empty phrase, they should not lose feelings.

Interesting

Cure for lovesickness

Is it possible to mend a broken heart? Can. And knowledge of the chemistry of love will help with this.

Endorphins, nature's painkillers, play a key role in the bliss of shared love. They provide a general feeling of well-being. But these substances are released not only during physical contact between lovers. They are also produced during physical activity: many people are familiar with the “runner’s high” - pleasant sensations associated with exercise, sports, and movement. The joy of movement - unlike the joy of love - is available to everyone and at any time. Anyone who knows this secret will not wither away from lovesickness.

Drinking dark chocolate or lying on the sand by the sea will help increase low levels of serotonin. And now life doesn’t seem so miserable.

But what about unspent dopamine - the “hunting hormone”, which is associated with the pursuit of a goal, with the pursuit of prey? It can be spent in pursuit of victory in sports. Any hunting, including fishing and mushroom picking, is a dopamine-filled activity. Gambling is from the same series. But the best thing is a career. An excess of dopamine will allow you to quickly achieve professional growth: after using this substance, you will forget about unhappy love.

What happens when we break up?

Having studied the topic of how long love lasts, Frederic Beigbeder, a French writer, named the period at 3 years. He associated this figure with the weakening effect of dopamine. In fact, this love lasts up to 3 years.

Darwin's theory, which talks about the importance of passing on a gene to offspring, does not contradict the writer's idea about the duration of feelings. It takes an average of one and a half years for a couple to conceive and give birth to a child.

In the next 6 months, the woman is unlikely to become pregnant. And within a year after the birth of a child, a young mother needs the protection of a man. If you add up the periods, it comes out to 3 years.

Often after the birth of a child, couples separate. The consequences of such a choice can be very difficult for both men and women.

An abandoned person may harbor a grudge against the opposite sex and never remarry. A traitor will not be able to forget the loved ones he abandoned.

After many years, if you believe the law of the boomerang, he will experience everything the same as the loved one devoted to him felt. A child raised in a single-parent family will be deprived of the attention of his father or mother. If this gap is not filled, the mature child may repeat the fate of his parents.

How long is the age of love?

And scientists know this. The state of ardent love lasts on average 12-17 months. This is, in principle, enough to achieve reciprocity or receive a final refusal. If the fire of passion burned longer, it would simply burn us to the ground, which is clearly not part of nature’s plans. Happy lovers would die from exhaustion, and rejected lovers would die from unbearable suffering.

But there are no rules without exceptions. In some cases, love can last a very long time. Especially if this is unhappy love. For happy love, nature has a mechanism that turns a violent flame into an even fire of the hearth. For unhappy love there is no such mechanism - only the instinct of self-preservation. It doesn't always work.

Biography of Lyubov Uspenskaya

Lyubov Uspenskaya is a widely known and adored chanson performer in the USSR, America, and Russia. Fans of urban romance still listen to her “Cabriolet”, “Far, Far Away”, “I’m Losing Myself”, “Lilac”, “I’ll Miss You Very Much”. Fourteen times she won the “Chanson of the Year” award with such songs as “Cigarette”, “Sky”, “To the only tender one”, “Clouds”, “Fly, my girl”. In 2022, the artist was awarded the same prize for the composition “Lyuba is always right.”

In the photo: Lyubov Uspenskaya