Long distance relationships. 25 tips from a psychologist

Useful tips

Many people believe that prolonged separation can harm a love relationship. If for some reason you are forced to live away from your family (for example, due to the nature of your job)

, this is truly a serious test for the senses.

But no one says that it is easy - after all, many things that are the key to normal family relationships become inaccessible at a distance. Due to the constant feeling of loneliness, it is not surprising to become depressed.

On the other hand, being away from our loved ones for a long time, we begin to appreciate the simplest and most banal things, which acquire a sacred meaning for us. In such a relationship, you begin to appreciate every gesture of your loved one, every opportunity to hold hands.

, exchange glances, share a meal, smell the hair...

Be that as it may, long-distance relationships most often become a difficult test for relationships. However, if you really want to keep them, despite the separation, then you should listen to the following 18 tips.

The meaning of long distance relationships

Long-distance relationships are always a choice between two people. If you are soon going to travel to different cities or countries, then you need to decide for yourself whether you need a long-distance relationship. Not every person is ready to remain faithful for a long time and wait several months for his partner. Several factors influence this decision:

Duration of relationship
Affection and strength of feelings
Joint children, life and property
Future plans
Duration of separation

If partners have known each other for a long time and have something in common, then it is likely that they can agree to a long-distance relationship.

For those who have been living together for a long time, separation will not bring negative results. If a person loves and believes in the love of a partner, separation will be a useful test. You can feel a stronger attachment and understand whether it really is love.

If you met online but have never met before, then a long-distance relationship can become a big problem. After all, the more people communicate online, the more they fall in love with a virtual image. People on the Internet find it much easier to flirt, fall in love, and be romantic (some seem to be ideals without downsides).

After a long-distance relationship, it can be easy to become disillusioned with reality. Therefore, psychologists advise that before starting a long-distance relationship, see each other and spend at least a short time together.

Therefore, for some, the meaning of a long-distance relationship is to test and test their feelings for strength; for others it is an attempt to find the ideal partner.

What about sex?

Many do not believe in the success of long-distance relationships due to the inability to satisfy their physical needs, due to the lack of regular intimacy.

Perhaps it is really not easy, and for some it may seem impossible, to be away from your partner for a long time and at the same time remain faithful to him.

But at the beginning of the article, I mentioned that I am writing for those couples in which both partners consciously love and are in awe of what is between them. And between them there are relationships that claim to be strong and long-term, mature and conscious. Such relationships are characterized by love, intimacy, open communication and the ability to talk about everything, interest in each other’s lives, the desire to please your partner, the desire for the partner to develop. All these features are the key to a mature relationship. And people in mature relationships are able to not only carry love through time and distance, but also remain faithful to each other.

Both men and women have physical needs. They may manifest themselves in different ways, but they have one way of implementation. If you want to know why mature relationships don't tolerate cheating, and why even an "innocent" affair that no one will ever know about will actually change your relationship once and for all, watch a movie about how even the thought of it can change Absolutely everything between you. Having decided to cheat, sooner or later you will feel that the relationship has become different. And rest assured, your partner will feel it too. This will be the beginning of the end.

How much you value what you have between you is an indicator of whether you can handle a long-distance relationship.

The advice given in the article will help you remain faithful only if you yourself want it and are ready to do anything for your happiness. If you are ready to carry your love through time and distance.

Pros of long distance relationships

Not every person can list the advantages of long-distance relationships. To avoid getting too upset about your husband's shift, read the following facts:

You can be alone with yourself. Yes, it’s great to come to an apartment every evening where your loved one is waiting for you. However, men, unlike women, understand how valuable loneliness is. You must learn to understand yourself while the man is working. You shouldn’t bother him with your calls and messages all day while he’s busy. It is better to spend this time thinking or pursuing a hobby. Learn to be alone with yourself. If you succeed, then you will begin to understand your young man even better.
For men, long-distance relationships are an opportunity to test their word. If you have said that you will be faithful, then do not give in to temptation and do not look to the left. Be a man and keep your promise
Of course, a short separation is an opportunity to make sure that you have chosen your person and are ready to live with him for many more years
For many, long-distance relationships, on the contrary, bring them closer together. People become more sensitive and begin to value their feelings and their partner. Pay more attention and talk about what was not customary to discuss before separation (for example, arranging a wedding, joint plans, children, etc.)
If you need to leave for work, then you can earn more or succeed in self-realization (if you are moving to Moscow to earn money, be sure to read: “How to live in Moscow”)
Separation will help partners go through hardening themselves and their feelings. If you pass this test, you will be able to overcome all adversity in the future and not break up because of nonsense

In this way, long-distance relationships can be beneficial. If you are about to start a long-distance relationship, then do not think only about the bad, think about the good.

COMMUNICATION

Circumstances may prevent you from living and spending time together, but nothing can prevent communication. Phone, email, Skype - today lovers have many opportunities to be close, at least virtually. Talk and ask about what's new, about new hobbies, friends and experiences, consult with each other.

You can try different techniques. For example, go to the cinema at the same time and watch the same film: laugh together or discuss episodes of the film, share your impressions. The same can be done with books or articles.

You can arrange a Skype date: light candles around your laptop, dress nicely and say warm and affectionate words to each other. Or start a joint blog on the Internet and write down all the significant events of your life, your feelings and experiences. An important condition is that only you two should know about this blog, make it your little secret.

You can also create your own communication rituals : whether it will be daily bedtime stories or love letters every morning - it depends only on your imagination and desire to once again please your loved one and become even closer to him!

Many people underestimate this daily communication, the exchange of information about routine days, and as a result, when they meet after a while, they feel like strangers. Communicate as often as possible, do not hesitate to express your feelings!

Cons of long distance relationships

Every person knows the disadvantages of long-distance relationships. Starting from mistrust, ending with betrayal and loss of feelings on someone’s part. Still, we list the most famous disadvantages:

Lack of attention, communication, love and affection (especially from the girl). Many young people want to constantly be in touch with their loved ones and hear words of love from them. However, if the guy went to work, then he physically cannot be on the line all the time. After all, he works almost 24 hours a day
Mistrust. If mistrust appears in a relationship, then this is a huge step towards separation.
Control. This is the second step to separation, which begins with distrust. Even in life together, mistrust and control causes negativity, and at a distance this can quickly kill all feelings
New friends and acquaintances help you forget your past. If new emotions and pleasant people appear, then over time you may not return to your old life. So new feelings take the place of old feelings
As a result, if you do not pay attention to long-distance relationships, betrayal and breakup may occur.

As you can see, all the disadvantages of long-distance relationships are interconnected. They are only stages in the development of alienation, distance from each other. Therefore, if you interrupt the beginning of negativity in a relationship, then you don’t have to be afraid of betrayal and deception at all. Try to trust and respect your partner.

PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE

The key to a happy ending to a long-distance relationship is the clearest possible idea of a future together. Make plans, talk about your expectations, discuss when your next meeting will happen and how you will conduct it.

You can create a constantly updated list of things that you will definitely do together when you see each other. This could be a list sent by email from one partner to another with the condition that each one adds one or more planned actions there.

Long distance relationships. 25 tips from a psychologist

Maintaining a long-distance relationship requires a lot of effort and patience. Psychologists say that not all people are ready for long-distance relationships. There are two opposing types of people who may behave differently when separated from their partner.

The first type of people can be called reliable. They remain true to their choice and word. They are disgusted to even think about treason and do not allow thoughts of jealousy. Such people are self-sufficient and self-confident. From such people you can hear: “I myself don’t know how to cheat and I don’t intend to, but there is no reason for me to cheat.”

To find out if your partner is thinking this way, look at how he spends time alone. If in his free time he works, is busy with a hobby or his passion, then he is an integral person who does not need anyone’s attention and support.

The second type of people is anxious and requires constant attention to their person. Such people cannot withstand even a short-term ignore, they begin to suspect their partner of cheating and begin to come up with different scenes in their heads. People of this type most often begin to cheat or look for backup options for a possible separation in advance. They do not understand that they will not be able to withstand loneliness for very long, so they are afraid to be alone.

Determine for yourself what type you are and decide whether to start a long-distance relationship.

Should you start a long distance relationship?

To decide whether to start a long-distance relationship, you need to make your choice, and then listen to your partner's choice. You may not always hear the expected answer. Very often people face their partner's fears. However, 3.7% of people in Russia have long-distance relationships. In the US, this number is even higher - 4.3%.

How do they manage to stay “together”? According to modern research, if at least 1 person in a couple belongs to the “reliable” type, then the relationship has a chance of success. However, if both partners are jealous, hot-tempered, anxious, etc., then separation is doomed.

Everything can change, only if there is a desire between two people to keep the relationship at a distance, they can change their behavior and thoughts.

Is it worth starting a long-distance relationship? This is a question that each person must answer independently. Learn to hear your partner and support each other, then you have a chance to maintain your connection and feelings. A long-distance relationship is a serious step, so talk to your loved one and discuss all your fears and worries in advance.

How to maintain a long distance relationship

So, if you have already started a long-distance relationship, then you need to maintain interest in each other and try not to get discouraged.

Psychologists say that the most important mistake in long-distance relationships is the loss of interest in your life. You should not forget that while your partner is not around, you can devote even more time to yourself. Then it will be interesting to communicate with you every day, learn something new, etc. For example, you can go to university, enroll in a class, find a job.

Let's list important tips from a psychologist:

Try to communicate more often. Set up your schedule so that you can call your loved one every day. For example, at a certain time in the morning or evening. Don't forget about video calling and try to use it when communicating, not your phone. Also use correspondence and chat if you live in different time zones. For example, you are already at work, and the guy is just waking up, write him good morning wishes. This way, he will immediately start his day thinking about you. In response, expect the first good night wish. Such favors become very valuable at a distance.
Take care of free communication. Use free WI-FI to communicate on social networks
Send photos of your face often. After a short time, our brain stops remembering the details of a loved one's face. And then he forgets them completely. To avoid being forgotten, try to remind yourself more often.
Send each other gifts. They can be ordered immediately and delivered to your address. What to give a guy was discussed in the previous article
Send letters via mail. Sometimes a handwritten letter is more important than thousands of messages on social networks
Don't make someone jealous
Support the person with kind words: I believe in you, I love you, we can handle this, you will succeed, you’re great, etc.
Share your successes
Try to take up hobbies in your free time so as not to occupy your head with fears and worries
Before separation, give each other something with your own scent. This will help you remember faster and more colorfully, and experience the feeling that you are close again. Our nose and sense of smell are the best way to recall memories.
Don't forget about the sexual side of relationships. Discuss in advance how you will maintain intimacy

So, all this will help you maintain your long distance relationship. However, remember that long-distance relationships always complicate problems, quarrels and resentments. Therefore, always watch your words and treat each other with care. If you feel like you've started to lose touch and become distant, then read on to learn how to maintain a long-distance relationship.

How to save a long distance relationship

It is possible to maintain a relationship at a distance, even if you yourself feel that you have lost interest in the person. To do this, you need to use the following recommendations from a psychologist:

Meet as soon as possible. Research conducted in recent years suggests that long-distance relationships can last up to 3 years, but no more. Therefore, if your separation period is already close to the third anniversary, then think about living together
If you have the choice of meeting 3 times a month for 2-3 days or once every six months, but for a week, then it is better to choose the first option. The more often you are close, the better you will remember each other, the smell of your loved one and pleasant moments. In addition, sex and hugs release the hormone oxytocin, the bonding hormone.
You can save long-distance relationships through communication. It is enough just to stop swearing and become more affectionate. A kind word will help melt the ice in your heart. Remember “your” phrases, “your” song, or some incident from the beginning of a relationship. Sometimes nostalgia works best
Give the person complete freedom. If you have already made a mistake and began to control your partner, demand constant calls, photographs and excuses from him, then give him complete freedom of choice. Now he is angry with you, but if he feels that he has the right to decide for himself, he will most likely understand you and return to his old feelings
Understand yourself. If you're feeling negative in a long-distance relationship, it might just be your problem. Visit a psychologist and ask for help
Start keeping a diary so that you can pour out all negative emotions in a notebook and not on a person.
Set up a neutral meeting place if you live in different countries. Or fly to each other in turns so that no one is offended that he is the only one wasting time and energy
Don't blame a person for working. Firstly, it’s stupid, and secondly, it’s better not to exhaust your partner with constant reproaches
If you suspect your partner of cheating, then try to distance yourself from him. Over time you will find out for yourself whether this is true or not.
If you bombard your partner with messages all day long, then stop doing this and take a break. Don't write to him for 2-3 days and wait for him to write first. Try not to be intrusive or annoying with messages.
Limit your interactions with people who put pressure on you. If your parents or close friends advise you to leave a long-distance relationship, then ask them not to meddle in your personal life
In general, share less information from your personal life with others
Make a calendar with your own hands, in which you will cross out the days until you meet your loved one again
If your partner has financial problems, then help him purchase a ticket, do not refuse the meeting. Read the article “Student discounts on railway tickets”, it will be useful to all students

So, if you use these tips, you will be able to save your long distance relationship. Remember the most important thing: do not waste your nerves and time on imagination and unnecessary worries.

The main thing is calm

It is very important to be able to stabilize your psycho-emotional state during the period of separation. To do this you need to realize that:

forced separation is temporary and not something fatal. Time will pass and everything will return to normal;
you cannot influence the current circumstances that caused the separation. Therefore, you should not dramatize the situation and swing the pendulum of negative emotions.

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The most correct decision: accept what is happening calmly, with a clear understanding of what is happening, without showing irritation, anger or panic.

The strategy for your behavior during separation from loved ones is simple, but it will still require effort and understanding.

Real Life Examples: Long Distance Relationships

Let's look at real-life examples of how people went through long-distance relationships:

Julia and Daniil, 30 and 32 years old. Yulia says: “We met on the Internet, using a dating site. The first three months we simply corresponded, and then we met in Moscow. I came on vacation with my girlfriends after the 1st year at KSU, and Danil just came to me. He lived then in St. Petersburg. A week later he invited me to visit him. I lived in St. Petersburg until the end of the summer. Then we also saw each other during the holidays. More often, of course, I came because he had work, and in February and June, I already flew away from Kazan. After university, I finally packed my things and moved for good, and we’ve been living together for 6 years now.”

Pavel, 26 years old: “Quite recently my relationship with a girl from Spain ended. She lived there with her parents. We met in an online game and started texting. We had a long-distance relationship for 2 years, and then she asked me to come to her. I needed money, a passport, a visa. All this was not easy to get. I moved to Moscow to earn money and get a visa faster, but she didn’t wait anymore after 2.5 years of waiting. In principle, she can be understood, so I’m not even offended. We parted easily and without hard feelings.”

Christina and Ilnur, 22 and 23 years old. Christina says: we started dating when I was 17 years old. This is probably love at first sight. We were together all the time while we were studying. When we graduated from university, we had to solve the problem with work. As a result, Ilnur was offered a job with a good salary on a rotational basis for 2 working months with 1 day off. This is the second time he has gone on shift, but now he promises that he will not go again. The money from this salary will be enough for him to get back on his feet and find a new job in his hometown for some time. In the meantime, I’m working in a candy store and I’m looking forward to it. We communicate every day by phone, although the connection in the north is poor and doesn’t work everywhere, but he tries to find places. It’s a pity that photos cannot be sent.”

So, now you can draw a conclusion for yourself based on these examples. As you can see, long-distance relationships do not always have a sad ending. Try to think positive and take care of your feelings. Then you will succeed.

Objective view, help and support

The methods suggested in the article really work and are effective, and they can help your relationship pass the test of distance. But you can only individually understand your situation and understand what exactly your couple needs for a happy and long-term relationship with a specialist.

I am a psychologist and provide individual consultations via Skype. Together with you in consultation, we will be able to understand your relationship, I will help you solve problems caused by distance, and I will also help you understand what exactly in your relationship can serve as a solid foundation so that it can stand the test of time and distance.

You can sign up for a consultation with me through VKontakte, Instagram @litvinova_lara or the form on the website. You can find out about the cost of services and the scheme of work here. You can read or leave reviews about me and my work using the link.

Bazarov's statements about love and relationships

Being a nihilist by nature (and far from a romantic), Bazarov was quite cynical about love (including at a distance). This can be seen in some of his quotes. Bazarov’s statements about love and relationships:

“A man who staked his whole life on a woman’s love, and when this card was killed for him, became limp and sank to the point that he was not capable of anything, such a person is not a man...” - not a bad anti-support for a friend who fell in love on distance.
“If you like a lady, try to get some sense. You can’t, well, move away - the light has come together like a wedge” - a more philosophical approach is taking place. But Bazarov practically does not show himself as a person who is sensitive to love.

Thus, Bazarov was a rather critical person. He did not glorify the feeling of love, but considered it the same human need as food, clothing or the need for communication. For this literary hero, love is pure physiology. Ironically, Bazarov calls tremulous feelings complete rubbish and heresy.

Quotes in English about love

If you need to send a message in English, then you should prepare - translate your text into English, and then send it. We will help you. Here are quotes in English about love with translation:

Quotes in English about love Quotes in English about love Quotes in English about love

Choose words that best reflect your state of mind at the moment and send it to your lover. He or she will definitely appreciate it. After all, such words will be written with soul, and therefore with love. Good luck!