From this article you will learn:
- For what reasons do loving people stay at a distance?
- What are the pros and cons of long distance relationships?
- Why you should take penpal love seriously
- How loving hearts should behave when apart
- How to preserve and maintain feelings at a distance
You are here, she is there. Could something come of this?
Photo pixabay.com
When you decide to start a long-distance relationship with someone, the question inevitably arises: “Will this work?” — and I want to hear the advice of a psychologist or a person who has already found himself in a similar situation.
And since this form of romantic connection is not uncommon today, we suggest we talk about this topic and find out what experts think about it, and how you can preserve love when you are separated by hundreds (or even thousands) of kilometers.
Use modern technologies for personal purposes
Thanks to the development of modern technology, right now we can communicate and meet people from all over the globe. It is enough to have a smartphone with Internet access on hand.
Use this advantage for the benefit of your love. Choose the most preferable methods of communication with your partner. Take the time to discuss this. We are all different, some people prefer to write long letters, while others are ready to use video calls several times a day. Agree in what format, using what instant messengers and social networks you will communicate.
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Pros and cons of long distance relationships
Lack of physical intimacy
- one of the main challenges for couples who want to maintain a relationship while constantly being away from each other. However, besides this most obvious disadvantage, there are others.
Laura Stafford, a researcher from Bowling Green, US, studied long-distance relationships with several college students in the 2000s. She found that partners in a similar situation are more likely to idealize each other
: They receive less information about each other, so their imagination fills in the gaps and most often in a positive way.
Accordingly, they also tended to quarrel less often
. This was partly due to the fact that they had less to argue about (arguments over dirty dishes are less likely to arise when the partner's sink is in another city).
But it was also due to the fact that they could not find a good time for showdowns: couples rarely wanted to resolve conflicts remotely, through phone calls or correspondence, but also felt that their precious time when meeting should not be “wasted” on unpleasant conversations.
And this seemingly plus in the end often became the reason for separation when the couple finally began to live together. In 2007, Stafford and Andy Merolla of the University of California, Santa Barbara found that about a third of couples in their sample who dated long-distance for two years broke up within three months of moving to the same place.
Stafford explained it this way: “Once they started living together, they learned 10 times more negative information about their partners than positive information.”
That said, Stafford's 2011 study of young lovers' use of video chat found that couples generally avoided potentially dangerous topics and used video calls to simulate living together. As a result, they were able to get to know their partner much better.
Jealousy and loneliness
, as well as
a strong romantic connection
and
more passionate physical contacts
when meeting, although common, are not required elements of all long-distance relationships without exception.
Just like the “classic” connection, each “deleted” story is unique. But there are still several universal ways how a couple can improve their relationship while being away from each other.
How to keep a married man
Is it possible to keep a man bound by marriage and promises to love another woman to the grave? It is possible, but quite difficult.
There are different ways to keep a man who is married, but all of them will require determination, unshakable confidence in your actions and endurance.
Your behavior should personify devotion and unpretentiousness, the undemandingness of a woman who needs nothing from a man other than the opportunity to simply love. Combine emotionality and naive romanticism, reliability and care. A cocktail of the listed qualities has a truly magical and enticing effect on a man.
How to keep a married man? Don't try to replace your lover's wife. Such actions will only push the man away. This means that you cannot wash, cook or clean while wearing it. Your loved one comes to you to take a break from everyday problems and enjoy peace and harmony. Therefore, you need to meet him with a beautiful and loving woman who is able to give her chosen one unforgettable moments of happiness and joy. It should not share you with the kitchen or washing machine. The man took the time to spend it with you. This needs to be appreciated. This behavior contributes to the growth of male interest, which over time can develop into a rather strong feeling.
To keep a married man, you should never throw tantrums. So, for example, if your loved one unexpectedly canceled a date due to the need to urgently resolve some family problems, you need to react to this calmly and support the man. After all, you knew from the very beginning what you were getting into. Therefore, your constant motto, which will accompany you day after day, should be the word - endurance! Your external calm and patience are a kind of foundation on which further strong, serious relationships will be based.
To keep a married man, don’t whine if your ringed friend couldn’t accompany you to an anniversary or other celebration. Don't reprimand him for having to spend weekends, evenings, and holidays alone. Better find yourself something to do or a hobby. You must understand that while family is a priority for your loved one, his wife has more rights to him than you.
Try not to get used to a married man and do not consider him the only one in your life. After all, he will leave you for his wife. If you cultivate the idea that this person is your destiny, if you become strongly attached to him, then parting will become torture, which will lead to attacks of jealousy and resentment. As a result, you will pour all this on your beloved, but ringed friend. But he comes to you to relax and enjoy your company, and not for a portion of scandals, which he can get at home. With this behavior you will simply push the man away. Therefore, when he leaves, we do not plunge into suffering and do not suffer from loneliness, but take care of ourselves as beloved. You can meet with friends, visit the pool, play sports, go to a beauty salon. There are plenty of activities to keep you busy. The main thing is to understand that the light did not fall like a wedge on the man.
The listed ways to keep a man will not give a 100% guarantee that your loved one will get a divorce. But, for sure, he will be frightened by the excessive intrusiveness, hysteria, whimsicality and demandingness of a woman, meetings with whom should be a holiday. The main advice to all women is to never fall in love with unfree men! After all, it is quite likely that they love their partners, but their feelings have dulled a little, and they wanted a change. Often a married man does not even realize this himself. But if suddenly the possibility of divorce looms before him, then he suddenly begins to feel mental pain, which leads to understanding and awareness of love for his wife. Therefore, very often husbands stay with their wives. The lot of lovers is only to temporarily warm their beds, and then again experience an all-encompassing feeling of loneliness.
If you nevertheless achieved your goal and became a legal wife, do not rush to rejoice. After all, the man still has a common past with his ex-wife. And no matter how much you want to, you can’t escape it. Often a man’s communication with his former family does not end after the painting, especially if there are children together. Therefore, a woman who has caused the breakdown of a family should be prepared for the fact that her husband will spend time with the children and help. The former wife is also unlikely to leave the man alone. She will ask for help, interfere in your relationship, and take an interest in the affairs of your ex-spouse. She will actively encourage her ex-husband to take part in her life and the lives of her children. Also, the ex-wife can throw mud at you in front of his friends, parents, and turn his children against you. Many of his friends will sympathize with her and despise you. You need to be prepared for this. If this happens, then to save your marriage and feelings you should stock up on patience, understanding, wisdom and forgiveness. Therefore, before destroying someone else’s family, you need to think about whether you have the strength to do it. If you are getting involved in someone else’s relationship, then do everything possible and impossible for the man’s happiness. And if you can’t, then think, maybe you shouldn’t be interested in the question of how to attract and keep a man who is married to someone else. Maybe it’s still better to find a man who is not burdened with obligations and start a family with him? Look around - there are enough worthy free men for everyone.
How to maintain a relationship at a distance? 5 useful tips
In our conversation on the topic of long-distance relationships with psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, he gave the following advice: “If possible, move in together as quickly as possible and start living together. Because for loving people this is, in fact, a need. If they love each other, they themselves want to be close. Therefore, I advise you to solve all your difficulties as soon as possible and reunite.”
But until this moment comes, we suggest using the tips that we gave earlier, and also adding a few more to them.
Set ground rules
Are you in an exclusive or open relationship? Can you visit each other spontaneously, or are there any surprises? How long do you plan to live away from each other? The correct answer to any of these questions will be one that suits both of you.
Don't communicate too much
It may seem that the more you text and talk over video, the better, but this way you are more likely to tire each other and begin to perceive your connection as something burdensome and boring.
Come up with new ways to communicate
Although you and your girlfriend have a limitation in physical contact, thanks to the modern Internet, the scope for variations in communication is enormous and depends only on your courage and imagination. Have a video session while walking in the park or taking a bath, have a drink together or watch a TV series.
The more different situations you can experience in this way (even without touching), the stronger and closer your relationship will become.
Find out each other's schedule
When one of you has an important exam or a business meeting, a trip to the doctor or a family holiday, you should always inform your other half about it. This way, you will not only be aware of each other’s lives, but you will also be able to avoid the awkwardness caused by an inopportune message or an untimely virtual offer.
Give her something tangible
Do this at the meeting or send a gift by courier service. Having a physical reminder of you in your “virtual” situation will certainly be a pleasant surprise for the girl and show how important she is to you.
How to move on to intimate conversations in correspondence
- Start with daring games:
— to undress with the camera on or with sending a photo;
- guess the body part;
- guess what I'm thinking about.
- Ask frank questions to the girl casually or in an appropriate setting in the evening.
- Send a dirty article or interesting news and discuss your impressions, find out her opinion.
- Watch movies with 18+ scenes. And since you watch them while talking, you can add comments or after the film tell how you would do the same with her.
- Find out how she likes to be caressed. Rough? Gently? Where? In the dark or in the light?
- Send exciting SMS to the girl.
- Ask if she would like to try sex on Skype (webcam), over the phone, sexting?
I'll probably stop there for now. Finally, I’ll give you one more important piece of advice:
How to maintain a long-distance relationship? 3 tips from the person who did it
Long-distance relationships have happy endings, and not rarely. One example is American Steve John, who lived with his girlfriend in different states for three years before they got married.
He wrote an article for Business Insider in which he shared with readers the secrets that helped him and his wife during this time. Below we provide a translation of these tips.
We wasted no time when we were physically together
When I visited my girlfriend after weeks or even months apart, we didn't go to bars, go to concerts, plan ski trips or anything else people do when they have friends visiting.
Instead, we spent time working on our romantic relationships. I'm not just talking about intimacy: romance, cuddling, and just falling asleep together are just as important to a healthy relationship.
We've been keeping a close eye on our travel expenses.
We often planned our trips in advance and tried to be flexible. We even set up alerts when cheap air tickets become available. Just because you're committed to someone who's far away doesn't mean you have to spend a small fortune to be together. Look for options where and how you can save!
We gave each other personal space, even when we were thousands of kilometers away.
In any relationship, you are always working to be closer, but that doesn't mean you have to control each other's every move. Your partner will have friends you don't know, and that's okay. He will go to bars, watch movies and do much more without you. And this is also normal, you need to do the same, so as not to turn your personal time into flour, but to start enjoying it.
