Many girls face the problem of an unsettled personal life. Some people easily manage to move from one relationship to another, but many people have to make a lot of effort to find a guy. If you are from the second category, then this article is for you. So, what are the typical mistakes girls make when looking for their other half, and how can you find a guy as easily as possible?
Why do you want to get married
There are many reasons for getting married. Each woman has her own story, her own dreams and her own requirements. This may be a natural need to have a congenial person with whom you can talk about anything, the need for help in everyday life, a thirst for love and care. Some people are still pressured by stereotypes that “you are already over 30, but you still don’t have a husband,” others are looking for financial stability and wealth in their spouse.
In order for your search for a worthy life partner to be successful, you need to honestly determine for yourself why you want to get married. The answer to this question is your personal matter, which your friends and acquaintances do not need to know about, but a clear understanding of the goal will help you not waste time and not end up with nothing.
For example, searching for a significant other for intimate conversations about the latest trends in art is unlikely to be successful at a sports equipment conference.
If you are looking for support in life and financial well-being in a man, then you are unlikely to be satisfied with a marriage with an unknown musician with his head in the clouds. By the way, on our website we have prepared a separate material on how to find a rich husband.
In general, accurately defining a goal for yourself is task number one.
The basis for a serious relationship
This may sound a little pretentious, but for the development of a real relationship, it is important to understand that your chosen one is a person whom you can trust and who will always support you. Therefore, try to listen to him, take his endeavors and dreams seriously, do not be afraid to tell him how much you appreciate him and are proud of his successes.
There is no need to try to change a guy to suit you; usually nothing good comes out of this. If he doesn't ask for advice, don't insist too much. Just be there when he needs support and advice.
Help in a difficult situation
Everyone has bad streaks - problems at school, college or failures at work. The last thing we want to hear at such moments is reproaches. We only need support and friendly participation. There is no need to focus on what he was wrong about. Try to direct his thoughts on how to solve the problem.
If we are talking about difficulties with studying, you can help in those subjects in which you understand better. If difficulties arise at work, try to give the right advice, help with writing a resume or preparing for an interview. A guy shouldn't be afraid to talk about his problems. If he knows that he can rely on you in difficult times, then he will probably perceive you as a partner for a serious relationship.
To find a compromise
It is also important to understand that ideal princes on white horses exist only in melodramas. Finding a person who would satisfy absolutely all your requests will be very difficult. Learn to compromise and calmly accept the fact that you will have to give in on something, because a successful businessman is unlikely to find time for daily washing dishes or cleaning.
Don’t expect a man to completely share your interests. Don't give up on a young man whose only drawback is that he doesn't listen to your favorite music or doesn't watch fashionable TV series. For these unprincipled shortcomings in family life, there are girlfriends.
Do you want a decent man? Then remember this phrase: “I like you, I’m interested in you.”
There is a myth that you don’t need to confess your sympathy to a man, he himself must take the first step, under no circumstances should you take the first step. When someone chooses you, then you will choose him. And you don’t have to choose anyone first. And I like it because a lot of girls think like that. It is very scary for them to take the first step. But providing for a man when he lives at her expense, when he is a gigolo, when he is lying on the couch, cannot provide for children - this is normal. But the first step is no, what are you talking about? Therefore, if you want a normal man, you should be able to pronounce this phrase or at least write it on social networks: “Hello, I liked you,” “Hello, I liked you as a man,” “Hello, I am interested in you as a man.” This is the first phrase, write it down for yourself, and, of course, try it. Right now you can use it somewhere on social networks, in SMS, in messenger, in Viber.
Do you want to know what a man needs to make you happy? Sign up for a free online course Man: honest instructions
Age
Our age also leaves a certain imprint on what kind of husband we are looking for.
If you are between 20 and 30 years old, then the wishes, as a rule, do not differ from those that are usually presented to young guys. A man must respect his soul mate, take care of her, and have common hobbies.
For women after 35 or 40 years old, meeting their ideal becomes more difficult. Our character at this age has already been formed, we have acquired habits and beliefs, so adapting to another person is becoming more and more problematic. Unsuccessful attempts to start a family in the past, as well as children from previous relationships, can also be added to the established way of life.
And when starting the search for a new husband, you should take into account all these points in order to correctly formulate the requirements for a potential chosen one.
How to attract a rich man and how to keep him
Rich men, like poor men, like completely different girls and women. That is, if you are a potential husband’s type, he will pay attention to you. A lot depends on you too: choose a wardrobe, tidy up your hair, teeth, skin - you must be completely confident in yourself when communicating with a wealthy person. Your natural charisma will do the rest for you. The main thing is the meeting. It will be easier later.
Retention is more difficult than arousing interest. Rich men do not tolerate manifestations of commercialism, and if the goal is not a fleeting affair, but a long-term relationship and marriage, do not treat your chosen one as an ATM.
Rich men often have ladies hovering around them, so he always has a choice. Solution: be multifaceted. Look for new interests, hobbies, develop yourself - be interesting.
If your chosen one is rich, then try not to show that this fact forced you to choose some special strategy. Communicate with him as with an ordinary man, do not try to please him in everything.
Visualization of desires
Psychologists believe that drawing up a wish map also helps in finding a husband. Personally, I don’t rely much on such visualizations, but if it helps someone, then why not?
To draw up such a map, you need to take a sheet of paper and draw or place on it a portrait of your ideal chosen one cut out from some magazine with those attributes that you consider important for yourself. This will help you better understand whether his external beauty, real estate, expensive cars, good education or ability to do housework are important to you.
You need to place yourself on the map for the visualization to be complete.
Try not to show this collage to anyone, and treat it more like a formalized action plan.
Remember that simply sticking a desire on paper is not enough - it is just a way to better understand yourself and your needs. Next, you will have to focus on the real work of making your dreams come true.
Girlish thoughts out loud
I went to the people (on Telegram) and wrote to my friends asking them to tell me where they generally met and looked for non-random connections. The girls’ reaction was funny: from “Well, we communicated normally, An, why are you starting” to “Very difficult question. I’ve never met anyone who’s normal.” Summed up a friend who wrote: “Oh, Anh, normal guys are an endangered species.”
Among the popular answers to the question of where to meet a normal man, if you are very lucky, were university, work, interest clubs, car services, sports clubs, friendly parties, bars and cafes. One friend suggested that Romeo could safely stand guard at some fashionable intellectual parties, although the girl herself admitted that she “doesn’t work yet.”
Determining Pros and Cons
After you have figured out the subject of your search, you need to think about how your ideal chosen one will see you.
Men, fortunately, are not at all as primitive as their caricatured images in jokes. It is not enough to just have a doll face, a wasp waist and long legs to get married successfully. Numerous diplomas of prestigious education will not guarantee marriage either.
This has its own plus: women with ordinary appearance and a successful career should not a priori give up on themselves.
Everyone has a chance for a good husband; the main thing is to soberly assess your capabilities and learn to present yourself in a favorable light.
There is another trick that psychologists shared with us. It consists of a schematic description of all your advantages and disadvantages.
Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two halves. On the one hand, list all the qualities that distinguish you from the crowd and make you interesting in the eyes of the opposite sex. For example, a sense of humor, financial success, the ability to cook deliciously, excellent physical shape.
In another column you will have to write honestly about your shortcomings. This could be excessive shyness, inability to manage a house, dislike of ironing, or excessive independence.
Working on shortcomings
Try to critically evaluate the result of such cataloging. Even if your positive qualities outweigh your weaknesses, your weaknesses are still worth working on. This will not only help you find your loved one, but will also add to your self-confidence.
If the shortcomings lie in the plane of psychology, it is worth seeking professional advice. Don’t be afraid of psychologists; a good specialist will be able to explain how best to overcome your inner fears and insecurities, how to correctly present yourself and your strengths, and also recommend the necessary training.
Remember that it's never too late to learn. If you are not a good cook, sign up for a cooking course. You will not only solve the problem, but also make new friends!
If you are not satisfied with your physical shape, buy a membership to a sports club. This way you will prepare to meet the man of your dreams, be proud of yourself, become more confident and make a bunch of new acquaintances.
Take advantage of the benefits
Remember that it is worth working not only with weaknesses. Even your advantages, without proper attention, will not be able to play on your side.
Carefully review the characteristics you have listed as positive and decide how you can use them to your advantage in your search for a spouse.
For example, you have a beautiful figure. This means there is no need to hide it behind shapeless sweaters. Men, of course, are not so simple, but no one has yet canceled the axiom that they “love with their eyes.”
Are you good at football? Great! In various bars during important matches, the concentration of men per square meter breaks all records, and you can easily start a conversation in such an atmosphere.
What kind of girls always attract guys?
Qualities that attract men:
Femininity
Men are attracted by femininity; it gives a feeling of comfort and harmony. How does femininity manifest itself? In smooth movements, the ability to control speech, demeanor, a kind attitude towards others, a calm look. Don’t forget about clothing in this matter. A light dress and elegant shorts will definitely add a feminine touch to your look, which is hard to say about ripped jeans, oversized T-shirts and other fashion trends.
Sincerity
Sparkling girls enjoy the attention and interest of men. Sincerity allows them not to be disingenuous, to be themselves, to remove all pretense, and to speak directly about thoughts and desires. The opposite sex finds it attractive.
Kindness
Quality that captivates everyone. Strong men “melt” before women’s tenderness and kindness; it attracts them and wins them over.
Sense of humor
Girls with a sense of humor and self-irony win in comparison with those lacking these qualities. Optimism is also impossible without humor. A woman who believes in the best, does not focus on the negative and knows how to laugh at a situation is much more interesting than grumbling and touchy ladies.
Faith in a man
Men need support and faith in their strength. By showing your chosen one such qualities, you will become his motivation. Taking a closer look at those around you, you will notice that couples where the woman believes in her partner are more successful and harmonious.
Where to find a husband
So, you've figured out your task and found out your strengths. Now we need to start putting all this into practice.
Where to look for your future husband?
In the Internet
In modern conditions, virtual dating should be considered as one of the main options. If earlier this method caused grins from friends and horror from parents, now everyone has come to terms with it. Mobile dating apps have firmly entered our lives and have become almost commonplace. Therefore, you need not to wrinkle your nose, but to take seriously the way your profile is designed on social networks such as Facebook, VKontakte or Tinder.
The information you want to provide to potential suitors must meet the criteria by which you will make the selection.
Remember that you should not give too detailed information: this will not play a special role during the first meeting, but it can be dangerous.
The photos in your profile should not resemble ID photos, but they should not be too revealing. It is necessary to observe moderation in everything.
Of course, you should exercise some caution before agreeing to a first date in reality. Try to carefully look through his pages on social networks and make an appointment in crowded places.
In fact, the Internet is full of normal guys, and the most that can happen to you is not a very fun evening. But those who don't take risks don't drink champagne, right?
At work or school
A little old-fashioned, but still a win-win.
When working or studying together, you have many common topics of conversation, and it’s difficult to consider someone with whom you spend most of your time every day, constantly communicating on the phone, and overcoming all sorts of deadlines and project deadlines, a stranger.
In the case of workplace romances, you should consider your boss's attitude towards romances between employees, as well as the fact that if your romance does not end with the Mendelssohn march, then you will still have to face each other daily in the office.
Speed dating
In addition to the usual places like cafes and bars, you can try so-called “speed dating”. This idea came to us from the USA, and its essence is that men and women who want to meet each other gather in one place and communicate with each other, observing a certain time frame.
At first glance, this seems a little artificial, but on the other hand, this approach has its advantages. All people who come to such dates are determined to make new acquaintances and are in search of a partner. Even if you are shy, you will be forced to talk about yourself and do it as quickly as possible, which means you will have to concentrate and show your best qualities.
What turns guys off in the first stages of dating?
Let's look at the qualities that repel men in the first stages of dating.
Narcissism
Being proud of your successes and achievements is a good tendency, but you need to know when to stop. There's a difference between a girl who knows she's good at something and one who tries to prove it. In general, narcissism is often repulsive.
Domination
An attempt to control the behavior of a man nearby. Example: he uses chopsticks incorrectly, eats soup incorrectly, and so on. Amendments are permissible in rare exceptions, and it is best to avoid them at first.
If you constantly monitor his speech, the progress of your date, etc., the man will feel depressed, begin to get angry, and over time will prefer to avoid communicating with you.
Unacceptable social communication skills
Any man will be disappointed if you constantly switch interests. Example: sitting with him in a cafe, you periodically reply to someone’s messages. Believe me, he will be of little interest in the excuse: “Sorry, this is for work.” However, some women are used to doing this “in passing” (checking email, exchanging messages with a friend), so they don’t even consider it necessary to somehow explain their behavior.
Other signs of low etiquette in communication: interrupting the interlocutor mid-sentence, “stealing pieces” from his plate, laughing loudly, speaking loudly, attracting attention to oneself.
Excessive cloying
There is no need to speak to a man in an overly “sweet” voice, giggle endlessly, and look tenderly into his eyes. This is all acceptable, you were already in a relationship, and decided to add a little coquetry this evening. At the initial stages of dating, such behavior can confuse a guy. If a guy realizes that you have overplayed your flirtatious side, this may push him away.
Lots of criticism
If you want to find a guy, do not criticize potential partners in the initial stages of dating. When starting a new relationship, a guy wants to feel perfect, just like a girl. If you start endlessly assuring him of the opposite, he will want to build a “new relationship” with someone else.
A lot of self-criticism
Everyone knows women who constantly voice any shortcomings in the hope that they will be refuted. This method is not very good. Sometimes it works, but often it confuses a man and subsequently irritates him.
Haste in developing relationships
Having met a guy and noticing his interest in themselves, many girls make a common mistake: they come to the conclusion that everything is serious with them and begin to make inappropriate demands and claims.
Tips for searching
Make yourself some simple rules.
- Talk to at least three men you don't know every day. Don’t come up with florid schemes; banal phrases like “what time is it?” will also do. or “how to get to the library?” Don’t forget to smile, and if this tactic still doesn’t help with your search for a husband, you will at least get rid of shyness.
- Be positive and truly believe that you will find your prince sooner or later.
- Take care of yourself, dress neatly and elegantly, even if you are just going to the store to buy milk or buy a book. Chance encounters often become fateful. Of course, we are not talking about even taking out the trash in an evening dress and appropriate makeup, but clean hair and neat clothes never hurt anyone.
- Agree to a date, even if it seems to you that the applicant does not live up to your standards in some way. First of all, you can't properly appreciate a man if you don't give him a chance to have at least a cup of coffee with you. Who knows, maybe fate has prepared a surprise for you, and he is your real prince. And secondly, you can say “no” even after the first date.
Mood
Even scrambled eggs turn out tastier if you cook them with pleasure, let alone such a fateful step as making a new acquaintance! So, get ready to win.
Anyone who feels like a pathetic beggar, begging fate for a slice of happiness, remains propped up against the wall with his hand outstretched. The winner takes it calmly, easily and playfully - in full confidence that this is how it should be.
The proud and beautiful conqueror of men's hearts lives in every woman - you just need to give her the way!
Selecting an object
If all the previous steps have been completed successfully, by this time you should be surrounded by a crowd of people wanting to meet you. As for choosing an object, the instructions for this will probably be the simplest.
According to the latest sociopsychological studies, a man will need from 2 weeks to six months to determine whether his partner is suitable for him or not. For a woman it takes about 40 seconds. So, turn on the torch of intuition at full power and “highlight” the one you need.
The only small warning is to try to catch his eye. It should be warm. Even the smartest guy with excellent manners and a wide, open smile can turn out to be a fraud or a scoundrel. And the eyes don't lie.
