How to find your soulmate and where to meet your destiny - a psychologist will tell you

“Who do I need, what kind of person should I have a relationship with in order to live long and harmoniously together, how to find my person for such a relationship?” - these are the pressing questions that arise in any person at one time or another.

Of course, if you already have experience in relationships with the opposite sex, or family life, then it will be easier for you to understand this. For those who are unable to establish relationships for a long time, disappointment may arise and the thought may arise: “Do I need this...?”

Therefore, go to the page, and together we will figure out how to attract the person we need into our lives.

Content

1. Where to begin
2. Advice from psychologist Daria Milai on how to find your soul mate for a girl
3. Steps
4. Practical advice for those who want to find a soul mate
5. What not to do
6. Where will the ideal meeting take place?
7. Advice for women
8. Recommendations for men
9. Warning

Decide on your goal

If you are thinking about how to find your destiny person, you should first decide what you want. If you want someone to share many years with you and start a family, don't settle for less.

Avoid those who are committed to short-term relationships. No matter how much you sympathize with such a person, it is better to immediately tell about your plans. There is no need to immediately run to the registry office after meeting, but it would not hurt to ask what desires and plans for life the future chosen one has. It is human nature to change your views, but if you start wasting time on frivolous and frivolous people, you will miss out on someone who has goals similar to yours.

Where to begin

Regardless of gender, there is a necessary “minimum” - traits, behavior that attract opposites. You need to start with yourself - not with changes, changing your wardrobe or going to a manicurist, but with internal self-control and developing self-esteem.

You should understand: not every romance or fleeting relationship, marriage union is really the halves of a whole that come together. It happens that a woman has many suitors, 1 or 2 marriages behind her, but there is no feeling of integrity, fusion, or complementarity. Then you need to realize that you shouldn’t chase fleeting hobbies; in pursuit you can look for a truly sincere and suitable person.

The “ideal” life partner I’m going to talk about is not really ideal. It has disadvantages and advantages. Where similar disadvantages previously made you nervous, there is now complete reconciliation.

Let me present a list of what you need to do to find your soulmate:

• take care of your appearance;
• love your real self;
• start smiling at people, at the reflection in the mirror, at the world;
• become self-sufficient and understand that you can cope just fine without a man.

Neat appearance

The guy destined by fate will love you in every way - and just woken up, and in sports sweatpants, and with a sloppy bun on his head. In the opinion of others, an unkempt appearance may hide poor health, bad mood, and downright dirty behavior. It is precisely such expectations, often completely unjustified, that push strangers away. Therefore, if you are single and actively searching, we recommend that you follow simple rules:

• Never neglect personal hygiene. Brush your teeth twice or more a day, take a shower daily, and keep your hair fresh. Many men say that a clean female body smells much better than any perfume.
• Take care of your clothes. Even if there was heavy rain and slush yesterday, this is not a reason to go out in unclean shoes the next morning. The same applies to old stains on clothes, greasy sleeves and a torn button. Even if you do not have the financial ability to frequently update your wardrobe, it is worth monitoring its condition and freshness. By the way, this also applies to underwear.
• Find your style in clothing. We will not say that you need to follow fashion trends; on the contrary, all the girls dressed like a carbon copy cannot boast of individuality. Review your wardrobe and highlight those things that you like and combine with each other.
• Don't shy away from accessories, especially if they highlight your personality and can add some flair to your entire look.

By the way, many girls are sure that by changing their appearance, they will definitely change everything in life. That is why they radically cut off their long hair, dye it, and at the same time update their wardrobe. Perhaps this will help you too.

Self-love is the way to find your destiny

White body color? We need to go to the solarium. Lots of moles and freckles? They should be brought together. Blonde? I want to be dark. Brown? Lighten up urgently. This is just a small list of what girls constantly change about themselves. And they do this not because it looks better, but mainly because they are dissatisfied with themselves.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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In the course of such criticism, complexes are born. Their roots may go back to childhood, but we ourselves develop them at a conscious age. Complexity will never play into your hands in how to find your other half; on the contrary, it will lead to the opposite effect. Such girls generally have the habit of complaining and hiding their merits.

What we recommend doing:

• Eliminate obvious shortcomings that lead to complexes.
• Disguise minor defects or ignore them.
• Turn the nuances of your appearance into advantages.
• Attend psychological training.
• Sign up for a personal consultation with me.

Sincere smile

In this formulation there is no subtext at all to “smile in the American way,” that is, always, in any situation, hiding real emotions. On the contrary, we call for sincerity and optimism. These two skates will help attract a young man, because men want to see a real girl with truthful experiences, and not with a mask. Recommendations:

• Don't hide your laughter and smile, show off your charming white teeth.
• Look at the world optimistically, find the good in every day.
• If you like a guy passing by, smile at him.

Self-sufficiency

Self-esteem is inherent only in self-confident women who know that they do not need a spouse, but are only ready for marriage with respect and the awareness that each of the newlyweds is an accomplished person. That’s why it’s so important to cultivate individual traits and interests. Recommendations:

• Take up a hobby - it could be music, drawing, embroidery, dancing, horse riding, whatever.
• Improve your relationship with your family.
• Work for your own pleasure. You shouldn't sacrifice yourself just for money.
• Believe in yourself, set goals and achieve them.
• Organize your day with a planner and your life with a diary.

Myths about relationships

© Vidal Balielo Jr./Pexels

Additionally, to build a healthy relationship, we need to get rid of some misconceptions that are stopping you from finding love.

Myth 1: I can be happy and fulfilled if I am in a relationship, or it is better to have a bad relationship than no relationship.

Of course, there are many benefits that come from being in a strong relationship, but many people can be happy without being part of a couple.

Despite some prejudices against single people, it is important not to get into a relationship just because it is the norm. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. And there is nothing more painful and unhealthy than being in an unhealthy relationship.

Myth 2. If I don’t feel an instant attraction to a person, the relationship isn’t even worth starting.

This is one of the common misconceptions, especially if you have made bad choices in the past. Instant sexual attraction and long-term love don't always go hand in hand.

Emotions can change and deepen, friends can become lovers if you give the relationship a chance to grow.

Myth 3. Women's emotions are different from men's emotions.

Men and women feel the same, but sometimes express their feelings differently, often according to society's expectations.

But both experience the same basic emotions such as sadness, anger, fear and joy.

Myth 4. I can change what I don’t like about a person.

You can't change anyone. People change only if they themselves want to change.

Myth 5. I didn’t have emotional intimacy with my parents, and intimacy will always make me uncomfortable.

It's never too late to change your thoughts, actions and feelings.

Myth 6. Quarrels always create problems in relationships.

Conflict does not have to be destructive. With the right approach, it provides the opportunity to grow in a relationship.

Advice from psychologist Daria Milai on how to find your soul mate for a girl

I recommend improving yourself first. If these recommendations are not effective, sign up for my consultation - I will help you understand yourself.

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Set a goal

Motivate yourself for marriage and relationships, rather than setting yourself up for celibacy and self-sufficiency alone. Very often what we think about materializes because on a subconscious level your behavior reflects your attitude.

Develop positive character traits

It's easy to do. First you should do some self-analysis. Write down your pros and cons on a large sheet of paper in two columns. To expand the list, turn to your loved ones for help, but choose them carefully - they should not envy you or deceive you, but want only the best. Now think about what shortcomings you can correct and advantages you can improve. Set a plan for improvement and stick to it.

Stop looking for the ideal

Each personality has its pros and cons, there is no prince on a white horse. It may very well be that a monster, like in a fairy tale, is endowed with a heart of gold, and only your love can turn him into a real handsome man. Or there are bad habits that you can help him get rid of. Or maybe at first the style of his clothing, which is unusual for you, then you will like it, and the imaginary flaw will become an individual trait, an advantage.

Talk to people more

Don't become a recluse, because this way you won't be able to increase your search radius. In addition, with constant communication, you improve yourself, your communication skills, charm, sense of humor, and also gain new knowledge. You can try:

• Sign up for a club, hobby club, dance hall.
• Become a volunteer at some event.
• Go on a trip with an unfamiliar team.

Agree to blind dates

Why not try it? Especially if this is the brother of your colleague or a friend of a good friend, that is, a person who is recommended to you. It is quite possible that pimping will lead to good results, the main thing is not to make too big plans for it.

Don't lie about yourself

You are who you are. Maybe not ideal, somewhere dissatisfied with herself, but on the other hand, unique. People are attracted, oddly enough, not only by their advantages, but also by their disadvantages. Maybe you will sing obscene ditties together at parties with a guitar. And deception about love for a symphony orchestra will only lead to constraint. Besides, any lie is revealed sooner or later.

Meet where the heart rate is higher

It is an interesting medical fact that people are more prone to feelings of love and euphoria when their heart beats faster. Therefore, it is not at all surprising that young men invite girls on their first date to the cinema to watch a horror film.

Work on your relationships

Another recommendation for those who have already found their soulmate, but doubt whether he is “the one.” Many people cannot answer this unequivocally even after 30 years of marriage. Doubts are a natural accompaniment of any relationship. I advise you to take a closer look at your partner, and not immediately dismiss him at the first difficulties. Remember that even the most ideal couple has quarrels and disagreements.

Visualization of desires

Visualization is a way when you use the subconscious to look for your true, individual desires.

The psychology of the subconscious is such that it “talks” with people through dreams, sudden ideas and images. It reads the visual language of pictures especially well.

Look through magazines or photo collections on the Internet to find out what resonates with you internally. Create collages to figure out the "big picture" picture. Don't filter what you like, save everything. It often happens that the result is surprising - and at the same time strangely familiar, when the thought “well, yes, of course, it’s me” pops into my head. There is no specific time limit that you will need to spend on the collage. You can make it in “one go” in a day or two, or assemble it without rushing. Do what is most convenient for you.

The subconscious also loves the game of association. Try asking yourself the question mentally and take a closer look at any random phrase, sound or picture that flashed through your mind immediately after that. This will be the answer, most likely very unexpected and interesting, capable of leading to the right thoughts.

It is worth using the traditional method of listing the qualities that a future partner should have. However, this activity has many pitfalls.

• Negative wording

Often, with a previous negative experience, a person writes something like “if only he’s not a drinker, not greedy, etc.” The most interesting thing is that in this case the message works the other way around. The psychology of the subconscious mind works in such a way that it doesn’t care how much you don’t want something. The main thing is that you pay close attention to this, so you will get “the opposite of what you want.”

• Abstract formulations and “double” qualities

"I want a strong man." Strong physically or mentally? What is male power for you, and do you confuse the concepts of an integral person and a dictator? With the same success, a “generous” person can turn out to be a spender, and a “cheerful” person can turn out to be an infantile person. Think through to the smallest detail what you want from your potential partner.

• "Not my type"

It also happens that a candidate fits all the parameters, but life with him in practice turns out to be impossible. This happens for several reasons:

• Initially, the image of an ideal loved one was not your own, but a “hodgepodge” of movie characters and all the people who have ever made an impression on you;
• you have misidentified what you really want or need;
• you in advance attributed qualities to a person that actually do not exist, and when you discovered their absence, you were disappointed in him.

Steps

We offer two methods that will help answer the question of how people find their soulmate. To complete them, you must go through certain steps.

Method 1: Finding a loved one

To find a truly kindred soul, you need to look for it, and not just wait for a chance meeting. For this:

• Enjoy the state of freedom. Any girl should feel complete and happy even in moments of loneliness in life. To do this, you need to like yourself and learn not to get bored in your own company.
• Become your own ideal. Write on a piece of paper what you want in a partner. Then consider whether this applies to you. If so, develop these character traits, it is much more likely that a relationship will begin when two similar personalities meet.
• Don't get hung up on the image you've created. You may be looking for your athletic blue-eyed blond and not notice nearby a reliable, loving brunette whose soul is like you in a pod.
• Don't become a couple's breaker. If he left his wife for you, then he can leave you too.
• Expand your circle of acquaintances. What if you find him at this party?
• Flirt, but don't become outright vulgar.
• Become a riddle that is fun to solve, don't reveal all the cards at once.

Method 2: How to turn a potential partner into a soulmate

Now that you have already found the “victim” of your love, you need to make him a permanent lover, or even better, a groom. To do this you need:

• Constantly get to know each other, be interested in hobbies and interests, work, social circle, family.
• Listen to your heart and don’t contradict it.
• Accept its shortcomings and look primarily at its advantages.
• Try to become not only lovers, but also friends.
• Go on dates as a foursome. Communication only in private can get boring, besides, it is sometimes useful to look at other couples and see their “tricks” for maintaining relationships.
• Hug and kiss often. Intimacy is not the only way to show your tenderness and passion.
• There is no need to shout “we are breaking up” after every trivial quarrel. One day he might just answer “ok.”

How and where can you meet your person?

Let's talk now about how and where you can meet your person to live together. Are there any secrets here or is everything left to the will of blind chance and you just have to be at the right time, in the right place?)

Well, in what place and when? The task is almost impossible.

There is an opinion among psychologists that if we go out into the street, say in a relatively large city, around us within a certain radius, there will be about three hundred people with whom we could live. This probably sounds optimistic, but it’s little consolation. You won’t go up to everyone on the street and introduce yourself, will you? A very uncomfortable experience.

What then to do about it? Let's look at several proven ways to attract the person we need into our lives.

1. First of all, it is necessary to create, preferably, a more complete description of the person with whom we would like to live (as discussed earlier). Let’s say his appearance, necessary qualities, sexual behavior, some character traits. It’s better to describe it all on paper, several times. (For example, I did this three or four times, each time slightly adjusting the description).
2. Let the image of your person into yourself. Imagine that you have already met, are talking with him, communicating. You feel good and comfortable with this person. How the heart responds to this image. Believe in the likelihood of such a meeting. Live with it, consider that it has already happened.
3. Important addition. Don't try too hard to succeed in this meeting anytime soon. The importance of such an event needs to be reset. Otherwise, reality will resist the implementation of this. You just have to consider that this has already happened, feel it, without any set deadlines or imposing your will. This is not easy (I know from experience), especially when there is a strong need for such an event. But still, it’s worth trying to approach this consciously. Then the result will not last long. This applies to any event that needs to be brought into our lives.
4. And when the idea itself has penetrated your subconscious, when you have faith or deep conviction that this will happen, or even better, has already happened, then you can begin to act slowly. Of course, you can strengthen your faith and in the process of action, while simultaneously adjusting the image of the person you need, depending, for example, on the experience of meetings that have already taken place. The main thing is that this event and the person you want to meet become part of your life. To put it another way, you need to create a stable thought form and let it go. She will begin to work and interact in the subtle world, preparing opportunities for the materialization of the idea embedded in her.
5. Well, of course, you shouldn’t lie on the couch and wait for something to happen. We need to act. The question arises, how and what to do for this?

First, try to pay attention to various events and signs during your normal activities. At work, walking the streets, shopping, on vacation, while traveling. If you are attracted to a person for something, you can approach him, talk, joke, or invite him to a cafe, for example. The main thing is that there is no special importance inside and a desire for everything to happen as quickly as possible. It’s as if you’re playing a game, easily and naturally. It is clear that this is not easy. Speaking on the street is not so easy; people may be misunderstood or answered rudely. But you also need to see and feel the situation. And the main thing is not to be afraid. Experience will always be useful.

6. Probably everyone knows that there are places just made for dating. For example, these are cafes, restaurants, some parties. Or dance halls, clubs, where by inviting the person you like, you can try to communicate and get to know each other.

7. And finally, everyone’s favorite Internet. These include social networks, all kinds of forums, dating sites, where people are purposefully looking for communication in various forms. You can select people who are looking for long-term relationships, start a correspondence, schedule a meeting

Author's opinion: This is exactly how I met myself. Not the first time, of course, but the experience is unforgettable. Now I’m very glad that I didn’t stop, despite several previous failed attempts at dating.

8. Last tip. You will undoubtedly date. If you're lucky from the first meeting and meet the person you wanted, of course, that's super cool! But more often than not this does not happen. Therefore, if it didn’t work out the first, second, fifth time, don’t despair.

You can correct the image of the person you need, and continue to do this. If there is no way at all, and it somehow affects you psychologically, stop active searches and let everything go on its own.

More often than not, this is what happens. When you let go of the situation, after the active phase, holding it by the reins of inner determination, then the desired event happens. And remember, meeting a person exactly like the image you created is almost impossible. There will undoubtedly be differences. But the main qualities will be present.

Finally, I would like to briefly tell you about the successful dating experience of an old friend of mine, which she shared when she had already managed to meet someone on one of the dating sites.

Real dating experience: An acquaintance, as described, had an internal need for this, understood what kind of person she was looking for and she had his portrait drawn up. Then, she went to a dating site and first set a filter for the resume according to the criteria that she already had were registered. The site gave her about a hundred pages with photographs and short descriptions of a couple of lines. That is, you see, there were about twenty short summaries on the site page. She looked through the pages, opening 4-5 complete profiles on each page, which somehow caught her attention. Those who liked it, left them in bookmarks. Thus, she looked through a hundred pages and all those that met the initial criteria! (iron will, or strong motivation. I probably would have stopped on page twenty).

Based on the results of the review, seven profiles remained selected, on which she sent messages. Three people responded. After personal meetings and conversations on the phone, there was only one person left with whom she had been living for a long time and everything was fine with them. That is, it took her about two months to find her man. This is the real story.

Practical advice for those who want to find a soul mate

I will make several recommendations that require specific actions from you.

Ask a question

We place an order into the Universe

Thoughts tend to materialize. This is not an esoteric fairy tale, but rather a psychological statement. The fact is that the more confident you are in the positive success of your “mantra,” the more subconscious movements and actions you make to make it come true. Therefore, we advise you to visualize the image of a handsome prince and often tell yourself and those around you that you will meet him soon, will be happily married, and will give birth to many children.

Wish poster

This technique works on a similar principle. You should take whatman paper, paints or magazine clippings. The point is to place on paper images of the man of your dreams, as well as all the attributes that will come with him, namely: your future home, children, an ideal wedding, romantic gifts, a car, etc. This poster must be hung in a visible place.

Attend interest groups

Finding your person, as well as starting a family with him in the future, is not an easy task. But it will be even more difficult to maintain mutual understanding and interest in a relationship with someone with whom you have nothing in common.

You can simplify the task and immediately start looking for something that will share your passions. If you love drawing, take a class that teaches this skill. There you will definitely notice someone who is interested in art as much as you are. A pleasant bonus will be that even if you don’t immediately take a closer look at the person, he will certainly return to class again, and you will get a second chance.

Online dating

Many couples met through social networks or special websites. In addition, there are mobile applications that connect people based on their mutual interest, suitable age and sexual orientation. Don’t be afraid to try to find communication via the Internet; in the 21st century, many people use this.

Advice for women

• Do not show negative emotions - hysterics, screaming, lack of restraint.
• Smile more often.
• Don't try to seem overly smart, but don't make a fool of yourself either.
• There is no need to demand payment of all expenses.

Attract what you want to you

Even if you feel awkward and don’t know how to find your person, you don’t need to tell everyone around you that you’re okay with being single. This is a defense mechanism for those who do not want to appear more unlucky in love than the people around them.

Be honest with yourself and admit that you want a happy relationship, because there is nothing to be ashamed of. Tell yourself that you will definitely meet the right person, and don't stop thinking in a positive way. This attitude will not only set you up for success, but will also attract what you want to you.