Long distance relationships - My magical transformation

Are long-distance relationships possible or is it a utopia? It is impossible to answer this question unequivocally; it all depends on many factors, including the status of the relationship and the period of separation. In addition, the environment of partners who are far from each other has a great influence. But let's talk about everything in order in answer to the main question - what is a long-distance relationship like?

Long distance relationships psychology

The need for long-distance acquaintance arose due to the fact that the limited circle of “friends and work” does not allow one to find a suitable partner for a relationship, any kind, friendly, romantic, or friendly. With the development of technology, this option has become more acceptable and widespread among not only young people, but also more mature age groups.

Generally speaking, there are three main scenarios for the emergence of long-distance relationships:

online dating (dating sites, social networks, instant messengers, etc.);
holiday romance, business trip, etc. short trips in which a fateful meeting may take place;
forced separation in an already established couple, for example in a family, due to the study or business trip of one of the spouses.

What is the “beauty” of each of the listed types?

Relationships at a distance are not always limited by kilometers; there is an increasingly common trend when young people, living in the same city (district, street), build relationships first on the Internet , and then only in person. And in this case, virtual communication allows you to establish certain rules of behavior, form an opinion about each other, assess your own state in these relationships and the prospects for their development.

The danger of this format of relationship is that partners can get “stuck” in online communication, painting an image of a loved one that is not what he really is. In real life, the meeting may never take place. The second option, on the contrary, when feelings have prevailed, and there are prospects for continuing the relationship, but the distance turns out to be insurmountable, within cities, countries or even continents.

Holiday romance with continuation ... After a passionate relationship in reality, you want to preserve it and the only option in this case is online communication. Meetings are possible, but not as often as we would like, because in most cases, partners live in different cities.

Here, there are also two possible scenarios for the development of events: romantic online communication, in which everyone is happy with everything, or moving to another level, for example, living together by mutual decision.

Husband's business trip, boyfriend's studies, etc. – does the partner return home with pleasure or run away from his beloved on a trip with even greater zeal? This is the starting point for the possibility of preserving the already established union. In addition, it is important to know how to maintain a relationship at a distance, in this particular situation, in order to preserve it. In some couples, such shake-ups make it possible to strengthen the relationship and take it to a new, higher level. But exactly the opposite can happen - mistrust, dissatisfaction with the other party, lack of attention, the appearance of third parties in the relationship, ultimately leading to divorce.

Based on what has already been said, you can understand whether there is a long-distance relationship? Yes, under certain conditions and circumstances, this format of relationship is quite realistic and even productive, the main thing is to know and be able to maintain relationships at a distance.

Lack of "everyday life"

There are no socks or tights lying around, no one asks whose turn it is to wash the dishes and when will the floor finally be vacuumed? Everyone in a couple goes to the store when it’s convenient for them, the same goes for everything in general - cooking, walking the dogs, or replacing the cat’s litter trays. In a word, all these tedious and boring things, which often cause conflicts and quarrels in ordinary couples, are simply absent in remote relationships.

Stages of a long distance relationship

Having answered the question whether there can be a long-distance relationship, let’s consider what stages they can be divided into. But here, too, not everything is clear; in one case, they can begin with an acquaintance, and in another, they can arise in an already established relationship.

In psychology, there are 4 stages of long-distance relationships:

Love. The partners are overcome by a state of euphoria, all thoughts are only about each other, life seems wonderful! At this stage, virtual communication goes beyond all possible limits, messages and calls 24/7, lovers seem to read each other’s thoughts.

But the main danger of relationships of this particular format is that in most cases we fall in love not with a real person, but with an invented image created in the imagination. To avoid such a situation, you need to try to study personal qualities from different angles. Try to touch upon topics not only of a romantic nature, but also vital ones in order to understand how your partner will behave in a given situation, what his goals and priorities are.

Checking mutual expectations . The main feature of this stage is that it is here that the grinding of characters begins, the formation of a mental and emotional connection. Therefore, it is important to reduce separation time as much as possible and organize real meetings. During the first face-to-face communication, emotional closeness may occur due to not recognizing each other, because a completely different image has been created in the head. Therefore, here the relationship will either end or move to a completely different qualitative level.

It happens that it is at this stage that a desire arises to legitimize the relationship, because the partners see each other through “rose-colored glasses,” and a long separation saves them from displaying negative character traits towards each other. Such an idyll can last about a year, but after this time internal conflict begins to grow.

Internal dissatisfaction , justified by the nature of the origin of the relationship. Partners lack physical contact, which leads to the accumulation of internal discontent, which eventually spills out through messages, calls, or even worse, during rare meetings. Thus, instead of euphoria and pleasure, partners receive quarrels and irritation from each other. The lack of physical intimacy deprives couples of the opportunity for emotional release, as a result of which internal problems increase and relationships are destroyed.

The impossibility of face-to-face communication leads to the fact that the value of a loved one begins to be erased in the partner’s worldview, which inevitably provokes an understanding of the uselessness of this relationship. Plus, mistrust and jealousy increase, and as a result, claims and reproaches appear that will not lead to anything good.

Crisis in long distance relationships . The emergence of this stage is inevitable due to the very nature of these relationships. On average, a crisis occurs after three years, and the result can be both a cooling of feelings and a transition to a new level of mutual understanding. The main thing to consider is that it is not your partner, not you, who is to blame for the conflict, but the specifics of the relationship. It is important to learn to solve this problem together, to listen and hear each other.

So is it worth starting virtual relationships at a distance, are they doomed to failure or have a right to exist?

Pros and cons of long distance relationships

Should you start a long distance relationship? Let's look at the pros and cons of long-distance relationships.

Cons of long distance relationships

Incorrect perception of a partner due to correspondence acquaintance. The image created in the imagination may not coincide with reality. As a result, unjustified expectations can lead to the fact that continuation of the relationship becomes impossible.
Lack of physical contact and corresponding opportunity for emotional release. As you know, talk on the phone for days on end, look at each other via video call, but all this cannot replace hugs and kisses.
An increase in internal conflict can ultimately lead to a crisis and, as a consequence, to the collapse of relationships.
Misunderstanding and ignorance of reliable information, lack of visual and physical contact provoke an exacerbation of jealousy, resentment, and mistrust.
Fear of losing a loved one. This feeling appears primarily due to mistrust and jealousy. Constant thoughts about where your loved one is, with whom, why he doesn’t call, why he doesn’t write, provoke thoughts that this is the end of the relationship.
At a distance, partners may experience a process of reassessment of values, which will ultimately lead to the understanding that this is not love at all or that the relationship is not that significant...

Pros of long distance relationships

Distance communication allows, in some cases, to open up more to your partner. Messages make it easier to discuss some topics that might never be discussed in reality.
Checking feelings. Separation can just demonstrate who is a “friend” and who is an “enemy”, that is, it is in such a situation that it is possible to manifest qualities and character traits of a loved one that were hidden in everyday life.
Strengthening relationships. Separation is a time to think about life, about relationships. In many couples during this period, a reassessment of values occurs, including an understanding of how dear and important a loved one is.
The absence of everyday routine allows you to communicate on more pleasant topics. This circumstance contributes to the development of relationships in a positive direction.
If the separation is fleeting, then it will not hit the relationship so hard, but at the same time it will allow you to take a break from each other. Yes, sometimes it is very useful.
While your loved one is not around, you have the opportunity to devote more time to yourself or your hobbies. Or maybe this is a chance to change for the better by the time your partner returns, engage in self-development, self-improvement and self-realization, pay attention to beauty and health?

As we can see, there are both advantages and disadvantages in long-distance relationships. Which factor will work depends on the status of the relationship, the duration of separation and the possibility (impossibility) of meetings.

Be positive!3

Long-distance relationships are sure to appeal to those who love freedom. After all, now you don’t need to account for your every step, expressed emotions, late returns home, etc. You don’t need to burden yourself with everyday problems and family troubles, or listen to complaints. Now you are completely on your own, you don’t even have to clean the apartment and do what your heart desires.

Such freedom-loving people, when starting a long-distance relationship, can feel very harmonious and maintain a fulfilling life. Naturally, such desires are typical for people with a certain psychological makeup; they can be called “birds of free flight.” For each of them, living at a great distance from their partner is an excellent remedy for depression and boredom.

But what should other people do who cannot imagine their life without a loved one nearby and have a very difficult time experiencing long moments of separation.

Jealousy in long distance relationships

As we have already noted, long-distance relationships between a man and a woman, from a psychological point of view, can be doomed due to jealousy. This is a kind of trigger that can ultimately lead to separation.

Why does jealousy arise? Due to mistrust or lack of information about where your loved one is and with whom? In a long-distance relationship, both factors can become quite significant and provoke conflict.

To prevent jealousy from becoming the reason for ending a relationship, it is enough to learn to follow three simple rules:

You need to be open and honest with your partner. Don't confuse this with constantly keeping track of where you are and with whom out of a sense of duty. Confidential communication by coordinating your plans will allow your loved one to understand that everything between you is open, frank and transparent, that there are absolutely no reasons for mistrust and, especially, jealousy.
Avoid meetings with colleagues, partners, friends that could be misinterpreted or, even worse, become a temptation for you.
Learn to control jealousy. It’s not so difficult, you don’t have to constantly keep in your head the thought that your partner is somewhere and with someone or is looking for an opportunity to cheat on you. That is, control means being able to let go of this obsession on all four sides. Take care of yourself, do things that interest you and that you have been putting off for so long.

Are there long distance relationships? Yes, if you can overcome jealousy.

Different time zones

It's okay if you live with your partner in different cities of one small country. What if you just woke up, and it’s midnight in Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky? You have to adjust your schedules, and this is not always convenient.

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And sometimes it’s completely inconvenient if you urgently need to discuss something, and then the subscriber is temporarily unavailable.

How to diversify long-distance relationships

Many people often ask the question - how to diversify long-distance relationships? After all, the most important limitation is the lack of contact, which does not allow the development of full-fledged and harmonious relationships, especially if the separation is going to be long. How to cope with distance in a relationship - try not to slow it down at a dead point.

Some tips on how to do this:

Who said that a date is only possible in the real presence of each other? Why not host a virtual dinner together? Delicious dishes, a glass of wine, candles on the table and pleasant conversation...
Are you unable to complete the project entrusted to you on your own? Ask your significant other to help you, working together makes you very close.
Now a new entertainment has appeared - virtual travel to different parts of the world. Why not take a couple's tour of the pyramids of Egypt?
If you don’t feel like cooking a romantic dinner, you can arrange to go to a cafe or bar, maintaining online communication at this time.
If you are creative people, or you have common hobbies, take advantage of this: write a song together, one for two, or maybe you just like to write music, let your partner take part in this process.
Online games with each other are an option for fans of virtual games.
Write letters to each other every day, and send them every day, then both you and your partner will receive communication every day in a slightly different format, and perhaps it will allow you to see each other in a new quality.
Routine household chores can be diversified by talking on the phone, and time will fly faster, and the work will be completed unnoticed.
Read one book together, you can take turns out loud, go to the cinema together to watch the same film, or watch an interesting program at home together.
Give each other gifts, surprises, use delivery services, marketplaces, and postal services in the end!
Have you ever tried singing karaoke with a partner online?
Exchange photos more often, in different places, angles, etc.

Now you know how to strengthen long-distance relationships, then we will reveal a few more secrets on how to maintain long-distance relationships.

How to save a long distance relationship

Not many people know how to maintain a long-distance relationship, how to overcome this test and stay together. Here are some tips:

A very important factor in long-distance relationships is trust; you should not torment each other with jealousy, especially if there is no reason.
Do not limit yourself to communicating only with your loved one and thinking only about him. You must have your own life, activities, hobbies that will allow you to survive this painful separation.
Try to avoid quarrels, much less sort things out through correspondence. Because it is in this format of communication that you can say a lot of unnecessary and superfluous things. It will be quite difficult to correct the situation that has arisen.
When communicating with your significant other, do not be distracted by extraneous factors (calls, messages, social networks, etc.), pay attention to your loved one.
Take an interest in your partner’s affairs more often, there is no need to build relationships according to a script - you have your own life, I have mine, and when the separation ends, everything will work out. It is especially important at such moments to share your innermost thoughts and desires; it brings you very close.
Respect each other's personal space. You shouldn’t call your loved one just because you’re bored while he’s having an important meeting.
Both of you must understand why you are waiting out the separation. If the relationship is not serious and there are no prospects for the future, is there any point in waiting? In this case, it may be better not to commit yourself.
Even at a distance, there can be some common traditions, for example, an evening walk in the park, wishing each other good morning and good night.
Set goals that you want to achieve while your loved one is away. These can be both general achievements and your personal ones. For example, is there an opportunity to take care of yourself and appear before your partner in a new capacity, or do you want to realize your career plans?

Long-distance relationships are possible if you both understand that there will be a continuation and know how to maintain love. But in some cases, it is more advisable to end the relationship in this format if both partners do not want to commit themselves to at least developing a full and harmonious relationship, even if apart. Or maybe transfer the relationship to a free format or maintain the status of friendship?

The opportunity to show yourself only in the best light

More than one family boat has crashed on this, too. During the bouquet-candy period, we go on a date in full dress, and as soon as we start living together, sloppiness appears in the way we dress, we begin to comb our hair less often - in general, we look like normal home people without embellishment.

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With relationships in a remote format, this is also possible, but the person at least sees himself in the camera and can assess the degree of his “comfort”.