How to break up with a married man. How to break up with your lover

If you want to break off the relationship completely, but you have certain difficulties in understanding the situation with your partner, we advise you to use the information below.

Women, of course, ask psychologists the most questions about how to find and keep love. And, accordingly, the majority of articles and video trainings on the Internet are on this topic. But in fact, parting with a man is also a burning topic because, unfortunately, it happens that you realize that there can be no further development of the relationship or you no longer want it.

Of course, in such cases you want the separation to be as painless as possible. Today we have collected for you advice from experienced psychologists on when to think about breaking up, when and what to say and how to act.

Issues

In a long-term relationship between a woman and a man burdened with a family, the woman begins to have many destructive thoughts in her head. A woman constantly asks herself:

“If he says he loves me, then why doesn’t he leave his family?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Why is he deceiving me?”

This provokes internal struggle. At the initial stage, the woman realizes that her lover is deceiving not only her, but also his family. He understands that most likely he will never leave his legal wife.

Then, when she becomes unbearable from understanding the current situation, the time comes for internal contradictions and struggle with the thoughts that torment her. A woman begins to look for excuses for a man’s actions, or evidence that they have a real serious relationship, and not a banal affair.

This problem can only be solved in a positive way. In fact, this is difficult to do, because a woman in such a relationship is in a state of constant stress. On the one hand, there is a loved one, and on the other, she constantly thinks about how she can get out of this relationship, how she can part with her lover.

If there are feelings, and not just material or career interests, this is much more difficult to do. This is due to the fact that after a breakup you will be drawn to the person and you will need to hide your desires, even from yourself.

Reasons for leaving a lover for a married woman

In life, situations often arise when not only men, but also women cheat. And when this relationship becomes painful, the girl begins to think through a plan on how to leave her lover, avoiding negative consequences. The decision to break up may come as a result of the following reasons:

The woman is tired of deceiving her husband, her conscience haunts her, and her interest in another man is not great enough to value him.
The lover is also a married man, so the lady does not see any prospects for living together.
The woman made her choice in favor of her husband because she had the opportunity to compare these two men.
The fair sex is afraid of condemnation from children and relatives.
The main role is played by the material factor, when a woman is completely financially dependent on her husband.

Why you should break up

It would seem that if there are two people who love each other, then why do they need to separate? If love in itself is a reason for joy, then is it worth thinking about how to break up with the married man you love?

Agree, a mistress is not a beloved woman with a stamp in her passport. As a friend, you can tell her about family problems, complain about how a man is not valued in the family. At the same time, she will regret it and will not refuse intimacy. But in fact, in a conscious, mature age, love and romance alone are no longer enough to turn the established way of life upside down.

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Other people's spouses are burdened not only with family. They have an established circle of friends, relatives and their own environment. They have responsibility, and, after all, a reputation. Deciding to change all this because of romance on the side is very difficult. Therefore, it is much easier and more painless for a married man to part with his mistress.

So what should you do if, while dating a man, you suddenly find out that he has a secret from you? Even if you initially knew that you were not the only woman in his life, the situation is delicate and most likely traumatic. In fact, this is a reason to think about how to organize a separation from someone else’s spouse. A married lover is probably comfortable with this situation where he meets and has a good time, but bears neither moral nor material responsibility.

Or maybe...?2

What if he still leaves her? I love him so much, we feel so good together.

What if I don’t love anyone like that again?

What if I can’t find anyone else?

But what if?

How strong is our faith in miracles!

There is a chance that you will be together.

But!

Let's add a little (blatant lie, actually a lot) ointment to the ointment:

He may decide to divorce for a long time. And when we say “a long time,” we don’t mean months or even years.

And decades.

Think about it. Decades of lonely evenings, New Years hugging a bottle of champagne and the president’s speech. Decades of secret dates and asking your parents when you'll introduce your boyfriend to them. Decades of pain, jealousy and agonizing waiting.

Life is in his rhythm. You will go on dates and go on vacation when it is convenient for him. You'll miss your friend's wedding and your parents' wedding anniversary. You will cancel your business trip or even refuse to move abroad. And all for the sake of being with him. After kissing you goodbye, he will return to his wife and go to bed with her.

To everyone who is familiar with your situation, you will be a homewrecker. The bitch who ruined someone else's family and left the children without a dad.

Still thinking about continuing this relationship?

Then here is the last argument for you - more than 70% of men return to their wives after some time. Considering the fact that most of them, in principle, do not leave their wives, these 30% are a pathetic bunch of renegades. Two and a half diggers.

Why do they return to their wives? Yes, because their rose-colored glasses fall off. The mistress turns into a wife and begins to download her license. Everything is already clear with my wife. You know how to calm her down and how to appease her. But with this new girl, not a damn thing is clear. Why should I go into all this?

No, dear, I'm going back to my wife.

How to prepare for a break?

Among the many reasons for breaking up with a lover, we can highlight the main prerequisites for how to break off a relationship with a married man:

The pointlessness of making plans for a joint future. Mistresses are basically a means to realize their polygamous nature, a sexual adventure.
Lack of attention from a lover. A man won’t be able to spend weekends, holidays with you, and most likely you shouldn’t count on joint trips either.
Separating from your married lover on his initiative can happen completely unexpectedly for you, since it costs him nothing to end the relationship at any time.
There are often cases when other people's spouses have several relationships outside of marriage, which reduces the obviously low chance of a serious continuation of your romance.
We are all women, each of us can find ourselves in the same situation, but in a different role. Therefore, we should not forget about such a concept as female solidarity and show respect to a woman who constantly suffers from her husband’s infidelities.
Often, having relieved emotional stress outside the home, the husband becomes exemplary and surprisingly calm, happy with everything in the presence of his legal other half. The constant feeling of guilt before his wife does not allow him to find fault with little things or start quarrels. Thus, a mistress is a free psychologist for a man.
By wasting time on a married lover, a woman deprives herself of the opportunity to create a relationship with the goal of starting a family.
Self-deception and a feeling of loneliness on holidays and weekends, the need to hide a lover from your family and loved ones.
There is almost zero possibility of creating a serious relationship, because if he once had a relationship on the side, then nothing prevents him from repeating this experience in the future, even if a new official marriage is concluded.

Prerequisites for saying goodbye: options

It is impossible to hide the connection indefinitely. Sooner or later you will begin to feel that you are not living your life, but yours is passing by, and loneliness and hopelessness will become your constant companions. So maybe you shouldn’t waste your life on this and think about how you can break up quickly and no longer meet with your married lover. Do this so that the situation does not develop into negativity, mutual accusations or experiences that can last for years.

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You need to think everything over carefully and understand how your separation from your lover will proceed. A married man is unlikely to agree to such a step right away, even if many reasons are given. You need to act decisively and quickly in such a situation. The main thing is not to doubt that thanks to this the future will turn out much better.

Which is better to leave: quickly or slowly

Only you can decide how best to get out of this situation:

The quick method is extremely radical and painful for the parties to the relationship, but allows you to resolve the situation without additional loss of time. Alternatively, you should turn off your phone, block the man’s number, move to another area or stay with relatives in a neighboring city, and go for permanent residence abroad, if possible. Distance creates a serious obstacle to continuing the relationship and will open up opportunities to find a potential spouse. At one moment, all connections that existed between people are cut off, without explanations or meetings.
Some women cannot cope with feelings and emotions. They break down under the weight of their emotions and meet again with their ex-partner. For such women, a slow method is preferable, in which a radical rupture does not occur. Since the distance from the object of love occurs gradually step by step.

Blackmail as a way to get rid of the attention of an abandoned partner

Threatening to tell your wife everything can work with an annoying partner, but the woman should consider the possible consequences.
Disclosure of an unpleasant fact may result in divorce. In this case, the man will begin to show even more obsession, because now he has nothing to lose.

If a spouse values her family, she will probably look for a meeting with her rival . Harassment can have unpleasant consequences and is not limited to just verbal threats.

Finally, the most favorable outcome of blackmail is the achievement of the set goal. The man will be afraid of the threat and will stop showing excessive attention towards his ex-lover. This option should be used extremely rarely and carefully due to the unpredictability of the consequences.

Breakup plan

Whatever path you choose for further action, you will need a breakup plan:

Take a sober look at the situation . Think about why you decided to break off your relationship with your married lover. If you are not sure that the decision to stay with someone else's spouse is correct, a list of reasons will help you understand the circumstances. When compiling it, an understanding will come of why a break is necessary and that the relationship has no prospects for the future. By reminding yourself of the reasons for the breakup, you will understand that the time has come to end the affair and tell your lover that we are breaking up forever.
Change your behavior . Remember that you are not in love with a real man. You completely changed your attitude towards him after deciding to break up. Remember that when you date someone's spouse, they paint an image of an ideal and perfect guy. You don't see him for who he really is. Be self-sufficient - tell them about the breakup first.

How to get over a breakup

To make it easier to finally make the decision to break up, use a well-known technique that has long become a classic: counting the pros and cons of the relationship. Try to find as many positive aspects as possible in the upcoming separation. Think about them, how tempting your state of inner freedom will be, how many new opportunities will appear.

This will serve as good motivation for a difficult decision and will help maintain the woman’s status as single after she has separated and is not dating a married man. Use this time to your advantage, take care of yourself and your affairs to quickly get out of the difficult emotional state of the breakup.

Avoid meetings and conversations

If you have found a way to break up with a long-married man, quickly or slowly, it's time to start taking practical steps. It is better to do everything possible so that the man does not find you. Change your place of residence, turn off the Internet and block your phone. All attempts to “sort things out” must be resolutely refused and the demands ignored.

When ending a relationship, you need to cut off all opportunities for contact with your former lover, avoid meetings and conversations. If you are colleagues or neighbors, do not be alone with him. Try to completely erase your ex-lover from your life.

Discuss the problem with a loved one

If you have a relative or friend you can confide in, discuss the problem with your loved one and talk to him about your decision to end the affair. Come up with a plan together on how to beautifully break up with a man; you need to explain to your lover as clearly as possible that such an attitude is unacceptable and there is no desire to continue the relationship.

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Try not to be left without support during this time. It would be a good idea to discuss the problem with a loved one. Invite a friend you trust and talk it out. This will help you look at the situation from the outside. Try watching comedies or your favorite cartoons, order or cook a new dish. The main thing is to try to avoid alcohol: it can cause a rush of memories, which can make it more painful.

A change of scenery

You will also need a change of scenery. Take a break. There are many ways: playing sports or completing a quest with friends, driving or makeup courses - it’s up to you to choose. The main thing is to have more new positive emotions and thrills, this will help you get over the separation easier and quickly forget about how to separate from your married man, especially if the decision has already been made.

Find your favorite thing

During this period, there is no need to re-read literature, blogs, websites with articles on how painful and quick it is to part with your lover. If this has already happened, you should completely distance yourself from the problem and start making plans for a new life alone. Perhaps direct your attention to the courtship of other representatives of the stronger half.

The best way is to find something you love and practice a hobby. Any activity can become an outlet: handicrafts, soap making. They will fill all your free time. Finding something you love means for you to escape from sad thoughts and enjoy life again, forgetting the past. Even if you love, but have decided to break up with your married lover, you cannot indulge yourself, correspond with him, send reports about your day, letters about how difficult it is without him. This can lead to a renewal, and ultimately a delay in communication.

Take care of your appearance

If during a date with her lover a woman looked “at 100,” then now is the time to change her behavior. Become less tender and caring, you can simply “turn on the bitch” and start demanding something beyond your control from your lover. There is no need to pick out the best clothes and do your hair while waiting for a date with him.

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In the absence of your lover, you can visit a salon, go to a spa, take time for pleasure, and take care of yourself. It is recommended to sign up for yoga or a gym or dance class. This will not only restore your emotional state and physical health, but will also open up new opportunities and increase self-esteem.

After you decide to break up with the man you love and who is married, change your image. Change your hairstyle or hair color, visit a stylist, or update your wardrobe. Treat yourself to new shoes and a blouse, or maybe a new perfume? Shopping always helps to cope with a bad mood.

Control thoughts

The most important thing is that if you have made a decision and finally decided how to break off a relationship with a long-time lover, go to the end, without turning back. Control your thoughts and do not allow yourself to even think about the possibility of restoring a completed relationship. You will have a difficult and possibly very long period after the breakup. If a relationship lasts a long time, ending it is not much more difficult or easier. It all depends on the mood of the mistress and her determination to change herself and her life, to start living in a new way.

Don't start new relationships

And one more piece of advice: take your time. After you have spoken about breaking up, and telling your lover about a breakup is not as easy as getting over it, it is better to take a break and not start a new relationship for at least the first couple of months. Before you start dating a new man, calm down and try to understand yourself.

What to do next?

In order not to get depressed, it is important to abstract yourself from sad thoughts in time. Various activities can help with this:

Focus on your career . It's time to make your dreams of successful professional self-realization come true.
Get creative . This is the most effective way to get rid of sad thoughts, which also helps to identify your hidden talents.
Chat with friends . New acquaintances, noisy meetings and cheerful companies are the best cure for the blues.

You should not immediately seek solace in the arms of another man. This will only bring a short-term calming effect and unnecessary familiarity, which, moreover, may turn out to be similar to past experience.

Useful advice from psychologists

When breaking up, you should listen to the recommendations. Advice from a psychologist on how to break off a relationship with a married man you love:

Please understand that you are not the first to ask this question. Try to learn from the experience of other women, how they broke off relationships and quickly reached a different level of life and perhaps legitimized a relationship with another man.
You need to break up decisively. Think about how to tell your lover that we are breaking up as openly and sincerely as possible. Prepare a short and concise speech in which you clearly describe the problems and experiences that you experience while being in this relationship. He needs to understand that you are suffering from the toxicity of your relationship. Understand that you are not obliged to tolerate such a man’s attitude towards you, sacrificing yourself and your interests, spending your life in expectations.
Throw away the gifts. In order not to cry every time remembering him when your gaze stumbles upon the photo frame or souvenir he gave him, just get rid of it once and for all.
Accept yourself. As a rule, women who agree to the role of mistress have low self-esteem. They are not confident in themselves. An insecure woman, if she does not love herself, will continue to attract partners who sense and exploit her vulnerability. Men, like predators, instinctively sense weaknesses and behave according to how she feels about herself. This applies to both women who are free from official relationships and those who are married. If you are unable to part with your lover, it means that he will continue to use the relationship. Therefore, understand yourself, agree with yourself about everything that causes internal contradictions. Accept yourself as you are. Self-sufficiency, love and self-respect are what any woman needs to put first. Remember that you are alone.
Everyone makes mistakes; the past cannot be changed. Leave this relationship in your memory. Breaking a relationship with a loved one is always a painful and difficult experience. But nevertheless, there is no point in holding on to someone who does not belong either morally, physically, or legally. Time will pass, not as much as it might seem, and the pain will begin to subside. It will become easier. You will feel the way you feel after a long illness - light and free.

If the decision on how to painlessly part with her lover has not been made or the woman cannot decide to take such a step, then it is important to remember that life goes on and a meeting with a worthy man is still ahead. New fans will definitely appear in your life. Let some of them into your life.

Don't be afraid of a new romance, but most importantly, it should be a story about a relationship with a new man. With a new, free person and joint plans for the future.