Many women speak contemptuously of their mistresses and sharply criticize their behavior and moral character. This is especially true for married ladies who believe that their husband will never get confused with such a woman. According to statistics, 90% of men have had at least one mistress throughout their entire family life. What pushes ordinary, highly moral women into the arms of someone else's spouse?
Psychology of the connection between a married man and his mistress
The psychology of relationships considers the desire to be the mistress of a married man from three points of view:
- There are mercantile people who derive pleasure from the knowledge that they are stealing their husband from their lawful wife. They are extremely proud of their status as mistresses. Like, she married herself, but she’s not able to keep her. From a psychological point of view, mistresses and ladies who prefer to have relationships with married men have low self-esteem. The status of someone else's spouse's mistress elevates them in their own eyes, comforting them with the knowledge that she is better.
- Sometimes women want to take a married lover from a practical point of view. The man is well-groomed, well-fed, he doesn’t have to cook dinners or iron his shirts. Such relationships are perceived as a pleasant adventure that a free, beautiful woman can afford. She is not tormented by remorse, does not feel guilty before her lover’s wife.
- Married ladies take married lovers because it is convenient. He, like her, hides this connection from everyone, which means the risk of exposure is reduced.
It’s not uncommon for a man to turn a girl’s head but keep silent about her marital status. When this fact becomes clear, she is already in love and cannot leave her beloved, becoming a hostage to the situation. The girl begins to feel inner dissatisfaction with her position as a mistress, which seems humiliating to her. She becomes dependent on the man; she does not want to share him with her legal wife, whom she begins to hate. Thoughts about the intimate relationship between a loved one and his wife begin to occur, and jealousy awakens. These feelings and thoughts torment you, do not allow you to live in peace, and force you to wage an endless internal struggle. Gradually, the understanding comes that such relationships have no prospects and a desire appears to break this connection.
Positive aspects of external communication
In an extramarital affair, its participants see many advantages for themselves:
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- The relationship is easy and casual, especially in the first months of the romance. Lovers enjoy each other and do not think about problems.
- A married mistress does not have to be invited abroad; you don’t have to appear with her in public places and don’t give her expensive gifts.
- A mistress usually does not claim a man's freedom. From her he receives periodic sex and a charge of positive emotions.
- Relationships between married lovers usually end without mutual claims or resentment. The mistress does not seek to be condemned by society. Her married companion also wants to keep everything a secret.
Not always everything goes smoothly in an affair with a mistress. It happens that a girl begins to blackmail her partner, reproach her, or tries to take the place of his wife.
Mistress of a married man: psychology of relationships
The psychology of lovers involves rare, short-term meetings, with the goal of relaxing the soul and body, and going home. The ideal relationship would be when lovers initially discuss all the nuances of their meetings. The absence of any obligations to each other will be the key to a long-term love affair. But as soon as one member of the union begins to make claims against the other, encroachments on privacy, relationships deteriorate.
What a man needs from his mistress first of all:
- intimate;
- tenderness;
- manifestations of care;
- an opportunity to escape from problems.
What a woman needs from her lover:
- intimate;
- romance;
- material support;
- opportunity to relax.
If the relationship between lovers is built on these postulates, then the man’s marital status will not cause any particular trouble to either her or him.
You can't achieve anything by force
When the mistress's patience comes to an end, she realizes that her expectations are not met and begins to get angry, blame the man for everything, and then blackmail is used. I worked a lot with triangles. There are times when a very young girl finds herself in such a situation. And the man has status, he has a career and reputation. And blackmail is simply dangerous for her life.
Blackmail and manipulation begin, the man begins to get angry and think through ways of retreat, how to calm her down so that she does not cause grief to him or to herself, first of all. He did not promise the woman anything else, so he does not understand her complaints. The man begins to move away, the manipulations intensify, and the relationship becomes worse.
Even in such situations, threats to tell your wife everything do not work. This happens when the tension reaches such a level that a woman no longer has the strength to endure. The man is triggered by guilt and fear, and he begins to hate his mistress. Accordingly, he quickly leaves because he understands that this relationship has now become dangerous. This woman is now a danger to his entire system, she can destroy everything. All the good feelings go away.
Sometimes mistresses simply try to influence a man through persuasion and requests. He responds to this with promises that do not lead to serious action. This method doesn't work either. The begging mistress is in a too unequal position compared to the wife, who holds the entire house and continues its lineage. Therefore, the mistress will always be the most vulnerable link in the triangle; she will suffer the most.
Why do married men need an affair?
Psychology considers the presence of a mistress in a married man as an opportunity to escape from the difficult relationship with his wife. Most men, having a warm, trusting relationship with their spouse, regular, good sex, are simply too lazy to have an affair on the side. However, if problems begin to arise more and more often in communication with his wife, he will prefer to withdraw from solving them. Men are less likely to work on building relationships. Instead of trying to establish contact with their wife, they will look for a way to distract themselves from troubles in a more pleasant way.
Often the presence of a mistress in a married man is explained by his desire to dispel the boredom of an established family life. At home he is happy with everything, but he wants new impressions, a surge of adrenaline, and perhaps romance. He starts an affair on the side, gets his share of pleasant sensations and excitement, calms down and returns to the stability of family life.
Options and psychological aspects of external communication
Men often have affairs on the side when they are tired of obligations. A mistress brightens up gray everyday life and does not demand responsibility for the relationship. Let's look at several situations in which girls date unfree men. Each case requires a special approach.
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Married and free girl
After several months or years of marriage, a man may realize that family life no longer pleases him. Many misunderstandings and grievances have accumulated between him and his wife. She no longer seems attractive and desirable, she stops taking care of herself and devotes time only to her children.
Instead of saving the marriage, the spouse decides to take the easier route. He takes a mistress. She is ready to dress up for the sake of her married lover, satisfy his intimate needs and not upset him with serious conversations. Such a relationship usually ends in divorce, but it does not guarantee a happy ending to the romance. Sometimes a wife finds the strength to make peace with her unfaithful husband, but her mistress is left alone.
He and she are married
There can be many reasons that motivate married people to cheat. For example, a man and a woman understand that they made the wrong choice of a life partner and cannot overcome the attraction that has arisen between them. But it also happens that relationships and intimate connections between married lovers arise due to the fact that both were simply bored with the marriage, wanted new impressions and bright emotions, and conscience and moral principles were suppressed in the bud.
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According to psychology, they need to think about how dear they are to each other. Perhaps you shouldn't deceive your legal spouses anymore; it's time for a divorce. When they are free, there will be no obstacles to the relationship.
Successful businessman and kept woman
It's no secret that pretty girls are often attracted to married lovers out of selfish interests. It's quite comfortable to live off a married man who only occasionally comes to see you. You can forget about material problems and pay attention only to your own appearance and interests.
True, sometimes men start entire families on the side, where they have children from their mistresses. Women are so drawn into these relationships that if they suddenly meet true love, they cannot surrender to this feeling. Then the realization comes that not everything in life can be purchased with money.
Open relationship by mutual consent
Sometimes a guy and a girl like each other and agree to meet without obligations. They create a connection without thinking about the consequences. Both do not report who else they meet and where they spend time. Each may additionally have other partners.
Society does not welcome relationships between lovers, but many decide on them, despite condemnation from the outside. When entering into an affair without obligations, it is important to immediately indicate to your partner the boundaries of what is permitted, so that there are no misunderstandings later.
Eternal Bride
Often girls cannot find love and build a strong family. Instead, they decide to have an affair with an unfree man because it’s easier. There is no need to change for the sake of your partner, think about the future, or spoil your figure with pregnancy.
Sometimes such relationships hide loneliness and despair. The lover spends weekends and holidays with his family, rushes home to his wife in the evenings, and his mistress is left bored alone. If you find yourself in a similar situation, decide whether you need it. Think about whether the role of a mistress is completely satisfying, or whether the time has come not only to give yourself to a man, but also to take on the organization of your own life.
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Why do married women have lovers?
Psychology of a married lover in relation to his mistress
Having a mistress does not mean at all that a man is ready to start a new family, because something went wrong in the previous family. He may claim that he loves his passion, but often he loves her not as a person, but for certain qualities: tenderness, unobtrusiveness, understanding, ability to listen.
According to psychology, a man treats his mistress as an opportunity to have fun, shake off the old days, remember his youth, and brag about his successes in love affairs to his friends. He rarely takes such a relationship seriously; his mistress can never take a significant place in his life.
Basically, representatives of the stronger sex do not know their mistress at all. And as soon as she begins to discover her new qualities, such as jealousy, scandalousness, and exactingness, they prefer to quietly disappear. As soon as the mistress begins to claim her rights to the man, threatening to tell his wife everything, such a relationship ends.
Love her
Here are some stories.
She is a part of my life and I love her more than words can say. I met her 7 years ago and since then we have been inseparable, despite my marriage.
When people want to know the attitude of married people towards their permanent mistress in order to understand who she is for a man, most do not understand what it is like to love two people at the same time.
At some point, a little over 10 years ago, my wife and I moved away from each other, and I began to look for a replacement for her. I really don't know why, but my wife and I never filed for divorce, instead choosing to raise our children together. I don't regret it and our children are wonderful.
We don't have a physical connection, but I was married to her for almost 20 years.
My wife was my first love when I was 16 and it's really hard to let go of something like that. Unfortunately, this is not really my choice.
If you are asking what men think about their lovers, then for me she was emotionally attractive because it was the only way I could reconnect with a partner of the opposite sex in my life.
I wasn't cheating for sex or any physical needs that she could satisfy. I did this because I love her and I know that she loves me.
I still have warm feelings for my wife and will probably always love her, but the connection I have with my lover is much more valuable in many ways.
At the same time, I never call my other half my mistress, although she is one. My wife has known about it for several years.
***
Another man’s opinion on this issue: “I can tell you that I really love and appreciate my mistress. What a lot of people miss is that some marriages don't work. But this becomes clear only at the moment when another woman begins dating her husband.”
Is a relationship with a married man doomed or is there a chance?
When starting a relationship with a married man, women often look for sexual adventure and romance. However, having an intimate relationship with a lover, they fall in love with him, thereby violating the main rule of the psychology of relationships between lovers - not to fall in love. A woman who falls in love starts a program: to create a family with her beloved and give birth to children.
Statistics show that men extremely rarely destroy their family in order to create a new one. There can be a real chance to marry a lover only if he has taken a mistress in search of warmth and love that his wife does not give him.
If a man needs a mistress only for sexual pleasures, he will never leave his wife, whom he still loves. In this case, it is useless to put pressure on him; he will simply find himself a new, more flexible passion.
Open relationship
As an example of a man’s opinion about a relationship with a woman on the side, here is another answer that perfectly describes an open relationship.
In my case, it is difficult to say who a mistress is for a man, since you can hardly qualify my second woman in exactly that way. I think the term implies some form of deception.
I believe that every relationship is a contract, verbal or otherwise stated. I have a very clear understanding of what it means to be in a serious relationship. I won’t go into detail, but one of the principles of my relationship is: “If you’re not happy, then either I’m not good enough or you don’t love me enough.”
If you don't like me enough to accept, love and appreciate me along with the fact that I'm in a relationship with other women, then you're simply too selfish.
How to become the best lover of a married man: behavioral psychology
If the final decision is ripe to take a married man away from the family, the girl must be able to behave correctly in communication with him. Knowing some secrets of behavior, build a trusting relationship with your loved one so that he himself wants to never return to his wife. By putting into practice the secrets of the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman, subtly playing on a man’s weaknesses, he can quite possibly become a husband from a lover.
Rules for a girl's behavior with a married man:
- Do not burden your loved one with your everyday problems, do not do laundry in front of him, do not cook. This will allow you to carefully convince the man that living together with her will not cause him problems;
- do not make scenes of jealousy if he decides to cancel the meeting due to his family troubles. You need to be patient;
- do not insist on holding holidays together. You need to understand that he will celebrate all significant events with his (for now) wife;
- try not to impose yourself. Don’t look for more frequent meetings, try to make him want to see each other as often as possible.
These secrets, of course, cannot give a 100% guarantee that the lover will leave his missus, but at least such behavior will not scare him away. Ease of communication will encourage him to look for opportunities to meet more often, and as a result, the man will become more and more attached.
An outlet in the form of a mistress
