When a relationship ends, you may feel two ways: on the one hand, you are starting a new life, this is a great time for self-improvement and new achievements and victories. On the other hand, it is very difficult to get used to drastic changes in life, because your relationship is exactly what you have been living with lately. And it doesn't matter whether you've only been dating for a few weeks, months or years - when you miss someone who's no longer in your life, it's very dangerous. This condition negatively affects your thoughts and emotions, taking away all your positive energy and motivation.
How to get over a breakup?
Breaking up a relationship is not easy for everyone. Especially if this is someone whom you loved very much, whom you cared about every day and thought about every minute, with whom you went through all the white and black periods of your life. When you miss your ex, all you do is think about what he's doing, how he's feeling, and who he's with right now. Unfortunately, we rarely get the opportunity to find out all this. We are often faced with questions that are impossible to answer.
When you miss your ex-boyfriend, it seems to you that you will not be able to survive the moment of separation, get up and move on. Don't worry: it's possible. Of course, this will take some time. Here are some useful ways that will help you stop missing your ex-boyfriend and tell you how to start moving on on your own.
Guzel
Guzel is my close friend. She tricked her husband into cheating. As it turned out, he had a mistress for several years. It's a shame, it hurts, a divorce without thinking. Marat (her husband) did not want to get a divorce. He explained his behavior by temperament. He said this: “I am a real Muslim man. I love you, but physically you alone are not enough for me. I took you as my wife and provide for you and your children. Isn't this proof of love? Sex on the side means nothing to me morally. I just satisfy my needs. It’s the same as having dinner not at home, but in the dining room if you’re hungry.”
Guzel could not forgive, gathered her children (there are two of them) and went to her parents. A year later, she began to doubt her decision. Marat tried very hard to shake her confidence. Under the pretext of meeting the children, he showed her all sorts of attentions, giving her compliments and gifts. Guzel's parents adore their son-in-law. He really is, if you don’t know about his partying, a worthy man - prominent, well-mannered, hard-working, attentive, generous, affectionate and caring. Guzel’s mother took her son-in-law’s side and persuades her daughter to close her eyes to her husband’s infidelity, saying that this is not the main thing.
For me, cheating is unacceptable. I wouldn’t be able to forgive, which is what I told my friend. To which I heard: “I’m already over 30. I’m not pretty. After two births, my figure deteriorated (in reality this is not the case). Who else needs me like that, but he loves me. Well, yes, he’s a male, but he doesn’t show off his adventures. What if I never meet anyone again or, even worse, fall in love with some freak. Maybe forgive? You see, he really is a wonderful husband and father. He carried me in his arms. Maybe I should write to my husband, I miss my ex, the one and only, the way he always was to me? And the children miss him." I don’t know, Guzel, I don’t know... I couldn’t, but you decide for yourself.
It turns out, girls, the third reason is the fear of being left alone or losing “the best man in the world . This is no good at all. Guzel is a young, slender and beautiful woman with a bright appearance (jet-black hair, clear lines of slightly raised eyebrows, deep dark chocolate eyes and sensual lips) and a certain charm of her own. She is smart and interesting, kind and sympathetic. And how she cooks, mmm... You want to swallow her dishes along with the plate, and her baked goods are so tasty that thoughts about diet voluntarily leave your head. Their children are well-mannered and neat. The house is always in perfect order. And Guzel also works.
How did Marat manage to convince Guzel that no one else needed her except him? How did he manage to exalt himself so much in her eyes that she is ready to forgive numerous infidelities with a many-year statute of limitations? It's a mystery to me. But every day she misses him more and more and more often thinks about returning.
No more negativity
Perhaps you, missing your ex-boyfriend, constantly think about why you are no longer together. But this is unwise. If you're still reminiscing about the last moments of your relationship or wondering if he really cheated on you or if he's already found someone better, you'll be stuck in one place for a long time.
It is better for you to get rid of this negative energy than to dwell on questions to which you will never know the answers. Just understand that you can't focus on other people all the time. Focus on the positive things happening in your life, even if they seem to be overshadowed by the breakup.
How to stop being nostalgic for your ex?
A girl’s emotionality and sensitivity to a broken relationship can take her out of her usual pace of life for a long time and lead to the development of depression and destructive behavior patterns. To cope with an internal crisis, it is important to make an effort and take measures to get rid of stress.
A new style . The most effective way to improve your mood and raise your self-esteem is to change your image.
This can be either banal shopping or a radical transformation of appearance - a new hair color, a stylish haircut, piercing or tattoo.
- Professional or creative self-realization. Work, like art, is not only an effective way to combat depression, but also a promising waste of resources.
In the first case, a woman can expect career growth or a salary increase, the acquisition of new competencies, useful contacts, in the second - the realization of hidden potential, a new hobby, an outburst of negative emotions.
- Communication . A person is social and needs a certain circle of loved ones. Even introverts cannot be alone all the time, and even more so, heartbroken girls. This does not have to be a new man, but noisy parties or home “get-togethers” with a friend are also an effective way out of this situation.
To get rid of depression, it is advisable to get rid of all things that remind you of your ex-partner , and even better - to make a radical rearrangement of your home or even change your place of residence in order to freely start life from scratch.
Acknowledge your feelings
Why do you miss your ex? Is it because you loved him, or because you're lonely right now? Pinpointing exactly why you're feeling nostalgic can quickly help you overcome feelings of not having a partner. The truth is that we all have emotions, but they are not always pleasant.
If the cause of your suffering lies in loneliness, find out for yourself how to overcome this condition and you will make your life much easier. You can also accept that you are still in love with your ex. True feelings are not easy to confront, but they will be much easier to work with once you can admit to yourself what you really feel inside.
Deleting all his contacts
First of all, you should delete all his phone numbers, so that in moments of weakness you don’t break down and call him, and don’t say the word “I miss you” to your ex. Next, you should remove him from your friends list on all social networks so that you will not be able to write to him.
It is recommended to delete his friends by pressing the Delete key. Because photos of them together may periodically appear in the event feed. And this, at least at first, is not at all pleasant to see. And besides, you will want to find out from them how he is, where and what he does. And this is strictly prohibited.
Write him. But don't click "Send"
Write the letter by hand or by email, but make sure you don't actually send it. This action can have a therapeutic effect: you will release all your emotions, which will help you overcome negative thoughts or, even worse, self-blame.
If you miss your ex-boyfriend and can't figure out how to deal with all your emotions, the best thing to do is write them down on a piece of paper or in notes on your phone. Of course, do not send the contents of the message to your ex-partner! These recordings are personal and intimate. And you may feel even better if you burn the paper after describing your feelings after the breakup.
Accept and let go of the situation
An important step in dealing with the consequences of a breakup is accepting the current situation. Relationships are not the whole of life, but only a small part of it. People break up for various reasons. Yes, you need to cry, talk it out, let it go through yourself and let go. After breaking up with your partner, it's easy to figure out what you can do to fill your free space. Is there any room left for meetings with friends, work, hobbies? If yes, use the switching method to shift the focus to them. If not, try to bring it all back to life.
Find a hobby
If you keep yourself busy, you will forget about the breakup. You feel hurt and lonely partly because you are bored. If you throw yourself into work, cleaning or hobbies, you can rehabilitate yourself.
Healing may take some time, so focusing on an activity and focusing on yourself is a great way to overcome the pain of not having your ex in your life.
Start writing, reading, drawing or playing video games, running, dancing and playing the guitar again. If you've ever wanted to learn new skills, now is the perfect time to do so. Try something you've never done before, just because you're free. Find a new hobby that you enjoy. Keeping yourself busy will distract you from bad thoughts and memories.
Ex-Partner Had Several Good Qualities
There are only a small number of people in the world who are completely evil. Perhaps your ex, although toxic, had some positive qualities. Otherwise why did you fall in love with him? You can safely admit that your ex made you feel like a truly happy person at times. However, this does not change the fact that it has a harmful influence, so you did the right thing by cutting it out of your life.
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Every new relationship is a lesson. Your ex may have taught you some valuable lessons about identifying toxic people, but may also have demonstrated the traits you love and want in your partner.
Leave your ex alone
It may be tempting to send your ex a funny picture or a photo you suddenly found on your laptop, an email, or a message on instant messenger. But resist your urge! If you want to be nostalgic together, or if you think there's a chance of getting back together, don't bombard your man with messages and notifications, acting like you're still dating.
He may need time to sort out his feelings after a breakup, and he won't be able to do that if he feels like you're constantly behind him. So, even if you want him to see a photo of you hugging, resist the urge. If he is ready to return to you, renewing the relationship, he will do this without your reminders of himself.
Why is it so important to make an effort to move on?
There are times when two people get back together after a serious fight or breakup. Sometimes this happens, and it's great for them.
However, for this to happen, you both must overcome the problem that caused you to break up. Don't look back on your relationship and ignore all the bad things - they had to be there, otherwise you would still be together! [Read:
How to get out of a breakup without compromising your dignity]
We're trying to make sure you don't sit around and mope around, waiting for them to come back to you and start over. Let's not lie—some ex-couples have this option. But for most, the end really means the end.
By constantly clinging and crying, “I miss my ex,” you are simply blinding yourself to new possibilities. You are wasting your life hanging around and crying over something that is already over and unlikely to be resurrected. [Read: 15 real signs your relationship is over or close to ending]
To move on, you need to make an effort.
It will probably be hard at first, but you have to keep going. Lean on friends and family if you're struggling, but don't lose sight of the goal—a time in the near future when you'll feel much better and be open to all kinds of wonderful opportunities. The future may be even better than the past!
[Read: When does your ex start missing you? Bittersweet truth revealed]
Get rid of memories
You broke up and miss your ex, but there's no point in keeping photos of you together on the refrigerator. Take off the jewelry he gave you, don’t re-read the correspondence. Of course, you just want to get some warm emotions by remembering the good times when you were together, but this way you are hurting yourself more. Letting go of your ex in this situation becomes even more difficult. When you're hurt, you remember all the good, wonderful moments, but that doesn't help you stop missing what was. When there are no constant reminders of the past in your life, you will be able to let it go much sooner.
Olga
Olga is my cousin. She divorced her husband due to his financial insolvency. No, they were not poor, but they lived in an old two-room apartment with fresh but simple renovations. They also had a car - not a new one, but a lovingly cared for Nexia. Olga dressed at sales, although Igor (her husband) worked from morning to night, but the salary of a dentist in a state (free) clinic is small. Igor planned to open a private clinic in the future, looking for various part-time jobs in the evenings. But at this stage he did not have the money to purchase premises and expensive equipment (largely thanks to Olga’s appetites). Igor doted on my sister, brought her coffee in the morning, combed her hair, gave her a massage, read her a book at night, cooked food himself when he was at home, washed the dishes without persuasion and took on many household chores. But... Olya wanted diamonds, silks and the Maldives.
Having met Pavel - handsome, self-confident and rich, Olya, without hesitation for a minute, filed for divorce, calling Igor a “rogue” in parting. Pavel promised her mountains of gold, saying that she was the one he was looking for. They began to live together. Igor took the separation hard. He sold the two-room apartment and left without leaving an address. Two years have passed and... At the next get-together, Olga admitted to me: “I miss my ex” - being in a relationship with the “man of my dreams” and not needing anything, it turns out that she yearns for the “rogue”. How so?
Everything is relative:
- Now Olga brings coffee to bed in the morning.
- In response to her “I don’t have enough attention,” Pavel simply gives her money and says: “Go and have fun.”
- He is constantly busy, often goes on business trips, may not come home to spend the night, explaining this simply: “I’m working.”
- He doesn't talk to her about anything except daily matters, because he considers heart-to-heart conversations a waste of time.
In other words, Olga feels lonely and unwanted. She doesn't need money, but she absolutely lacks warmth. How to indicate the second reason? I'll call it "difference". We yearn for ex-husbands because we feel the difference between what was and is now. And it often turns out that it was better with them.
My sister asked me: “What should I do if I got everything - another, almost ideal man, life without financial restrictions, but I miss my ex?” I don’t know, Olya, I don’t know... Should I try to bring Igor back? It will be hard. And even if it works out, can you give up what you have now?
Communicate with people
Don't sit at home, meet new people, make friends. You should not register on dating sites and look for a new gentleman right away. But, definitely, you shouldn’t stay at home for days, eating stress and ignoring everything around you.
Meeting new people will help you overcome lack of attention because you will be too busy exploring people and getting to know each other. By filling your life with positive energy, you can stop remembering your past relationships. After all, if you both had never broken up, you wouldn't be having these new, amazing experiences right now.
General Tips
There can be many reasons for separation. This includes moving, a break in a relationship, and even the death of a person. There are general recommendations that will help you cope with longing for your loved one in all these cases. Let's look at them.
Plunge yourself into your work
The best way to overcome the blues is to get busy with work. If you're used to working slapdashly, now is the time to reconsider your attitude. Work is one of the most important components in a person’s life. It is not only a source of material wealth, but also a reliable psychological support. It is through work that we feel connected to society and feel needed and useful.
Set yourself specific professional goals and start realizing them. This will not only help you take your mind off sad thoughts, but also reach a new professional level. You can enroll in advanced training courses, learn a foreign language, or master a related field. There are always opportunities for growth, no matter what you do.
Change your scenery
You can combat longing for a person from your past with new experiences. Only impressions must be vivid and emotionally rich in order to be able to push painful thoughts out of your head. Go on a trip to an unfamiliar country - the further the better. I just warn you in advance - rest should not be idle. Don't expect to lie passively on the beach for two weeks and return home with renewed thoughts.
Organize a busy program for yourself so that you don’t have a minute to think about painful thoughts. Visit museums, attractions, beautiful places. Chat with locals and immerse yourself in an unfamiliar culture. Both your head and body must be constantly busy, only then will you be able to reboot your brain.
Do some physical labor
When cats scratch at your soul, you really want to just lie buried in your pillow and do nothing. It seems that you lie down for a while and the melancholy will subside. However, this feeling is deceptive.
Idleness is the worst enemy for anyone who is overcome by sad thoughts. You kind of give the brain a signal that it’s time to turn on the energy-saving mode, and it obeys. Every day it will be more and more difficult for you to force yourself to do something. So, slowly but surely you will sink deeper and deeper into apathy.
Why does physical labor help to cope with melancholy? The fact is that the brain at a certain point in time can be focused on one thing. When we do physical work, most of the energy is directed into the muscles. There is nothing left for mental activity. Therefore, if you cannot control your thoughts, you just need to turn them off.
General cleaning, rearrangement, and gardening work are ideal for these purposes. Plunge yourself into your work, and within half an hour you will feel much better. Try to get as tired as possible and fall asleep immediately after work.
Get into the sport
Sports are another good way to stop being bored. The mechanism of its action is the same as the previous one. You need to load your body as much as possible and get as tired as possible. Strength training is best for this purpose. They are literally able to squeeze all the juice out of you, leaving no chance for painful thoughts to suck the energy out of you.
Talk to someone
You shouldn't keep all your emotions to yourself. Be sure to speak out to your friend, mother, sister, or make an appointment with a psychologist. Therapy can help you if you are struggling to recover from a breakup.
Long-term relationships can be just as destructive as marriages, especially if you were living together and planning a future.
Seeing a therapist does not make you “crazy,” although many people have such stereotypes. A psychologist will help you analyze your feelings and guide you on the right healing path.
Change the scenery
Leaving the city for a while, flying to the sea or visiting a friend is something that will help you switch gears and get emotional release. A change of environment has a beneficial effect on emotional imbalance. New events and acquaintances, although not for long, will captivate you. This period should be regarded not as an escape from problems, but as an opportunity for the rehabilitation of the soul.
Why does a man come back after a breakup?
Ask your friends not to talk about your ex
Friends can remind you of past experiences for a long time. Ask them to exclude their ex's name from conversations and you'll feel better. Let your loved ones know that it hurts you to know that everything is over between you. Real friends will be able to get into the situation and will do everything to make you feel comfortable.
What to do if your friends are talking to your ex-partner? Keeping yourself updated on what he's doing, how he's feeling, and who he's dating will make it harder for you to get over the breakup. So if your friends are still talking to him, ask them to avoid talking about your ex when they're with you. But your friends are not obligated to stop communicating with the person, no matter how much you ask.
We destroy all his gifts
Methods for destroying gifts can be different: you can burn them, especially if they are photos of you and him together, throw them away if, for example, it was some kind of teddy bear, or sell it if, for example, it was some kind of jewelry.
The most important thing is to just get rid of all this and as soon as possible, in order to get the opportunity to start a new life, but without this person.
Try to travel more
You don’t have to buy expensive trips and fly 8 hours to the islands to see the ocean. But if you're in the same city as your ex-boyfriend, you might be able to get over the separation easier if you leave your home for a few days. If you have friends in another city or your parents live far away from you, why not take this opportunity to visit your family and friends?
By moving to another place, you will feel much better, since nothing will remind you of your past relationship. Besides, you definitely won't see your ex-boyfriend. You will get a lot of positive emotions, get distracted and relax.
How to stop missing your loved one who has been doing without you for a long time?
First, after a bad breakup, you need to grieve: spend time with your friends, complain to them about what an ass he is, watch your favorite melodramas with a bottle of wine and ice cream, cry into your pillow. In general, mourn this relationship. Cry and move on. 2-3 weeks for this phase is more than enough, otherwise suffering will become a habit. If you do not let go of emotions, they will negatively affect your health. Read about this in the article “How do emotions affect health? Psychologist Vania Markovich tells the story.”
There is no need to set yourself the goal of “forgetting him.” This formulation inevitably leads to the opposite.
You need to change your focus.
Bring more interesting and vibrant events, activities and impressions into your life. Create your “new” life without this person. The hardest thing to forget about exes is for those people who live a boring life, who cannot create a mood for themselves or some kind of activity. They are dependent on other people - those who give them drive, who promise them a happy and rich future together. And when it’s all over, they want to go back to where it was fun, warm, well-fed and comfortable.
Develop self-love, take care of yourself both physically and emotionally.
Don't beat yourself up, don't blame yourself. If more and more negative thoughts pop up in your head, ask yourself “is this what I want to feel? No. I love myself and will not offend myself with such thoughts and feelings.” You are your own support.
It is necessary to put an end to this story.
There is no need to warm up the hope that “what if he calls/writes”, “what if he realizes and comes back”, “I’ll go to that cafe, maybe we’ll meet by chance”, “if I come up and give him a like on Instagram, I’ll draw your attention.” Put an end to it and move on.
If you still have negativity and resentment toward your ex-man, write them down on paper, analyze them: what do you think, what do you feel? And after analysis, close this topic forever. ⠀ Feelings and thoughts associated with him will return for a while, but this is just a habit of your mental health and this is normal.
Knocks out a wedge with a wedge? No, you cannot immediately enter into a new relationship. Nothing good will come of this. With a new man, you cover up your mental trauma like a band-aid and only use him to solve your problem.
Last important thought
Learning to cope with not being in a relationship is not always easier than being in one. However, reunification is not always an option. Yes, you will have to pull yourself together and put all your energy into recovery after a breakup, but then you will be proud of yourself. After all, you will experience a new life without stress, worries and negative emotions.
No more nights spent wondering if you want this person. No more tears or fights because you can't be heard. Leave all the negativity behind, take control of your own emotions and thoughts - this is exactly what anyone who is struggling with depressive moods after a breakup should do. These tips will definitely help ease your suffering and put you on the right path.
Svetlana
Svetlana is my mother. She and her father were married for 20 years and divorced at her mother’s request. Dad was totally jealous, although mom never gave him any reason to. As long as scenes of jealousy were limited to verbal altercations and “pouting,” one could endure it, which is what my mother did for 18 years. Then the father began to drink alcohol, and beatings were added to the claims. Mom endured it for another two years, justifying it with “little children” (at the time of the divorce I was 10, my brother was 18 years old). One day my dad, in the heat of yet another madness, rushed at his mother with a knife. My brother and I stood up for her. Then he kicked us out of the house in what we were wearing, and it was already well after midnight. We spent the night with relatives, fortunately they lived in a neighboring house. The next day, my father asked for forgiveness, but this incident became the straw that overflowed my mother’s cup of patience.
Mom is a beautiful woman and the years have only honed her beauty, bringing her features to perfection. But she never remarried, although more than 25 years had passed since that ill-fated day. And let alone get married, she and no other man have ever had one. Once, when I was already 30 (an adult married woman with a child), my mother and I had a frank conversation. Just during those six months of separation from my husband. I was sad and decided to find out from my mother the secret of her many years of endurance.
“Mom, haven’t you ever missed daddy? How did you manage to forget him so quickly? - asked such an adult, but still stupid me. To which my mother answered: “Daughter, I loved your father and still love you. It's hard to believe, but as long as he didn't drink, we were happy. I always missed him and miss him now - my former happiness, his strong arms and even his prickly beard, but I don’t want a relationship with him or with any other man. Because there is more pain than love.”
Girls, it turns out that we terribly miss those whom we ourselves erased from life because we continue to love them. After all, if feelings are real, then erasing them is not easy. The heart is not a flash drive that can be formatted by deleting data. The first and main reason is love .
Start a renovation
Apartment renovation is a suitable alternative to a change of scenery when it is not possible to leave the city. In addition, this is an opportunity to completely immerse yourself in the process of interior renovation. The pleasant chores associated with buying wallpaper, thinking through the design and purchasing new furniture will help attract thoughts and get rid of feelings of melancholy and anxiety.
