Britney Spears: “I hate my ex-husband!”
Why does it happen that the most loving couples end their relationships with the loudest and most scandalous breakups, and then proudly say: “I hate my ex!”?
After all, it would seem that since you loved each other so much, then it was appropriate for you to part amicably. But in practice the opposite happens. From love to hate one step! And we see this every day in the example of many stars, for example, Rihanna or Britney Spears. And Madonna once proudly declared that she hated her ex-husband Sean Penn. However, she generally hates many of her exes... Britney Spears also throws arrows of hatred at Kevin Federline - for taking away her children, ruining her life, ruining her career (for everything, in general). WomanJournal.ru asked the age-old questions: why do we hate our exes and what should we do to put our feelings in order?
Where to get the necessary knowledge
It is enough for every woman to get what her heart wants, and the hatred will go away on its own. This emptiness will be filled with the happiness of what she now has: a happy family, a worthy husband, stable provision for children.
All you need is to get rid of those psychological problems that prevent you from realizing this. Deeply understand yourself and learn to understand men at a glance. The first basics of psychological knowledge that are needed for this are available in free online lectures by Yuri Burlan
.
Author of the publication: Evgenia Astreinova
The article was written based on materials from the training “System-vector psychology”
Why do Rihanna and Madonna hate their exes?
Take, for example, celebrity couples. Madonna, Sean Penn, Rihanna and Chris Brown... They could easily claim the title of the most passionate and sincere lovers. But all their enchanting romances ended in real enmity. In the case of Madonna and Rihanna, love transformed into hatred after being beaten. WomanJournal.ru has already written about why loving men can beat their women and how to tame the aggressor. You don't need to be a psychoanalyst to understand why, after domestic violence, many women like Madonna, Rihanna and Oksana Grigorieva hate their exes. But what to do with this hatred? How to put your feelings in order? And is it possible to take a step back, from hatred to love or at least neutrality?
What is hatred? The reasons for its occurrence
This is a feeling of strong hostility towards a person. You may hate your ex for serious reasons or for any trivial reason. But most often it occurs when a person has suffered severe suffering.
The main reasons are the following:
- Constant cheating on your significant other. Some, knowing about this weakness of their beloved, turn a blind eye to it and continue dating. But pain, resentment, and then hatred fill the heart more and more. Others, having learned about just one fact of infidelity, immediately leave their boyfriend or spouse, and begin to sincerely and openly hate him.
- Quarrels and beatings. If the chosen one even once raised his hand to a girl, hatred immediately settles in her soul. This will not appear immediately; the companion will endure it for the time being. But is it possible to love a man who constantly beats his chosen one?
- Insults and humiliation. You can often see this picture. A decent, beautiful couple walks holding hands, suddenly the man begins to shout at the girl in front of strangers, humiliate and insult her feelings. This situation is complicated by the fact that the woman accumulates grievances within herself. And if she nevertheless decides to break off such a relationship, she begins to desperately hate her ex.
- A woman's love for another man. If a girl falls in love again, she sees only good qualities in her new partner. He becomes for her the standard of a real man. Accordingly, her ex begins to irritate her with absolutely everything: appearance, character, conversation.
- The girl likes to be a victim. She begins to blame her partner for the breakup, and this gives her pleasure. From her lips you can hear a bunch of stories about how she was betrayed, humiliated, and insulted. To stop hating your ex, you need to stop being a victim.
How to survive a breakup with your loved one
There are situations when a girl cannot explain why she hates her ex. What to do then?
Why we hate our exes: expert commentary
Tatyana Volkova, psychologist, image consultant, coach, told WomanJournal.ru why we hate our exes:
To the question: “What feeling is the opposite of love?” - in most cases the answer is: “Hate.” Actually this is not true. The opposite of love is indifference. Love is perhaps the most capacious, most energy-consuming feeling. A loving person directs all his thoughts, all his strength, and aspirations to interact with the object of his love. And if something breaks down in a relationship, the energy that fills love does not go away. She can't just up and disappear. And love is replaced by hatred. Hate and love are equally powerful, but at the same time oppositely polar feelings, like two sides of the same coin. And only after going through all the circles of hell that await a person who has hated the most dear person in the world, indifference comes. Only after “getting over” hatred, having decided on the answer to the question “who is to blame for the separation or divorce and what to do,” can you calm down and begin to live on.
The difficulty is that hatred and everything connected with it are feelings that are socially disapproved. This forces you to silence hatred and worry within yourself. The hater “cooks in his own juice,” which in no way helps to cleanse the soul and calm him down. To free yourself from hatred, it is very important to find a way to release the energy that overwhelms the hater. You can engage in active sports, creativity, break old dishes that are associated with the offender... Whatever! It is important that this method is acceptable to the hater and does not cause him rejection and the feeling that he is doing something unworthy.
By the way, accepting the situation does not mean that you will get back together after a divorce, for example. It means to forgive, and to forgive means to let off steam, forget and allow yourself to move on.
How to get rid of it?
It can be very difficult to overcome the feeling of hatred towards another person. First of all, you should honestly admit to yourself that you have these destructive emotions. Take your feelings for granted. Start by seeking to see the world differently and by trying to change your own behavior. Learn to abstract yourself from negative, sometimes uncontrollable feelings. Don't be manipulated by other people. Only you must control your emotions, thoughts and actions.
The difficult path begins with liberation from one's own negative feelings. It requires painstaking internal work. First of all, let go of all your grievances. Hatred destroys a person from within. Cultivate tolerance and tolerance. Control your own feelings. Be tolerant of people of different nationality, race and religion, as well as level of culture and education. The social status of others should also not cause negative emotions in you.
Try to objectively and impartially evaluate the person who irritates you. Find positive traits in his character
Concentrate your attention on them. This action will weaken the negativity towards the unpleasant person.
Look at the situation from the outside. Keeping an open mind will help you understand the bully's motivation. It would be right to start collaborating with a person who dislikes you. Joint activities bring people closer together. During prolonged close contact, people get to know each other well. Hostility can give way to sympathy.
Learn to forgive yourself and others. Forgiveness leads to the establishment of inner harmony and restoration of peace of mind. Spend more time with family, friends, relatives. Visit museums, theaters, and various events. Play sports. Spend more time outdoors.
In psychology, there are various techniques for eliminating destructive emotions. You can overcome hatred in yourself through hard inner work. Experts offer several methods. Train yourself to do exercises that help you let go of the anger that comes out.
- Counting to 20 can prevent the outburst of negative emotions. This technique is used in emergency cases. As soon as you feel a surge of anger and a desire to lash out at others, concentrate on your breathing and mentally count. This easy-to-use method is very effective.
- You can overcome hatred by transforming negative attitudes into positive thoughts that help you successfully deal with negative emotions. It is best to carry out these actions in writing. First you need to write down on a piece of paper all the events or facts that cause hatred. Then you need to transform them into positive feelings. Reading affirmations every day helps a lot.
- The level of hostility is reduced by the “Unsent Letter” technique. Thanks to her, you can cope with an uncontrollable feeling of anger. All your mental pain and negative emotions must be written down on a piece of paper. Write how much you hate this person or some community. Then the letter must be burned or torn into small pieces. Write messages until negative emotions begin to leave you.
The desire to understand his beliefs and attitudes allows you to stop hating a certain person. Ask the person annoying you a series of questions. Listen to your interlocutor carefully. Try to be in his shoes for a few moments. Imagine yourself in the place of your enemy. Look at yourself and your actions from the outside. After this, try to establish contact with the person who is annoying you. And stop worrying about being treated unfairly.
Strive to notice only positive qualities in others. Show respect to them. You shouldn’t concentrate on your own emotions and constantly wait for some kind of catch. When a person thinks not about his own, but about other people’s needs, hatred dissolves.
