Buoyok 1. Humiliation
When a conflict is in full swing, the desire to win at any cost is great. But if the price of victory is humiliation of the partner, you can easily lose the relationship. In the heat of a quarrel, we pour out all the accumulated dirt on our partner. These are insults (“you’re a fool” - the mildest), “poking” one’s nose at shortcomings, threats to leave such a “freak”... and so on.
When the storm subsides and you make peace, everything will be forgotten. But...usually, in the heat of a quarrel, people hit the most painful places of a loved one, which they managed to recognize during the relationship. The offense is forgotten, but the residue remains. It's like a wormhole in an apple. And with each subsequent scandal, the worminess of the apple increases. You will end up with a bad apple. That is, relationships.
And how then to swear?
During a quarrel, it is better to talk about your state at the moment when a loved one does something wrong. For example: “When you were late at work and didn’t remember about my performance in the evening, I was terribly offended. I cried for two hours. It was an extremely bestial act.”
(Note that here I am defining an action, not a person. Even a good guy can do bastard things - I think this is no secret). If the quarrel goes in this direction, there is a greater chance that you will be heard. When you attack a person (even justifiably), there is a desire to defend yourself, but not to listen. And the last thing I want is to take your position and understand how you feel.
How to hurt a womanizer's ego?
If your ex left you for someone else, you can teach him a lesson with the help of his new passion. Try, if not to make friends with her, then at least find a common language. Tell her about what a womanizer he is, how he cheated while in a relationship with you, in general, tell her what might await her in the future. It is not a fact that you will be able to destroy the couple, and this is not necessary. But if his new girlfriend knows who she is in a relationship with, they will not avoid scandals. The main thing is not to present yourself in such a light as if you want to return it to yourself; your main task is to share your experience with a fellow sufferer.
Buoyok 2. Comparison
It is quite normal that your partner does not suit you in everything. And it's clear that you want to make it better. The whole question is in the methods.
Many people use the tried and tested Soviet pedagogical method: comparison. Remember at school: “Petya Ivanov is our pride! An excellent student, he draws well—take his example!” Remember your feelings at this moment: shame that you do not meet Ivanov’s high standard, and the understanding that you will never reach it, and resentment that they are not appreciated... and a strong desire to do everything wrong, out of spite...
What happens to you when a loved one compares you to someone? I think you are hurt and offended. It turns out that comparison is an ineffective way.
How to tell your partner that something doesn’t suit you?
Try talking. Suppose, if you don’t like your partner’s figure: “Wouldn’t you like to go to the gym? So I’m getting ready, because I’ve eaten a lot of sides... and I’m too lazy. Let `s together! You will cheer me up, and I will cheer you on!” If your partner agrees, great. But he may refuse. Then this is a person's position, and it is difficult to do anything about it. You will have to decide what is more important: the figure of your partner or the relationship with him.
How to take revenge on a man who used you without putting in much effort?
Revenge can be petty - for example, one of my friends, before moving out of her ex-boyfriend’s apartment, carefully sprinkled red pepper on his underwear. It might seem like a small thing, but it gave the person a lot of enchanting sensations. Another hid a small piece of meat behind a closet, which quickly began to smell as if someone had definitely died there. There have also been cases when the hood and roof of a car were generously sprinkled with birdseed, and in just a couple of hours the beloved car turned into a hangout for local pigeons, with all the ensuing consequences.
How can you take cruel revenge on a person and not do anything reprehensible? Very simple. If your ex has a habit of parking in the wrong places or otherwise violating administrative regulations, no one forbids you to report this to the relevant authorities. At the same time, you will even do a socially correct thing.
Such actions, of course, warm the soul - it seems that they do not bring significant harm, but there is little pleasure in it for the man who offended you.
Displacer 3. Depreciation
Imagine, I bought myself a new dress. I run to a close friend and brag. And she told me: “Well, it seemed like this happened to you... It would be better if you bought a coat instead of the old one...” Curtain. The pleasure of the purchase is ruined.
Or, for example, your husband is animatedly telling you about a friend’s new car. And you: “Why are you telling me about Volodka? Everything is clear with him - he has nowhere to put the money. You’d better take out the trash, you promised yesterday and didn’t do it.” We've arrived. Your husband understands that you don’t care about his daily affairs.
There is a high probability that he will soon go where they will listen to him. And not necessarily a blonde with a round butt. This could be an ordinary woman. Who just knows how to be attentive.
And what to do if you're bored of listening?
It is quite natural that your and your partner's interests differ. However, show
respect for the hobbies and affairs of a loved one. And if it’s completely unbearable... Are you sure that you live with the right person?
Present your arguments
Just do it, but not aggressively. The person will already begin to feel guilty when you tell him about your pain. Nobody wants to admit that they upset someone. And so he will avoid you if you start making accusations.
Instead, make sure you are in a calm state and can talk about things in a civilized manner. Even if you're really angry deep down, try to appear pleasant and appropriate on the outside so that you can really hook the person before he gets defensive.
Buoyok 4. Silence (aka ignoring)
The golden classic of my childhood: if mom is offended, mom is silent. And he does not explain the reason for his silence. I myself should have been clearly aware of my unworthy behavior. But it was not clear to me! But I remember how scary and uncomfortable it was as a child. And when she grew up, she actively practiced the same “family” method of communication.
The destructive effect it produces is amazing. The equivalent is that you pack up your things for no reason and leave for a month, for example, in Mexico. Showing with all your appearance that it is your partner who is to blame for your escape. And he remains alone - in confusion and bewilderment. And after each such story, something falls away from the former closeness. Until there is nothing left of her at all.
What should I do if I don’t know how to talk about my feelings?
Communicate by any means: write letters, send SMS, draw messages with lipstick on the wall... and what not? The main thing is not to become isolated. This only makes things worse.
Make the person feel involved in the situation
Often people don't feel guilty because they can't understand what their fault is. This misunderstanding arises because they believe that they have nothing to do with your pain. To fix this, you must talk to them in a way that they can understand.
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Therefore, explain the situation in an accessible and understandable way. Analogies are great for this because you paint the same situation in a new light. This way it will be clearer to the person.
"Are you cutting yourself"? How to talk to loved ones about self-harm
3. “What makes you want to hurt yourself?”
After a loved one has made it clear that they are ready to talk, it is worth asking a few more questions to understand their feelings, explains Zendegi. “Try to find out what emotional triggers precede self-harm, what consequences it causes. You need to identify the feelings surrounding the action, but not judge the action itself,” Freeman adds.
According to Kantor, questions such as “Have you noted what feelings make you want to harm yourself?” and “How do you feel afterwards?” are quite appropriate. and “How long does the feeling of relief last?” Not only will this lead to greater awareness of the person's experiences, but it may also give them the opportunity to speak out in a way they have never done before.
4. “I will do my best for you, but I cannot help you alone. Maybe we should ask for help?
According to NAMI, self-harm is a complex problem that is often accompanied by other behavioral and mental health disorders, such as substance abuse and depression. Stopping this behavior and learning new coping mechanisms requires the help of a mental health professional, so the first step is to convince the person to see a doctor.
But a friend or relative may refuse therapy, in which case you can mention acquaintances who have gone through this experience (if these people do not mind talking about it).
Some people are intimidated by the idea that psychotherapy is for life, in which case you can try a tactic that Zendegi calls “foot in the doorway” and invite the person to call someone and see what they have to offer, or try to go to the primary consultation. Only once, not for life.
5. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m always there if anything happens.”
Perhaps a loved one is not ready for a long conversation or does not agree to immediately rush to a specialist. Experts advise in any case to respect his decisions and desires and promise to listen at any time when he needs help. Yes, this may take a lot of time, but no matter how you force it, you absolutely cannot.
Megan says she appreciated her friend's offer to return to the conversation on another day. “I don’t think we talked about it anymore,” she recalls. “But I felt relieved that I told someone about it.” The recognition did me good.”
The only exception in the case of advice to leave a loved one alone for a while is the fear that self-harm may indicate an intention to commit suicide. According to the US National Library of Medicine, self-harm is usually not a suicide attempt, but the habit does significantly increase the risk of suicidal thoughts in a person who does not get help on time. You can contact specialists, a crisis center, take the person to the hospital, or call his family, depending on the situation.
Phrases that should never be said under any circumstances:
1. “Let me see!”
Excessive curiosity is inappropriate here, Freeman warns. No matter how interesting it may be, it has nothing to do with helping, and there is a risk of not containing a negative reaction, which in turn can cause a feeling of shame in the person.
Megan found herself in a similar situation when a friend of hers, after finding out what was happening, asked to see her wounds. She was shocked by what she saw: “I don’t blame her for this reaction, but it certainly hurt me. I was already ashamed, and I condemned myself.”
2. “It’s not that bad.”
You should not try to convince a person that his feelings are not justified or that his behavior is not rational. Optimism is not appropriate here. Devaluing a person’s intense personal pain will minimize the significance of his experiences, which will make him feel even worse, warns Zenteghi.
3. “If you don’t stop, I won’t communicate with you anymore.”
Ultimatums are prohibited. Stopping self-harming takes more than just willpower, explain experts at NAMI. And putting forward conditions and ultimatums can only worsen the situation. The fear of losing friendships and connections will only increase a person's feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, misunderstanding and powerlessness.
You must always remember that your possibilities are not limitless.
Despite all the efforts made, a person may refuse to listen and also refuse help, reminds Dr. Kantor. Yes, this may create a feeling of failure and hopelessness, but this does not mean that the words did not have the desired effect. “Don't expect your friend or loved one's behavior to change immediately, but you've already planted the seeds in the ground,” he explains.
For example, Megan admits that she continued to self-harm for six months after talking to her friend. She eventually stopped doing this thanks to the help of her mother and a psychotherapist. But that conversation with her friend was, in her words, “a tiny step on the road to recovery.”
“You should think through and talk about what you are going to say in advance,” advises Zendegi. “You should be ready to use non-verbal methods of communication: look into your friend’s eyes, “mirror” his body language - facial expressions, postures, movements, in order to feel his state.”
Methods if you have been cheated on
If your significant other cheats, this is a gross violation of obligations. If you want to take revenge on your husband or boyfriend for cheating, here are some ideas on how to do it:
- Place an ad in the newspaper. You can ask strangers to call your ex and ask why he did this to you.
- Leave a smelly gift. If you live together, you can buy a bunch of frozen fish or shrimp and stuff it in a hard-to-reach place. As the fish melts and begins to rot, it will start to smell terrible. So much so that it will become impossible to live there.
- Change the numbers on his phone. A great way to take revenge on a boyfriend or husband who offended you. If you have the opportunity, go into his phone and mix up the numbers in his contacts. This way, when your ex texts the person he's cheating with, he'll text someone else, like his mother or boss, instead!
Here and now
— How can you cope with stress when your loved one is seriously ill?
- In fact, relatives of seriously ill people also suffer and go through the same stages - from shock to denial and aggression. It even happens that a relative is physically ill, and loved ones receive such psychological trauma that the same organs themselves begin to suffer. Therefore, there can only be one piece of advice here - stay in the present, do not fantasize about various options for events and drive away gloomy thoughts. There is no need to bury anyone in advance! After all, at the moment your loved ones are alive, which means you can enjoy communicating with them. Whatever it may be, everyone is alive here and now!
How can you call a person smart words?
Choose more friendly curse words to insult your offender without using obscene language. This will show you only from the best side, as a reasonable and educated person, not spoiled and knowing dignity.
What words can you choose:
- A trinket is an unnecessary thing, empty and soulless, having no purpose, on which time is wasted, something without mind and reason.
- A cheap utensil is someone of low worth, someone who is not needed and has little value in the world.
- A soulless person is a person devoid of any values and inner peace.
- Shame (shame) - a person devoid of dignity, a person who brings shame and problems to loved ones.
- A shameless person is a person devoid of respect and understanding of the people around him, a person without spiritual values.
- Carrion is a person who has fallen in the eyes of others, a person who is comfortable existing in the dirt of words, actions and betrayal.
- A cattle is a person who does not behave rationally, a person who is compared to an animal.
- A stupid creature is a person who does not know how to do smart things.
- An animal is a person who does not know how to act well and is deprived of his essence.
- An insect is a person devoid of a human being
- A mongrel is a person devoid of nobility and education
How to call a person without using obscenities?
What to do if you have access to his apartment?
If you can easily get to his house, there are plenty of opportunities for you to get revenge.
Sprinkle laundry with pepper
When collecting your things from his apartment, add red or black pepper to your underpants. He will never forget this kind of “fun”.
Just don’t get carried away with the amount of pepper, because it will not only cause a man’s genitals to itch and burn, but will also cause irritation, which will take a very long time to heal.
Add a laxative
Sprinkle some laxative powder into instant coffee or his favorite food. Let him relax. You won't do anything bad or harmful - just improve the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract.
Sew something from his favorite T-shirt
Does he have a favorite T-shirt or jacket? Take the item home and change it into something else, or simply cut it up and return it to its place. Or start wearing it yourself, so that your ex can see it.
Use raw eggs
If you want to hint that what he's doing stinks, have some raw eggs and raw fish (shrimp works too).
Beat a raw egg, put it in a syringe and make several injections into the seats of his car, into the upholstered furniture of the apartment, into the front door, etc. Scatter the fish in the nooks and crannies of his house. You can place it on the ledge.
In just a couple of days, your ex will be exhausted in search of a disgusting smell, as well as those who want to buy a smelly car and apartment.
Draw his attention to you
It's not always healthy to indulge in drama, but some people need it. Sometimes you literally have to go crazy to get the bully's attention. So put on a show. If you haven't been able to reach him any other way, this may be your only option.
As soon as you realize that you have his attention, slow down. Try to make sure he understands what you're getting at. Otherwise, he will simply get angry and refuse to listen to you.
Way. Ruin his car
Of course, this method is only suitable if the guy has a car. The main thing here is not to cross the line of the law, so as not to have serious problems later. You need to find a weak point, something that the guy really likes in his car.
Interesting: 30 ways to be rude in an original way
In addition to the car, you can spoil any other favorite things of the guy, for example, breaking the phone or hacking the account of your favorite computer game and leaving the character with nothing. Revenge should be related to the guy's favorite thing.
Read also: Why do you need a Circular Saw?
Why do you want to take revenge?
The desire to take revenge on a boyfriend or husband for an insult is a natural reaction for any person. But why do we feel this way? Are feelings of anger and malice natural even in those people who are not prone to them?
We are programmed to develop social connections with others, and when we are betrayed, this trust in people in general is destroyed and the desire to make the culprit suffer appears.
We rarely think about taking revenge on a stranger who has wronged us, but when someone dear to our heart betrays us, we feel the need for revenge.
At first, the idea of making our ex-husband or boyfriend suffer feels good because we think that if we make the other person suffer the same way they made us suffer, our negative emotions will decrease.
Although the desire to hurt your ex-boyfriend or husband may seem attractive, it actually increases feelings of anger and resentment.
Accept that he doesn't care
You can't change everyone. Some people, no matter how hard you try, will never admit that they did wrong. They immediately become defensive and don't care who they hurt.
You can't expect anyone to feel guilty, always. After a while you will realize that they really don't care and will never admit their guilt. Live your life and don't allow yourself to bottle up your feelings.
This information will help you open the eyes of the offender and show how painful and unpleasant what he did is. This may not be easy for you, but if you want to stay close to this person, it's worth teaching him a lesson.
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What should you not do and why?
Sometimes, after a breakup, girls try to dull their depression with alcohol and start smoking a lot, sincerely believing that such actions will help them get through a difficult period easier. Apart from the risk of turning into a chronic alcoholic with a gray skin tone and smoky clothes, such actions can give the fair sex absolutely nothing.
You should not try to take revenge on your ex - spread unflattering rumors about him, try to hurt him by meeting different guys, ask your new friends to deal with him. Such actions will only push the girl away from her ex and negate the possibility of resuming the relationship.
If a woman truly wants to make her ex feel sorry for her actions, she must value her dignity .
Don't humiliate yourself
It is impossible to call on the phone and ask to come back, or to watch for your loved one at the entrance. It is very important to establish distance immediately after a breakup and let the man know that it is the girl who sets the boundaries of communication with him.
Don't obsess over your ex
Under no circumstances should you develop a sense of dependence or become fixated on a young man.
It is best to try to accept reality, no matter how sad and unpleasant it may be.
There is no need to check instant messenger messages and incoming calls every 20 minutes in the hope that your ex will write or call. If you meet him by chance on the street, you can calmly and friendly smile and greet him, but you cannot show that you are eager to communicate with him.
also shouldn’t immediately respond to your ex’s messages - he shouldn’t understand that a woman doesn’t let go of her phone all day in the hope of receiving an SMS.
Try not to get depressed
Even if a woman is going through difficult moments in her life, she must try her best to fight depression. To do this, it is recommended to listen to your favorite music more often, meet with girlfriends more often, and lead an active lifestyle.
A dull, sad expression on your face will not help to arouse sympathy and positive emotions in your ex when you meet. Therefore, it is necessary to try to smile as often as possible, to be friendly and friendly.
Connect selectivity
Women are often encouraged to broaden their idea of a potential partner, not to limit themselves to one type of man, and to get to know each other more actively. Try to do the opposite - become more critical of new virtual acquaintances who invite you on dates.
Reject offers from those who cause you even the slightest doubt. If, after several successful meetings, you begin to notice something in a man’s behavior that confuses you, try to immediately pause so as not to get emotionally close. Even if it seems to you that there is something called chemistry between you.
“People with similar interests and values in life notice each other,” reminds Michaelson. — Try to organize your social life so that you can often visit places where those who are close in spirit find themselves. If you love exhibitions, cinema, sports, or you care about pets, start not with dating apps, but rather with clubs and forums of similar interests. This is where you are most likely to meet your loved one.”
The best revenge is to live well
As cliché as it may sound, the best revenge is to forgive, live well, and succeed.
There will be no immediate gratification in this case, but in the end you will definitely be rewarded.
Many people say that “living well is the most effective method of revenge,” and this is true. Focusing on living your life will bring better results. Although this is a more difficult and longer path than banal revenge, which will only lead to even more anger and disappointment.
What should you do?
First of all, you should soberly assess what happened and try to understand what could have caused the young man to leave. Perhaps he was annoyed that his girlfriend smoked, drank too much wine or used obscene language? Perhaps she did not take care of herself carefully enough or often caused scandals?
If the relationship was long enough, then, most likely, the woman could repeatedly hear reproaches and remarks addressed to her from her partner regarding certain actions. If a girl believes that they could be the reason for the breakup of the relationship, then she will have to make efforts to eradicate really important, obvious shortcomings.
Such analysis should not turn into self-flagellation. We must remember that ideal people do not exist. Perhaps her ex was simply tired of her man, and he became interested in a new passion.
However, if a woman really wants to make him regret the breakup, she will need to change some of her habits and lifestyle . So, what do you need to do to get your ex's attention again?
Develop your best qualities and skills
Perhaps the ex didn't know that his girlfriend could play the piano.
A short video posted on social networks with a beautiful melody performed can surprise and touch his feelings.
If a woman was involved in dancing, sports, knitting or sewing, it is worth returning to her favorite hobby . This will help not only develop your talent to the maximum and increase self-esteem, but also take your mind off sad thoughts and make your life more interesting and active.
Change your image, replenish your wardrobe with new outfits
Nothing boosts a woman's self-esteem and mood like new clothes. It is advisable to review your wardrobe, adding new dresses and blouses to it.
If a girl’s shoe shelf is dominated by sneakers and comfortable flip-flops, then it makes sense to purchase several pairs of beautiful shoes and sandals with heels. A very effective way to add something new to your look is to change your hairstyle or hair color.
You should never go outside in old, worn jeans and a stretched T-shirt, even if the girl ran outside for 5 minutes to buy bread or walk the dog.
Pay close attention to your appearance
Every time you leave the apartment, you need to look as if the woman is sure that she will meet her ex on the street. Under no circumstances should he see her with dirty hair or unkempt nails.
If you get into the habit of always looking brilliant and feminine, then over time the girl will get used to being well-groomed and irresistible and will become more confident.
When meeting an ex by chance, the latter may have the idea that the girl he abandoned is too good to let her go to another guy!
Workout
Regular physical activity helps you become more confident, promote self-discipline, and improve your posture and mood.
Sport is a great way to cope with depression , as well as get rid of cellulite and other possible figure problems.
In addition, regular visits to the gym will allow you to make new acquaintances and make life more interesting.
It doesn’t matter what kind of sport a girl chooses - if she can’t sign up for a gym, she can get into the habit of running in the morning, or download several special applications to her smartphone to work out problem areas at home.
Think about ways to improve your finances
Money plays an important role in achieving many goals . Buying new clothes, beautiful jewelry, a gym membership, or paying for the services of specialists in beauty salons requires certain financial investments.
If a woman’s income is low, then perhaps she should think about changing her job to a higher paying one, or looking for a part-time job. Financial independence is very important under any conditions, and especially after a breakup with a loved one.
