Misanthropy is a persistent rejection of people, the habit of seeing only their shortcomings in them. The individual does not want to delve into the problems of others; it is difficult for her to understand the desires of loved ones, relatives, friends and acquaintances. Sometimes conflict situations happen just because you have to prove your point of view and be active. Misanthropy is understood by many people as an expression of strong individuality. But this is far from true. These people are completely focused on the negative, so nothing good comes into their lives.
Causes
Misanthropy is a disease that does not arise out of nowhere. Certain factors contribute to the accumulation of negativity and the formation of unpleasant attitudes. It will take a lot of mental effort to cope with the consequences. Hatred towards people is often a reflection of an incorrect lifestyle, the result of some unfavorable events. It would seem, where does hatred of people come from despite outward prosperity? They need to be understood in detail in order to notice the origins of the formation of obvious disadvantage. Sometimes people don't want to admit to themselves that difficulties exist. Such a game easily turns into self-deception, since the individual feeds his pride and does not want to concentrate on solving everyday problems.
Childhood trauma
When family relationships do not work out, a person often withdraws into himself. Strict parents sometimes cause significant emotional wounds, sometimes without even knowing it. The child is left alone with his sorrows. He gradually gets used to the fact that at the right moment no one will take pity on him, caress him, or say a kind word. The result is severe disappointment in people. It seems that since those closest to you deceive and betray, then in principle you can’t trust anyone. In this approach, a person seeks complacency and justifies his own inaction. Childhood traumas can live in the soul for a long time, poisoning life. Sometimes we are not even aware of them, because we are too busy with worries and selfish views. But how much we don’t notice! As a result, life is wasted, without joys, emotions and everyday good impressions.
Excessive sensitivity
There are people who are naturally hypersensitive. They often find themselves deeply impressed by the most everyday events. Excessive sensitivity affects how a person builds relationships and communicates with relatives and colleagues. One careless word can make a huge impression, contribute to increasing tension and the growth of conflict. That’s why one can read wariness in one’s gaze, and one can see aloofness in one’s behavior. Closeness in interaction is reflected in other areas of life: personal life does not work out, problems arise at work, numerous fears and psychological barriers arise. Coping with all this is quite difficult, especially when you don’t fully understand what exactly is happening.
Miseducation
If parents pay little attention to the child’s personal development, then he develops a feeling of personal insecurity. It seems that the world is cruel and unfair to the extreme. The result is wariness, detachment and reluctance to engage in conversation. When people focus too much on negative experiences, they end up getting nothing done. They lose the necessary supply of energy and stop believing in their own prospects. As a response, isolation, unsociability, and complete reluctance to engage in normal everyday life arise.
Developed intelligence
The smarter a person is, the more critical thinking he develops. Psychologists note this pattern. The ability to notice the shortcomings of others comes to the fore. An attack of misanthropy can happen suddenly and confuse you, depriving you of significant prospects. Developed intelligence manifests itself in the need to criticize, analyze and question every individual action. There is also a danger that a person begins to be proud of the education he has received, the things he has acquired, the fact that he knows several foreign languages and reads philosophical literature freely.
Dissatisfaction with your life
If you fail to achieve something significant in life, then a feeling of disappointment comes. It seems that nothing good will happen anymore, since external events are not encouraging anyway. Dissatisfaction with life is a good reason to withdraw into yourself and stop paying attention to how the people around you behave. Experiencing deep disappointment, a person often discovers a need to withdraw and stop reacting to events in the outside world. It often occurs to people to start blaming other people for their own failures. This happens instinctively, because there is no other way to act despite the prevailing circumstances.
Soul emptiness
Emotional problems greatly affect the ability to empathize. Spiritual emptiness leads to limited perception. A person withdraws from the everyday bustle and stops all communication with people. If someone turns to him with a request or advice, it only causes irritation. There is no incentive for action, there are no skills for social interaction. When a feeling of hopelessness gnaws at you, the need arises to run far away and never face aggravating conditions.
The problem is the hater himself
It's a little cliche, but it's true. Behind any anger there is fear.
He who hates is at the same time afraid of something. This doesn't mean you have to say, "Poor thing, he's just afraid." But it is worth noting this fact for yourself.
For example, in the example above, the woman who wrote the review said “poor unfortunate listeners.” Perhaps she is afraid of being poor and unhappy, which is why she hears these words from everywhere. This is her life problem.
Often people say: "Don't worry, they're just jealous." Maybe. Or maybe not. We can't read their minds. It’s none of my business why someone has one opinion or another about me.
But something is happening in the lives of these people that causes fear. And this fear is expressed in aggression towards you. They are projecting their own fear onto you. For a short time you turn into the monster that was inside them. Anger is simply fear released.
Signs
Symptoms of misanthropy are visible to the naked eye. They cannot be ignored because strong hatred of people affects the way we perceive reality. There is an immersion in one’s own world, a strong fixation on any situation. Clear signs of misanthropy are presented below.
Human vices irritate me
A person feels that hatred for other people fills his heart. You have to constantly get irritated, act as a permanent opponent of everything and everyone. People around them are seen entirely in a negative light, as if they have no merits. Irritating lies, drinking, smoking, the need to protect oneself under any circumstances. Any shortcomings are perceived as something catastrophic, something for which there is no explanation and which cannot be dealt with.
Dislike for people's weaknesses
How to understand hatred of a person who does not express his indignation? It's actually not difficult to do. It is enough to see that the person experiences expressed hostility. Before you think about why this happens, you need to tune in to the awareness of what is happening. Real hostility to the weaknesses of others really interferes with life. The misanthrope gradually alienates himself from society, begins to look for reasons not to appear among people, and uses every opportunity to stay at home. Some people switch to remote work just to avoid being in a group and not listening to stupid conversations.
Limiting communication
Some misanthropes spend most of their lives in solitude. They do not notice how they are missing out on many opportunities and are imbued with false ideas about their own exclusivity. Limitation in communication makes a person unsociable, and a gradual loss of social connections occurs. In some cases, you don't care what happens next. Purely selfish needs come to the fore. The outside world seems to cease to exist, because it simply becomes uninteresting and predictable.
Need for protected space
Misanthropes often become hermits. They retire to their rooms and practically never leave their hiding place. It seems that they don’t need anyone, that they can cope just fine on their own. Tender feelings for anyone are impossible, since the individual blocks any manifestations of humanity in himself. The need for a protected space arises when it is no longer possible to build full-fledged harmonious relationships. It turns out that the person fences himself off from everything that could bring mental pain and provoke even greater disappointment. Some people do not leave the house for months, ignore even close relatives, and isolate themselves from any attempts to return to normal life.
A uniform
We wear masks and gloves at all times. The face is covered with acne, the skin is peeling off from the hands. With all this, you need to be in full dress: makeup, manicure, heels... Tights are a separate pain. I spend half my salary on these short-lived companions in my life.
Walking in heels for ten hours a day is simply unbearable. One Ukrainian airline changed its flight attendants' shoes into sneakers, and this only brings tears of happiness. We want it that way too!
New uniform of SkyUp airline. Press service
How to get rid
If no attempts are made to correct the situation, the problem will go beyond all reasonable limits. Inappropriate reactions will appear caused by the inability to meet halfway. You need to know how to get rid of negative manifestations. There is no universal advice and there cannot be. Treatment implies a willingness to change and make informed decisions. Hatred destroys a person, so it is necessary to get rid of it.
Recognizing the problem
This is the first step to start with. If you deny the need to follow the voice of reason, then nothing good will come of it. By showing cynicism, you can hardly achieve recognition from others. People stop trying to cope with their problems. They begin to focus on false beliefs and believe that nothing can be corrected. When thinking about how to deal with limiting circumstances, you cannot allow hatred into your heart. You need to try to maintain at least some kind of connection and trust with those who are nearby. Even if relations with relatives leave much to be desired, you cannot completely give up trying.
The need for compromise
Sometimes misanthropes begin to think about how to cope with hatred of a person. This is a positive sign leading to change. A person must realize that he cannot do without other people. In any case, you will have to contact someone and make informed decisions. Without knowing how to treat this condition, it is impossible to move forward and realize your own mistakes. You need to learn to compromise where necessary. Just understand that no one likes truth-tellers. If you think about everything from a critical point of view, you can lose your usual circle of friends and become a completely uncommunicative person. This is not good for mental health, since it opens up old wounds and does not allow one to reach a qualitatively new level of development.
Interest groups
Not understanding how to overcome hatred of a person, many begin to do stupid things. To get out of the state of fixation on your own failures and stop expecting the worst from people, it is useful to look for communication based on your interests. If this is a highly intelligent person, then she will be bored in the company of ordinary people. You will have to look for the appropriate company to recharge with positive impressions. Blissful feelings work wonders and allow you to notice the good things that happen in life. By uniting in interest groups, you will forget about the name of your problem, and you will be able to understand how to remove hatred towards a person. Today, similar events are held in libraries and cultural centers.
Participation in charity
To free yourself from the influence of misanthropy, you need to be filled with positive feelings. It is useful to learn to give your warmth just like that, without demanding a return and without predicting in advance what the result will be. You can become a volunteer and start helping people in trouble or homeless animals. These actions will make it possible to feel how multifaceted life is and to realize the value of human communication. You cannot treat the people around you as something completely hostile.
Thus, misanthropy is not something far-fetched. This is a serious problem that prevents us from living a full life, and we must definitely work with it. Only then will you be able to find peace of mind. If you cannot cope with the problem on your own, you can seek help from the community of psychologists and rehabilitation specialists Irakli Pozharisky. Consulting a specialist will never be superfluous; it will allow you to understand the underlying reasons for the changes taking place.
Why is it difficult to work with misanthropy?
And all because pronounced misanthropes do not see anything bad in hatred and are unlikely to want to get rid of it. If you want to change something, it means that you are still at the very beginning of the “path of alienation”, and everything is in your hands:
- Realize that your emotions are your business. The rest, by and large, don’t care what you think about them.
- Decide once and for all that you want to get rid of hatred. This is difficult, because such emotions are an excellent defense mechanism, a kind of “shell.” Consider whether you can remove it.
- And to do this, clearly set yourself a goal for why you will change. General and vague concepts are not suitable. Everything should be clear and very personal. For example, I want a child, a house, to become a leader. To do this, I outline an interaction plan.
- Be sure to find a psychologist or psychotherapist. Many steps of overcoming internal protests are very painful, and it is better to go through them with a specialist.
Delete
I am always happy when people disagree with me. I have nothing against.
But often people are unable to express their disagreement, and it manifests itself in an unpleasant and angry form.
If I can, I delete these people. You can write “delete” in quotation marks. Sometimes it's not a critic from a blog, but someone from real life. I also delete such people. I don't talk to those who harm me.
What if it's your boss or someone you're forced to talk to? Then I am indifferent to them. I let them do what they want. I nod in greeting in the hallways. I don't kowtow or ingratiate myself to try to get them to love me. If over time these people behave well, I will start communicating with them again.
What if someone yells at you on the phone? Just say, “I need to go.” I have fallen for this, especially when I was younger, and wanted to shout back. “Why are you doing this to me?!” Such situations were very painful. But they taught me to behave differently in the future.
Time cures
Hate cannot last forever. Often it turns into a slow simmer. The sun, which was so bright during the day, turns into a purple haze and dark orange at sunset. This doesn't mean you and your haters are friends now. It simply means that the open wound will finally heal, leaving a small scar and a memory, but nothing more. It doesn't matter if a betrayer, an ex-spouse, an ex-lover, or a blog commenter hates you. It is important to learn how to reduce time.
Some people experience hatred, anger, bitterness and regret for years. Sometimes a lifetime is not enough to heal wounds. It's a waste of life. Of course, she also has a right to exist. No one is forcing you to live a meaningful life; you can safely waste it. And since more people will hate you every time you stick your head out of the sand (which I hope you do), you will have many opportunities to ruin your life. Enjoy them.
Sometimes (but not always), people hating you means you're stepping out of your comfort zone. You create and grow. But I hope that your wounds are healing faster and faster. In fact, I wrote this post for myself. I hope that my wounds are also healing faster every day.
In response to hate, I try to use these techniques and learn more about myself. If I can’t learn anything new, I try not to hurt myself. If I succeed, I try to be grateful and move on to the next stage where I find love, creativity and satisfaction.
Resistance is futile
Let's say someone has a reason to hate you, but it's easy to disprove. For example, someone hates you because you're from Rhode Island, but you're actually from Canada. You might say, "But I'm from Canada." And in response you will receive: “So much the worse.”
Nobody ever changes their mind. It's difficult to change your mind. Quitting smoking is very difficult, for many it is almost impossible. Hatred is even more addictive, just imagine how difficult it is to change your mind in this case. Facts don't mean anything. Self-defense only makes things worse (see the 24-hour rule).
Even the history of friendship means nothing. You can say: We've been friends for 20 years. Are you really going to let this come between us?” The answer is yes. Because people can't help themselves. Because there is some kind of fear in them. Because there is some kind of fear in you. And they will never get back together.
Rule 30/30/30
I had several posts where I used the same illustration found on the Internet: a woman doing yoga on the beach. I've been criticized for always using pictures of sexy women. I was also criticized for using these photographs without attribution.
Then the woman in the photographs wrote to me. I told her that I had received such comments. She told me her beautiful story, which was included in my latest book. But she also said this: for everything you create, a third will love you, a third will hate you, and a third will be indifferent. This means doing what you love and putting your best effort into it. You must improve every day. And when you receive critical feedback, simply put it in the one-third negative basket.
Hate is contagious
Someone once tweeted, “James Altucher = #humangarbage.” I don't know why this tweet appeared. I don't know who this person is. But for a moment I got angry. I didn't follow the previous advice.
I found this man on the Internet. He works for AOL. I tried to figure out how to fire him. He made 1 tweet and started 1000 thoughts in my head.
The worst thing you can do to your body is to stick a knife into it. Anger is an emotional stab to the emotional body. Some religions say that you should show compassion to your enemies. I don't know. It's really difficult.
The best I can do is admit that I don't know this person, and that any additional thought is another way to stab myself. If I do this, the infection spreads inside me, consuming me. I don't like cutting myself with a knife.
