What to do if you are an introvert, how to survive in the modern world

The modern world is built on communication and interconnection. From early childhood, a person does not have the opportunity to remain alone for a long time. Kindergarten, school, after university and work. How should an introvert behave in a society where everyone strives to communicate as much as possible? Let's first understand what introversion is and how it affects our perception of the world. Our inner comfort and sense of balance depend on this. Understanding what is going on deep inside each of us, it is easier to adapt to life so as not to be branded as an eccentric and a psycho.

Who are extroverts and introverts

Socionics, which studies personality types, divides all people into extroverts and introverts.
Psychiatrist Carl Jung believed that both types exist in a healthy person. But often one outweighs the other, determining lifestyle. Extroverts are individuals who are energized by social interactions. Every new acquaintance, any party or just a meeting of friends is a source of vitality. They strive not to miss large gatherings, do not refuse to have lunch together, and always strive to join the company. This is a subconscious need that cannot be avoided.

The peculiarity of introverts, on the contrary, is the generation of energy within themselves. They do not need communication and avoid it whenever possible, this is the main difference. For this type, it is much more interesting to be left alone with a book or film. But this does not mean that they completely avoid live communication. It’s just that such people choose a company for themselves more carefully and thoughtfully.

How to smooth out introverted traits: 12 tips

The key difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that they have a more sensitive nervous system. Identical stimuli evoke reactions of different strengths in representatives of these two psychotypes. What an extrovert may not even notice, in an introvert provokes strong arousal in the nervous system.

Naturally, this is a serious burden for her. Each reaction requires a certain amount of energy, the reserves of which are not unlimited. A person quickly gets tired of the abundance of external stimuli and feels the need to be alone. Communication is the most energy-consuming activity for him, so he tries to avoid it.

If you learn to properly distribute and replenish energy reserves, then communication will not be so burdensome for an introvert. But there is another stumbling block. Due to lack of communication, representatives of this psychotype have poorly developed communication skills. At the initial stage, this will seriously interfere.

Thus, we will have to work in two directions:

• learn to use internal resources wisely;
• train communication skills.

Embrace your differences

First of all, you have to come to terms with the fact that you will not become an extrovert in the full sense of the word. Having applied all the suggested tips, you will remain an introvert, but more socially oriented and open. It will become easier for you to meet people, you will stop feeling awkward in communication, and you will learn to speak confidently and calmly.

This is quite enough to feel comfortable in the modern world. But keep in mind – the need to be alone from time to time is not going away. This is your way to recharge the internal battery. Therefore, do not demand the impossible from yourself, but gently adapt to your characteristics.

Dose communication

An extrovert can communicate 24 hours a day without interruption and not feel tired. An introvert will not be able to pull off such a trick due to the characteristics of his nervous system. He needs to learn to control the quality and quantity of communication.

Here are a few rules to follow as an introvert.

1. Reduce empty and meaningless communication to a minimum - it only takes energy and does not bring any benefit.
2. Don't waste time talking to people who are unpleasant and uninteresting to you.
3. If you have an important meeting during the day, don't waste your energy. Avoid other, less important communications.
4. Learn to politely and tactfully refuse to communicate with people so that they do not get offended. Tell them about your features.
5. If you are very tired during the communication process, do not torture yourself. Refer to important matters and leave the meeting early.

Of course, such rules can frustrate introverts. But there is no escape from them. Think about what is better - to be a constantly tortured and sad interlocutor or cheerful and energetic, but with limitations? It seems to me that the answer is obvious.

Get out of your comfort zone

The comfort zone of introverts is usually very narrow and cramped. If it were up to them, they wouldn't leave the house at all. We need to slowly expand it.

Start overcoming small fears regularly. For example, asking directions from passers-by on the street or joking in the company of friends. When these actions cease to cause discomfort, move on to more complex ones - and so on in increasing order.

You just need to do this regularly. If at any point you stop, you will roll back and have to start over.

Take an acting or improv class

This is advice for those who want to achieve results as quickly as possible. Such courses allow you to improve several qualities at once that introverts lack: self-confidence, the gift of eloquence, the ability to present oneself.

In addition, the learning process itself is exciting and interesting. You will find new friends, with whom you can then practice your acquired skills.

Make friends with extroverts

Friendship between an introvert and an extrovert is quite possible. Moreover, they complement each other perfectly. An extrovert finds an attentive and grateful listener in an introvert, and an extrovert helps an introvert fill their life with bright emotions.

Another undeniable advantage of friendship with an extrovert is the opportunity to expand your social circle. Extroverts have many friends and acquaintances. They can become your friends too.

Ask a sociable friend to invite you to various parties and events more often. You will feel more comfortable in the company of a friend. You will hone your communication skills.

Learn to speak beautifully

The speech of introverts is not expressive. It is difficult for them to immediately formulate thoughts, and sometimes there is simply no time to think. Therefore, they are embarrassed, lost, and take long pauses in conversation.

I clearly remember moments when, in the middle of a story, all thoughts literally disappeared from my head. I didn’t know what to say next, and to fill the awkward pause, I started talking nonsense. After that, I was overcome with a wave of shame and embarrassment.

Such problems can be solved with regular practice. Practice your speech while alone. I suggest you do this exercise every day: find some interesting fact on the Internet, read it several times, and then retell it to yourself. Repeat the whole process several times until you get it beautifully and effortlessly.

You can also enroll in public speaking courses. Experienced mentors will help you improve your diction and articulation, get rid of tension and learn to speak confidently.

Team up with like-minded people

If there are other introverts in your circle, invite them to work on the problem together. It's much more effective with two or three people. Give each other tasks to develop communication skills. For example, meet someone, give a presentation at a seminar, sing karaoke in a restaurant, etc.

In case of failures, you can support each other. And in general, the collective spirit helps a lot in situations related to fear.

Take up new hobbies

Start getting interested in something that involves communicating with other people. You can sign up for a sports section, put together a team and go play mind games, or join a travel club. There, willy-nilly, you will have to overcome embarrassment and learn to interact with people.

According to psychologists, communicating about a common cause is much easier than talking about abstract topics. You won't need to look for common ground with a person - you already have them.

Do spontaneous things

Introverts prefer to live according to a pre-planned plan. There is nothing wrong. But sometimes the brain needs a shake-up. This way he will learn to better adapt to circumstances.

Set aside at least one weekend a month when you will live in obedience to your inner impulses. No plans and no obligation. Woke up in the morning, asked yourself what you want to do, and go ahead and do it. The more unusual and unexpected your activities are, the better.

At first, the brain will resist and convince you that all this is nonsense. But you stand your ground. After a while, he will come to terms with it and begin to enjoy the process.

Visit crowded places

Pronounced introverts are uncomfortable in crowded places. They love quiet, calm companies where they can relax and be themselves. But if you constantly avoid visiting crowded places, they will soon become an additional factor that provokes stress. Even something as simple as going to the grocery store will begin to cause discomfort.

So give up the avoidance strategy. Start going with friends to exhibitions, concerts, and other social events. Try to find the advantages of such a pastime. Since you have decided to learn to behave like an extrovert, you will have to try on his skin.

Just avoid overtiring. Remember that your nervous system is overly excitable, so fuss and noise quickly drain it. Leave a crowded place before you start to feel tired.

Share your feelings with other people

Introverts tend to be very reserved people. They experience their emotions deep inside. Because of this, others may consider them callous and indifferent, although this is far from the case. On the contrary, they are very subtle and sensitive natures.

Learn to express your emotions openly. Don't worry about what others think of you. Most often, it is the fear of judgment that prevents introverts from opening up to the world. Laugh when you're funny, cry when you're sad, don't hide your negative emotions - everyone has the right to experience them sometimes.

If it’s still difficult for you to express your feelings non-verbally, start speaking them out. Tell your loved ones more often how much you love them, talk about your experiences, express your opinion about current events.

Invite friends to your home

Home is the most comfortable place for an introvert. On your own territory, it is much easier to overcome embarrassment and fear of communication. So start having parties or at least quiet get-togethers with friends at your home. As a host, you will be able to steer the communication process - suggest topics for discussion, games, movies to watch.

You can go even further and organize themed meetings at home. For example, book club meetings, intellectual quizzes, joint language learning courses.

Pros and strengths

If we talk about the benefits of introversion, there are quite a lot of them to get the most out of life and achieve what you want.
Calmness and the ability to think more deeply is a distinctive character trait that helps an introvert survive in any environment. The strengths of this type include: • Listening and hearing skills. Paying attention to what is being said allows you to highlight the most important things in the flow of information. Thanks to this, passive people understand oral tasks faster. • Attention to detail. Some people consider introverts to be meticulous. In some moments this is indeed true. But, on the other hand, a thorough study of all the nuances of a certain issue helps to solve it faster and not return to it again. • The absence of impulsive temper inherent in extroverts makes it possible to make more balanced and correct decisions. • Thanks to developed empathy, an introvert makes an excellent friend and partner. They are capable of deep and sincere feelings and empathy.

Career of an “Inward-Looker”

It would seem - how to move up the career ladder, become a leader and even a public person, if you constantly strive for privacy? In fact, this is quite possible and can even be comfortable for an introvert - you just need to learn to use your advantages over extroverts. Which ones exactly?

1. The ability to first think well, clearly formulate a thought, and then speak.
2. Increased attentiveness and objectivity due to your ability to observe.
3. Introverts communicate better one-on-one and are able to inspire trust in themselves, which means forming a circle of like-minded people.
4. They are able to forget about ambitions for the sake of results.
5. As leaders, they do not strive to prove their superiority to their colleagues, but are happy to exchange experience and information, and also show concern for their subordinates.
6. Because of their characteristics, introverts spend a lot of time honing their written communication skills and carefully preparing for public speaking, which is why they rarely come across dropouts and amateurs among them.

Minuses

Reluctance to contact someone often leads to disastrous consequences.
For example, intros rarely turn to doctors, sometimes delaying the development of the disease to a critical state. The very fact of the need for such treatment contradicts the internal foundations of these people. A closed and silent character often gives rise to unpleasant consequences. The same disadvantages include carefully protecting your comfort zone and personal space. Letting someone get as close as any extrovert does is difficult. It will take a long time for this to happen. In most cases, a person (if he is not the same intro) simply does not have the patience to wait, as a result, communication fades away before it even begins. Negative aspects Introversion has a rather serious negative impact on a person’s life. In a world where, from childhood, people are taught to work in a team, make friends, and develop communication skills in every possible way, it is very difficult for those who avoid all this. And the problems start from school.

Teenage children are cruel people. Quiet and calm classmates, as a rule, are hurt and bullied in every possible way. Only with a strong character and strong nerves is it possible to graduate from school without receiving moral trauma. The university is a fairly calm place, most people don’t care about each other, no one will intrude or bother you, the attitude towards any type is quite normal.

Already at work, a team of extroverts demands (unspoken, of course) that each employee be an equal part of all unofficial events. Those who refuse evening gatherings at the bar or corporate events are looked at askance. People like this are discussed and tried to be put under pressure. And this does not contribute to comfort at all.

Forward technique

When it's useful

If you need to ask for help, ask for a bonus from your boss, tell your neighbors that loud music is disturbing you, tell the salesperson that you have been shortchanged, make an appointment by phone, and so on.

How to use

In football, a forward is an attacking player whose main task is to score goals. In essence, the forward defends the interests of the team by attacking. And this requires a certain amount of aggression. For introverts, aggression is directed inward, not outward, so it is always difficult for us to ask, insist, and defend our interests. We also love to think about the opponent’s reaction: how he will react to the request, whether he will get angry, whether he will be able to answer, or whether he is busy with important matters. We can walk for hours in indecision.

Take the courage to take the first step and send the ball to the other person's side. Act without thinking.

Start with everyday situations, and then transfer them to more significant ones for you.

The secret to this technique is to move out of the position of asking and into the position of a player defending the interests of his team. Mentally shift the focus from yourself to your loved ones. Asking for someone is always easier. For example, you ask for a salary increase to pay for your son’s courses; discount from the seller to buy more products for a family dinner. Remember about your inner Kant: loud music from his neighbors prevents him from dozing off.

How to tell if you're an introvert

The definition of introversion is simple, listen to yourself. Some signs clearly indicate that you have this particular, calm and passive personality type.

1. You prefer to spend time at home, surrounded by familiar furnishings.
2. Having to talk to a stranger or ask someone for help makes you feel stunned and almost have a panic attack.
3. You are extremely reluctant to respond to invitations to visit even very old friends. If possible, find things to do that prevent you from accepting such invitations.
4. You like to think and fantasize a lot. You can easily not say a word all day. At the same time you feel great.

In addition, you can do a deep DNA analysis. It will help reveal your tendency towards self-knowledge and your ability to generate energy internally. Any sign will indicate your introversion. By the way, personality type is not inherited, and two extroverted parents may well have an introverted child, as well as vice versa.

Why the world is made for extroverts

The need to gather in large groups and interact with each other has been inherent since the time of the first people.
Individuals had very low chances of survival. Much later, when life became calmer and safer, introverts got the chance to exist in comfort and without obvious threats. However, the majority are extroverts. They more often achieve high goals, their ambitions are much higher, and their energy comes in waves. They are the ones we see every day on the streets, in offices and on television. They make up the bulk of humanity. Extra-humans practically require mutual communication and close connections. Therefore, the question of how to live as an introvert in the modern world often arises.

6. Time to think

According to Dr. Marty Olsen Laney, author of The Invincible Introvert, people with this trait may rely more on long-term memory than short-term memory—by the way, the opposite is true for extroverts. This may explain why introverts so often struggle to express their thoughts in words. They often need extra effort and time to think before answering, and think about serious problems much longer than extroverts. Without this time to process and reflect, introverts become stressed.

How to live in a world of extroverts

First of all, remember the basic rule: if you are an introvert, this does not mean that there is something wrong with you.
It’s normal to get tired of too active participants and communication, to stay at home when others are running to the party. Learn to accept yourself as you are, this will be your first step to a comfortable life in a society filled with extroverts. We will help you define a style and demeanor where you do not feel completely comfortable. Thanks to this, the modern, overly active and changeable world will not seem aggressive and unfriendly to you. At the same time, you don’t need to change or step over yourself at all; the features that everyone has are quite enough.

Introvert: diagnosis, sentence or feature?

Let's start with the fact that introversion is neither “good” nor “bad.” It's just a feature of the body, like hair color or nose shape. Only this feature concerns not appearance, but the way the nervous system reacts to stimuli, i.e. to the surrounding reality and adapt to it.

According to the theory of K. Jung, there are two fundamentally different ways of adapting the psyche to the environment, which depend on the natural level of arousal. It is determined by the specific volume and speed of activity of the frontal lobes and the reticular formation of the human brain:

1. People of the first type have a low level of natural arousal, so they strive to increase it by maximizing their brain with stimulating signals from the external environment. Such people are perceived by others as extroverts . In their natural state of minimal arousal, extroverts are unable to think clearly and become lethargic and sleepy. Therefore, they try in various ways to increase the number of external factors that increase their level of arousal: they love communication, noisy companies; when left alone, they prefer “background” in the form of music or a working TV. This makes them “feel alive.”
2. People of the second type have an initially high level of natural arousal, so they strive to limit exciting signals coming from the outside. Such people are perceived as introverts . Having an initially high level of arousal, introverts perceive exciting signals from the outside as something unnecessary and strive to protect themselves from them. In a noisy situation, with a rapid change of events, in a crowded society, they become isolated in order to protect their nervous system from overload. If they have to be among a large number of stimulating factors for a long time, they feel tired and overwhelmed.

These theoretical calculations are confirmed by a number of experiments.

Thus, a group of scientists led by Kagan conducted a study of a group of 500 children aged 4 months. As a result of the experiment, two types of reactions to a strong external stimulus were identified: high- and low-reactive.

In the course of further observations, it turned out that it was the babies who demonstrated a violent and prolonged reaction to the appearance of a woman in a gas mask who later grew up to be people with pronounced introverted traits, and the babies who reacted quite calmly turned into extroverts.

Another experiment conducted in 2001 by the Institute of Public Health in Belgrade showed the effect of noise levels on the ability to concentrate. 123 students took part in the study. Previously, the subjects were asked to test using the Eysenck questionnaire, which allows one to identify whether a person belongs to a certain type of temperament based on 2 main characteristics: anxiety and the level on the “extroversion-introversion” scale.

During the experiment, participants were asked to perform mathematical calculations in silence, and then in a background noise environment. The degree of concentration, fatigue and irritation caused by noise was assessed.

The experiment showed that extroverted participants in noisy conditions showed higher performance and speed of task completion than in quiet conditions. In introverts, on the contrary, these indicators were higher in quiet conditions.

Thus, isolation and a tendency to solitude, which introverts are often accused of, are nothing more than a natural defensive reaction. With its help, introverted individuals simply want to protect their psyche from external stimulating factors - after all, their natural level of arousal is quite enough for them.

An introvert, forced to act as part of a team, finds it much more difficult to concentrate on completing the work tasks facing him - after all, he will direct maximum efforts to “join the team”, and at the same time protect himself as much as possible from its influence. As a result, there will simply be no strength and resources left for the main activities. This is extremely difficult to understand for extroverts, for whom such an environment is literally life-giving and stimulating.

What to do at work

If you want to avoid unnecessary intrusiveness from your colleagues, it is better to immediately explain that you are an introvert and you are tired of too much communication.
In most cases, such honesty leads to understanding, and you will not be persistently invited to join the company. But nevertheless, you should not spend all your working time only on the computer or papers. Spend about half an hour a day talking to other people. This will support your productivity without causing discomfort. Don't forget also the importance of promoting your own ideas. If you find it difficult to express your thoughts in general meetings, do so electronically directly to your manager or partners. This way you can show off your strengths without making yourself feel constrained and awkward.

When to wear the extrovert mask

According to psychologists, a child is born with an already formed personality. Its features are determined by several factors:

• genetic predisposition;
• brain function;
• properties of the nervous system.

And yet, despite this, a person can adapt to the environment and expand his capabilities. For example, the likelihood of an introvert becoming an extrovert is close to zero. However, any introvert can learn to be more sociable, engage in small talk and speak in public.

Sometimes introverts hide their inner world from others for many years. It's wrong to do that. It is better, if circumstances allow, to remain yourself. Of course, we need to change. However, this should only be done temporarily.

You shouldn't put on the extrovert mask just to satisfy someone else's ego. An introvert needs it only in exceptional cases:

• for truly important projects;
• for loved ones;
• for what is of the highest value in life.

And even here it is important to exercise prudence and moderation, not forgetting about yourself and your needs.

Introverts don’t need to break character or do something they don’t like for too long. Such violence against a person will not lead to anything good. If it is not possible to change the situation, you should find a way to restore vital energy. This could be a walk alone in a nearby park or a short break during the work day.

How to behave in a big company

It is impossible to avoid the company of other people all your life. Therefore, you should know how to communicate in a company so as not to create an unpleasant atmosphere for yourself.

• It is better to conduct any conversations while sitting, if possible.
• To avoid direct eye contact, which can be tiring, sit to the side of the person you are talking to.
• Find something to do, for example, offer to photograph the event. This way you can relieve tension and avoid too intrusive conversations.
• If you feel tired and need peace at home, just leave. You don’t need to think that you can offend someone with this, you shouldn’t overpower and force yourself.

Choose what you like

You need to learn to live the way you yourself want, and not the way it is accepted in society. Don't be afraid to turn down meetings if you're not interested. Do you like spending holidays at home more than going to a restaurant with a crowd? So celebrate them at home. You need to be able to live for yourself, and not for the world around you, so that you don’t have to look for how to recover after a noisy company. Choose a job where you don't need to interact with other people often, this will give you more strength to develop.

Know how to find compromises

It often happens that two different types of people decide to create a couple. In this case, frequent misunderstandings and, as a result, resentment may arise. Simply because the needs are different. You need to be able to find a compromise and an optimal solution in everything that concerns these differences. For example, spend your free time in different ways: some weekends at home with a movie, others - outdoors with a bunch of friends. This way you can meet each other's needs without causing yourself too much discomfort.

Make a deal with extroverts

This should be done if introverts have to spend a lot of time with extroverts. This could be marriage or friendships. It is difficult for people with different characters to understand each other. An extrovert wants to go to a club all night. And the introvert should stay at home and, wrapped in a blanket, watch a soulful film. It is useless to argue here, since everyone has different interests and desires. It is better to draw up an action plan and agree in advance.

For example, an introvert and an extrovert can write a schedule for spending time together. Let's say you should go to a party one weekend. The second should be devoted to joint leisure.

To avoid misunderstandings, an introvert should discuss such situations in advance with family and friends who are extroverts. This will help protect yourself from conflicts and resentments.

Know how to come to an agreement with yourself

Once you have set a goal, set certain rules for yourself. For example, if you are planning to organize a personal business, once a week or two, attend various seminars or other events where you make useful contacts. This will not only help you achieve your goal faster, but will also completely remove the feeling of guilt that may arise when you stay at home. The main thing is not to violate your own conditions and strictly follow your plans.

Rules for raising an introverted child

Introverted children prefer to spend time at home, doing their own thing.
Remember that you cannot force your child to go outside with his peers - this is a lot of stress for them. As a rule, such a personality leads to the child having calm and meditative hobbies, such as drawing, sculpting or designing something. Support any endeavor to develop sufficient self-confidence. Little introverts may get bad grades from school, but not because they are bad students, it’s just hard for them to be at the blackboard, in the center of attention of the whole class. You should not scold or punish children because of this. Spend more time on homework, and, if possible, transfer these children to home schooling. This will give much better results in the future.