How to love your husband again. Advice from a psychologist. 3 main ways

LoveRelationshipsPsychology of relationshipsFamily

In love again. Again at my husband. And, interestingly, in your own! If you wish, this is not so difficult to do, even if you have lived together for many years and know each other like crazy.

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Why do we become happier and calmer after watching light romantic comedies? Yes, because we smile while watching them. In a similar way, you can force your brain to imagine anything at all. For example, deceive him by imagining that you are in love with a specific person, says psychologist Diana Dreher. It sounds paradoxical, but then everything will happen as if in a chain: the brain will trigger the synthesis of the corresponding hormones - and we will actually feel in love. What to do next to strengthen this feeling and grow from it sincere and bright love?

How to love your husband again like before if there are no feelings anymore

Remember your favorite love films that you enjoyed watching in childhood and youth. Yes, the screen characters had to go through difficulties, quarrels and breakups, but in the end they were reunited, love triumphed, everything ended with a wedding, kisses, a limousine, and at the end there was a curtain and credits. We, as in the scripts of these films, did not think to look anywhere far. Our goal was to find the love of our life, get married, have a child.

Few of us imagined the difficulties that we would face in our future family life. It seems that before our eyes we had parental experience with quarrels, scandals, disagreements, but we thought that everything would be different for us. And they were not ready, but it was necessary that marriage is already work on oneself, and work must be done in a team with your husband. And the marriage will not last on love alone in the first years.

But first, you still need to determine whether there really is a cooling of feelings in your marriage.

Why do feelings fade away? How to rekindle faded feelings? Let's look at the reasons why love dies, and whether everything is really hopeless.

What to remember:

Try to be interesting to your husband, become playful and sexy. Have a family dinner together. A romantic atmosphere will help faded feelings flare up with renewed vigor.
Look at yourself, go to the salon, get your hair done, buy a new dress, become interesting and desirable to your man. All in your hands.
Become not only a wife, but also a friend who understands him and is always ready to listen and support. Believe me, it's worth a lot!
To love your spouse again, you will have to work hard, make some efforts and not let everything take its course. Only then will mutual understanding, former sympathy and passion in intimate relationships return to you, and with them happiness and prosperity will again settle in the house.

How do you understand that you have stopped loving your husband? 10 signs of faded feelings

Lately, the thought very often creeps into your head whether you love your husband. Even if at some moment it seems to you that that’s it, you’ve stopped loving your husband, you still need to figure it out. Since the outburst of such emotional thoughts can be elementary women's critical days, constant lack of sleep, fatigue at work, workload at home, poor performance of children at school, conflicts with in-laws in which the husband stands up for his parents.

By the way, read this article too:
What to do if your husband cheats and lies, but doesn’t want to leave, says he loves you

Let's sort out your “likes and dislikes” and dot the i’s. And ten sure signs that you have stopped loving your husband will help you with this:

You began to prefer solitude rather than the company of your husband. It's better for you to be alone, in your thoughts.

You began to doubt your husband. In his feelings, in yours. Doubts, like an earthworm, eat away at your relationship and jeopardize the existence of your marriage.
You began to prefer solitude rather than the company of your husband. It's better for you to be alone, in your thoughts. Even when the two of you are at home and you are not busy, you prefer to sit alone in the kitchen or in your room, rather than with your husband, discussing your day and plans for the future.
You are very happy when he stays late after work or goes out to work on a day off. Is it true that when you love a person, you want to spend more time together. So it’s worth sounding an alarm bell when you detect this sign.
Your quarrels drag on, and you do not look for a solution to the problem, preferring not to talk for days. When we love a person, we cannot be offended by him for a long time.
At home you don't try to be beautiful for him. You can walk around in an old robe and be unkempt with it. Of course, home clothes in and of themselves do not mean that you have neglected yourself. The point is that you don’t care what way he looks at you, you no longer need his admiring glances. Although you always look your best when going to work or meeting other people. And you rejoice at the compliments of other men and work colleagues. All of the above means that you are no longer attracted to him.
In controversial situations, you take the side of your friends and your parents. In marriage, people should support each other and be a support. Your behavior indicates that there is a chill in your relationship, and you urgently need to start treating your relationship. Before it’s too late, you can still rekindle extinguished feelings and revive your love.
You don't share your plans for the future with your husband. In the past, when you were considering a job change, for example, you always consulted with your husband. And now you make all such decisions yourself. On the one hand, this is good, you are the decision maker. But you are a family and a team, and you always need to act in a way that benefits both of you, and think about how this will affect the family. Apparently, your relationship has cracked, and it is necessary to rekindle your feelings for your husband again, and we will soon tell you how to do this.
You are no longer jealous of your husband. At some general event, you gladly send him a woman and do everything for them to communicate. And you yourself, without wasting time, flirt with another man. Let this be just a conversation. Of course, this is possible if there is absolute trust between the spouses. But think, maybe behind this lies your complete indifference to your husband. You are unconsciously interested in other men. If behind this lies some kind of hidden resentment towards your husband, then even this bell can be eliminated and your love for your husband can be resurrected.
Everything about him began to irritate you: his speech, his demeanor, the way he dresses, his antics, his facial expressions, everything irritates you. You don’t want intimacy with him as before, his smell is repulsive, and marital duty is perceived by you as hard labor that must be done because it is necessary. Therefore, you come up with excuses in every possible way to avoid it. Even if you discover these signs, do not rush to pack your bags. Perhaps the reason is “an elementary habit” in the words of the heroine of the film “Love and Doves” Lyudmila Gurchenko. And we'll talk about this habit later. What to do to warm up your love for your husband.
Last point. Very important for a woman. You no longer expect a call from him, don’t call yourself. And when he calls, you get irritated and try to end the conversation quickly. You are very happy when he hasn’t called you once all day. Of course, you can refer to your busyness and justify yourself in your own eyes. But think back to the days when you first started dating. How impatiently you waited for his call on Friday to ask you out on a date. You forgot about urgent work and other matters; the moment he called you, the entire outside world ceased to exist, and you indulged in happy chatter with your future chosen one, discussing plans for the weekend. Do you remember these moments now, do you want to return everything? Then read on and we will tell you how to fall in love with your husband again.

Changes in yourself

How to fall in love with your husband again? To bring back the passion and romance to a relationship, it is important to work on yourself. This may just be such a period in life. At the moment, you may be irritated and unhappy with your partner. Therefore, first it is important to eliminate your own negative attitude. Analyze what could have caused your depression. And you will understand that sometimes your husband behaves the same as before, you just began to perceive it differently.

Take responsibility for your relationship into your own hands. Don't let things go to chance. Look at your family from the outside. The husband does not insult, does not humiliate, does not drink, does not cheat, and does not waste money in slot machines. It is very important.

Sometimes spouses may experience a vicious circle. For example, my husband had a crunch at work and came in a couple of days in a row later than usual. You don’t understand, you begin to get offended, express dissatisfaction and complaints. And he comes even later. Deciding to take revenge, you don't cook dinner. Naturally, he doesn’t like it, and quarrels begin.

Reasons for the disappearance of love. 15 main factors

And so, dear readers, we found out with you what the signs are that you have stopped loving your husband. Now let's figure out why love leaves in marriage.

One of the reasons is constant scandals in the house

One of the reasons may be the presence of constant quarrels and scandals in the house.
When people get married because the girl is pregnant, and not because of mutual consent.
This marriage was too early, when both were absolutely not ripe for adult family life, and now an epiphany has come.
Often girls marry “just a good man”, fearing never to meet the love of their life again. At first, the marriage is still supported by these thoughts, and then it begins to collapse like a castle in the air.
The change in the husband's appearance is not for the better. He gained weight, went bald, and stopped taking care of himself.
My husband's addiction to alcoholic beverages. When my husband often comes home from work drunk, he gets together with friends. And these are no longer one-time cases, but permanent ones.
The husband became interested in roulette and is losing the entire family budget.
Solving family issues with fists on the part of the husband. Perhaps more often he lets his hands go under the influence of alcoholic intoxication.
Poor relationships with your husband’s mother, father, sister or brother and other relatives.
When my husband doesn't come home to spend the night.
Absolutely opposing interests.
When intimate life has practically disappeared
When the wife fell in love with another man.
When the husband cheated on his wife, and she cannot cope with the pain and resentment caused by her husband’s betrayal. Read more about this situation in our article: What to do if your husband cheats and lies, but doesn’t want to leave, says he loves you.
When the wife wants to have children, but the husband does not.

Pay attention to physical contact

And now everything is the same - positive attention and gratitude, but on a physical level. Tactile. Hug your partner whenever you can. Kiss if appropriate, or just touch as you pass by. Try to understand what you need to wake up your own body - so that it lights up at the mere thought of a specific person. It may take some time, but you can get your passion back too.

How to get your wife's love back

If the wife’s feelings towards her husband have cooled down due to his addiction to alcohol, gambling, or because he began to often raise his hand against his wife and children, while shouting insults. Then, perhaps, in this situation, divorce is one of the forced decisions.

Often women maintain such relationships for the sake of children. But let's face it, is raising children in such unfavorable conditions the best solution for them? Of course, divorce is not easy for a child’s vulnerable psyche, but on the other hand, growing up in a family where dad and mom are not happy, where the father often drinks and beats the mother in front of them, is an even worse way out of this situation.

Therefore, there is no need to be afraid of female loneliness or the inability to cope alone with children without a husband. In such a marriage, you will drown in deep depression, you will be tormented by guilt, your life will be ruined. All this together will affect the psyche of your children.

If the reason for the loss of love for your husband was his betrayal, and you do not know what to do in this case, I advise you to read our article: What to do if your husband cheats and lies, but does not want to leave, says that he loves.

But it should be noted that there are a larger number of families where the husband became addicted to the bottle, began to play on the side or raise his hand to his wife, but at the same time they dealt with this problem together, reset their relationship and started all over again.

If the reason for the cooling of feelings for her husband was his external changes not for the better, then the wife can casually hint to her husband to take up sports. Or you can take the initiative yourself:

Biking together strengthens relationships

Buy a membership to the gym, fitness center, or swimming pool.
If your husband categorically does not want to exercise in public, you can offer him walking together around the area, in the nearest park, around ponds. You can buy Scandinavian poles and walk together. This is very useful not only for the figure, but also for cardiac activity and the general condition of the body.
Offer him bike rides together or with the whole family, and in winter skiing, cheesecake riding down the hill.

Also, if you are concerned about your husband's extra pounds, reconsider what you cook for your husband and switch to a low-calorie diet. But the main rule, remember, you need to burn more calories than you absorb. Therefore, diet plus exercise will give positive results. Also convince your husband that excess weight is harmful to health and that the heart muscle suffers. And if he doesn’t think about himself, let him think about his wife and children. But never forget that appearance changes over the years, this is natural, and the main thing you need to remember is that you fell in love first of all with the spiritual qualities of your husband.

When the reason for the cooling of a wife’s feelings lies in her infatuation with another man, then returning her former feelings to her husband is not such an easy task. If a woman understands that a relationship on the side is love and uncontrollable passion, but she does not plan anything serious with another man, she needs to pull herself together and leave him, return to her husband. In many cases, a woman cannot cope with her feelings and the alienation from her husband only intensifies.

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Why is this happening?

The situation is as old as time when, after several years of a relationship, a woman begins to look for ways to make her husband fall in love with her again. Before reading the advice of a psychologist, understand the reasons. At what point did the line between a luxurious beauty and a housewife become blurred, and one word appeared: wife? Men often feel the same way: just recently he was a knight, she looked with a languid gaze and stroked his biceps, and now he asks to buy potatoes for dinner, and she doesn’t even meet him at the door. How can you make your wife fall in love with you again in this case?

Advice from a psychologist will help both partners.

Goal achieved

He is conquered, she is smitten. Both said "Yes!" at the registry office. Or they didn’t talk, but simply began to live together. Relaxation from the awareness of the achieved goal devalues the very fact of the relationship. There is no longer any need to pay attention to your image; clothes are not important. Women and men stop taking care of themselves and become uninteresting.

Frustrated expectations

People who are ready to start a life together have certain ideas about family life. Everyone is assigned a social role: breadwinner, homemaker, protector. The ideas do not always coincide. For example, a man expects his wife to cook a variety of home-cooked dishes, but the woman does not know how to cook. She doesn’t want to study, because she thinks that she “is not a cook, you can buy something ready-made.” Out of despair, the husband begins to cook himself, but dissatisfaction with the situation grows. The wife turns from a fatally desirable beloved into an inconvenient, unpleasant, unnecessary one.

Sexual relationship problems

In the first months, intimate life seems varied: partners are just getting to know each other, they don’t yet know what to expect. Postures, habits, features seem new, non-standard. Over time, sex becomes monotonous: something is forgotten, two or three positions remain, and attention to detail is lost. The result is disappointment from the predictability of your partner and loss of interest.

Birth of a child

A person coming into the world tests the strength of relationships in any family. All the care and love that parents are capable of is directed towards the newborn. Young parents forget about each other and stop noticing anything except the baby. Sleepless nights and fatigue leave no chance for relationships to remain bright, juicy and emotional.

These are the most common situations. All of them lead to a cooling of interest between spouses. It seems that this process cannot be stopped, and the former attraction cannot be returned. In fact, the psychologist’s advice on how to make your husband or wife fall in love again is not complicated. And those families where both partners are ready to change have a chance.

Starting point for returning love

The family comes to the understanding that it is time to return feelings if:

love has become a habit;
there was a fact of treason;
it came to a divorce.

Each situation dictates its own characteristics of exit. If, with a strong desire to save your family, it is difficult to find a way out, contact a psychologist. Specialists help cope with family crises, working with the couple and with each partner individually.

Why do feelings and emotions become dull? How to love your husband again? Why did you lose feelings for your husband?

What is love briefly and clearly in your own words? How do we feel love?

Love is a feeling of incredible attraction to a person, which is based on the desire to always be close to your loved one, see him and share mutual emotions with him. The key word is emotions. It is through emotions, through the emotional state that we feel the manifestation of love and understand that we are in love with a person.

It is these emotional experiences, such as, for example, “I’m afraid of losing him,” “I look at him and feel delight,” that make us understand that we have fallen head over heels in love with this person. And on his part we also see an emotional manifestation of love, when he worries whether he has offended with his words, his concern makes us understand that the love is mutual. But we must understand that emotion is not the feeling itself, it is a reaction, such an emotional outburst from something that we did not expect at all

But, unfortunately, our brain is addictive. The longer we are with a person, the more often we can predict in advance all his further actions. We know what he will say, what he will do, what kind of night of love it will be, how he will kiss you. And since we can predict all this, then no new emotions arise in us about this person, and the old ones are dulled.

Imagine the situation, you are scrolling through your feed on a social network, and a very funny GIF catches your eye, you are indescribably delighted, you get a sea of positive emotions. The next day you go to the page again and the first thing you see is again this top, very funny GIF, but from a different group. You smile sweetly. The GIF is really funny and gives you a positive feeling from it. Then you see that your friend added this GIF to himself. You are watching this video again. It's still funny. But when you see this picture for the third, fourth, fifth time, not only is it not funny, you already say: enough, I’ve already seen this gif, it’s clear what will be there and it’s not at all interesting.

By the way, read this article too
How to quickly forget a loved one and not think about him? Why can't I forget my ex?

So it is with the rest of our emotions.

What a person used to do for us, and we were in seventh heaven, now we take it for granted.

For example, when you were still dating, you decided to cook dinner together, he brought food. And you think: what a great guy he is, he takes care of me, wants to feed me, how nice it is. You have been married for a year, you are used to him always buying and bringing food himself, but he will try not to bring it, you get angry, how can this be, he has always done this.

What a person used to do for us, and we were in seventh heaven, now we take it for granted, as something ordinary and self-evident.

There is no love without emotions

This is precisely why feelings and emotions become dulled. We know each other like crazy, we don’t give each other any emotions, we don’t give, we don’t accept from another person. And love is fueled solely by emotions.

Emotions are the fuel for feelings, without them love is just a formality, just a word, only on emotions does love live and develop, and thereby a marriage grows stronger and relationships strengthen.

Perhaps this is why couples often completely unconsciously arrange quarrels and scandals for each other in order to incite these very emotions and get a more violent reconciliation and return passion to the relationship.

But I wouldn’t want to resort to such aggressive ways to rekindle extinguished feelings. Making scandals on purpose is not the best way to create an emotional outburst in a relationship.

Forget everything bad

In order to paint a new joyful picture of happiness and love, you first need to get rid of everything old, ugly and negative. This is how we are all designed: as long as we keep within ourselves everything bad that happened in a relationship, it will continue to cling and scratch.

You can get rid of old grievances or omissions in different ways. For example, write them down on paper in a list and burn them, use art therapy techniques, or even just talk openly with your partner. Honestly express to each other everything that hurts. If you are both open enough and able to communicate as equals, then both of you should feel liberated from past troubles.

Don't focus on shortcomings

Many wives tend to dwell on their husband's shortcomings. Socks thrown by the sofa, slurping while eating, unbrushed teeth seem like small, insignificant offenses at the beginning of a relationship. Over the years, such little things become a serious irritant for the wife if she does not learn to accept her husband's shortcomings.

To fall in love with your spouse again, learn to ignore such trifles. If you can’t ignore them completely, make a list of a man’s virtues and re-read it often. This alternative pushes the husband’s annoying habits into the background.

Secrets of the professionals

It is not always possible to make a relationship sparkle with romance and passion the first time. If you fail when trying to get closer to your husband and love him, the advice of a psychologist will help:

Man is the architect of his own happiness. If something doesn’t suit a man, it makes sense to take the initiative (for example, get a gym membership for your recovering spouse).
If you are tempted to compare your husband with other men, it is worth remembering that it is difficult to evaluate strangers objectively without seeing all sides of the personality. A person always tries to emphasize his strengths and hide his shortcomings in front of others.
Create and give to your husband a collage of photographs from the initial period of marriage, names and images of places that the couple used to visit. Such a gift will make him remember the feelings that he experienced at that time.

These recommendations carry the idea of directing your partner’s thoughts and behavior in the right direction and setting yourself up for a positive wave. You should not put pressure on or blame either yourself or your spouse for anything.

Cooled feelings in marriage can and should be saved. It is not difficult to love your husband again. The main thing is to work in this direction: remember your youth together, go on a trip together, or arrange an original date. Sometimes it’s enough just to have a heart-to-heart talk to restore trust and love between spouses.