Who is an outsider and how to stop being one + tips on how not to raise a child who is an outcast

Updated July 23, 2022 973 Author: Dmitry Petrov
“Attempts to explain defeats solely by unfair refereeing, the vagaries of the weather, the machinations of competitors... this is the lot of outsiders.” V.V. Putin, President of the Russian Federation

Hello, dear readers of the KtoNaNovenkogo.ru blog. There are many words borrowed at different times from other languages ​​and, due to their specificity, are not intuitive.

One of these words was outsider. This is a borrowing from English, which has existed quite harmoniously in the Russian vocabulary for about 60 years, but many do not fully understand what it is.

Therefore, today we will talk about outsiders, their position in society, and also learn about bullying and the art of the marginalized. It will be interesting, don’t switch...

Meaning of the word

Translated from English, the word outsider is translated as “outsider.” Wikipedia gives this concept two definitions. Firstly, an outsider is something last, lagging behind the rest. Secondly, it is someone who is outside a specific category or object.

I propose to consider what an outsider means in different areas:

• In sports. This is a competitor or team at the very bottom of the standings or among the last.
• In the structure of a social group, an outsider is a person who occupies an insignificant place in it. These are often called outcasts.
• In economics. Small, unprofitable enterprises that are on the verge of bankruptcy and, as a result of fierce competition, risk being absorbed by monopolies.
• In investing. Professional market players call this the name given to failed traders, beginners and other amateurs who do not know how to correctly assess risks.
• There is a movement in art called “outsider art” or “art brut”. Initially, it included the works of mentally ill artists and people with mental disabilities. Later, paintings by self-taught people and the art of children began to be called this, i.e., all those whom the masters consider primitivists.

In this article we will consider the concept from the point of view of psychology and sociology. In simple words, this is a person who is much inferior in some way to other members of the social group.

Leaders formal and informal

A leader is a concept that is polar to an outsider. A synonym for the word “leader” is “favorite.” That is, the one who occupies the first positions. The favorite and the underdog are at opposite poles. A leader, or favorite, is a person who has a decisive influence on a group.

And it doesn’t matter whether the leader is formal or informal. That is, formally the leader, for example, is considered the president of the company. But in the team there is a person whose opinion is listened to more readily and in many issues they consider him more competent.

In addition, he evokes powerful sympathy among others with his personal qualities. This informal person is, in fact, a real leader in the team.

Outsiders in the social structure

Any society is like an ecosystem. Our entire nature is clearly divided into niches: there are animals at the top of the food chain, and microorganisms that fill the very bottom of the system.

Everything is the same in society. There are leaders, there are middle class people and outsiders. Every niche must be filled. There are no teams where all are leaders or all are average. Even if you take one outsider from each social group and place them together, over time the system will take its toll and those who are stronger than the rest will certainly appear in the new group, i.e. they will find their own leaders, while outcasts will remain on the periphery.

It turns out that there are no losers. There are only people who are knocked out by the system into the lower strata of society as a result of struggle. This can happen in any type of social group, be it one individual in a small group or an entire nation. The rule is the same everywhere – survival of the fittest.

Who are outsiders often? As a rule, at the bottom of a social group are people who have some kind of individual weaknesses: physical, psychological, intellectual, financial, etc. Often, newcomers who come to an already formed team become outsiders. This usually happens if the niche of the laggards is not occupied, which is extremely rare.

An outsider can be either a child or an adult. In a school class, this is a “black sheep,” “not of this world,” or simply an unpopular child chosen as an outcast. Often such children become victims of aggression and bullying from classmates. Problems do not go away with age. Any mature person can easily become an outcast, having a weak character and low self-esteem.

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Bullying

The problem of outsiders is most acute in children's and adolescent groups.

Today, bullying of outcasts is called bullying, and takes on slightly different forms than a couple of decades ago due to the development of information technology.

Bullying of outcasts has existed in children's groups at all times - this is not a new phenomenon; children, like anyone else, are subject to influence and can be extremely cruel due to unformed ethical standards and rules of behavior.

But now bullying often spills over into the online reality of teenagers, which has a huge impact on their lives. Bullying on the Internet is called cyberbullying .

Still from the film “Scarecrow”, 1983

In bullying there is always a victim. It’s just that an unpopular or withdrawn outsider child does not necessarily become a victim of bullying; only constant and targeted acts of aggression towards an individual rejected by a social group can be called bullying.

Character traits and signs of an outsider

Consider the portrait of a typical outsider:

• low self-esteem;
• indecision, timidity;
• touchiness;
• envy;
• he is silent because no one listens to his opinion;
• does not like to be the center of attention for fear of being ridiculed and even more devalued;
• lack of initiative;
• inability to defend one’s boundaries, to defend oneself, to fight back, to refuse when necessary.

I advise you to read who is an optimist and a pessimist.

Sociology

What is an outsider? This question can be answered in different ways. In sociology, the term “outsider” is understood as an individual who, for some reason, usually his own choice, has fallen behind his civilization. That is, he became a socially inferior person.

Who are the outsiders? In America in the sixties, these included representatives of the hippie movement. These were young people who had open contempt for the bourgeois well-being of their parents. According to hippie philosophy, the main category of human life is freedom. And you can achieve it by changing your inner world. Hippies were ardent opponents of war, lived in communes, and did not recognize the institution of marriage.

Who are outsiders in modern Russia? Perhaps the gypsies can be classified in this category of society. Those that are often found on the streets of big cities. They live according to a strange, incomprehensible law, differ from the general mass of townspeople both in appearance and in their style of behavior.

The importance of outsiders in society

Strange as it may sound, the role of outcast members of society is very important. Every social group needs its outcasts.

It is extremely difficult to feel significant, successful and talented if there are no examples of mediocrity before your eyes. Compared to outsiders, leaders look even brighter and more outstanding. And the middle class feels more comfortable seeing that there is room to fall. This gives the impression that they have achieved something.

That is why the niche of outcasts must always be occupied by someone. But is it possible to get out of it? Let's find out.

Reasons for the emergence of outsiders

An object or subject that, by its content and its form, is outside the criteria of objects or subjects that belong to the category/group of insiders in a certain space and time.

It is easy to understand that a situation of rejection for a child is a source of mental trauma, and sometimes provokes inadequate forms of compensation. It is the outsiders who have a significant segment of the “clientele” of school psychologists, since they need various forms of psychological help. When approaching a solution to this problem, the psychologist usually first strives to figure out what individual characteristics provoked the placement of this child in this unworthy niche. It rarely happens that a child is completely undeservedly rejected. His traits, which are shortcomings in the eyes of his peers, are usually not difficult to identify. Therefore, the next stage is correction. By overcoming shortcomings, the goal is to wash away the stigma of an outcast from a child and transfer him to a worthy status. Unfortunately, this does not always work out. And the reason for this is that for the group to have psychological balance, this niche needs to be filled. And if you manage to snatch one person out of it, then sooner or later someone else will be squeezed into it.

We tried to give the most complete definition and concept of the term outsiders, to reveal its features

How to stop being an outsider

An outsider, like any social person, strives to be significant and unique. The problem is that he himself does not see his uniqueness and any outstanding abilities. He has no one to compare himself to within his group. He's already at her bottom.

The first thing that is important for such a person to understand is that everyone has unique abilities and talents. There can be no exceptions. You just need to find these abilities within yourself and reveal them. As soon as others notice something interesting and useful for themselves, they will try to introduce the outcast to their circle.

You don't have to become rich or change your appearance to fit other people's standards. Sometimes it is enough to become an interesting conversationalist with a good sense of humor. A charismatic person always attracts people to him.

Here are some recommendations:

1. Realize that the responsibility for who you are and how others perceive you lies on your shoulders. When you change your opinion about yourself, then people around you will begin to perceive you differently. Of course, this process does not happen in a click. It is long and gradual, requiring a lot of effort and time.
2. Think about what is unique about you, how you could surprise and attract the attention of people around you.
3. Be mindful of the rules and regulations within the group. Perhaps it is the style of clothing or taboo topics of conversation. Maybe your team has traditions: attending events together, going out into nature, playing sports, playing board games, etc. You definitely need to stick to the routine.
4. Work on improving your self-esteem. Learn to respect and take care of yourself.
5. Improve your communication skills and communication skills with people of different ages, genders, with different views on life and interests.
6. Learn to laugh at yourself. Self-irony is disarming. When a person stops reacting to other people’s ridicule and begins to make jokes at himself, those around him lose interest in ridicule, not receiving the expected return.
7. If it is difficult to cope with the current situation on your own, contact a qualified psychologist. Together it is always easier to get out of any circumstances and conditions.

Why do they become outsiders?

A feeling of rejection can arise due to uncertainty and fear , which appear in a child even in childhood under pressure from parents and teachers.

Most often, such children received a negative assessment of their actions and behavior from adults. Unconfident schoolchildren were scolded more than praised.

Growing up, outsiders felt disadvantaged in many ways. And when they fell under the influence of a stronger peer, or into a new team, they became timid and closed in on themselves even more.

Below are the most common causes of this problem.

1. Peculiarities of the human psyche and character.
2. Overly strict upbringing in childhood.
3. Constant self-doubt , which leads to failure.
4. Shyness and tightness .
5. Laziness.
6. Strongly developed critical thinking .
7. A new team with which a person cannot find anything in common.

The most acute period when a person begins to feel isolated from the group is adolescence. During the process of personality development for a teenager, the support of loving adults and sometimes the help of a specialist .

How not to raise an outcast child

The most important destructive feelings that can make a child an outcast are guilt, shame and uselessness. Most often, parents adopt the parenting model from their parents, even if they realize that it was incorrect.

What actions can provoke a child to fall into the outsider caste:

• Suppression of initiative and other manifestations of despotic upbringing contribute to the fact that the baby will strive to remain silent about his interests and desires, so as not to provoke the anger of his father and mother.
• Cute and not-so-cute nicknames that parents jokingly “award” to their children often give rise to large complexes. Think carefully before the next time you call your child a bun, a plump thing, a chubby little thing, or, even worse, a crooked person, a clumsy person, etc. This way, the child may develop a feeling of shame for his imperfection. It will be easy for him to agree to the role of an outcast in any team, because he believes in his own helplessness and abnormality.
• Feelings of guilt in children can be caused by such caustic phrases as “I gave birth on my own,” “You’re nothing but problems,” “What kind of punishment,” etc. The child will feel extreme and guilty about everything all his life.

William Taubman: The Eternal Outsiders of Politics

Why do leaders find themselves outside the system they created or controlled? What pushes them out, what rejects them? We decided to ask William Taubman, a historian, the author of one of the most thorough works on Khrushchev, about this, who has been preparing a book about Mikhail Gorbachev for the past few years. At a conference at the Gorbachev Foundation, we asked him several questions about what in political thought and political action makes a person in power an outsider?

William Taubman: What does outsider mean? If this is a person who lives not in Moscow, but in the provinces, that’s one thing. If we say that an outsider is a scientist or an actor or a politician, that’s a little different. I'll take the first one. Interestingly, all Soviet leaders were outsiders. In the sense that they are from the provinces. Lenin from Ulyanovsk, Stalin from Georgia, Khrushchev from Kalinovka, this is near Ukraine, Brezhnev - Dnepropetrovsk, Andropov - Stavropol, as far as I remember. Why were there no Soviet leaders from Moscow or Leningrad? In my opinion, this is no coincidence.

This is due to the fact that for a boy (unfortunately, we are not talking about girls) from a province or village, the question: “How to be different from others, how to become a big man?” the answer is clear: join the Komsomol, become a secretary or leader in the Komsomol. From there to the party. And in the party - from bottom to top.

And in Moscow there are not only other opportunities, but also knowledge: what politics means. Because politics is close, the Kremlin is in the same city. I admit that in Moscow, perhaps, boys understand that politics or a political career can be dangerous... For a Muscovite, for an intellectual. Especially under Stalin. And it requires compromises. Why do this?

You talked with those intellectuals who in the 80s, during perestroika, did not shy away from politics, they tried to participate in it. Why did politics become a necessity for them?

It's generational. These are the sixties, mostly. That is, already in the 50s and 60s, under Khrushchev, they somehow came to the conclusion that it was possible to turn this Stalinist regime into a regime that would be closer to socialist ideals. After Khrushchev, and even under Khrushchev, this seemed to stop due to multiple factors. But suddenly in 1985 it turned out that we could return to this and continue this great work. They did just that. They were joined by the people, if not the whole people, then the intelligentsia. They had the idea that they were building a new society, and it would be much better. Then again, in the 90s, disappointment came. And after disappointment there was a feeling: why engage in politics, it’s better to just cultivate your own garden, let’s say, help your family, live better. This generation is quite unique. This time is quite special.

This generation lived by the ideals of communism, probably like Khrushchev, but why in 1985 did they begin to quickly move away from them, why did a transition begin?

I agree that they first lived by socialist ideals or, say, communist ones, but they gradually came to the conclusion that this was not the answer. The question is: who was Stalin? Was he a continuation of Lenin or was he a deviation, a perversion of Lenin. If it was a continuation, then it meant that there was no moving anywhere. And Gorbachev himself gradually became a Social Democrat. In addition, there were such people in his social circle. But there were also those who decided that, in fact, the ideal is not communism, it is not socialism, even of the social democratic type, not capitalism, but liberalism and pluralism of Western Europe. And there were those who decided that market fundamentalism was ideal. Although I myself do not agree with this. There are different ideals, and they have their own “becoming”, despite the fact that they are also combined with such and such interests. It was very easy to decide: what helps me is the ideal. But the system that makes me rich is the best system for everyone, even the poor. It’s interesting how ideals and personal interests were combined back then.

Don't you think that an intellectual in politics is more often doomed to failure than a person of more average level? Intellectuals are often utopian.

Intellectuals understand nuances; they may or may not act on moral grounds. This is good, but in politics it is better to “act”. Here we have Obama - a real intellectual. His book "Dreams from My Father" is a brilliant book, he is a true writer, but it always seems that it would be better if he was more like L. Jones, who was a professional politician. Therefore, I am afraid that Obama's superiority as an intellectual only hinders him.

Why?

Obama failed to manipulate people. This is my theory. Obama is a man who, since childhood, wanted to reconcile people. This is probably due to the fact that he is “black” and lives “in a white world.” Although this is just his character, he did it everywhere, and successfully. And suddenly in Washington he is trying to reconcile Democrats and Republicans! Republicans don't want it? And he doesn't know what to do when reconciliation doesn't work. We must knock them together! But this is not his strength. Theoretically, he understands this, but it’s not easy for him.

Can we compare figures like Putin and Gorbachev in an intellectual sense? Is Putin a representative of the “intellectual class”? Are both intellectuals for you?

Gorbachev is an intellectual. He considered himself an intellectual. Compared to other politicians, he is actually more of an intellectual. He may be shorter than Dmitry Likhachev, but as a politician he is an intellectual. And Putin, well, I don’t know. I doubt. I believe that Gorbachev is on a higher intellectual level.

Don't you think that intellectuals in Russian politics often find themselves isolated? Do we take Lenin, Gorbachev, do we take some representatives of tsarism, Alexander the First or the Second, for example. Is there a tendency in Russia that the intellectual on the throne eventually becomes a victim of isolation?

I would say that Gorbachev was not isolated. It is interesting that in his time the intelligentsia played a much greater role than today. And the fact that Gorbachev was an educated man, a reader, strengthened his support from people. Of course, after some time there seemed to be a divorce between him and the intelligentsia. In my opinion, it was a different world then. Partly due to the fact that these were Soviet times, there was socialist realism, there were repressions, but still people lived according to the ideas. Especially among the intelligentsia. And there was no other life. Life at work is empty, life in stores is also not full, but life in books, discussions in the kitchen, ideas at the table - this was key for many. Now it's a completely different world. This is the world of Ecco, the world of all your stores on Tverskaya Street, the world of various trips abroad. Everything is like ours, more like our life. And this is the world of the Internet, this is the world of mobility of attention. A world of fragments, not a world of volumes. So today's intelligentsia or intellectuals are initially more isolated than they once were under the so-called. "political intellectuals".

CRITICAL THINKING

Stop feeling sorry and making excuses for yourself. No, a couple of extra meters walked will not make you more unhappy, and an old woman with an empty bucket that gets in your way should not force you to sit at home all day. There are always people who are worse off than you. There are always situations that are worse than yours. Everything is really bad only in one case - in the case of death, and even then we cannot say this for sure. If you look at any situation without emotions, then it is not so unsolvable. We bet? Next time, when some incident occurs, just turn on critical thinking and logic, and you will see for yourself how much easier it is to solve problems.

Stop considering the success of others as luck, and your own as hard work. Any success is work. A successful company is the result of sleepless nights, constant work, negotiations, and the right decisions. A beautiful figure is the result of constant physical activity and a balanced diet. Developed erudition occurs only among those who read a lot or otherwise consume useful information. In general, just understand that nothing falls out of the blue for anyone; you have to pay your price for everything.

And now again about motivation... Yes, no man in a suit, no quote, no persuasion from loved ones will force you to change until you yourself want it. This is the main truth of life.