Sometimes you have to part with people. It is extremely rare that this happens by mutual consent and for objective reasons. Usually everything goes well, nothing foreshadows trouble, and then you find out that they are cheating on you, that they have stopped loving you, or that they have simply become bored with you. It may seem to you that these problems can be solved, because you love her so much. But she is adamant - you break up, your ex has a new wonderful life (especially if she went not into emptiness, but to someone), and you collect the remnants of male pride in the corners of all the bars in the capital. Attempts to drown melancholy in a glass are almost always unsuccessful. Therefore, we propose to act completely differently.
Tell her everything
This is not a clause about you having to return everything and make peace. You are probably seething with anger, frustration, misunderstanding, your head is bursting with questions “how? Why? for what?". If you keep them to yourself, you will never be able to put an end to the relationship. Arrange a meeting, call, write in instant messenger or, in the end, a letter to tell your ex-girlfriend everything you think about her and the current situation. If she hurt you or hurt your feelings, don't try to be nice in hopes of getting it back. It's better to give free rein to your emotions. Apologize only if there is really a reason.
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Psychology of separation
A woman at any age experiences a difficult breakup. The feeling of loss can torment a girl for a long time, but the help of a friend at this moment is priceless. A girl is unlikely to be able to stop remembering a guy and shedding tears for him in a short period of time. It's unavoidable.
Psychologists distinguish two stages after a breakup: protest and acceptance.
The first stage a person lives in disbelief that the relationship has failed. Negative feelings cause various emotions, which often cause quarrels with friends or relatives.
It's especially hard for girls. They are more emotional than men, so they do not always control their behavior.
Help should be given at the second stage, when the girl accepted what happened and continued to go about her daily activities. During this period, the friend will probably want to spend more time with her beloved friend. However, you should not try to set her up with another guy.
At first, she will remember the difficult breakup, so new acquaintances are unlikely to be pleasant for her.
Stop all contact with her
You've talked, you've said what you think, and now, if your goal is to truly get over your ex, it's time to cut all ties with her. This doesn't mean you should, like a teenager, block her on all social networks and unfriend her. Just stop looking through all her stories and posts, tormenting your head with potential comments that you won’t leave, manically looking for opportunities to sneak a glimpse of her, driving “by chance” past the girl’s house, texting her friends to find out everything about her affairs. If the temptation to follow your ex-girlfriend at least on social networks is too great, remove yourself from them altogether. A little digital detox won’t hurt anyone, especially in such a situation. To communicate with those who did not break your heart, messengers will remain.
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How to support a friend who broke up with her boyfriend: tips and tricks
In this article we will tell you:
It's always a pleasure to watch couples in love. They communicate, go out, take care of each other, etc. However, not all couples stay together forever. The moment of separation always brings negative feelings, so your friend will need support.
And in this situation, your knowledge is needed on how to support a friend who broke up with her boyfriend. Caring during the recovery period after a breakup requires special attention so that the girlfriend forgets her ex-boyfriend as soon as possible.
Talk about a breakup
We, of course, live in a patriarchal society where masculine males do not suffer. And you don’t want to tell your friends that you’re hurt, sad and lonely, and what if they answer: “What are you talking about! You're a man! We hope you have understanding friends who don't subscribe to stereotypes about boys who don't cry. But if suddenly you still cannot overcome the barrier, go to a psychoanalyst. This is the very case when it is needed without regard to the presence of any diagnosis. Any emotional shock affects your psyche. And trying to ignore it, hush it up and wait until everything settles down and is forgotten will only make things worse for you. If you broke up because a girl cheated on you or cheated on you, this is a serious blow to your trust in other people, which will affect future relationships. Talk about feelings, thoughts, how you have changed, and this will help you get over the breakup easier and better understand for yourself what happened and how to prevent it from happening again.
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Gradual reduction of communication
How to get rid of a girlfriend tactfully and without scandal? One of the best methods is to gradually reduce communication. The process is long, but least painful. And it should not be confused with completely ignoring your friend - this will cause a strong reaction on her part.
With a gradual reduction, you spend less time together: if earlier meetings were daily, reduce their number to 1-2 times a week, then to a couple of times a month, and then completely disappear from her life. To avoid any offense, refer to how busy you are and don’t forget to come up with a plausible legend. But the best thing to do is to really keep yourself busy with work, a new hobby or exercise. In general, “sorry dear, but I don’t have time for you!”
This technique is good because with a decrease in the number of meetings, anger and irritation often disappear, and you understand that there was a lot of this person in your life. But when the meetings became less frequent, your communication improved again. Here's how to get rid of an annoying girlfriend without losing the person forever!
Don't rush into a new relationship
When someone's house burns down, no one immediately starts building a new one in its place. The area is completely cleared, the foundation is restored, the ground around is strengthened, because it also suffers from fire, a new plan for the building is thought out to make it more resistant to fires and safer, and then they just build it. You are an even more complex and vulnerable structure than some burnt out shack. A new girlfriend will not help you forget your ex, because you cannot build anything on the ashes. You will inevitably compare this relationship with your previous ones, say something about the breakup or about your ex (and this will really irritate your current girlfriend), you will have problems with trust and emotional background. Most likely, another break awaits you, which will finally destroy your faith in yourself and humanity.
Ways to survive betrayal
First you need to change the image of the betrayed person with the help of psychotechnics. Options are possible! Choose whichever one you like best.
For example, imagine the name of a former friend or lover written in chalk on a school board. There is a wet rag nearby... Tell yourself: “When I’m ready, I’ll take a rag and wash this board clean...”. You can imagine the name of a person you hate written on a piece of paper. You used the paper for its intended purpose, and you no longer need it. Where should it be thrown? This is where you mentally (or actually) throw it away. Or you can create this image: the fragments of your favorite (or not so favorite) cup are lying on the floor, on one of them the name of your former friend is engraved. Of course, it’s a pity that this cup broke... But, on the other hand, you must admit that if you really, really valued it, it wouldn’t break: you would just catch it in flight. And now its place is in the trash can. What can you do? Cups tend to break...
Or you can create this image: the fragments of your favorite (or not so favorite) cup are lying on the floor, on one of them the name of your former friend is engraved. Of course, it’s a pity that this cup broke... But, on the other hand, you must admit that if you really, really valued it, it wouldn’t break: you would just catch it in flight. And now its place is in the trash can. What can you do? Cups tend to break...
I wonder, for what amount would you agree not to date this or that person again? Probably, even for $500 they would have agreed to interrupt a not very necessary acquaintance (“He makes me neither cold nor hot”). You wouldn’t break up with a loved one, no matter how much money (“How will I live without him?”). And for someone, perhaps, they themselves would pay a little extra (“Just to never see her (him) again!”). This is the measure of human relations! As they say, money is not people, it will not be superfluous.
Work on yourself
Instead of starting a new relationship, take care of yourself. It is easiest to survive stress and cope with experiences and emotions when you simply do not have time for them. Buy a gym membership, start learning foreign languages, go on a trip with friends, finally get a promotion, find singing/drawing/public speaking courses. It makes no difference what exactly you do in your free time, but just don’t lie on the couch with a bottle of beer, beating yourself up. Develop and become cooler, let your ex bite your elbows, not you.
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Content:
Step 1. What to do when the world collapses?
- What you definitely should NOT do in the heat of the moment
- How to survive the pain of parting with a loved one?
- How can talking to a friend help?
Step 2. Feelings that prevent you from moving on.
- 5 stages of accepting change (Kübler-Ross model)
- Feeling of loss. Technique “Writing about the past”
- Feeling guilty for causing a breakup
- A feeling of resentment that he did not appreciate, did not understand, and left.
- Technology for identifying beliefs in 4 steps
Step 3. How to start a new life from scratch?
- 60 days of silence and peace
- How to behave when meeting your ex?
- Why skydive or scuba dive?
- Why you shouldn't plunge into dates and new novels
- Questions that will help you draw conclusions for the future
Check me out on Instagram. All the latest and most useful information is there, the link will open in a new window
Spend more time with your family
After a breakup, especially if the relationship was quite long and serious, you will miss love, attention and care. It's time to remember that no one will ever love you more than your mother. Buy a bouquet (we hope you do this all the time) and go visit. Better yet, invite your family to the theater or host them a dinner at your home. When we start dating someone, a new “family” comes to the fore. This is a normal and natural course of life, but partings remind us that “an old friend is better than two new ones.” And no one will support you the way your family will do it. And, immersed in family problems (probably some repairs are needed somewhere, your younger brother or nephew needs help at school, your mother’s car broke down, and the list goes on), you simply won’t have time to suffer.
When your best friend is no longer a friend: how to get over a breakup
5 ways to help you move on.
Having a best friend is wonderful. It is so important and valuable to know that there is someone with whom you can share your deepest secrets, who you can call in a moment of joy or sorrow, to cry on your shoulder... But sometimes we lose loved ones - due to a quarrel, distance or even a simple misunderstanding.
There are many different reasons why a best friend relationship can end. Perhaps someone has changed (which is not always a bad thing, this is an absolutely normal thing), or maybe everything was torn apart overnight as a result of some scandal. No matter why your relationship failed, rest assured that you will find a way to move forward.
Not everyone we meet is destined to stay in our lives forever. Some come and go to teach us some lesson, some to make us feel something we have never felt before. The main thing is to understand and let go. Find five ways to help you cope with the loss of your best friend.
Cry if you need it
Don't hold a grudge
This is one of the most difficult points, but only its acceptance and implementation will allow you to move on.
You must understand that if you hold a grudge against a friend who cut you out of your life or betrayed you, you will suffer more than she does. You will feel emotionally and physically drained, channeling your energy into hatred. And at this time, the ex-girlfriend will carefreely direct her energies to developing herself, new friendships, and so on. Not very fair, right?
Try to let go of the grudge and not live with evil feelings and the desire for revenge. Let bygones be bygones.
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Change something in your life
This is the most radical advice that works great. You can find a new job - preferably a more creative one, which will distract you from sad thoughts, which involves meeting people so that your social circle changes. Or move to another city, and every restaurant, traffic light, asphalt slab and bench in the park will not remind you of bright days with your ex. Get a dog - it, of course, will not replace your girlfriend, but it will never deceive, betray or abandon you. And while you save wires, slippers and bags from the puppy, your worries will fade into the background. Buy or rent a new apartment. Change your car. Let this painful breakup motivate you to change your life and become cooler, and not condemn you to suffering and alcoholism.
What phrases should you not use?
A sincere desire to help may not always have a positive result. And you should carefully move on to humiliation or insults towards the guy. The friend still has feelings for him, so it will be unpleasant for her to hear this.
Here are phrases that can only finish off a girl who has recently experienced a breakup.
"I can understand you and I know how you feel"
Most people have experienced one or more breakups in their lives. You may want to share with your friend that you have already felt something like this.
However, this phrase will be inappropriate. Each person is individual and experiences bitter moments differently.
Such a phrase is not only inappropriate, but can only make the situation worse. She may feel like her experience means nothing.
It would be much better to simply ask your friend to tell you about her feelings and listen to her story, without inserting comparisons with your own experience.
"Forget him"
The friend could have complained about the guy many times already. She often posts on social networks in memory of her past love and reads messages from past correspondence.
At one point, emotions can take over and the phrase can come out: “Forget him already!” However, this phrase can hurt your friend’s feelings and offend her.
“There are still a lot of guys around.”
The friend herself understands that soon the emotions will pass and she will start communicating with another guy. However, it is during the period of separation that a person needs to accept all feelings and emotions and then forget them.
The best support would be motivation to create and achieve goals. It is much better to improve in terms of personality than to start endlessly making new acquaintances with the opposite sex.
"I never liked him"
The situation in this case depends on the person experiencing grief. Some girls want their ex-partner to be insulted and belittled, convincing herself of his worthlessness.
However, most girls, even after unpleasant emotions, still retain tender feelings towards their ex-boyfriend.
Therefore, any insult addressed to him may be unpleasant to her friend. Even if she herself asked to express an opinion about him, it is better to select the most neutral phrases.
“And I liked him!”
There is no need to aggravate the situation, even if the guy is really good. The girl herself knows about his positive qualities, so there is no point in reminding him of this.
If a friend herself remembers how ideal her ex-boyfriend was, you can support her and say that now she knows what character traits she wants to see in a partner.
“Yes, you’ve only met for nothing”
The relationship could only last a couple of weeks, but the girl could still begin to feel strong sympathy. Such a phrase looks more like condemnation than support. The friend doesn’t want to feel stupid, because she is sincerely going through the breakup.
"I saw your boyfriend with another girl"
For a competent experience of separation, the best way out is to forget your partner as quickly as possible. Any reminder of him, and especially with another lady, will cause a lot of unpleasant emotions.
"Start chatting with a new guy"
Such a phrase is extremely inappropriate when a person is trying to forget a past relationship. It is better to advise your friend to engage in self-improvement and wait a little until the unpleasant aftertaste goes away. Soon fate itself will organize a meeting with the best person.
Tip 7: Find a “vest”
It won't be easy at first. By putting emotions and feelings into a “safe” drop by drop all day, by the evening you will accumulate so many of them that your patience may burst. Think in advance about ways to relieve yourself emotionally. Good options are high-quality crying into a pillow, hitting a punching bag with a photo glued to it, or hitting dishes against the wall. But from regular crying, in a few days the bags under the eyes will weigh a ton, the knuckles on the fingers will swell and turn blue, and at one point it will turn out that there is nothing to drink tea from or eat scrambled eggs from.
The best way to relieve the tension accumulated during the day from constant communication is to find a “vest”. It is a good friend or close person, such as a mother or sister (and you can tell them about all the tricks of this dunce who does not love you) that will help you relax and forget faster.
You need to choose a “vest” with special care. This must be a person who:
- He will not spread rumors or leak what he has told in secret to the whole world.
- It won’t “put pressure on a sore spot,” saying: it’s your own fault that you lost this nugget, praising it and advising how to “get back into the same water.”
- He knows how to listen and voluntarily agrees to endure your outpourings.
- He will be able to point out the advantages of a breakup - remind you of scandals, going to the left, laziness, greed, loose hands, total lies, insensitivity or other shortcomings. Everything said must be true, otherwise the effect will be the opposite.
If the search for a “vest” does not produce results, then keeping a diary can be an alternative.
