What does perfectionism mean in simple words: pros and cons, reasons. Perfectionism in neurosis - how does it manifest itself? How to get rid of feelings of perfectionism: advice, treatment

Illustrated by John Kenn
Perfectionism is the problem that least of all looks like a problem.
Striving for excellence means setting high standards, constantly raising the bar, exceeding expectations and taking on new challenges. Then why does perfectionism interfere with achieving goals? Perfectionism is the desire and internal expectation of the highest level of performance. Problems of perfectionism:

1. The concepts of “ideal” and “highest level” are difficult to formulate and almost impossible to evaluate. The goals of perfectionists are elusive and abstract. If something does not live up to the ideal, it must be rejected, replaced or redone. A result less than ideal is unacceptable.
2. Ideals are relative: even if everything is foreseen and something perfect is created for everyone, circumstances can change, and then the ideal creation will no longer be so.

We don't reach for the bottom branch of the tree.
Guided by high standards and striving for perfection, we decide that the minimum result is the one that will be included in the Guinness Book of Records.

Just good is not enough, the results must be outstanding.

We criticize our achievements

and we never know if we tried enough. We constantly return to our choices and doubt decisions, downplaying achievements.

Once the goal is achieved, we experience ecstasy

, but it doesn't last long. As soon as any shortcoming is discovered, we will begin to get hung up, lose sleep and ask questions: “Why didn’t I do better?”, “What if the decision was wrong?”

We worry about other people's opinions

and try to make a great impression. We need to assert ourselves and feel approved. Others expect a lot from us, and we are not going to disappoint them.

We judge others

and, as perfectionists, we do not allow ourselves or those around us to live. Although we are strict, we are not hypocritical: there will be no double standards, just all the standards are several times stricter than usual.

We love order

and we cannot live without it, therefore we are able to make long alphabetical lists, highlight important things in color, organize information, straighten, align, shake off invisible specks of dust and maintain sterility.
If something is not perfect, you cannot sleep peacefully.
We think a lot

and a lot of time is spent on selecting wording, analysis, revision, explanations, adjustments and other subtleties.

We love little things

and we live in a world of little things, and we also notice what others don’t see. We will check, double-check and double-check the work again, because not a single error should creep into it.

We're missing the point

and we don’t see the forest for the trees. Perfectionism is the perfect way to distract yourself from the main thing. The ideal becomes an end in itself, and we often forget about the originally set goal.

Today, perfectionism is popular, and many people proudly consider themselves perfectionists. Today, there are two types: positive, also known as normal, and negative - neurotic perfectionism.

Positive perfectionists strive for achievement and invest energy in goal setting, problem solving, and overcoming obstacles. Achieving a goal is a joy for them, and they engage in a task because it brings them pleasure and meaning.

Positive perfectionists are healthy and emotionally stable people.

Neurotic, or otherwise negative, perfectionists are the other side of the perfectionism coin, and this side suffers greatly.

Their goal is to “escape mediocrity,” and the meaning of life is not in the innate desire to create something grandiose, but in trying to escape failure due to the fear of failure.

Despite the fact that the ideal is equally unattainable for both positive and negative perfectionists: the former are focused on the result, and the latter are focused on the fear of failure.

An unachieved goal is a hard blow for negative perfectionists.

Self-regulation: the main thing must come first.

The type of perfectionism depends on the goals that our brain prioritizes.
Not all goals are equal: some repel, while others attract. It depends on what we focus on - achieving a goal and getting results or avoiding negative consequences. The first goals are promotional, and the second are called preventive.

Promoting goals are the pursuit of positive results and their maintenance. For example, graduate from university, visit the tropics, or find a better-paying job.

Such goals are easy to set and simple to formulate; tasks for them are easy to set. Working towards a supportive goal brings joy and elation, while failure is disheartening.

Prevention goals are avoidance of negative outcomes or reduction of consequences. For example, too frequent medical examinations to protect against potential health problems or the desire to avoid losing a job.

Prevention goals are difficult to achieve because you will constantly have to run from what has not yet happened. The pursuit of a preventive goal can be endless.

Pursuing and achieving a prevention goal causes feelings of relief and satisfaction, while failure to achieve it causes fear, guilt and anxiety.

In this case, positive feelings are paler, and their achievement is a utopia, and because of this, negative feelings will become a constant background.

Life goals are complex and can have both promoting and preventing features.

One way to understand the difference between the two types of perfectionism: Let's imagine that we were put in a room and asked to find a spider.
We can look around for quite a long time, but as soon as we find the spider, the task will be completed. Now imagine: we need to make sure that there are no spiders left in the same room. No matter how closely we look, even if we don’t see spiders, we can’t stop. After all, the spider could have crawled into the gap while we were turning away. Even if we find it, the work will not end, because there may be other spiders there.

Perfectionism is a labyrinth with no exit, and it causes us to work in vain.

Perfectionism is one of the main reasons why ideas remain in the head and are not implemented. The idea is still in its infancy, but perfectionism will not allow it to flourish. While the perfectionist thinks, others do.

Difference between perfectionism and procrastination: The main feature of procrastination is putting off completing a task, while perfectionism is putting off completing it. Unlike procrastination, the matter simply does not end, because we are not ready to show the result and share it.

Perfectionists also find it difficult to assign someone to complete a task for fear that they will have to redo everything. If you want to do something well, do it yourself.

Also, perfectionists set high standards for others and expect them to not only achieve them, but also exceed them. And when it doesn’t work out, they become disappointed in people. At the same time, they also punish those who do not meet high standards.

If you're looking for a source of self-doubt, it's probably perfectionist parents.

Perfectionists enjoy the ideal result less often than they achieve it.
And they fall into the trap of disappointment - the work done never meets their own standards. Perfectionists react to feedback with guilt and shame. And because of this, they miss the benefit of constructive criticism and they become obsessed with what went wrong. You can only be proud of an ideal result, which means there is nothing to be proud of.

In addition to disappointment, anxiety and shame, perfectionism provokes many serious problems:

• People with this mental characteristic are usually more prone to depression, because life is not ideal;
• They have eating disorders: bulimia and anorexia, because the body is also not ideal;
• Some suffer from sexual dysfunction, and they are not ideal in bed either;
• As well as low self-esteem and obsessive-compulsive disorders - “Either I will do everything perfectly, or... not at all.”

They find it difficult to communicate with others: they either think that they are constantly being judged, or they expect too much from people and this damages their relationships.
Perfectionists are more cynical, more stressed, and less satisfied with life and themselves than others.

What is perfectionism in simple words?

What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism refers to the desire for perfection. Accordingly, such a person strives for ideals, and believes in their existence, which means they can be achieved. Treatment for perfectionism may not be necessary in this case, but not in a pathological situation. In the latter case, a person believes that only ideal people and things can live in this world.

In some ways, perfectionism is even good. It makes you strive for heights and engage in your own development, work on it and constantly hone your skills. However, nothing in this life is perfect and this makes perfectionists feel bad. They are forced to remain inactive or compromise their principles out of fear of not being perfect.

Level of dissatisfaction with oneself: Repin

In films, everyday perfectionism often coexists with genius. In The Reckoning, Ben Affleck's character arranges food on his plate in a special way so that everything lies as flat as possible, and shows remarkable talent in auditing and accounting. In The Aviator, the main character washes his hands until they bleed and destroys everyone and everything in order to bring his creation to perfection. The real Howard Hughes was not officially diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, but his painful desire for perfection and the highest demands in everything related to work certainly caused a lot of trouble for his colleagues and customers.

The artist Ilya Repin remained dissatisfied with his canvases even after they reached the exhibition halls. And Tretyakov, who exhibited his paintings, in turn, was dissatisfied with this feature.

One day, while the philanthropist was away, Ilya Efimovich came to the gallery with paints and decided to correct “We Didn’t Expect.” The caretakers were confused, but the artist reassured them: Tretyakov is aware. Having finished, Repin moved on to the next picture. Then to the next one. And he began to edit the canvases one by one.

The artist’s good initiative infuriated the returning Tretyakov. In fact, they did not agree on the changes, and the patron lamented for a long time that after the changes were made it only got worse. Repin tried to laugh it off, but Tretyakov was serious and subsequently forbade him to do so. And when they really needed editing - to remove a little extra redness from the portrait of Leo Tolstoy - they were afraid to call the artist: what if he redoes everything? As a result, Tretyakov himself applied a few strokes, just so as not to resort to the help of a perfectionist itinerant.

In fact, the desire for perfection is not necessarily associated with other mental illnesses - nor, indeed, with genius. It is not always aimed at oneself and one’s work. On Pikabu, for example, there is a tag “perfectionist’s hell” with pictures depicting the imperfection of the world; on YouTube there is a huge number of videos where something is cut “wrong”. Viewing such content causes pain and indignation in users, and comments are full of anger. Try to devote 15 minutes to contemplating such pictures or videos. If you are a perfectionist, you are likely to feel anxious.

There is no single model of perfectionism in psychology. Most often, researchers rely on the theory of Hewitt and Flett, who described its three forms. Each of them can be expressed to a greater or lesser extent.

Self-addressed perfectionism is associated with high internal standards, when a person simply cannot do something anyhow.

Socially prescribed perfectionism occurs when we believe that perfection is expected of us. For example, your supervisor considers you to be a brilliant student and, accordingly, it seems to you, wants to get an ideal term paper from you. As a result, you suffer before the deadline because if she is not good enough, they will be disappointed in you.

Perfectionism addressed to others (people and the world in general). Your partner, with whom you share housing, must maintain perfect cleanliness in the house or declare his love with a certain frequency and proper intonation. And what are these ridiculous grammatical errors and disgusting spaces before commas that infuriate “any normal person”?! And builders are also obliged to lay the tiles evenly, and those pictures should not have appeared on Peekaboo.

Sophie Taeuber-Arp, Dynamic Circles, 1934

Psychologists consider the second and third forms of perfectionism as exclusively maladaptive and harmful, but have not yet come to a consensus about the first.

At the same time, there is a paradoxical positive relationship between a high level of perfectionism and empathy. This may be because people with an ideal fixation have to develop the skill of understanding others in order to gain an understanding of their standards and expectations.

However, self-perfectionism can also take unhealthy forms. There are studies demonstrating the connection of this trait with suicidality.

How to check yourself? Let’s say you have a desire to achieve an ideal in something: you want to become a top specialist in your field. Your level of aspiration is high and probably realistic. But several years have passed, and you are still not “the best.” Ask yourself: “What does this say about me?”

If you begin to compare yourself with more successful peers, suffer and think that you are an unfocused person, a rag and a wimp, and you need to work harder, then things are bad: perfectionism will destroy you. If this only means that you simply have not achieved the ideal, everything is fine.

To find out what science thinks about your level of perfectionism, take the Hewitt-Flett test.

If the result turned out to be good, we recommend adding to your to-do list (most likely, you also keep it - how could it be otherwise?) the fight against the desire for perfection. If successful, you will prolong your life and get rid of anxiety.

Perfectionism - pros and cons: advantages and disadvantages

Before understanding the question of whether perfectionism needs to be treated, it is important to understand what its advantages and disadvantages are.

The positive aspects of this phenomenon are expressed in the following qualities:

• Hard work
• Self-criticism
• Demands on yourself
• Constantly learning something new and developing
• Striving for personal growth
• Improving skills at work. They try to make them perfect
• Trying to achieve recognition, respect and fame
• Achieving significant heights in life

Despite the fact that the advantages are quite significant, perfectionism also has its disadvantages:

• Such a person is too demanding of himself
• Self-criticism may not always be justified
• Often, when it is impossible to achieve the ideal, self-esteem decreases
• Perfectionists don't like to be criticized. They are too sensitive to it
• He is often irritable, nervous, or develops obsessive states
• May be too smart or boring
• Unable to enjoy the results obtained if they are not perfect
• Inability to set achievable goals; as a rule, those that are impossible to achieve are set

Count the pros, not the cons

When we start to panic because we are far from ideal, we should stop and evaluate what has already been achieved.
Perfectionism is motivated by the fear of not being good enough or the fear of getting a bad grade. Fact

: if we start to bother ourselves with shortcomings and shortcomings in our work, most likely there will also be many good sides. The same applies to the assessment of other people.

An excellent example is provided by Rita Pearson, a teacher who works with problem students. Here is her TED talk with Russian subtitles:

Instead of criticizing for shortcomings, it is better to praise for achievements.

Psychological reasons for perfectionism - why does it manifest itself?

Where does perfectionism come from?
At the moment, psychologists have not yet fully studied how this condition manifests itself and how exactly to treat perfectionism. The main idea is that a person develops all this from childhood, because he is in the same social environment.

Moreover, this also applies to the methods used in education. There are many of them, but two are most powerful:

• Creating a landmark without a clear goal

Let's say a mother says that she would like a son like her friend. Of course, the child tries to strive for perfection and earn love, but he doesn’t understand at all what’s wrong with him - the hairstyle is wrong, the character is wrong, or what? The child’s psyche breaks down because he tries to be the best in everything and every failure is taken seriously.

• Imposing your own value system

Dad tells his daughter that she made a great doll, and a minute later mom tells her about crooked bows and the wrong fabric on the dress. The child gets upset and tries to please his mother, whose expectations are too high. Such parents raise wonderful perfectionists.

You may be surprised, but there are significantly more perfectionists among modern children and teenagers than among past generations. Here, various advertisements also have a great influence, for example, it is proposed to make a genius out of a child or teach him to speak at two years old. And so, as soon as it is learned that the child’s vocabulary is small, it declines in the eyes of the parents. And he needs love. This ultimately leads to the development of destructive perfectionism. And he enters adult life with constant tension, fear of making mistakes, high standards and an inability to accept criticism.

Define priorities

Perfectionism is when the secondary becomes primary and the background comes to the fore.
Solution: The goal needs to shift from prevention to promotion. Examples of promotion and prevention:

Perfectionism in neurosis: features

Neurotic perfectionism
There is such a term as neurotic perfectionism. When it occurs, people focus on mistakes and failures, they become anxious and ashamed. They are always afraid of being a failure, and even if everything works out, they do not feel pleasure from it. Moreover, they are overly self-critical. At the same time, with this form many disorders appear. It is clear that perfectionism should be treated in this case.

And it's not just for these reasons. The fact is that this condition affects different aspects of a person’s life. He has an unstable emotional state, it is difficult for him to build relationships, and his productivity is somewhat different. Increased anxiety can cause depression, suicidal tendencies, neurosis, and shame. Such people are too afraid that they will seem bad to others, that they will fail or be disgraced.

By the way, this behavior can contribute to the development of cardiovascular diseases at a young age. A person does not give himself any right to make a mistake, relying on the fact that he can be condemned. This fear is so strong that it leads to the abandonment of the goal or makes it impossible to achieve it. Psychologists also call this condition “paralysis of activity.” A person simply avoids situations where the bar is high.

If you find yourself exhibiting neurotic perfectionism, try to set achievable goals. For example, do not immediately strive to become a boss, but start as a simple worker.

Types of perfectionism

Perfectionism can be healthy, promoting personal development, and pathological (neurotic). In the first case, a person sets realistic, but difficult goals for himself, achieves them and experiences satisfaction from overcoming difficulties. With neurotic perfectionism, a person does not take into account his own potential and capabilities at all, self-improvement becomes a goal, not a method, goals are inadequate. A neurotic perfectionist never experiences satisfaction from the results of his work, because he always believes that he could have done better.

Healthy perfectionism is characterized by:

• An active life position of the individual, confidence in the ability to cope with stress.
• Considering threats and difficulties as opportunities and new paths for development.
• High ability to adapt to new conditions, ability to take risks, accept life changes.
• Feeling of happiness and satisfaction with life.
• A positive outlook on the future, the desire to achieve goals.
• Adequate self-esteem, acceptance of one’s strengths and weaknesses, capabilities and limitations.
• Independence, focus on one’s own beliefs, confidence, independence in choosing a life path.
• Personal development, a sense of personal growth and self-realization.
• Energy and cheerfulness.

Pathological perfectionism is characterized by:

• Lack of self-confidence, loss of self-control in difficult life situations.
• Helplessness and lack of independence, retreat in situations of uncertainty or threat.
• Running away from problems, inability to learn from difficulties, negative perception of obstacles.
• A feeling of meaninglessness in life, dissatisfaction with it.
• A feeling of hopelessness about the future, a negative attitude towards the past, the absence of a single time thread.
• Disappointment in oneself, dissatisfaction with oneself, lack of acceptance of oneself.
• Denial of participation in one's own life, belief in fate and predestination, focus on the assessment of others.
• An obsession with the idea of ​​perfection, a feeling of stagnation in personal development.
• Apathy, exhaustion, fatigue, feeling of depletion of personal resources.

In turn, unhealthy perfectionism can be:

1. Personally oriented. All the individual’s demands are directed towards himself. A person has an internal motivation for self-improvement, high personal standards, a tendency to set unattainable or difficult to achieve goals, increased self-criticism and self-control, reflection, turning into self-flagellation. A perfectionist of this type is intolerant of his own failures and shortcomings and is prone to self-blame.
2. Externally oriented. This type of personality is able to accept its shortcomings, but does not forgive others for mistakes and imperfections. He is demanding of those around him, sets high standards, and tends to create and focus on ideal images, for example, the image of an ideal woman.
3. Socially assigned perfectionism. A person of this type is convinced that others expect great success from him and will not tolerate failure. To avoid negative evaluation and criticism, a person is obliged to meet social standards, even if they seem impossible.

Perfectionism - how it manifests itself: signs

In colloquial speech, perfectionism is often called “excellent student syndrome.” At the same time, in order to treat perfectionism, you need to understand its signs.

They are as follows:

• Too high demands on yourself and others. At the same time, the person’s expectations are significantly inflated
• Constantly comparing yourself to other people
• The view that people are too demanding and always critical
• Too much attention to one's own mistakes
• Ideal or Terrible Outcome Thinking

To figure out whether you yourself are a perfectionist, answer a few questions (whether you agree with the statements):

Questions for a perfectionist

If you agree with most of the statements, then you are a perfectionist.

It is important to set strict limits

Setting boundaries is guaranteed to get rid of perfectionist obsessions.
It is important to determine how many resources we are willing to spend on projects and work. In life, boundaries are flexible and blurred, and you can always spend a little more time, put in a little more effort and invest a little more money to do your job a little better and move further.

It is important to conserve resources, here are the five most valuable of them and ways to save them:

1. Time: set a time limit and set a deadline.
2. Information: determine the final amount of information required.
3. Money: Set a limit on the amount of money you are willing to spend to complete a task perfectly.
4. Energy: determine how much effort you are willing to expend to achieve a goal.
5. Support: Think about what help is needed and how to thank everyone who provides support. At the same time, it is important not to fall into the trap of someone else’s perfectionism - you should not allow yourself to be helped for free.

Correction of perfectionism in adolescents at school: features

When a child is constantly criticized, this leads to psychological problems. Treating perfectionism in adolescents is quite important because this condition interferes with learning. The fact is that children set difficult goals for themselves and want to do everything perfectly. However, perfection cannot be achieved and therefore there are already thoughts of failure in advance. Accordingly, the child is constantly worried, ashamed and stressed. Burnout and eating disorders are also common.

Often perfectionism becomes a problem when a child moves, for example, from school to college. For him, the first course can be the most difficult, because studying becomes more difficult and the bar rises. Accordingly, academic performance falls.

In addition, schoolchildren have to deal with procrastination. That is, they try to do their homework perfectly and this puts pressure on them. They put off doing it because they are afraid to achieve the desired result. And because of procrastination, stress becomes stronger, the child sleeps poorly and gets nervous a lot. Even if he completes a task ahead of schedule, he still spends a lot of time on it and ignores other tasks.

The consequence of this behavior is depression. The teenager realizes that he is not perfect and feels unloved. He thinks that he will never be able to live up to other people's expectations. At the same time, he tries to be good for everyone in order to fit into the team, and this is depressing.

So, if a child is a perfectionist, then the desire for perfection should not be encouraged. Parents must recognize whether the child is one. To do this, it is enough to pay attention to how he reacts to criticism, how demanding he is of himself and others, and how he sets priorities. If all the signs are present, then it is important to teach the child to set realistic goals. This will help him accept himself and the fact that he is not perfect. Always praise him for successful work, but not only for an excellent grade, but also for others. It is more important to evaluate the effort rather than the end result. It is advisable to praise for the manifestation of positive qualities, for example, kindness. Then the teenager will understand that grades at school are not the main value.

Don't be afraid to talk about your own failures. Explain that it was hard for you too, but this can happen to anyone. This will make you understand that everyone makes mistakes and you can’t live life without it. Moreover, parents should also look at their own expectations. Yes, they can be tall, but at the same time realistic. There is no need to expect much from the child and to comply with this.

Perfectionism: good or bad

Perfectionism is the result of a destructive authoritarian style of family education, in which:

• high expectations are placed on the child, including the fulfillment of the unfulfilled dreams of the parents;
• parents forbid the child to make his own mistakes and repeat their mistakes;
• require regular improvement of achievements.

In the future, all the actions of a perfectionist will be aimed at achieving the highest results in order to feel their own importance and receive love.

As a child, a child receives first place in all competitions and studies with excellent marks. Receives approval and feels important. Such patterns of behavior are reinforced and continue into adulthood. However, as soon as a person faces life’s difficulties and does not receive recognition, he experiences severe frustration. A repeated state of frustration develops into stress, which often ends in distress. Distress is a source of psychological disorders and psychosomatic diseases.

So is it good to be a perfectionist? I think no. By the way, it is a mistake to consider perfectionists as ideal workers. Yes, they often become workaholics, fulfilling their own responsibilities and those of others, but they are demanding not only of themselves. If someone’s actions do not fit into the perfectionist’s system, then conflict cannot be avoided.

What is manic perfectionism - how does it manifest itself?

Manic perfectionism
There is, in principle, no point in treating perfectionism when it manifests itself only slightly. However, there is such a thing as manic perfectionism. It develops against the background of a mental disorder. The signs, in principle, are no different, but they intensify many times. When performing any task, a person feels a threat to himself and a challenge to his self-esteem. When the condition is too developed, it makes the person too vulnerable and depressed. As a result, he holds himself to too high standards.

A manic perfectionist constantly double-checks all his actions, seeks people's approval and can think for a very long time before making any decision. If a perfectionist is not confident that he can achieve a high standard, then he may refuse to complete tasks. He often uses this method to solve complex problems.

How to get rid of the feeling of perfectionism?

There is usually no need to treat perfectionism. At least it's not a mental disorder. Psychologists give several useful recommendations that will help you overcome the perfectionist within you:

• Look at the pros and cons of perfectionism . Think about what benefited you from this and what didn’t. How does all this affect your life?
• It's important to move away from all-or-nothing thinking . It is not always possible to complete tasks 100%. For complex ones this is simply impossible. You are human and have the right to be imperfect or not complete a task.
• Try to do something less than ideal on purpose . It will be difficult at first, but then it will become easier. This way you will cultivate humility and modesty.
• Look at the whole picture, not just the parts . Don't get hung up on the little things, otherwise you can get bogged down in them.
• Celebrate your successes and think less about failures.
• When you think that you are worthy of something, then think about whether you really need it. Maybe you just want something because it's a good ad or because others have it.
• Learn to prioritize . You cannot complete 20 tasks with equal value. Always pick a few and focus on them.
• Reevaluate your values. Consider whether something is really important. How valuable will it be to you over time?
• Consider worse options. What will be the consequences? Will something terrible happen if you fail?
• Always focus on the process and think less about the results. You need to appreciate all events, even the most unpleasant ones. This will be an incentive for you to grow and learn.
• Recognize limitations. Learn to value yourself and accept living conditions. Understand that you won’t always be able to control the situation; something will still not go according to plan.
• Cast aside all doubts and replace them with respect and self-love. Know yourself, and do not create an ideal image for the outside world.
• Perfectionism requires a person to experience only specific emotions . You must understand that any emotion can exist and you cannot choose what exactly to feel. Accept them openly and don't judge yourself for it.
• Healthy relationships should be your priority. Show everyone the real you. This is the best way to get closer.
• Think body, mind and soul. Learn to take care of yourself - your nutrition should be correct, you should rest, have fun, and lead an active life.
• Don't think too much. Just do it and that's it. If you do nothing, you will never know what will happen as a result.
• Your vocabulary should not contain the words “must”, “should”... Change them to “I want”, I choose.”
• Perfectionism and the desire to control everything are associated with children's attempts to cope with anxiety. You are already an adult and not so helpless. You can do better things to manage your anxiety.
• Fear should not dictate your behavior . You may feel embarrassed, but you still need to act. There will be mistakes anyway because they don't define your worth.
• Formulate core values ​​and goals . You must allocate time, resources and energy correctly. You should have ideals simply as guidelines, and not as absolute truth.

Perfectionism: what it is and how to get rid of it

Perfectionism is not the desire to be better. It's the desire for the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough. Julia Cameron

Is perfectionism good or bad? This is a complex issue and there are arguments both for and against. Some believe that it is unconditional attention to detail and thoroughness in performing assigned tasks, high standards that give an advantage in a competitive environment. But does striving for perfection really help or make sense? From the article you will see that this is often not the case.

It should also be said that perfectionism and hard work are not the same thing. In the second case, you wake up early in the morning and work until late at night because it can bring success. Elon Musk said: “My secret to success is to work one hundred hours a week.” But perfectionism often manifests itself in the desire to spend a disproportionate amount of time on trifles.

Also, don't confuse perfectionism with doing a job well. In the second case, you complete the project, devoting a sufficient amount of time to the details and not feeling any remorse because the work is not perfect.

What is perfectionism?

Wikipedia defines perfectionism as the belief that an ideal can and should be achieved . At the everyday level, perfectionism is considered to be an excessive desire for perfection, a tendency to place very high demands on oneself and others.

Signs of perfectionism:

• Constantly comparing yourself to others.
• Inflated level of aspirations and high demands on oneself.
• Perceiving other people as demanding and critical.
• High performance standards.
• Focusing on your own failures and mistakes.

This all leads to constant doubts, self-doubt, stress, depression and obsessive thoughts. And also to conflicts with others, since perfectionism also affects relationships with other people.

Perfectionism is built on fear, inflexible rules and high standards, which often have no basis in reality. If you have a week to complete some work, the right thing to do is to plan your time in such a way as to get it done completely. A perfectionist is unlikely to do even half of it, because he will be absorbed in the little things. Sometimes it is useful to complete a project right away, make a so-called rough version, a prototype, and only then polish it until time runs out.

Also, perfectionism often causes a person to become fixated on one aspect. He can't move because he's constantly thinking that some of the work wasn't done perfectly. For some people, perfectionism takes the form of a mental disorder. They follow black and white all or nothing thinking.

Reasons for perfectionism

It often occurs when one or more of the following factors are present:

• High parental expectations.
• Excessive praise for achievements.
• Low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority.
• The idea that self-esteem depends on achievements.
• Black and white thinking.
• Desire for excessive control.

In some families, perfectionism is encouraged. Sometimes parents consciously or unconsciously set perfection as the standard. They need the child’s high grades, victories at the Olympics, and sporting triumphs.

Everything that begins in childhood is quite difficult to uproot later. However, with enough patience and the right strategy, it is possible. In our article you will find some very valuable tips.

But first, let's look at how perfectionism affects work and how it causes procrastination.

Perfectionism at work

Perfectionists hold themselves to unrealistic and often unattainable standards of perfection in everything they do. They are rarely satisfied with their work, and often feel that everything could be done better. In the workplace, perfectionism can lead to significant stress and seriously impact emotional well-being.

The first thing a perfectionist encounters at work is tension. Since he needs to deliver the project on time, and also complete it at the highest level, he feels irritated, which ultimately leads to severe stress. And it already leads to other problems, including physiological ones.

The second consequence of perfectionism at work is procrastination. We will talk about it separately.

Procrastination

You may be so overwhelmed by the desire to get the job done on time and to the best of your ability that you give up on it altogether. It sounds strange, but people are often illogical.

When trying to get rid of pain, you may decide that it is better not to start working at all, so as not to experience stress, than to do it.

Procrastination is constantly putting things off until later. In the case of work, this may take the form of constant brainstorming. You come up with a lot of great ideas that are relevant to the project, but you don't do anything.

At some stage, you begin to feel remorse, but try to suppress this feeling. Again, it's all about the pain. If the pain of not getting started is less than the pain of procrastination, the project will remain stagnant.

What strengthens perfectionism?

Not only is it often formed in childhood, but many people also contribute to its development. Here are some reasons why perfectionism is difficult to overcome.

Four main factors: fears, useless thoughts, rigid rules, high expectations.

Fears

The first reason you continue to suffer from perfectionism comes down to your inability to cope with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of making mistakes and even fear of success.

You indulge in perfectionism because fear creates uncertainty. And when the future seems vague and incomprehensible, it creates doubts. Then the second problem appears - procrastination. And you start overthinking the little things, believing that you are making real progress.

After all, doing little things can be comfortable. There is no need to think that the work must be completed soon. A writer may read books for months, thinking that this will help him write a novel. And then he will write one page for several weeks. Of course, these are all gimmicks that actually only cause additional pain.

Useless thoughts

The second reason why you may continue to suffer from perfectionism comes down to a lot of unhelpful thoughts that lead you astray and cause fear.

These thoughts cause you to make incorrect assumptions about yourself, your work, and the world around you. For example, if you make a mistake, you think that people will criticize you. This is another fear - fear of criticism and condemnation.

Strict rules

This is the third reason: your rules are rigid, not flexible. They are associated with unhelpful thoughts and fears. For example, you want to prepare a presentation, but you focus too much on individual points, and also constantly put off work: looking for the perfect picture, choosing a font, not starting until you have enough time.

But be deceived: even if you find those very necessary pictures and fonts, you will find another reason to postpone execution. One that cannot be solved in principle.

Excessive standards

All three factors combine to form your personal standards and expectations that you bring to every situation. Your personal standards are, of course, guidelines that are used to measure success.

They are the guiding principles of behavior. Thus, they influence the choices and decisions you make when it comes to indulging in perfectionistic behavior.

Think about your standards, then ask yourself:

• Are my standards realistic?
• Are they achievable?
• Are they flexible?
• What problems arise from indulging in these standards?
• How do they affect my psyche, life and success?

The answers to these questions will begin to break down the walls that form the belief systems you have, supporting the new behavior.

Now we will present you with several strategies to get rid of not only perfectionism, but also fears, unhelpful thoughts and rigid rules.

How to get rid of perfectionism

Below you will find some tips to help you overcome perfectionism.

1

Take responsibility for your inner voice

To overcome perfectionism, you must first take control of your inner critic. That voice in your head that reminds you that you're just not good enough.

It's the voice that makes you feel like a second-class citizen every time you make a mistake, the voice that drains your level of self-esteem and self-esteem. As a result, you are filled with fear of failure and criticism - and this is why perfectionism enters the arena.

Perfectionism is an attempt to avoid failure, criticism and mistakes. But there is no progress in achieving the goal.

To take responsibility for your inner voice, you must first become aware of the thoughts you allow to live in your head. Thoughts and words cause many emotional experiences. They lay the foundations of limiting beliefs.

2

Create appropriate expectations and standards

The personal expectations and standards you set for yourself set the foundation for decisions and behavior.

Perfectionism kicks in when your standards are too high. Therefore, first of all, you need to learn how to install more realistic ones. They will provide more freedom and flexibility to move forward.

We usually set high standards to gain approval from other people. Yes, we need a high bar if we want to get more money and achieve success, but if self-esteem suffers and stress levels increase, then something is wrong.

Therefore, the first thing to do is set goals based on your personal expectations and standards. Also, make sure these goals are realistic. They should create motivation, not tension and stress.

Setting strict time limits for completing tasks and projects can also be valuable because it naturally encourages you to keep moving from one task or project to the next without getting caught up in too many details.

3

Analyze your costs and benefits

If you find yourself taking too long while working on a task, ask yourself the following self-reflection questions:

• How does this behavior help me?
• Is this behavior hurting me?
• Could it potentially cause pain to others?
• What are the short-term consequences of not completing this task?
• What are the long-term consequences?

This way you can get some information about what you are doing. We usually don’t do this: we don’t question our behavior and, as a result, continue to act in the usual way, satisfying the desire for perfectionism.

So take the time to objectively evaluate yourself, your behavior and the impact it has on your life.

4

Check your reality

Unrealistic expectations fuel perfectionism. Distinguish them from realistic ones.

List all your unrealistic expectations on a piece of paper. And constantly review to remind yourself what patterns of behavior and thinking you have. For example:

• Write a book in one month.
• Work four jobs.
• Run every morning, even if you have hip problems.

By realistic we mean:

• Set aside about two hours every day to read a book.
• Learn to get the income you want by improving your skills.
• Skip the run if your hip hurts, but work on healing it.

It's very sobering when you write down unrealistic expectations and change them to realistic ones. It turns out that there is absolutely no need to suffer. The main thing is to learn to think broadly and work through all options.

5

Learn to show your weakness

This strategy goes against the philosophy of most perfectionists. But you can guarantee that if you try, it will lead to amazing results.

In especially difficult periods of life, when perfectionism poisons your life, it is quite possible to:

• Cry.
• Spend the day without thinking about work or any standards at all.
• Allow yourself to not do the work and feel okay.

Of course, this is only useful occasionally. Just give yourself some indulgences sometimes, but not for long. It is necessary to recharge, draw the right conclusions and get back to work.

6

Shift your perspective

Let's take a look at the value of changing perspective while continuing to question the perfectionistic behaviors we tend to indulge in. To do this, you need to activate a little curiosity. You have to be willing to be curious about what you're doing and be willing to make some adjustments.

You may think that having the perfect job will help you achieve certain goals today, but what about your long-term goals? It may turn out that all this will be completely unimportant in a few years.

After all, if you work so hard on one thing, you're just afraid of making mistakes, right? But it is mistakes, or rather the lessons that can be learned from them, that lead to mastery. It's part of adapting, learning and improving.

We learn as we do things. And the more work we do, the more we progress. When we pay attention to the little things, we lose the chance to do more in the same time.

You can learn the following affirmations and repeat them whenever the opportunity arises:

• To be human means to make mistakes.
• You need to learn from every mistake.
• Having mistakes doesn't make me incompetent.

Yes, mistakes may slow you down temporarily, but in the long run, with the right attitude, they will contribute to growth.

7

Focus on what's important

Finally, when it comes to avoiding the pitfalls of perfectionism, it's important to focus on what's most important.

Remember the Pareto principle: 80% of effort produces 20% of results, while 20% of effort produces 80% of results. This is what you need to follow when you want to overcome perfectionism. He will discourage all desire to deal with details if the core of the project or task is not ready.

Another key is to focus on overall progress rather than specific results. The more you progress, the more you will learn. Which, in turn, leads to additional progress.

We wish you good luck!

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• How to teach yourself to take action right away
• Skills and qualities of successful people
• Finding Happiness: What You Need to Stop Doing
• 21 Best Time Management Techniques (Part 2)
• 3 steps to overcome procrastination
• Overcoming Negative Behavior
• Spanish shame: what is it and what is the meaning?
• Time box
• Overcoming impostor syndrome
• Exercises that kill the fear of creativity

Key words:1Psychoregulation

How to cure perfectionism with a psychologist: therapy

Fear of a perfectionist
Treating perfectionism on your own is quite difficult, because to do this you need to constantly adhere to the recommendations of a psychologist. However, you will not find any other way. If you turn to a psychologist with your problem, then he, of course, will have different methods of work. First of all, he will conduct psychoanalysis and only then prescribe therapy. As a rule, it is aimed at changing thinking and behavior. Moreover, a specialist will definitely select a relaxation technique, because a perfectionist constantly experiences tension.

Why perfectionism is dangerous: consequences

Treating perfectionism is important because it can not only cause problems in life, but also lead to some mental disorders. Why is he dangerous? The thing is that while a person is trying to achieve the ideal, he ultimately does not get pleasure if the result is not exactly the same. Ultimately, even successes are disappointing because they could have done better.

This leads to constant emotional discomfort. Accordingly, the perfectionist becomes less productive. Feelings of fatigue, anxiety and hopelessness increase. Since a person is constantly stressed, for this reason he develops headaches, feels weak and his chronic diseases may worsen. In difficult cases, nervous breakdown or depression occurs.

Every person who is a perfectionist is overly sensitive to criticism. So he treats even praise with caution. It often happens that a person remains lonely because he makes excessive demands.

How to deal with harmful perfectionism?

If you understand that toxic perfectionism is your enemy, then I suggest you fight it. There are several ways.

1. Set yourself the bar of “good enough.” And follow it rationally. For example, if you are a designer working on a visual, think ahead about what will be “good enough.” As soon as the primary version is ready, hand it over to the customer. Stop chasing an unattainable ideal. Just do it well and you will be happy. For comparison, analyze over time how your internal state has improved.
2. Delegate tasks. And accept the result with the same assessment of “good enough.” If you are afraid that others will not do what you want, draw up technical specifications. A few edits and discussions - and the person will do well. I recently hired an assistant onto my team. At first I taught her via ZOOM, explaining what was “good enough” for me. Then the rules of her work. And after that, the result of her work was close to my standards. I know: it will only get better.

Perfectionism comes into our lives unconsciously. There are many reasons: childhood trauma, dissatisfaction with oneself, competition. But you can fight all this.

What is the difference between perfectionism and pedantry?

Differences between pedantry and perfectionism
It happens that people think that perfectionism needs to be treated. However, they may turn out to be pedants. In fact, these two concepts are confused. So, if a person believes that the ideal can be achieved and makes efforts to achieve this, then he is a perfectionist. He sets excessive demands and constantly criticizes himself. As for pedantry, it is formalism, exactingness and precision. A person tries to maintain order even in the smallest details.

In some ways these concepts are indeed similar, but at the same time they have many differences. Let's look into them.

• For a pedant, form is more important than content. That is, he believes that one must always follow the rules and strictly observe them. It is vital for him to be careful and this always shows itself, even if someone doesn’t like it. As for perfectionists, they focus on the content. That is, for them content is much more important than following the rules. That is, they can violate deadlines. When doing important work, he will be meticulous and focus on the details. He tries to avoid criticism and failure, which the pedant is not entirely interested in.
• A perfectionist tries to be perfect in big things, while a pedant tries to be perfect in small things. So, a perfectionist needs a book to become a bestseller, but a pedant needs to keep the documents correctly.
• A perfectionist evaluates results based on external factors, such as praise . This increases his self-esteem. When assessing, a pedant relies on his personal position and internal state.
• The pedant is conservative. If a perfectionist strives forward for high results in order to perceive himself, then it is important for a pedant to maintain order.

Despite these differences, in both cases people experience increased levels of anxiety. Moreover, they are not very flexible, because they always develop special behavioral strategies that they always try to follow. At the same time, they are very worried about mistakes. This is very bad for both. Both people try to do the job flawlessly and in this they are similar. At the same time, they always doubt the correctness of their actions.

Achievements of goals

To shift targets from the prevention field to the assistance field, four actions are sufficient:

• Draw a table with three columns: prevention, positive results, promotion.
• Define prevention goals. To do this, you need to remember everything that you don’t like in life and what you have to put up with, what you want to avoid, and what to change, and write it down in the first column. Prevention goals contain negation and often have the particle “not.”
• Describe the positive results we want to achieve and add them to the second column.
• Using the information in the first two columns, reformulate the preventive goals into promoting ones and write them in the third column. Important: new goals should not contain the word “no”.