Betrayal by a loved one is a heavy blow for any, even the strongest relationship. The most offensive thing is when a man cheats. After all, he is a support for the whole family, a protector and provider. Women who play the role of housewives and raise children have no one else to rely on in their lives, with the exception of some relatives.
Why do men cheat when they are in already strong and long-lasting marital relationships? After all, this often comes as a surprise, especially if there are almost no problems or disagreements in the family.
Several sociological surveys were conducted among married and single men, the purpose of which was to find out the real reasons for their betrayal. Some shared in particular detail their motives for this unpleasant and relationship-threatening act.
But in fact, the reasons for male infidelity differ only in some cases from female ones. They were mainly committed under the influence of family problems and the difficult life of men in Russia.
Way of self-affirmation
There are men who vitally need feats in love affairs. New women they will conquer.
As a rule, after conquest they cool down and begin to look for a new object of attention.
This is the predominance of a certain type of human character, with whom it is important for a man to constantly be in a state of flirtation, conquest and not go further.
Such men do not know what to do next with a woman. How to live with her in marriage and what format of relationship to have.
They can start a family, but the desire to conquer other women will remain with them.
At the same time, betrayal can only stop at flirting, at being infatuated with others, I will say, more on a platonic level, but it can also move to the physical level.
To get started, please take the survey.
If it's not too much trouble, take a quick anonymous survey for men. And I will collect data and provide current statistics on female and male infidelity, based on user responses. If you are a girl, please take a similar survey for girls.
If the answer is no, then that's it. Well, if it’s positive, then let’s move on.
Sex shortage at home
Often in practice I meet women who think: if she gets married, the man will be with her forever.
Such women relax and stop taking care of themselves the way they did before. They turn into a mother, a wife, and hide themselves in the role of a lover.
Although a stable relationship is a new stage. Many sexual things become comfortable, sex becomes rare. Such women do not pay attention to their men's comments about their clothes, their hairstyle, their figure, etc.
Sex is an extension of your feelings, which manifest themselves physically. This is an exchange of energies. Love can be shown in many ways, and sex is one of them.
If for your man sex is a sign of your love for him, then the absence of sex will indicate that you do not love him.
Through sex, you give your man energy that helps him achieve his goals and earn money.
If you don’t give sex, you block these moments in your man’s development. It is important to talk about what you like and realize each other’s fantasies. If you don’t have them, there will be those who want to do it.
If you have difficulties with fantasies, with the way you are in sex, read literature, go to classes on imbuilding (working intimate muscles), oral-manual caresses.
It is important to understand that sex brings you closer together. This is the unity of bodies, feelings, emotions. Greater intimacy can hardly be felt.
No words convey emotions and feelings in sex. Sex also reconciles: if you quarrel in the morning, you make up in the evening.
How to work through negative attitudes
So, we agreed: the reason that a husband cheats even on his beloved wife must be looked for in himself too. Now to your desperate “What’s wrong with me?” you will already be able to answer: “The problem may be my thoughts and negative beliefs.”
This leads to an algorithm of actions: such attitudes must be changed to positive ones. They are the ones who will lead you to a new worldview - “there are a lot of decent men around, and one of them is mine.”
How to do it? I recommend several simple, easy-to-use and at the same time effective techniques.
Technique 1. “Focus on the good”
This exercise is for women who feel that their husband has grown cold. He tries to stay at home less, has become irritable, and most importantly, doubts have arisen about his fidelity. Thoughts that all men cheat are feverishly swarming in my head...
A list will come to your aid. Write down all the positive traits of your man on a piece of paper. Remember why you fell in love with him, what you once admired about him. And notice the manifestations of these qualities more often today. Shift your focus from frustration and dissatisfaction to gratitude and acceptance.
I understand that this can be very difficult. Especially if at the moment you are filled with resentment and jealousy. In order not to break down and make the situation worse, it is useful to enlist the support of a specialist.
Elizaveta Volkova’s author’s mood, created specifically for such situations, is perfect. Thanks to this meditation, you will be able to change the qualities of your partner without his knowledge - unobtrusively, without scandals, pleas and moralizing. Very soon you will notice the much-desired changes in your relationship.
Technique 2. “I’m a cool girl”
This technique perfectly pumps up self-esteem in situations where it seems that “even if not all men cheat on me, then I certainly do, because there’s something to love me for.”
Remember the movie “The Most Charming and Attractive”? There, the heroines increased their self-confidence by repeating standard, template affirmations. We will go the other way.
Think about what exactly you can praise yourself for. What are your personal achievements and strengths? The more you find them in yourself, the better. Whenever your mood is low, tell yourself: “And I won’t be sour, because I’m a cool girl! Who has great hair? I have! Who has jumped with a parachute twice? I! Who speaks French without an accent? I! Who's great? I'm done!"
There are, of course, moments of depression and devastation, when it seems that you cannot escape from a world where all men cheat. Then there is no mood or strength even for simple exercises. The best medicine for such conditions is self-love.
Another meditation by Elizaveta Volkova is aimed at this, which is called self-love. It will help you cope with mental pain and literally revive you.
The world around you will definitely respond to your new sense of self: you will begin to receive more and more confirmation that you are beautiful and worthy of love.
Technique 3. “The Ideal Partner”
Sit back and just... dream. How would you like your man to be? A picture appears - very good. Add a description to it, make a list of qualities that are important to you in a man. And let the “faithful” be in the forefront.
And then - at any opportunity, diligently note these qualities in men you know, friends, relatives, colleagues. It's even more interesting with strangers! You can come up with whole stories about them, playing out different situations and generously endowing them with decency, kindness, intelligence, reliability - everything that is valuable to you. And drive away from yourself the thoughts that all men cheat.
Eg:
This handsome guy is probably newlywed, he’s in a hurry to get home, not noticing anyone around! And in a big package he definitely has a surprise for his beloved. And here is an older man enthusiastically talking with a neighbor, praising his wife, who, even after many years, remains the best for him...
The more dramatic and detailed these pictures are, the faster your subconscious will adjust to the desired mood. Reality will also adapt to your new beliefs: there will be more men in your environment for whom loyalty and family values are a priority. You will eventually attract one of them to become your partner.
Technique 4. “A collection of stories of strong marriages”
There are actually a lot of them. Give yourself examples of families of friends and acquaintances. Read stories about strong unions and congratulations on family anniversaries. Look for happy couples on the streets, capture them in movies and TV series. In a word, let your mirror reflect only love, fidelity, strong and reliable relationships!
There are several more effective techniques that help you regain and maintain love.
Elizaveta Volkova talks about them in detail here >>>
Communication Compensation
I meet men who want attention, warmth, love, to be seen as a man, a person, and not just a father and husband who must buy groceries according to the list and pick up the children on a schedule and screw in the light bulb.
Of course this is important! But at least once listen carefully to your man. Just listen to how it was on the first dates. Even if you think you know everything about him, he has something going on every day.
Even if he says something absurd or nonsense, let him say it, don’t comment harshly, don’t criticize, don’t devalue him. Everyone has the right to fool around.
Sometimes it's a way to get your attention. Ask your man what would he like? What is he missing? If he found something in another woman, then it is not in you or you have stopped giving it to him. Often this can be a banal feeling of being a person who is interesting to a woman.
A person who is admired, thanked, so much so that “it would not have been possible without him.” A person who is listened to with an open mouth.
The task of each of us is to look at the object of a man’s passion and ask the question what is it about her that captivates her.
Honestly admit to yourself, “Am I giving this?” and ask yourself, “How can I give what another woman is passionate about?” It's important to understand: you can too. And you have more advantages than the other, since you also know your man. They just stopped showing it.
Here you need to return to the state in which you gave your man what he needed (otherwise he would not be with you).
Remember the period when you first met. This is not only an external manifestation, it is your internal state, it is energy that is realized from the inside out.
What does a man want from cheating?
I repeat - all people are different. The ones given here are based on counseling practice. This practice shows that it is impossible to predict 100%. However, if you know in advance “how it happens,” it will be easier for you to avoid common mistakes (you can read about them in the book How to Avoid Hurtful Mistakes in Marriage. At this link you can even access a fragment of the book for free)
A man wants to forget
Just don't think about anything. Live “for yourself”.
A man wants to feel like a man
Feel that he is a man. And not the one who was “ripped off” by his wife yesterday for leaving a trash can at home.
A man wants sex
Just like that - sex. When you don't need to persuade. Yes, of course, a mistress does not immediately “jump into bed.” But with a mistress it turns out to be a game. But with your wife, sex must be “earned.” So it’s not a game, but a “service”?
A man wants to live
To know that there is more than just everyday work. “Butterflies in the stomach” don’t just happen to teenagers.
It's a shame to read these lines, isn't it? After all, the wife also wants to forget herself, to feel like a woman, to feel the “butterflies”. I also want fabulous sex.
It turns out that the aspirations of the spouses are similar. But it’s impossible to say them out loud. It's a shame, it's a shame. These are the costs of our culture. We are used to thinking that once we have had a wedding, we have to endure the problems! Enduring is not the solution.
Cheating in itself is not a problem. Yes, it is difficult to answer the question “Why do men cheat?” You can read my version of the answer in the article of the same name Why men cheat But cheating is always only a symptom of the problem. It shows that there has been no mutual understanding between husband and wife for a long time. Or maybe he didn’t exist. But in any case, this is not a reason for betrayal. If you suspect that your man is cheating, read this article. I suspect my husband of cheating - what to do?
Fashion for polygamy
In some circles, infidelity is a trend, an indicator of solidity and prestige to have both a wife and a mistress.
One client told me: “I don’t have the strength for both of them, my wife and I feel good, but the status obliges me.” Between their partners and friends, such men feel insecure without their mistresses.
For them, this is an indicator of wealth - to provide for their family and mistresses. When we choose men of a certain circle as companions, we need to understand that behind their achievements there may be, among other things, complexes.
They “dictated” to follow certain rules. Mistress is one of the rules. So they follow.
For love
A man can fall in love with another woman. However, he does not dare to leave his family. Also, being in a long-term relationship, a man may also not dare to break it off.
In a good way, and in fairness, in such a situation you need to break off the relationship and enter into a new one.
Neither promises to be together nor children can rid a man of his feelings. He deceives himself (primarily), his wife and his mistress.
If a man stays, then his wife (or girlfriend) can psychologically act as a mother, and his beloved as a woman.
And here is a question for the “female half”: how to distribute the roles and who will they suit? Such a model has a right to exist. The spouse receives a family and acts as a wife, solving household chores, and as a mother for children, the other woman is a lover. Everyone is happy and everyone gets what they want.
Conclusion
Even if you don’t know what betrayal of a loved one is and you are completely confident in the fidelity of your chosen one, it will not hurt to know what can push you towards it. With the necessary knowledge, you can maintain peace of mind and peace in your family. Remembering the reasons why loving men cheat, you can use women's wisdom, resourcefulness and prevent the possibility of betrayal, making sure that it never even occurs to your husband to look elsewhere. After all, almost any affair is a consequence of male dissatisfaction, and your task is to understand why it arose, and only in this way will harmony and mutual understanding reign in your family.
I'm cheating on myself
Interesting! Is it true? How often do we cheat on ourselves? How often do we do what we don’t want, follow others’ lead, block our desires in the name of other people’s “wants” and “shoulds”?
They don't love us because we don't love ourselves. We are betrayed because we betray ourselves.
They don't hear us because we don't hear ourselves. Take a piece of paper and write (preferably with your left hand):
- I cheated on myself in...
- I keep cheating on myself...
- I'm cheating on myself in...
At the end of the letter, ask yourself for forgiveness for your own betrayals. And promise yourself to find a way to avoid them.
