Psychology of cheating on men and women

Recently, family relationships have become one of the most discussed and relevant topics, because according to statistics in Russia, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Russia firmly occupies a leading position in the world in this indicator.

How beautifully and luxuriously people hold weddings, but getting married does not mean building a harmonious and happy family in the future. Marriage is not something immobile, reinforced concrete, lifeless; it is a rather sensitive and fragile form of existence that must be improved, cultivated, developed and protected. But unfortunately, people do this very ineptly.

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The foundation of any strong marriage is love. Love is the strongest feeling when a person is ready for a lot for the sake of another: ready to forgive, ready to heal a wound and become stronger, ready to wait and miss when separated, ready to take responsibility for himself and for his loved one. In a normal relationship there should be no tension, there should be complete mutual understanding. Relationships should create joy, comfort and a feeling of happiness.

Yes, not all people know how to love. They didn’t feel it in childhood, their parents didn’t teach them and didn’t set a good example for them. Unfortunately, for many people, love, which has not yet had time to really arise, dies, and the number of divorces grows every year.

Reasons for divorce

abuse of alcohol or drugs by spouses or someone individually;
unresolved housing issue;
mutual guilt for various reasons (alcohol, boredom, quarrel, little communication, momentary weakness);
modern women have become more independent and confident in life and are not afraid of losing their spouse because of their infidelity. Signs that a woman has someone: she becomes rude at home, quick-tempered, uncontrollable, irritable, she begins to stay late at work, and often meets with “girlfriends”;
other women, over time, under the pressure of existence, stop taking special care of themselves, their sexuality is lost, they stop lighting up a man, charming and exciting him, they begin to resemble a book they have read. But you must always be different, mysterious, unpredictable, exciting and sexy;
interference of relatives in the couple’s family relationships;
Internet addiction, social networks;
I have some fantasies and dreams and wrong thoughts in my head: everyone is cheating, why don’t I cheat;
a person escapes from accumulated problems that he is not going to solve;
incompatibility of characters, intransigence, unsatisfied needs for understanding, there is no feeling of a kindred spirit and harmony, the impossibility of establishing trusting relationships, people exist on different wavelengths, there are no common interests, mutual understanding and frequent quarrels;
At home you don’t feel attention or respect, life has become gray and monotonous;
early, forced, ill-considered marriage or, conversely, marriage at a late age;
the person is not mature enough for serious family relationships;
the marriage was accidental and there was no love, fell into the trap of false feelings, into the trap of sexual addiction;
a marriage that was committed as a sign of revenge on another person;
sexual dissatisfaction, differences in sexual temperament, and sex is one of the strong components of a happy marriage. The wife often refuses sex, citing that she has a headache, and the husband puts forward the reason that he is very tired at work;
civil marriages, people unsure of their feelings;
feelings have changed, feelings have faded;
an unplanned child or, conversely, the absence of children;
arranged marriages;
financial situation, poverty and uncertainty;
long separations for various reasons (work specifics, imprisonment);
due to health problems of one of the spouses;
one of the spouses is building a career, all in business;
groundless strong jealousy;
infidelity of one of the spouses, animal instinct crushes human consciousness;
nothing provokes husbands to cheat more than jealous wives.

Adultery

From the entire list of reasons for divorce, we will focus on one, almost the main reason - adultery. The issue of betrayal is a moral moment in life, which depends on the upbringing received in the parental family, on the example of the parents, as well as on the personal qualities of the person.

The topic of betrayal is very painful, it bothers many people. There seem to be three components here:

biological
social
personal

Treason is sometimes equated to the destruction of the world. Treason is a kind of betrayal. People walking in the same bond (some vowed on the wedding altar), like a climber, should not cut the rope, dooming their partner to death or excruciating pain.

Cheating tells you that you are inferior or different. We are people, not animals, and must be able to control our feelings, be able to make the right decisions and prioritize values.

How to recognize a cheating man

According to statistics, every third man cheats on his wife or woman with whom he is in a serious relationship. Only half of women realize this. But hiding betrayal is not easy. A person’s behavior changes and betrays him, he is no longer the same. This can be guessed from various points:

the man began to pay a lot of attention to his appearance;
he developed some new hobbies and interests;
his circle of acquaintances and friends has changed;
the man began to come home late, citing the fact that he had a lot to do at work, that he had frequent business trips and a host of other reasons;
a man comes home drunk;
the mileage of his car has increased noticeably;
a man forgets to put on his wedding ring;
while at home, something constantly irritates him, he is quick-tempered, dissatisfied with something, jealous;
his mood often changes, from aggression to tenderness;
became indifferent to various domestic problems, and already forgot the last time he complimented his wife and gave flowers;
he does not particularly insist on intimacy with his wife;
he became jealous of his phone.

Why do women cheat?

If male infidelity is quite common, then with female infidelity the situation is more complicated. Most likely, the partner with whom she lives does not suit her.

Very often, the cause may be problems that come from childhood: relationships in the parents’ family, or their divorce.

The mother and father, always busy with work and their own squabbles, do not pay attention to the child and do not give love. As a result, their girl withdraws because she does not find participation and does not want to feel pain.

About the same option with treason. As adults, children whose parents cheated are afraid of receiving the same blow from their partner. And then they go “ahead of the situation.” Unloved children have many fears, and they do not even suspect that they can live differently, without fear of opening up to people and getting hit by a loved one.

How a man should behave if his wife cheats is up to them to decide. It is better to say right away at the beginning of a relationship that cheating will be immediately followed by divorce.

Typically, women have several needs that must be met. This is a man's skill:

listen and support;
provide for the family;
give a feeling of love.

Even if conflicts arise, it is unlikely that a woman will leave for another if she has all this.

Knife in the back

Any woman who finds out about cheating is hurt and hurt. She remembers the best moments of their life together. Then she was happy, cheerful and carefree with her loved one. But this “beloved” suddenly becomes a traitor, an enemy who stuck a knife in the back, trampling on love, dreams and hopes.

Pain in the heart and unabated horror, extreme stress, and the only cure for all this is painfully slowly dragging time. Thanks to him, pain and resentment will turn into life experience, and former love will be erased into dust and gradually scattered by the wind of memories.

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A woman is most active in her adventures until the moment of conception, childbirth and further raising of the child. A man is looking for in betrayal: variety, a change in sexual sensations, he tries his sexual fantasies with another woman, because he is embarrassed to show this with his wife, so that she does not think of him as a depraved man.

Many men sometimes feel that everything in the family depends on him, that he has achieved a lot and why shouldn’t he relax, he deserves it. And vice versa, women sometimes complain about their husbands that they are not active, but she wants aggressive sex. For some reason, spouses are sometimes embarrassed to talk about sex and their needs.

Why are people unfaithful to their spouses and end up getting divorced? Where is the main reason? Why is this happening? Why do people, destroying a family, not think about fate, about the psyche of their children, about the fact that they are left without fathers or mothers? Do they even think about this, or do they value their own interests and personal problems more than the fate of their children?

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Betrayal is a terrible blow to a person. It can be so strong that a person cannot recover from it for a long time and sometimes becomes very ill. What to do? How to react? What decision should I make? Break up or endure? Maybe forgive someone who is not mistaken, just confused by a demon?

There are no clues in this matter, there is no clear correct solution. Everything is so individual that there are simply no recipes for this disease. Which position, which solution suits a person, is up to him to choose.

Advice for loving wives

Most women are endowed with worldly wisdom, regardless of age. They intuitively feel who will be comfortable with and who will bring a huge load of problems. They will not wonder whether a husband can cheat if he loves his wife, but will try to reduce the risk of third-party affairs to a minimum.

Following a few rules will help preserve the family unit.

Unconditional love that does not require response or reward is held in high esteem.
Do not make categorical claims, but try to establish a dialogue and come to a compromise.
In addition to common interests, you need to have your own, do interesting things and constantly maintain a slight intrigue in communication.

Instead of dull everyday life, you will get a constant desire to understand the inner world and interests of your partner, and this is much more exciting than the usual course of events.

Weigh all the pros and cons

The main decision should not be spontaneous, fleeting, thoughtless, in a fit of anger. Here we can say for sure that it will be incorrect. And the main thing is not to make any mistakes. A lot is at stake: children and their future fate, housing and life in general. What to do with parents, mutual friends, how to share them?

Give yourself some time to think, calm down, weigh the pros and cons and make the right decision. Maybe it’s worth going somewhere for a while so that the spouses can live without each other and think about everything in a calm atmosphere. Yes, it won't be easy. Your decision will be your decision alone. But will it suit your other half? The decision should be such that one of the spouses does not suffer for the rest of their lives.

Man drinking alone

Are you ready to give your half the first and last chance for rehabilitation, a chance to start from scratch, forgetting about the injury, which, of course, caused an irreparable scar on the heart? This wound will disturb the soul for a long time, and doubts will not leave whether betrayal will happen again. Is it possible to restore trust in a person and forget about this isolated incident? Of course, the third person who caused great pain to your family must disappear from your life.

4) Desire for physical intimacy

You may not believe in astrology, but in the Zodiac the point responsible for the family is in the fall in the sign responsible for sex (the same famous Moon in Scorpio). It turns out that sex and family are conflicting things. Family is home, comfort, children, pillows, tea in front of the TV, paintings on the wall, not sex and passion. That's why they go to lovers and mistresses for sex.

The convenience of family life makes us forget about the physical component of relationships. The chemistry that was created when you first met no longer makes a difference. At the same time, the physical need for sex, which automatically contains the emotional need for sex, does not disappear anywhere. She is depressed and looking for a way out.

What to do? Hugging, kissing, having sex. Throw out the pillows, pour out the tea.

Where are the reasons?

It will be necessary to figure out where the reasons for this situation lie. Who is right, who is wrong? Maybe the reason lies not in your spouse, but in you. Maybe you stopped showing signs of attention to your other half for one reason or another, maybe you forgot to give compliments, and who doesn’t love them. They are sometimes very inspiring and inspiring. Maybe you have become less gentle and attractive, and the feelings of your significant other have gradually begun to cool down.

Flowers, surprises, joint trips to the cinema, the theater, the desire to pleasantly surprise each other and please each other become dull over the years. True, this happens for some almost in the first months of life together, for others years later, and for others after a long time after a seemingly happy life. And there are cases, although there are not many of them, that people link their destinies forever, for the rest of their lives, even die together.

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During a divorce, women are more likely to bring up everyday problems: the husband drinks, assaults her, has little income, does not provide any help at home or any attention, etc. Less often, women refer to the fact that the husband has another woman.

Men put forward slightly different reasons: he fell in love with someone else and cannot live without her, he lacks some kind of spiritual warmth. They refer more to feelings, rather than to everyday moments. Yes, betrayal and divorce are very difficult and painful. Life is unpredictable and treacherous, and no one is immune from relationship breakdown. Some cheat out of stupidity, some out of drunkenness, some out of revenge, and some simply find it difficult to resist temptation.

Women forgive their husbands for infidelity much more often than men do. Cheating on one's wives is a severe blow to a man's pride. The man begins to take revenge on her in every possible way. A man cannot approach his wife’s infidelity in a balanced and reasonable manner; he stops being aware of his actions and can cause a lot of trouble.

Family violence

Therefore, for women who find it difficult and unbearable to live with their husbands, it is better to first part with their husbands peacefully, and then look for another love. If mutual infidelity occurs, it is almost impossible to save the family. If the betrayals continue, and the person has ceased to respect and love you, then there is no point in holding him back and inflicting an even greater wound on himself.

As they say, you cannot glue a broken vase, and if it does, it will be fragile and sooner or later it will break anyway. Women are sometimes afraid to change their lives, no matter what it is. Yes, sometimes it’s difficult and scary to do this, but not changing a hopeless married life is stupid. When a person reads an uninteresting book or watches a boring movie, he probably doesn’t finish reading the book or watching the movie.

A person often holds on and clings to something bad and unnecessary. This is the power of habit. You must be able to cut off and leave, let go and get rid of. If your shoes squeeze you and make it difficult to walk in them, they cause blisters and hurt your feet. What are you doing? Either you try to endure it, or you try to wear your shoes in, or you simply easily change them for new ones. Everything that interferes with a normal life must be swept away. There is no need to hold on to the sinking Titanic.

Ordinary sadism

Psychologist Alexey Roshchin believes that it would be more honest to report the fact of betrayal before the betrayal itself. Often a partner is hurt not so much by the fact of betrayal as by the fact that they are trying to manipulate him. First, a person cheats, and then tries to ease the pangs of conscience, shift the burden of responsibility onto the partner. It turns out that recognition is based on motives that are far from noble intentions. We can be driven by the desire to hurt our other half.

“ Both confession and betrayal can be an act of sadism.” First, you consciously cheat, and then you talk about it, savoring the details and observing your partner’s reaction, trying to hurt him more, ” says psychologist Alexey Roshchin.

Psychologist Irina Korzhaeva recalled a case that a patient told her about, whose lover cheated on her. They had been in a relationship for three years and had gone through many difficult and stressful periods. One morning, returning from a party, a guy called her and said something like this: “Honey, I don’t have very good news. I'm honest with you and I don't want there to be secrets between us. Yesterday I got very drunk and slept with a girl... By accident... Yes, it’s my fault, but it’s all because of you, we have constant quarrels, you’ve been driving me crazy for a week... In general, it doesn’t mean anything to me, I just wanted to, so you know."

In that case, it had traumatic consequences. The woman went to see a psychotherapist for a long time. Experts agree that many consequences could have been avoided if the lovers had agreed on the general rules of the game at the very beginning, while still “on the shore.”

What is the difference between male infidelity and female infidelity?

Men

For them, a wife, no matter how beautiful and wonderful, is an already read book, a conquered peak. And here the instinct of the hunter, the conqueror, comes into play. My wife has already conquered territory, I want to try to conquer new territory. He wants to somehow realize his energy, emotions that he cannot throw out at home.

Men are very vulnerable and subject to stress. They painfully endure all kinds of reproaches and scoldings. So they are trying to find an outlet on the side. A woman's coldness depresses a man. He experiences mental suffering and doubts about his masculine attractiveness. He will try to look for a woman where he can feel sexually wealthy and attractive. Men are very proud.

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Men cheat not necessarily because they fall in love with their partner, he is interested in the sexual side of the issue. Although, of course, a woman’s sexual attractiveness is very important. Men, cheating on their wives, do not think at all about leaving the family.

Men may be the stronger sex, but they are weak in other ways. They may love their wife very much, but sometimes they cannot refuse sex with another woman. Their brain turns off (even without alcohol) when they really want it. A man, being a good husband and a very caring father, cannot resist the animal instinct, which is higher and stronger than his consciousness and reason.

Men are not far-sighted; when they cheat, they do not look far and deep; they are guided by animal instinct. They need sex and adventure. When choosing a wife, men look not only at her sexual attractiveness, but also at her intelligence. When choosing a temporary partner, they look at her convex body parts.