“If I were a sultan, I would have three wives...” this is how the famous song begins. Indeed, in Arab countries, polygamy is normal. The psychology of men gives the exact answer why they have mistresses. All representatives of the male world are polygamous, therefore, since ancient times, polygamy and harems have been welcomed in Arab countries.
Although today in many countries there are still families where the husband has several wives. But in Russia it is customary to have only one single beloved soulmate. Our families consist of a husband and wife who, having fallen in love with each other, get married. But even in ideal family relationships, betrayal happens.
Psychology of a man in a relationship with his mistress
A mistress - a homewrecker, or a faithful friend? For married women, a mistress is not only an enemy, but also often an object of envy. But for men everything is not so obvious. Some men swear that they will never cheat, while others are not averse to going to the left. Let's understand male psychology and find out in more detail why they have mistresses if they have a beautiful wife nearby.
Features of the psychology of relationships between a married man and his mistress What a man expects from his mistress, why he needs her The main reasons for affairs on the side A mistress is an outlet When he and she are married Why men break up with their mistresses
see also Why men cheat
see also How to understand that a man has stopped loving
Should I be patient?
Photo by RODNAE Productions: Pexels
This prevailing opinion among the fair sex, in fact, although not unfounded, gives an error in the result. Believe us: there are also “swans” in a male flock, pathologically faithful to their life partner.
Calming yourself down by taking a walk and freaking out is counterproductive. You can “take a walk” in different ways; you should definitely exclude unnecessary risks and experiments in this area. Let's better assume how this could happen: your husband definitely loves you, but for some reason he is still looking for new romance on the side.
Features of the psychology of relationships between a married man and his mistress
Why do men find passion on the side if their beloved wife is waiting for them at home? There are many answers to this question.
Some psychologists are sure that everything comes from childhood, when a man observed his father’s behavior in the family and, having matured, copies his behavior. If his father preferred to have fun on the side, then this was in the order of things for the child, and as an adult he would treat his wife the same way.
The man was unlucky with his mother as a child. She was too authoritarian, raised the child harshly, and as an adult he dreams of taking revenge on women for such an attitude. In his head there is resentment towards all the ladies, so he deliberately deceives his wife and uses his mistress for his own pleasure. By the way, such men have a habit of often changing lovers, as if showing who is the master of the situation. He always throws them first to make it hurt more.
Another reason may be negative sexual experiences in adolescence, when a young man is just starting a relationship and does not yet know how to present himself correctly in bed. Such a sexual failure is remembered and in the future forces him to rush into multiple relationships, in an attempt to prove to himself that he is a man anywhere.
Any difficulties in the family can become an impetus for betrayal and the appearance of a permanent mistress. Some men, not knowing how to resolve conflicts, prefer to have a pleasant relationship with their mistress and see less of their evil wife.
Men are also strongly influenced by the propaganda of a depraved lifestyle that has intensified in recent decades, when some trainers in “male psychology” inspire men that the one who lives with the same lady is a deer and a mug. But real men must have both a wife and a mistress in order to live cheerfully and freely. Those who fall into the trap of such gurus often regret that after the betrayal, the wife filed for divorce, but nothing can be corrected.
What does a man expect from his mistress, why does he need her?
If you look at divorce statistics, in many cases men blame their ex-wives for not living up to their expectations. What are these expectations and why is a man so confident that a woman can give it to him? A man wants to see a well-groomed, cheerful and gentle young lady nearby who will not burden him with her problems. She should always be in touch with him and never refuse sex. Some believe that a mistress should also not be a fool in order to have something to talk about, but these are already rare requests from individual aesthetes.
In fact, in a marriage after the birth of a child, it is very difficult for a woman to meet such requirements. She is tired, sick, perhaps also working, but she needs to serve her husband and create comfort in the house. Not all men want to help with the baby and housework. So it turns out that a sad and tired wife can no longer satisfy her husband in any way. Hence the betrayal.
Male psychology is such that the stronger sex does not like to spend a long time understanding the reasons; he simply does what he likes and avoids conflicts. This is how the main reason for the appearance of a mistress arises - dissatisfaction in the family.
Routine relationships prevent a man from relaxing after work and enjoying family life. Moreover, the wife is tired and angry - what kind of romance is there? Therefore, it is easier for a man to find a girl on the side and have a good time than to help his wife solve family problems.
Often in a family, after several years of living together, spouses feel cold towards each other. If a man is a temperamental lover by nature and really loves female attention and affection, but does not receive it from his wife, then he will definitely find a woman who will provide all this to him in the best possible way.
you may also be interested in: Why do men cheat?
A mistress can also be a friend with whom it is pleasant to discuss some issues related to work or common interest, while the spouse is far from these topics. Such a connection can last for years, because when people feel good together, they have no need to be separated.
Common sense or hypocrisy
CONTENT:
Some women themselves want to become a mistress. The desire is absurd, but it has a secret meaning. Girls intuitively sense the prospects of a relationship with a certain man. Married guys seem to them stable, proven, suitable for life together. In fact, this is not true. They marry not only decent young people; even the most immoral person can become a husband.
Single girls have their eyes on a married man whose family seems ideal. A certain excitement awakens in her, and confidence arises that everything will work out for the best with this partner. Here a catch may await the mistress: not everyone has the habit of putting up with quarrels in public. A seemingly diligent, close-knit family is completely different in reality. There may be scandals, fights, betrayals, but the spouses want to appear in the eyes of others as an example of a happy couple.
Peace rarely reigns in love triangles; they are filled with quarrels, misunderstandings, and psychological trauma. The outcome of the twists and turns is as follows.
- Ideally, a man breaks this vicious circle and makes a choice towards one of the women. Life stories show the opposite - a lover or wife cannot withstand the constant tension, and someone leaves the relationship themselves.
- Less often, both suffer infidelity because they cannot leave. This is the lot of girls with low self-esteem, or those who are financially dependent on a man.
- Situations lead to fights, open threats and even crime. Enraged lovers or wives attack each other and cause bodily harm.
Everyone wants to come out of the situation as a winner, but this is a priori impossible.
- If a husband leaves his wife for a new passion, there will be no peace in such a family. The mistress will not be able to forget those battles, she will take out her grievances on her man.
- When he ends the affair and returns to his wife, she will also torture him psychologically for the mental wounds inflicted.
Broken feelings and lost trust leave a serious mark on the future.
The main reasons for external relationships
The reasons for betrayal are banal, but this does not cease to be relevant.
Most often, a man takes a mistress between the ages of 35 and 40, when he experiences another life crisis of values. At this age, many men reconsider their lives and realize that the best half of it has passed. At the same time, many never felt passion in a relationship. All these thoughts draw a man to search for a hot woman with whom they will experience true love and prove to themselves that they are still young and can do a lot.
With a mistress, especially one who is much younger than him, men feel full of strength, charming and ready for exploits. They often experience all this forbidden passion very acutely, and adrenaline increases the pleasure of betrayal.
Also, often a man finds in his mistress the woman whose ideal he created in his youth. A beautiful, smart, carefree and experienced lady is worth her weight in gold to such men. The relationship may last for more than one year, and the wife may not find out about such a relationship until the divorce.
When a man's mistress is an outlet
If the relationship with a woman is long-standing, then an unusual relationship arises between her and the man. This is a kind of friendship with sexual overtones. A man trusts her with his secrets, she helps him in everyday affairs, giving wise advice and not expecting anything in return.
A man starts such a relationship when he cannot divorce his wife. Being married, he does not receive from his wife the emotional return he expected, so he gets these feelings on the side.
Such a lover managed to create an aura of calm and joy around herself. A man always rushes to her because she gives him pleasant emotions. His mistress supports him morally and sometimes even financially. He knows he can rely on her.
This relationship usually lasts several years. If the girl is satisfied with everything, then she will continue to live with this man, without trying to take the place of his wife. Often, a young lady may not even realize that her beloved is married if he comes to visit her in another city.
When a man is married and his mistress is married
The reason for such relationships is quality sex or friendship. Neither of them expects their partner to get divorced, so this connection is very stable. When they meet, they rarely discuss their other halves, preferring to enjoy each other in a romantic setting. For dates, they rent a hotel room or an apartment, but do not lead a common life, so their relationship is devoid of everyday difficulties and problems. They always meet in a good mood and sincerely enjoy such relationships.
Married lovers are not going to destroy each other's families. It is in their interests to maintain secrecy and enjoy the pleasant moments of rare meetings.
The problem arises if one of the partners decides to legitimize the relationship and threatens to tell interested parties about this connection. Conflicts can lead to a break if the other partner does not want any changes. On the other hand, maybe if they succeed in getting a divorce, they will be able to build their ideal family.
What to do?
You either accept the rules of the game and take advantage of it, or take off your rose-colored glasses and honestly admit to yourself what you want.
Do you agree to the role of a mistress without obligations? If you have already chosen such a role for yourself, then spend more time on yourself and your development. Put yourself first. How to behave with your lover? Don't get caught up in his interests, don't live his life, and don't try to solve his problems. And preferably don't fall in love.
And if you are planning to take him away from the family, then wait. What else do you have to do? After all, sooner or later you will begin to claim the No. 1 place in his life.
Why do men break up with their mistresses?
Most often this happens when the relationship has outlived its usefulness and reached a dead end. The mistress was tired of being a thing, a toy in the hands of others, or she wanted to legitimize the relationship. A man always reacts nervously to such requests and in most cases it would never occur to him to divorce his wife because of a passing infatuation. Such a conflict will lead to an inevitable separation, before which the mistress, out of revenge, may well tell the man’s wife about his betrayal.
A man, for his part, will not leave his mistress if she performs her functions regularly and with joy. Such a relationship can last more than one year. He will leave the girl only if he gets tired of her or if he finds a new hobby. Male psychology in relationships with a mistress directly suggests that a man is always the initiator of a breakup. In one case, he can leave the woman himself, and in another, under her pressure, if she wants to become more than a random girl for him.
The Shawshank Redemption or why it's your own fault2
A woman can also very well be the reason for a man’s infidelity. Cases when a man is not allowed to be a man in the family:
- Sex. It is a very mistaken belief that by depriving a man of sex he can be educated. He will find it anyway if he wants. In the bed of your wife or mistress, it will be easier and faster. (There are even cases where a woman who suspects her husband of cheating deprives him of sex as punishment - are you serious?)
- Wife with eggs. This woman really wanted to get married. She was so waiting for her prince, she dreamed so much that everything would be the way she wanted. And so she made it to adult family life. At the beginning of the relationship she was quiet and shy. And over the years, every year she sewed shoulder straps on herself with a promotion in rank. That's it, you need to go home immediately in clean shoes. Why didn’t you buy bread? Why didn't you call? Why didn't you ask? What did you decide? Who allowed it? You can list endlessly the phrases of the retired general. Not only the husband will want to escape from such a family. A man will look for silence, tranquility and someone who will pat him on the head and praise him.
- Second mother. This is the opposite of a wife with balls. Such a wife will be too caring towards him. She will take care of him and cherish him. To the point of nausea. The reason, oddly enough, is the man’s very sweet and sugary life and permissiveness. And he will begin to look for bitch, passion, risk in his mistress. It will be a stormy and enchanting romance.
