Why men leave their families: 15 main reasons + statistics

All men are different in their mentality, temperament, and upbringing, so it will not be possible to identify one specific reason for their leaving the family. Much still depends on the family itself, the wife, mutual understanding and love between its members. It is difficult to say definitively who is to blame for a man leaving his wife and children. Usually, both husband and wife who are married bear equal responsibility for preserving the family and maintaining harmony in it. However, there are common reasons explaining why a husband leaves for someone else or simply leaves the house. Let's look at each of them to understand which one is more suitable. Finding the one is necessary so that the next relationship is more harmonious and durable.

Popular reasons

A woman is attractive to a man at the very beginning of a relationship, when he is in a state of love, when he has not yet fully recognized his beloved. Then, after romantic dates, the time comes for difficult family relationships. A woman gives birth to children, a man works to provide for the growing demands of the family. Dissatisfaction with his wife and sex life appears, small children irritate him, and sometimes problems arise at work. It is also aggravated by the fact that the wife also becomes not sweet and attractive, but an overweight, unkempt, always dissatisfied lady. Quarrels, scandals with breaking dishes and showdowns come. At first, the man endures everything in the hope of saving the marriage and mending relationships that have cracked. But there comes a time when patience runs out, he loudly slams the door and leaves. Or he can do it silently, without explaining anything. At the same time, he will not always go to his mistress; he may first rent an apartment or go to relatives or friends, sometimes as a sign of protest or in order to simply take a break from the tense atmosphere at home that his own family creates. So, a married man left the family, what are the reasons?

Cheating wife. If a wife cheated on her husband, and it was not possible to hide it, then the man will not forgive her betrayal. No matter how hard a woman tries to correct her wrongdoing. Although he most likely will not mention his betrayals. But men are structured this way that they justify their polygamy, but are unable to forgive women’s. Apparently, the reason is that infidelity casts a shadow on their masculinity and casts doubt on their dignity.
Having problems communicating with my wife. A common reason for a husband to leave the family is problems of mutual understanding between spouses. Women and men are too different, so disagreements arise between them. If no one wants to make concessions, then there is only one way out - separation.
Conflicts with or because of in-laws. Sometimes the parents of the husband or wife can interfere with their advice in the family. It's even worse if two families live under the same roof. Quarrels can arise for any reason; often a husband or wife stands up to defend the interests of their fathers and mothers, and not their spouses. Such disagreements contribute to the destruction of the family. If the bad influence comes from your in-laws, would it be helpful for you to know how to convince him to move away from them?
Monotonous intimate life or lack thereof. Sexual relationships are almost in first place in importance for most men. Without them, family life seems insipid and loses its meaning. A satisfied husband will never cheat on his wife and will try to please her. And if a woman, for some reason, refuses him, then he will go looking for affection and love on the side.
Friends interfere in the relationship between wife and husband. The wife's friends and the husband's friends can become a serious obstacle in their relationship, since they can give wrong advice and take away free time that the spouses could spend together. Sometimes a man even values the company of his comrades more than his own wife, who seems to him an uninteresting interlocutor.
Children can provoke the father and husband to leave the family. Husbands may leave their families due to the birth of seriously ill children. They are afraid of responsibility and do not want to spend their entire lives raising a special child. In addition, many men find it difficult to admit that their baby turned out to be like this. This casts a shadow on their genetics. With another woman, they are eager to prove to themselves that it is not about them.
The infantile character of the man himself. When a man lives with his mother for a long time and gets used to her care and attention, it is difficult for him to get comfortable in another home with his wife and children. It is difficult for him to come to terms with his responsibility and the role of the father of the family. If the adaptation process does not go well, the man can return to his parents' home.
The wife's appearance became unattractive. All women try to take care of their appearance and figure before marriage. But many, when they get married, stop paying attention to their plump waist and unkempt face. Washed old clothes and disheveled hair, constant grumbling and a clumsy gait repel a man. He begins to stare on the street, on the Internet, at girls who look more attractive. And, having found a suitable option, he simply leaves his annoying wife.
They were tormented by domestic and financial problems, constant quarrels due to lack of money. This is a fairly common reason that forces a husband to leave his family. If the spouses initially did not come to a compromise in everyday matters and the distribution of finances, then they cannot avoid conflicts. It will seem to the wife or husband that their other half is bringing in less money and is not fulfilling their duties around the house to the fullest. When a man gets tired of scandals that arise due to lack of money, his wife gets tired of talking about repairs that he doesn’t want to do, then he just wants to relax in another place.
Sometimes men believe that family is an obstacle to their own fulfillment in life.

If your husband left, do you need to know how best to tell your child about this?

How to behave when breaking up?

If a man insists on divorce, it is better to adhere to certain tactics. Here are some tips from psychologists on what to do if your husband leaves home:

don’t try to hold on with tears and pleas, it’s pointless;
when saying goodbye, you need to remain calm and friendly;
be sure to say words of gratitude for the years that you lived together, remember the brightest and most pleasant moments of your life together;
take care of your appearance: you can’t let a man see you tear-stained and unkempt, let him see what a gorgeous woman he’s depriving himself of.

Under no circumstances pretend to be a victim, even if you really want to make people feel sorry for you. Tears and pleas will have the opposite effect - the man will want to run away quickly so as not to hear the lamentations. Detachment and independence can cause the husband to doubt the correctness of his actions.

Tears and pleas can only make things worse

When speaking, try to avoid resentment and trembling in your voice. Talk only about the positive aspects of the relationship. There is a chance that the man will want to return everything back.

Reasons for leaving for another woman

If a man decides to leave the family, he does not always go to another woman. He can still be returned if he went to live with a friend or his relatives for a while. It is worse if the reason for leaving is his mistress, because he is unlikely to leave her so easily. Why does a man leave his family for another woman?

The man is no longer interested in the wife; he does not feel sympathy or sexual attraction for her. She has become like an “open book” with whom you don’t want to spend time or talk about anything. Often feelings cool down because a woman begins to devote a lot of her time to children, housework, and career. And a man gets too little love, attention and care.
Intimate relationships in marriage are sometimes perceived as a marital duty, and not as an act of love and pleasure. Sometimes a woman gets so tired during the day that she doesn’t have enough strength at night. And a man perceives the lack of affection and care as a manifestation of dislike and indifference. Begins to look for new sensations and emotions in a relationship with another woman. If men leave the family, the reasons must first of all be sought in the intimate sphere.
The spouse does not develop, does not strive for anything, there is nothing to talk about with her. She constantly grumbles and nags her husband. Men love successful and educated women because they make them feel like supermen. These must be conquered every day, otherwise other hunters will appear. And husbands often leave wives who are fixated on cleaning, cooking and children, because there is no longer any spark in the relationship, everything is ordinary and boring.
Pressure from a woman. It is important for a man to feel like a leader in the family, so that his opinion is taken into account. And when ladies begin to put pressure on their partner and humiliate him, trying to take all the reins of power into their own hands, then self-respecting husbands leave them and find more feminine girls. A man wants to leave his family if he experiences psychological pressure.
Sometimes men find mistresses in order to somehow brighten up their gray and dull life with their wife, with eternal everyday and financial problems. They don’t want to go to them, it’s just entertainment. But as soon as the fact of betrayal emerges from oblivion, they have to pack their bags.

What to do after your spouse leaves you?

The man left, leaving his ex-wife alone. A woman’s further behavior is influenced by a specific situation. For example, if he left his family not because of a new lover, the woman’s tactics should be as follows:

attend common companies or parties where you can meet your ex-spouse, and you need to look great;
call your spouse into the house for the remaining things, at the same time unobtrusively remind him how warm and cozy it was for you in this very house;
if you have children together, there is no need to prohibit the father from seeing them; on the contrary, you should invite him to spend time with them as often as possible, focusing on family values;
If a man has been seriously offended, he will have to correct the situation not only with an apology: he must show repentance through words and actions.

If a man leaves, this does not mean that you have completely broken up. It's another matter if he has already met a new love. Then, in order to improve the relationship, you will have to try:

do not make unflattering statements about the homewrecker;
Prepare carefully for every meeting with your ex-husband in order to amaze him with your beauty;
If possible and desired, find a boyfriend to make your spouse jealous;
act with detachment and coldness so that the man does not guess about your inner pain.

If a man cannot make up his mind and alternates between leaving and returning, and this lasts for many months, the woman needs to firmly determine her position. Explain that you don’t feel the need for a guest marriage, because you can meet another man and not wait for your ex-husband all your life.

Throwing is a sign that he is not ready to decide on a divorce.

Also, the husband has not made a final decision on divorce if he hesitates to file documents for divorce. Don't rush him into applying, it's better to start sending sweet messages sometimes, as if you're meeting him by chance. Such moments can make a man think that getting a divorce is stupid.

If he said goodbye: how to get a guy back after a breakup?

Psychology of men who left their families

According to statistics, out of 100% of men who leave their families: 40% are middle-aged men - from 30 to 40 years old, 30% are representatives of the stronger sex from 20 to 30 years old, 20% are men from 40 to 50 years old, 10 % – men of retirement age from 50 to 65 years.
Guys who are not yet 20 years old do not leave their families because they have not yet been created. And older husbands do not seek to leave their wives, because there is no point in this anymore. How many men leave the family, what are the statistics? There are no exact figures, but we know that half of marriages in Russia break up. Why do husbands leave the family, according to psychologists? There are several main reasons:

Household and financial problems.
Control and overprotection of the spouse.
Lack of sexual desire, wife's unattractiveness to her husband.
Spouses are not connected by common hobbies and interests.
Relatives and friends interfere in family relationships.

There is no clear answer to the question of why husbands leave their families. Usually there is more than one reason. Several factors can simultaneously provoke a man to leave his family. For example, a lack of money affects many areas of a spouse’s life: personal relationships, material well-being, and even the area of health and joint recreation.

How to live further?

Many women who have gone through a divorce find it difficult to focus on anything other than their own feelings and experiences.

In such situations, you need to follow the recommendations of psychologists:

Do not take revenge on your ex-husband by cheating on him or starting a new affair. This behavior is not worthy of an adult, self-confident woman; rather, it looks like a selfish attempt by a stupid girl to spite her ex.
You should not be particularly persistent in returning your husband. Pressure, threats, attempts to make people feel sorry for you - such methods will only push you away.
You should share your experiences only with the closest people. It is absolutely not necessary for strangers to know how your ex-spouse treated you. If you complain to everyone about your husband, do not expect that he will happily decide to return; on the contrary, he will try to stay as far away as possible.
Find something interesting to do to avoid depression or self-doubt. Improve yourself, find a new hobby, immerse yourself in your favorite job - self-realization in any of these areas will make you feel happy, successful, and calm.
Do not be disappointed in love, be able to experience this feeling in the future. Don’t become callous and closed to people, even after experiencing the betrayal of your loved one, don’t lose faith in people.

What to do if a man abandoned two or three children?

It is necessary to resist the desire to protect them from communication with their father. Don't talk bad things about your father to your children and don't even try to manipulate your children into getting your husband to return. It is important for children to know that both parents love them.

How to understand whether a man will leave the family or not?

By several signs you can understand that a man wants to leave the family:

He became indifferent to everything that happened at home. He stops worrying about the problems of his children and wife, their concerns.
The man lost interest in his wife and her appearance. He does not give her care, affection, intimate life may be practically absent.
Some representatives of the stronger sex become overly irritable and constantly criticize their household members.
A man tends to spend more time outside the home, or constantly corresponds with someone on social networks.

A woman herself may feel that her partner has lost interest in her.
After all, all his behavior will indicate that he no longer loves his wife and is not interested in her. In some cases, you can still regain your husband's favor if you try. But it happens that the best way out of family troubles is only a divorce. We wrote about how to help a child survive this event in another article. Author: Elena Baranova

Is it worth returning?

Before returning a departed man, a woman should think carefully about whether it is worth taking this step.

It should be remembered that if the husband left once, this may happen again;
You need to fight for marriage only if the partners still love each other;
a man who has offended his wife by betrayal or other meanness should be forgiven only if absolutely necessary;
after a man leaves and returns, it is impossible to restore the previous trusting relationship with him;
it will take time to establish a connection, and there is a high chance that it will be wasted.

Not every marriage should be attempted to be saved. But with immeasurable love, it is worth fighting for this feeling.

If you love a man very much, you should try to get him back

Find your zen, love yourself, remind your husband about the woman he once fell in love with

Internal work to eliminate the shortcomings from which the spouse is running is directly related to external transformation. You definitely need to go to a hairdresser, beauty salon, and start taking care of your body. You need to start appreciating and loving yourself, this will help prove that you are worthy of better treatment. This is especially important when the reason for the divorce is another woman. A man finds another when he does not get what he needs from his wife. You need to become alluring and sexy, self-sufficient and whole, so that your spouse understands that he made the wrong choice. There are, of course, special cases - the so-called incorrigible womanizers, but you yourself chose him.

If your relationship with your husband is important to you, you need to understand where you went wrong and work on your shortcomings. Any experience is given to us for some purpose, so it is important not to plunge into suffering, but to understand what is wrong in order to change ourselves and become happier.

They can't agree on expenses with their spouse

Many men who seek marriage therapy are often unhappy with their wife's poor financial decisions, reports Diana Barth, a psychotherapist and author of the Psychology Today blog Off The Couch. This problem is especially common among men who earn more than their spouse or are the only breadwinner in the family.

“In counseling, I often hear: “My wife spends all the money I earn.” Moreover, often behind this complaint is not greed at all, but the feeling that the spouse takes her partner’s efforts for granted, Barth emphasizes. “According to most of these men, the problem would be resolved if only their wife recognized the man’s contribution to their life together and thanked him from time to time.”

Legal aspects of divorce

If divorce is inevitable and there is no chance of reconciliation with your husband, you should start preparing for it in advance, not only psychologically, but also legally. First of all, it is worth studying the laws governing divorce and comments on them. First, you need to carefully study Chapter 4 of the RF IC, which describes the procedure for divorce. If you have children together, it will be useful to familiarize yourself with sections of the same Code. If the claims filed by your spouse contain demands for the division of common property (or you yourself are going to make such a claim against your husband as a counterclaim), then it will be useful to carefully read Chapter 7 of the RF IC, paying special attention to the contents of the articles.

The most important thing is to develop your own position on each of the issues stated in the husband’s lawsuit even before the first court hearing. If you feel that your emotions are preventing you from soberly comprehending what is happening, you should seek help from a professional lawyer. He will help you collect the necessary documents and correctly formulate your position in accordance with the requirements of current legislation.