Psychologists have long and often been asked the question “why do women love married men?” Why are women so attracted to people they shouldn't be with? It would seem that a woman is the keeper of the hearth, she was born in order to create a healthy family, keep her home and not destroy someone else’s. So why is one drawn to a man who is obviously unfree? Let's try to figure it out.
“Good males are taken apart as puppies”i
Yes, there is such a saying and there is a considerable amount of truth in it. In fact, charismatic, charming, handsome and interesting men are identified in their early youth. How does this work? Very simple. The handsome ones, the lucky ones and the darlings of fate are forgiven a lot, they can do anything. Who doesn’t know that girls only give them their first kisses, only go on their first dates with them, and only they have the right to the first night.
And after the first night there are second, third... and then the guy has nowhere to go. As a rule, a pregnant girl is simply obliged to preserve the father of the future child. In fact, she doesn't mind. And the handsome guy simply has no choice.
This is one of the options. In most cases, the handsome guy himself does not understand how he ends up ringed. But his charisma, charm, beauty, wit - they have not gone away. And they attract not only the wife, but also other connoisseurs of beauty.
Why does a man need a mistress?
What pushes a man to have an affair on the side? Is he poorly cared for at home? Or did he fall head over heels in love as a teenager, and now longs for secret meetings with another woman, dreams of starting a family with her and building a house?
We have compiled a list of the main reasons why a man decides to take such a step: having an affair on the side.
He lacks novelty in sex or sex in general
Sex once a month in the missionary position with the lights off?.. This is not what the man dreamed of when he got married. If partners don’t surprise each other in bed, don’t make eye contact with their significant other in a restaurant, and don’t share erotic fantasies, the brightness of sex fades.
At first the man tries to fix something, but if his efforts are in vain, he switches to another girl. This does not mean that he loves her to the grave and will leave his wife. But the reddened cheeks of a satisfied woman on his shoulder and pleasant fatigue after sex are so alluring.
He seeks lively emotional experiences
Your relationship with your wife may be in crisis. When partners irritate each other, don’t find common topics for conversation at dinner, are stuck in everyday problems... Some men cannot endure, survive and find a way out - and simply give up.
They begin a relationship with a woman with whom it is simple and easy: he gave flowers, took him to a restaurant, had sex in an expensive hotel... No children, cooking breakfast or repairing a leaking tap. Everything is simple and painless. Only shallow.
He wants to prove that he can still do it, he doesn’t want to say goodbye to his youth
And my health is already failing, and I have problems with potency, and the number in my passport is not encouraging... Why not prove to myself that I’m still wow, I can satisfy even a quick young lady? In an attempt to catch youth by the tail, men take on mistresses, with whom the feeling of approaching old age disappears.
This way he shows his status
When status is no longer measured by the cost of a business suit, the make of a car, or the thickness of a leather wallet, other methods of comparison come into play. For example, lovers. Their model appearance, youth, passion, quantity.
He doesn't have very high moral principles
Disrespect for wife, children and disregard for family values. Such motives also push men to cheat.
His wife doesn't understand what a man really needs
If things are bad at home, the man will first withdraw mentally and then physically. Constant dissatisfaction with the husband, his income and appearance, stupid jokes and the lack thereof, insufficient participation in raising children and walking the dog... In such a house it is easy to feel unnecessary, clumsy and insolvent.
The wife does not appreciate the man, does not praise him, does not look with enthusiastic eyes and does not thank him.
Ringed, which means you need it2
Some psychologists argue that women's interest in married men is purely historical. If you look at nature, you will notice that females always choose only the best, strongest and most worthy males for their offspring. In order to show this, male birds, fish and animals enter into competitions with each other, and females give their love only to the winners.
Why is a woman worse? She also wants to give her feelings to the strongest. But... the problem is that animals can change partners every year, after mating the male is again free, single and the best of the best. Next year he may make another female happy. But with people everything is different!
People create families for a long time (at least, they strive for this) and, of course, a ring on a man’s finger indicates that someone has already chosen him. That is, he is already stronger, smarter and better. And although wives do not welcome the desire of their “male” to make someone happy besides her, this is what attracts free ladies!
Changes for the good
A woman needs to change so that single men who are ready for a serious relationship will be attracted to her. You should think about your style of behavior and manner of communication with the opposite sex in order to stop attracting married people.
If it is difficult to understand what is the reason for such attraction, then you should ask the man what exactly attracted him, why he paid attention to the lady. It is quite possible that the truth will open your eyes to your shortcomings and force you to change. Well, soon a bachelor will finally appear on the horizon, who will be independent and wealthy, and most importantly, single!
I want well-groomed3
If you put next to each other a confirmed bachelor and a man who has been happily married for a long time, the result of the lady's grooming will be immediately visible. Clean, fresh shirts, ironed trousers, pleasant perfume, polished shoes, a modern haircut, fashionable jackets - all this, as a rule, is worn by “married men”. Women do not like it when an out-of-date, unkempt husband is next to them. It's just a shame.
But a bachelor cannot always boast of fashionable new clothes. Of course, there are exceptions, and these exceptions are not so rare, but still. Therefore, needless to say that a fashionista will more quickly appreciate a stylishly dressed man, even a married one, than a bachelor in a jacket from the last century.
In addition, a person dressed in a modern, stylish, beautiful way feels much more confident. He is more willing to engage in conversation, make acquaintances, he behaves freely, which cannot be said about those who do not look 100%.
Psychology of attraction for married people
You should always remember that like attracts like. The Universe always guarantees this; this statement cannot be changed. A person strives to reliably hide all negative qualities and not show it to strangers, but they still remain noticeable to others. You shouldn’t deceive yourself, because everything in the Universe returns not even through the person himself, but through other people. If a woman is selfish and mercilessly hurts the opposite sex, then soon it will come back to her like a boomerang.
If a woman is a mercantile creature and thinks only about money, then soon a tight-fisted and greedy man will appear next to her, who will force her to count every penny. If she is ready at any moment to sacrifice herself for the sake of others, then she will soon find her executioner, sadist and domestic tyrant.
Am I the cutest in the world?4
Yes, there is no escape from this, but women cannot do without proving to everyone (and themselves first of all) that they are the most beautiful, the sexiest, the smartest, the most fatal, the most, the most, the most... And how is this prove? Only with the help of a man. Especially a married man. I was able to take my husband away from his wife - you are super! Oh, no need to talk about conscience! In the end, the wife herself is to blame. But because there was no point in walking around the house in a robe and without a hairstyle from Zverev! I couldn’t take her away... But, at least for the night!
And the man... well, yes, indeed, why is he in a robe? This one, what a sweetie!
Illusion of deception
Being a lover is not only about receiving gifts and passionate sex. This is to play a second role. Constantly wage an internal struggle: on the one hand, understand that the relationship is doomed to be superficial, and on the other hand, continue to go on secret dates again and again.
Hiding, not being able to call in the middle of the night and say: “Come, I miss you so much!”, not wearing perfume, not giving gifts, being prepared for the man to cancel the meeting at the last moment.
And the initial lightness and increased attention that so flattered you are replaced by a heaviness on your heart, the realization that he belongs to someone else.
A married man can be nearby5
When one woman was asked why women love married men, she immediately answered: “Because they are always there.” And this is another reason that lonely women’s hearts are drawn to them.
In fact, two friends are friends, then one of them gets married, and the second... The second cannot be left alone, she visits a married couple. And more and more often he sees his friend’s (or sister’s) husband. He cares for his wife and (attention!) for his wife’s friend, he pours wine for both women, takes turns inviting them to dance, helps nail a shelf in his friend’s house, sort out the computer, and so on. It is not uncommon for the husband of a friend or sister to be forced to take care of the one who is left alone. Therefore, sometimes it turns out that an unmarried friend, against her will, subconsciously, mistakes someone else’s husband for her own. A friend's husband becomes one of his own. But someone else’s bachelor remains a stranger.
Additional features
The result of an affair between lovers burdened with family may be a reconsideration of their opinion about marriage. If scandals constantly arise in the family, relationships have become tense, and romance has disappeared from them - betrayal can become a kind of reboot.
There are often cases when betrayal helps solve a problem that arises in the family. In this case, the relationship on the side is temporary and frivolous.
Lovers receive from each other:
- an opportunity to take a break from marital responsibilities;
- emotional support;
- lost romance.
The charge of positive emotions received from a lover helps to get rid of the tension that accumulates within the family. Thus, betrayal that ends in the separation of lovers can help preserve family relationships.
It’s easier and easier to communicate with a married person6
An unmarried woman and a single man (especially if they are both already aged) are usually positioned as a potential bride and groom. Well, imagine - at a party of thirty-year-old friends, there are three married couples and one girl. And then suddenly (oh, happiness!) a guy wanders in who is not married. It is clear that the lonely girl and this guy will now only be looked at as a potential couple. Every glance of a guy towards a girl will be examined almost under a magnifying glass, every turn of his head is the same story. Needless to say, how difficult it will be for these two to establish at least some kind of communication.
But if a married guy came in, there won’t be any difficulties. And communication can develop very quickly. And the tightest.
Here are just a few reasons that show why women love married men.
Reasons for cheating with an unfree partner
Since both lovers are legally married, they are in the same position. When deciding to start a relationship, they are guided by:
- Confidence in your partner. Married lovers and mistresses understand each other's desires and needs much faster than people who are not burdened with a family. They can become not only romantic partners for their loved ones, but also friends and allies.
- Desire to try new things. Cheating with an unfree lover is an atypical romance that causes a strong emotional shock. The desire to re-experience a surge of positive emotions associated with new impressions attracts lovers and encourages them to continue the relationship in order to experience previously unfamiliar sensations. Also, a forbidden connection causes a surge of adrenaline, the feeling of danger is intoxicating and alluring.
- Additional guarantee. The presence of official spouses among lovers complicates the development of relationships, but ensures that lovers have an additional anchor that keeps them from committing radical actions that could harm their reputation.
Relationships that develop between unfree people solve two problems at the same time: they give a positive emotional charge and relieve them of the obligations that accompany other types of love relationships.
Options for developing relationships
Relationships that begin with light flirting between married people can develop in three directions:
- A short whirlwind romance. Such relationships are preferred by spouses experiencing conflict in their official marriage. They do not want to get a divorce, they just want to relieve emotional stress and refresh their relationship.
- A long affair with rare meetings. An option suitable for middle-aged spouses who want a new relationship, but for some reason do not want to get a divorce.
- An affair turning into a full-fledged relationship. Such relationships can develop in people who have completely lost interest in their other spouses. Lovers easily decide to divorce and hardly hide the relationship from the very beginning. As a rule, these are young people under 35 years of age, disappointed by an early first marriage. Leaving for other people does not always end successfully, so it is worth considering whether it is necessary to destroy families.
The development of relationships is influenced by many external factors: the social status of the spouses, financial viability, family opinion.
