How to determine the temperament of a new acquaintance if you communicated for no more than a minute? It’s simple - evaluate his manner of conversation by listening to characteristic speech patterns that stand out from the general style. To make it easier for you to understand who you are dealing with, we suggest focusing on the following parameters. Speech can tell a lot about a person's character!
Learn about a person's character: 11 speech patterns that give your interlocutor away
Abundance of diminutive suffixes
If a person prefers to reduce everything in the world to “musi-pusi,” most likely he is stuck at the level of child development. “Irishka”, “sandwich”, “babe”, “candy”, etc. In this way, adults artificially lower their level of maturity in order to arouse sympathy from others and receive concessions. The other side of this habit is conscious flirting with the environment in order to protect your environment.
Misanthrope and introvert
Misanthropy is a state of mind in which at its heart there is hostility towards man as a species. It happens:
- Natural . When others say about a person: “He prefers solitude (loneliness) to noisy companies since we remember him.” In this case we are talking about “innate” misanthropy. Here it is difficult to establish whether the environment or internal qualities influenced the character, but the person already at an early age became disillusioned with people, perhaps having learned what a secret.
- Situational . Attacks of misanthropy were discussed above.
- Purchased . A person’s activities do not affect him in the most favorable way, and he turns into a recluse (actors, writers, psychologists).
Misanthropes and introverts are confused. An introvert, unlike a misanthrope, does not experience any negative feelings towards a person as a species, on the contrary: an introvert can bow to an abstract person, a person as an idea, but people of flesh and blood oppress and tire him.
A misanthrope is a person who does not accept his own kind, and his hatred is rooted in ideological soil. And dislike for people is not necessarily a manifestation of mental illness.
Abuse of the pronoun "I"
“And I think so and so,” “I also want this,” “I always do this,” “now I will talk,” and other expressions about oneself that a person inserts inappropriately, trying to come to the fore. What does this mean? About egocentrism and a person’s unconscious belief that he is better, more interesting and more important than others. This trait indicates low self-esteem, which the interlocutor tries to compensate for by pulling the blanket over himself.
About introverts
Who is an introvert?
An introvert is a person who is drained by social interaction and recharged by being alone.
This is a person who prefers a calm environment with a minimum amount of external stimuli.
The first thing to understand is that each of us has our own communication style and innate energy focus. For example, introverts
tend to direct their energy inward
into their larger inner world.
They gain energy by reflecting and analyzing emotions and thoughts.
Loneliness is not a burden for them; they learn by thinking, developing their interests and maintaining close relationships with a narrow circle of people. Introverts prefer to communicate primarily through writing, and they are very sensitive to their space and personal life.
Extroverts, on the other hand, direct their energy outward, receiving it through interactions with other people and through action. They enjoy being the center of attention, generate ideas by discussing and thinking their thoughts out loud, try to express themselves in one way or another, learn by doing, and maintain a wide circle of friends.
Use of derogatory nicknames
In this category we include not only openly negative nicknames such as “slow-witted”, “weeper” or “old maid”, but also derogatory and affectionate forms of dominance - “darling”, “my little fish”, “darling” - in relation to strangers or subordinates. What does this habit mean? About the hidden desire to control the environment, to impose a game on it according to one’s own rules and to assert oneself at the expense of others. As you can see, not the best qualities...
“I don’t want to communicate!” What to do?
First of all, a person asks himself three questions:
- When did it start?
- Is it related to a specific event or person?
- Does reluctance to communicate cause a lot of trouble?
If misanthropy (or a period of introversion) began after a certain event or conflict with a person, then it is worth waiting and analyzing why the break occurred.
- Situation one . Conflict with a person. If a person is valuable enough, then silence is a normal reaction. Time will pass, and everything will work out, but the contradiction that has arisen between people requires a solution. Without it, sociability will not be restored.
- Situation two . Events forced me to lie low. Severe stress forces a person to rethink his life, and it is better to think in silence. If serious internal contradictions arise, then it is better to discuss them with family and friends (even the most uncommunicative subjects have those whom they trust).
- Silence is a reaction to “information overdose” . Disconnecting from social networks and other channels will help relieve accumulated tension. The body must come to its senses. In this case, silence is temporary and serves as a cure for overwork. If a person has a breakdown for the first time, the ideal solution is to relax in nature for a couple of weeks; fatigue and reluctance to communicate will go away.
Aristotle and other sages teach: “Man is a social animal.” And Napoleon, in a different, albeit, context, said: “A man cannot eat one chicken all the time.” The same is true with communication. Society aggressively imposes the ideal of a “sociable person.” And when someone thinks: “I don’t want to communicate, what should I do?” No need to be nervous. Sometimes staying silent isn't such a bad thing.
Attack with counter questions
There are some individuals with whom it is impossible to communicate. You ask a topic, but they take the initiative with a counter question. "What do you think of the weather? - And you?" "Bad mood? - Why do you think so?" “Will you have some candy? “Aren’t you kidding?” Dialogue with them resembles an interrogation, where you are always at gunpoint. This style of conversation is typical of critics and cynics who are not used to trusting people and are afraid of losing control of the situation. Counter-questions help them maintain power and not lose face if they are put in an uncomfortable position.
Test: Do you have a telephone phobia?
© dcdp/Getty Images
Although talking on the phone seems mundane to most people, for someone who suffers from phone anxiety, it is a source of great stress.
To check if you suffer from this phobia, answer the following questions.
1. Do you feel anxious before or after a phone call?
2. Do you put off calling because you're worried?
3. Are you afraid to disturb another person on the phone?
4. Do you think about what you will say on the phone?
5. Are you worried about being awkward during a conversation?
6. Do you avoid telephone conversations and force others to call?
7. How long do you think about what you said after the call?
8. When you talk on the phone, do you experience any of these symptoms:
- shiver
- difficulty concentrating
- nausea
- increased pulse and heart rate
If you answer “Yes” to at least one of these questions, then you have a fear of talking on the phone.
Fast, as if unfinished speech
If your interlocutor talks incessantly about something, while his thought does not reach the final point, but is overgrown with new ideas and discoveries, you are dealing with an intellectual or an avid debater. Such people love to think on their feet and do not particularly consider the interests of others. Maybe that's why they have so few friends? If at the same time a person speaks very fluently and swallows some of the words, he does not strive to find understanding from those around him, because he is used to being a “black sheep.”
I don't like talking to people
Hello. I'm 16 years old. I don’t like communicating with people. Because of this, I often have to avoid them. If I see people I know, say, at a bus stop, I pretend that I didn’t notice them, instead of coming up to chat! I studied at school for 9th grade, this phobia began in the 7th grade. Well, I was quiet at school, kind, tried to help everyone. People don’t appreciate this. And if they gave reasons for some reason, I couldn’t, like now, stand up for myself, apparently because of the same politeness and fear of conflict , maybe there’s just nothing to say. There’s nothing to talk about with friends and people because I just don’t like to talk. My dad is like that, it’s easier for him in peace and quiet. I can start a conversation and understand that something is wrong and leave it unsaid or resort to some stupidity. And some people just think that I’m stupid. They start to despise me. Consider me crazy. After 9th grade I moved to college, in my first year .In another city. I thought my problems would end. But here everything is the same. At the beginning of the year, when new friends started a conversation, I felt uneasy. I answered timidly. I did not support the topic of their conversations, because I heard everything the same as everywhere else, some empty, although interesting, discussions. I was afraid to go to college, not because it was a new big city, new lessons of 1.5 hours, nor like at school. But because I would have to talk with my classmates. Simply, this makes me boring. Well, okay, sometimes with my friends I can at least come up with something to discuss. And I never talked to the boys at all! I'm scared...what am I going to talk about if I don't like talking... When I exchanged a few sentences with a classmate, I was happy that I talked to the boy. I don’t go out, after studying I go straight home. Even if friends invite me to go out, I refuse, because I understand that I’ll have to come up with something interesting, chat, do something, but I can’t, I’ll screw up again. After school, in college, I really want to make friends, go to interesting places with friends. But I understand that the same phobia is present. The only person with whom I can stay is my mother. I can chat with her, and if there is nothing else, then sit in silence without discomfort, that silence reigns. This is the person with whom I relax. But my mother is not always with me. Then she and her dad left for another city, I lived with my grandmother for 4 years, well, we saw each other on vacation. Now my mother went home with my 3-year-old brother, well, on business for a while, and I, on the contrary, came to my dad in another city. I’m talking to my dad, and even though I have his genes and we are similar in many ways, I still don’t feel very comfortable in the conversation. I talk about one thing, but he understands something else and we misunderstand each other. And as a result, he shouts, saying, in my own words, that I’m stupid. This is why I feel lonely. Most often, a bad mood dominates. There are no interests or hobbies, because I’m already starting to think to myself that it’s a stupid idea, they won’t appreciate it. I don’t know why. I’m an artist, I draw, at least I did, I even went to college to become a designer (well, we’ll study a specific specialty in a year, now it’s like in school, but in 1 year we’ll take a course in grades 10 and 11. Maybe when I get to know each other specifically with a specialty, how and what to do there will be interesting to me..). Well, now there is no interest, as if it’s not my thing to draw, as if everything in this world is not mine. I’m also very embarrassed, in this case even my mother. I’m trying to come up with a hobby, to do something, and I’m embarrassed by everyone. I read a book in my room, and as soon as someone comes into the room, I immediately hide the book under the pillow or in the closet so that they don’t notice, I pretend that, for example, I’m sleeping. I’m embarrassed to show that I’m passionate about something, that I'm doing something. It’s the same with the guitar, I start learning from a tutorial, and I twitch when someone comes into the room and sees my lessons, I start coming up with excuses, like... well, I found my dad’s old guitar. I don’t know where to put it, so I’m keeping it there for now. hands.. bredd…. And I can’t understand why I’m embarrassed. Maybe I’m afraid of my feelings.. I’m afraid to show that something is interesting... I don’t know.. and I don’t know who will help. Maybe that’s why I’ve been writing this for 2 hours..)) I myself am romantic, I love something unusual, rain and the forest, the smell of books and rose petals in the bathroom... they tell me that I’m like the sun, I always smile, that warmth and kindness emanate from me (but, I guess, this is just the appearance of a happy one, it turns out or something???///// /) my favorite movie House of the Sun, I really love the stars, I would actually become an astronomer.) I really love the color red and even dyed my hair it!) I was bright red, and it suited me very much! I look like a “sweetheart” and I really love teddy bears... I’ve been plump since childhood, but pretty... well, as stated below, I’ve lost 20 kg. (I ran on the treadmill for a long time, ate only lemon for a week... but I haven’t completely lost weight, it would be desirable to gain another 15, so that I can be completely slim.) My dream is to learn to play the guitar, because of HIM.. because I really like the way he plays.. (There is one guy at school, who is not cool, does not hang out with the “cream” of society, sometimes frowns, but for me he is very cute, he has such eyes, and how he plays the guitar, he is studying to become a musician.. Not all girls like him. Coolness is more important to them. Timberlands (boots), or fashionable clothes. I have other values)). First love. I started conversations with him, insignificant ones... like... what is the name of some teacher, etc. Well, at least something.. I tried.. I’m a terrible monogamist... I’m attached to him and I’m dying from this, I don’t know, love..! Is falling in love so painful? A cloud of sanity...)) During the time I was in love, 7 months, I changed (somehow, under the impression of love, I followed him after school, he walked towards the house, and I followed him... after " saw him off.”. like a spy, so that he wouldn’t notice, she went to some forest near his house. It turned out that it had a divine name.. “Pear Orchard.” She walked there enchanted.. she reached some stream there. ..there were no people there..no one, only the air, me, the stream, the forest, music - the cure for all diseases..and every day I walked alone along this path..to his house, then through the forest, I could just to the side of his house, listening to music, wandering between houses... dreaming of our meeting.. I even accidentally ran into him several times, and, like... he realized that I was following.. haha...) well, how can you not follow him... huh ... gentlemen..... what kind of bullshit.... still sooooooooooo....) an incentive appeared, I took charge of myself, began to dress more or less beautifully, lost 20 kg at the age of 15-16. I felt that nothing would work out, but despite everything I tried to change myself, I don’t know what I was hoping for. Every day I dragged my friend along the floors of the school in search of him, to look into his unforgettable oval face, eyes...)) I changed...often I despaired, looked at him and his photo with bated breath. When he passed next to me, I shuddered with feelings. And when at the end of the year, after 9th grade, having passed the GIA, I entered college, and before leaving school I confessed to my friends, they were shocked that I was able to keep it to myself for 7 months without telling anyone, they even held a slight grudge against me for hiding compromising information from them. haha.. I couldn’t tell them.. I don’t know why.. it seemed to me that it was useless.. although they could help me... get to know me... I don’t know..! they chattered about their crush, and even with me we went on a hunt for their loved ones.. haha..) I already left and haven’t seen him for half a year. But I still love... very much... I’ve never seen a single guy like him, so wonderful... I’m still trying to change myself, I think I’ll come for the holidays, maybe I’ll meet him. then I will be the happiest person. but that’s not enough, actually, in 3 weeks to get to know each other, make good friends... and I really want to hug him... How I want...
But here is my same problem, if I am secretive in communicating with other people, then what will I tell him? But what about the first date, well, I’ll have it at some point anyway, what can I say, what should I do when I have to be alone with a guy, it will be for a long time, and no extras will come and start a conversation for me , and I’ll pick it up and maybe still start talking, here I’ll have to come up with something, say something, joke, somehow keep this person close so that he wants to meet, and somehow restrain myself from talking about anything - something superfluous, inappropriate, which you can later regret and blush for your words... What should I do? how to understand yourself? Understand that communication is nothing more than natural needs and not be afraid of people.... boldly meet them, go for walks, go to the cinema with friends and not be afraid to be alone with someone, not be afraid that I will find myself in a situation in which there will be nothing left to say, there will be silence and because of this there will be discomfort, because we are acquaintances and we are silent.. I really want to overcome fear... I tried, don’t give a damn about everything.. boldly take it and meet, take a walk... but something doesn’t work out.. overcome yourself?.. the willpower is excellent, but somehow it doesn’t work out...... what’s the problem... What should I do?....
I don't like talking to people (1 answer)
Using stationery
Have you ever met people who talk as if they were reading a bureaucratic pamphlet? “I am in a state of extreme exhaustion” instead of simply “tired.” “Committed the act of consuming food” instead of “ate.” “Provided all possible assistance to a friend” instead of “helped a friend.” Not only is such a jumble of words not used in spoken language, it also sounds unnatural. This style is typical of posers who want to give themselves importance. Or narrow-minded individuals who consider such a manner a sign of a highly artistic style. Alas, both are wrong.
Don't take everything to heart
Very often we simply misunderstand a person. Perhaps he simply did not express his thoughts quite accurately or his day was not going well in the morning. You shouldn’t lash out at someone, because they might lash out at you back. This will only escalate the situation. Rise above this, concentrate on the matter at hand, not paying attention to the inadequate reaction of your interlocutor.
If you feel tired and low on energy, take a break and go for a walk. Set boundaries for your personal space where no one can disturb you.
Don't get defensive
If you feel constant dissatisfaction with you from someone else, if someone focuses only on your shortcomings, you should not rush at this person with your fists. This is not a way out. Such behavior will only provoke him. Instead, it is better to ask directly what exactly does not suit him. Gossiping or bullying can be a sign that you are being manipulated or even shown as a show of power.
If a person wants you to treat them with respect, they should treat you the same.
There is one psychological trick: speak quickly when expressing your disagreement with someone. This way the interlocutor will have less time to answer. Slow down if you feel he is ready to agree with you.
