A woman, unlike a man, almost always makes a decision about adultery consciously. At the same time, she is not always ready to end the relationship after cheating. As a rule, for a husband, the news that his wife has ceased to be faithful comes as a surprise, even in the case when he himself consciously pushed her to such a desperate step.
Every husband who has been betrayed wonders how to forgive his wife's betrayal? Is there any point in saving the marriage? Of course, you should make a decision yourself, taking into account only your own desire. But it will be useful to read this article and find out whether it is possible to forgive a woman’s infidelity, the opinion of a psychologist on this matter.
Is it possible to forgive a woman's infidelity?
In the first hours after the shocking news about the betrayal of their significant other, the vast majority of men do not even want to hear that this needs to be forgiven. Resentment and pain make themselves felt for quite a long time, but the ability to reason still takes their place.
Long-term relationships are not so easy to break, especially if there are children in the family. And no one canceled the feelings for his wife, despite her betrayal. So is it possible to forgive your wife’s betrayal?
The answer to this question depends on what reasons prompted her to commit such a disgusting act. If everything in your relationship was smooth and you don’t feel guilty, then you don’t have to forgive your spouse or postpone your favor. Otherwise, you risk allowing your wife to sit on your neck and dangle her legs.
When you realize that you behaved in a completely inappropriate way in family life, then it is quite possible to forgive your spouse’s weakness. Didn't you provoke the betrayal with your disdainful attitude? Women are much less likely than men to decide on such actions, and generally they need a serious reason for adultery.
To understand how to forgive your wife’s betrayal and whether this can be done, also listen to your personal feelings. Not every man is capable of continuing to live with a traitor, despite all the extenuating circumstances. Think about whether your family has a future after your spouse’s wrongdoing? Don’t be rash, analyze what happened, talk to your wife frankly and only then make an informed decision.
Why are women more likely to forgive infidelity than men?
If men are conquerors, then women are guardians by nature. Their sense of ownership is developed somewhat differently than that of men. For a wife, returning her husband to the family is proof that she has protected her hearth, that she is better than a mistress. This is a kind of reason for pride.
For a man, the concept of property is a little different. His property must be untouchable. And if someone took advantage of her, then this is no longer his woman. He no longer feels confident in himself, he is afraid of the condemnation of friends and public censure.
Public opinion says that if a woman has forgiven her husband’s infidelity, then she is a wise wife, but if a man forgives his wife, then he is a cuckold and henpecked.
If you want to maintain family happiness with your wife
No one is immune from making mistakes, sometimes so serious that they can change their life forever. Is it possible to forgive the betrayal of the girl who was closest to you in the world? If your spouse has sinned, but you do not want to leave her, then no one has the right to condemn this decision.
How to maintain a happy family after your wife cheats and forgive her:
- Find out the reason for adultery. It is unlikely that the wife rushed into the arms of the first person she met just like that, because years of marriage were at stake. Find out what exactly caused the unseemly act by calling your wife for a frank conversation. Don't put pressure on her and try to find out the truth. This information will help you understand your spouse’s motives and continue to act in the right direction.
- Admit guilt, if any, and correct yourself. Since you have decided to save your marriage, you understand that your share of the blame for female infidelity is quite likely. Perhaps you did not show proper attention to your other half or even walked left and right on your own, completely forgetting about your beloved. Tell your spouse that you have realized your mistakes. Show her through your actions that this will not happen again in the future. Become the husband of your dreams so that your wife will regret what she did and never look to the left again.
- Look for the positive qualities of your spouse. It’s hard not to think that the other half was just recently tumbling with someone else, and now he’s sitting next to him as if nothing had happened. The memory of an unpleasant incident prevents you from forgiving your spouse from the bottom of your heart. In order to quickly get back into the usual rut of life, drive away these memories from yourself. Look for your wife’s advantages and focus your attention on them. For example, ask your spouse to cook your favorite dish and enjoy her cooking skills.
It is impossible to forgive a person with a snap of your fingers. Therefore, be patient and under no circumstances reproach your spouse for the adultery that happened every day. This will only escalate the situation and lead to another scandal. If you have already decided to save your family, then behave with dignity.
Possible mistakes in behavior when forgiving a wife for cheating
If you have already decided to save your family, then you should follow this decision. However, some husbands make certain mistakes after their wife begs for forgiveness:
- They behave disrespectfully. We are talking about washing the “bones” of an unfaithful spouse in the company of friends. Also, many husbands descend into banal insults and humiliation.
- They constantly remember what they did. The reminder, of course, is negative and emphasizes the meanness of the other half.
- They open their hands. Having lost respect for their once beloved life partner and feeling their own inadequacy, men do not hesitate to use physical force against a woman for any reason.
- Retaliatory infidelity. “You can do it, but why am I worse?” - this question haunts many devoted husbands. As a result, even after the decision has been made to save the marriage and the woman has sworn to never commit such an act, the man himself, in revenge, starts an affair on the side. This helps to restore trampled pride.
READ
Checking whether the spouse has another woman
If betrayal is forgiven, you shouldn’t constantly remember it
If you want to let go on all four sides
You need to get a divorce beautifully. You should not hold anger and hatred towards your spouse, who is about to become an ex. Find a bit of nobility and condescension in yourself, even if very soon the stamp in your passport will scream about your freedom.
How to forget your wife’s infidelity during a divorce:
- Understand the absurdity of your emotions. If you are determined to file for divorce, then there is simply no point in not forgiving your spouse. Why extra resentment in your soul when very soon both of you will not be bound by marriage?
- Rest. When a stressful situation has literally just happened, it is difficult to act rationally. But, if you have been nervous for a long time and accumulate evil within yourself, then you are harming yourself. Don't live in the past, try to switch to your favorite activities and relax. The nervous system will calm down, and it will become much easier to forgive your wife.
- Wish your wife happiness. By spewing curses towards your unfaithful spouse, you gain absolutely nothing, but only escalate the situation. Tell your wife that you are grateful for the pleasant moments of your life together, but now your paths have diverged, and you wish her to find personal happiness with someone else. This way you will interrupt the series of conflicts, put a logical point and get out of the situation with dignity, like a real man.
Everything has already happened, the decision has been made, and it’s stupid to hold a grudge against your ex-wife. You will still meet a woman who will be faithful, so do not waste time on negative experiences and dream of a bright future.
What do the numbers say?i
The first thought is why me, why did this affect my family. First, understand that you are not alone. Family psychologists assure: every day at least one client comes with the problem of a partner’s infidelity.
About 70% of men and 30% of women cheat. The majority of married women's partners are unfree men - about 60%. Women prefer to see a married partner as a lover - 70%.
The numbers are high, so the conclusion is disappointing: Russia is among the first in terms of the number of divorces over the past 2 years. These statistics are provided by family psychologists based on counting client requests with this problem, interviews and anonymous surveys.
If you can’t forgive your spouse for cheating: advice from psychologists
Have you followed all the recommendations, corrected your behavior, seemed to have established a peaceful existence with your wife, but resentment still torments your soul? Advice from psychologists will help answer the question of how to forgive your wife’s infidelity:
- Talk to your spouse about the problem. Perhaps you need to hear once again that you are loved and will not be exchanged for a casual relationship. Or do you want to know that the wife repents and realizes that she made a mistake. An understanding woman will not refuse a frank conversation and will dispel your doubts. Draw up some kind of contract with your spouse. Write down on a piece of paper the obligations of both parties and what will happen if they are not fulfilled. This way, albeit formally, you will protect yourself from possible negative events. Order and discipline are very important for men. This method will help you forgive your wife faster.
- Remember the happy moments of your life. You have been together in both sorrow and joy, so why does the first always come to mind? To forgive your spouse, you should plunge into the world of pleasant memories. Think about what immerses you in an atmosphere of happiness and tranquility: a wedding, a seaside vacation, the birth of your first child. This way you will quickly realize that your wife is not only a traitor, but also an interesting, sweet, beloved woman who recently simply stumbled.
- Go for a consultation with a family psychologist. Together or with your spouse – it’s up to you to decide. A specialist will analyze all the nuances of a sensitive problem individually, find the root causes and help you get on the right path. Don’t think that psychologists are storytellers who extract money from gullible people. Try talking to a specialist once, and then label yourself.
Don't ignore the situation. Resentment poisons your soul and your relationship with your spouse. Try not to lead to scandals and new troubles. Relax together and perceive everything that happened as a kind of family crisis that gave you an impetus for development.
How to avoid mistakes
There are many mistakes that men make out of resentment and anger after they find out about adultery. For example:
- Revenge - to show how painful her action is, the man decides to cheat in response. Remember that in this case, the burden of guilt will further affect your emotional state, and will make maintaining the relationship impossible.
- Remembering - a man gives a chance for correction, but at every opportunity he reproaches his wife for infidelity. This will not only not help you forget, but will also become a reason for constant conflicts.
- Indifference - in order to punish an unfaithful woman, a man demonstrates to her in every possible way his indifference, the absence of any feelings. Sooner or later she will stop believing in a possible reunion and will simply leave.
- Bad habits - against the backdrop of stress and mental pain, there is a desire to muffle it all with alcohol or other substances. Temporary relief can lead to addiction, and she will only become even more convinced that she is not on the right path with such a man.
- Loss of self-esteem - betrayal can cause complexes, self-doubt, and self-criticism. Undoubtedly, in any situation, both partners are always to blame. But this does not mean that you are worse than anyone. This is an incentive to rethink your behavior and work on self-improvement.
Did you cheat in retaliation?
Not really
Treason due to stupidity or deception
Sometimes women cheat out of stupidity; this does not always happen after the woman has already decided to leave the relationship. And she committed adultery in search of a new man, with whom this new relationship would be. Because cheating in itself does not lead to a new relationship at all, and it can just be sex.
The man will promise everything that he will be with her, that he will take her with the children, get sex and disappear. This happens very often. Cheating also sometimes happens for the sake of emotions.
Finding the cause: how and why this could happen
If I were cheated on, the first thing I would think about is why I became the one who was cheated on. And this is an important question for all men - what prompted this woman, whom I was dating, to cheat. It’s not just betrayal, it’s an attempt to do something bad to the man with whom this woman is dating.
Maybe it's revenge, maybe it's something else. I would look at what it is about this woman that prompted her to cheat in the first place. Why did this turn out to be normal for her? What was the situation between us? These are the issues I would tackle first.
