What is mental betrayal?
Cheating is associated primarily with physical intimacy with another person.
Therefore, it may seem that emotional betrayal is not so dangerous - after all, nothing critical happened. However, if you take a closer look at what is hidden underneath, it may turn out that the consequences of “emotional betrayal” are much higher than if the partner entered into an intimate relationship with another person.
In other words, emotional betrayal is the establishment of a relationship with a person of the opposite sex, duplicating those that connect the cheater with a permanent partner. Figuratively speaking: in this relationship there are three of you. Physically - you and your partner, emotionally - your partner and his/her girlfriend.
Often, mental betrayal is not only the duplication of an intimate trusting relationship with another person, but also the breaking of old ones. Physically, the partner remains close, but all interest, desire for intimacy, understanding, gratitude and other feelings and emotions are transferred to the other person, moving away from the one with whom he lives.
The partner may feel abandoned, neglected and unloved. In most cases, the cheater is tormented by remorse and, wanting to calm them down, he tries to get even closer to the other partner.
A stranger will be the first to know about your life
Who do you call when you learn something important about yourself or loved ones? Most likely, you are calling the person who is most important to you. For most people, this is a long-term partner or close family member. If you have a friend who is a dominant figure in your life, it's time to evaluate your relationship.
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Emotional (mental) betrayal of a partner - why does it hurt so much?
Establishing a close, deep connection with a person of the opposite sex that begins to resemble that which is only possible for spouses or couples is a sign of a lack of loyalty and respect in an intimate relationship with a partner.
The feeling that a partner has entered into a close relationship with another person, which was available only to him and his significant other, burns like ice water from a bucket.
Emotional betrayal in a man is often invisible . "It's just a friend". “We just communicate/have a good time” - familiar arguments? Be careful, because it may turn out that your husband has transferred his interest from you to another woman.
Did your husband used to share all his joys, sorrows, problems and successes with you? You were the first person he called to report news and events in his life. And now you find out about it second hand because he shares it with his “girlfriend”? Does the dialogue with you come down to discussing everyday, routine matters: responsibilities, bills, or problems with children (if any)?
If before this your husband tried to reduce your problems and took care of your feelings, and now he is very worried about any situation that happens to his close (very close!) friend, it may turn out that you actually have a problem.
Emotional betrayal by a wife is, of course, just as common as with a husband. It often starts out innocently without anyone having bad intentions.
Is such betrayal invisible?
Many of those who have struck up such a close friendship with a new acquaintance do not see anything reprehensible in it (the concept of “emotional betrayal” is simply not considered by them). But, your loved one (if there is one) can very well see the charm of your new friend from the outside. That is, by and large, he sees the fact that his personal space is completely filled by a stranger to their relationship. This is clearly regarded primarily as betrayal and, accordingly, as treason.
The most difficult thing in the current situation is that the spouse has no right to demonstrate either their indignation, much less a feeling of jealousy. What complaints can there be about friendly relations? The most you can limit yourself to is grumbling and growing dissatisfaction with your partner, which, by the way, is also very bad. Over time, such a turn of events will inevitably lead to a complete break in the relationship.
Signs of emotional cheating - what to look out for?
Being intimately involved with someone of the opposite sex is certainly not bad or unhealthy. Frequent conversations and even meetings, discussing new things in your life are normal features of friendship.
So, how can you tell the difference between emotional cheating and just being intimate? This is not an easy task, and it is difficult to determine only based on the frequency of contacts - even daily conversations do not indicate anything.
But it’s worth taking a closer look at the topics of conversation to see how intimate they are. If all the data is open, you know this person, and your partner does not hide meetings or conversations with him from you, you have no reason to worry.
However, a problem may arise when the partner reacts to the very sound of this person’s name in an unusual way and remains thoughtful , and at the same time increasingly hides conversations and meetings with her.
What else should you pay attention to and when is it better to increase your vigilance? Here are possible signs of emotional cheating.
- Relationships develop quickly and intensively , contacts become more and more frequent. Daily exchange of text messages, search for opportunities to meet, at least for a while, under any pretext - this is signal No. 1, indicating that the situation is developing in the wrong direction.
- “ This is just a friend ,” but, nevertheless, the partner is reluctant to talk about him, hides contacts with him from you, pretends that these meetings are random and he was not the initiator.
- Silence about him - does your companion, when answering a question about his friend, become confused, become nervous and avoid the topic? This is a bad sign.
- Sharing private information - does your partner's girlfriend/friend know more about him than you? Are you not the first person he turns to with problems and other matters? This is also a clear signal that may indicate that in the emotional sphere this “friend” is already closer to him than you.
- "And you? ” - continuous comparison of you with a “friend” is a bad sign. It’s even worse if in these comparisons you are always worse compared to him (of course, in the eyes of your partner).
However, these are not the only symptoms that may indicate emotional cheating. The symptoms do not have sharp boundaries, so something else may indicate this.
Another alarming signal is that as soon as your period or crisis begins, your partner runs away from conversations and problems, and seeks understanding and consolation from his girlfriend. Against the background of everyday routine, she is more attractive, calm, smiling, well-groomed, without problems, compared to you - boring, nervous and tired.
Of course, it may happen that bringing your husband closer to a woman will not harm you - this depends on many factors. Having a security buffer in its form can be beneficial, if you are familiar with it. It can be beneficial to have someone you know who has known your husband for many years (even better than you have).
The main condition is that such relationships should not prevail over yours with your husband.
Who cheats this way more often?
For each of us, something different will be the most important in a relationship. Some people like the physical side of love. Of course, without quality sex, a relationship will not be complete, but many value communication more highly. These are people with a subtle mental organization who notice beauty in the world around them. They pay a lot of attention to details, gestures, and intonations. For them, the spiritual is higher than the material, and physical betrayal is unacceptable. They are often indifferent to sex.
This will also be a blow for those for whom it is important to feel the support of their spouse. They must be confident that they will come home and be greeted warmly. Typically, such people spend a lot of time at work, building their careers and trying to earn money for their family. And if your significant other entertains himself on lonely evenings with thoughts about another person, then they will feel betrayed. And it will be very difficult for them to forgive such behavior.
For some, this position is incomprehensible. Usually these are straightforward people who think rationally. More fundamental things are more important to them. For example, the material well-being of the home, order and comfort. When choosing a spouse, they are also guided only by feelings. They create marriages of convenience to a greater extent.
Therefore, such people often deny spiritual betrayal. For cheating, it’s tantamount to sex outside of marriage, and the rest is just communication, friendship. Physical contact is more important to them than mental contact.
Emotional cheating in men, test
Mutual trustworthiness checks and provocations are not a good method of maintaining relationships. This indicates a lack of trust and can also hurt the partner emotionally so much that the union will fall apart.
Do you suspect that your husband’s relationship with another woman is beginning to take on the nature of emotional betrayal, and do the symptoms listed above confirm this? Do a little test.
Instead of approaching your husband with complaints, ask in a friendly tone why not invite your friend to your place, after all, you would love to meet her. If a man has nothing to hide, then he will not be afraid of your confrontation. However, if he reacts nervously and avoids not only the meeting, but also the topic as a whole, this is bad.
For example:
- With fanatical workaholism, where work is the first wife;
- In a codependent relationship with one of the parents, where, for example, the husband is attached to his mother in such a way that he trusts her more than his wife and strives to share news with her first, he can talk to her on the phone for hours, neglecting time together with his wife ;
- With an all-consuming hobby that “takes away” from the family, for example, a strong passion for motorcycles, cars and evenings spent in the garage, fishing, hiking or extreme sports;
- In close communication with friends, who replace family, accept you with all your shortcomings and support you.
Emotional betrayal - how to deal with it?
The main foundation of a successful relationship: understanding, intimacy, feelings.
Emotional betrayal in marriage is just as painful as in informal relationships. The partner who is cheated on feels deceived, angry, disappointed, as well as fallen and unworthy in his own eyes - after all, if everything was in order, it would not have come to this situation!
Conclusion : Losing self-confidence, doubting the existence of love, doubting the purity of your partner's intentions from the very beginning of your relationship - these are just a few of the effects that emotional betrayal causes. How to cope during this difficult time?
Life after emotional betrayal may seem impossible and this is a normal reaction, especially when the relationship was considered successful and there were no symptoms indicating a threat.
So how do you deal with emotional betrayal? How to live after emotional betrayal? In this case, a conversation between partners will most likely yield little. Because trust, which is the basis of relationships, has been lost. Moreover, few men openly admit “that they betrayed their wife emotionally” (this applies, of course, to women). Many men do not consider this a betrayal - “if I didn’t kiss her and didn’t sleep with her, it’s not cheating!”
In most cases, restoring a relationship after emotional betrayal requires working together under the guidance of a psychologist or psychotherapist.
You talk to another person about your marriage or relationship problems
If you are facing difficulties in your relationship, it makes sense to discuss them with friends. However, it is not a good idea to share your feelings with someone who is not interested in your relationship. Although it may seem strange, many strong emotional attachments begin when someone tells an attractive and friendly person about their personal problems.
Life after betrayal
There is, of course, a difference between physical and emotional cheating, but both lead to the same thing: irritability, loss of self-esteem, sadness and mistrust. Living with a person who betrayed you is essentially impossible.
Often, the best option is to separate for a while. This will allow you to think through the situation to move through all the emotional states (shock, denial, acceptance, anger, and then perhaps forgiveness) and decide what to do next.
Sometimes individual or psychotherapy will be necessary; in many cases, the relationship can no longer be saved and the partners will separate forever.
Recommendations from psychologists
Psychologists divide the feelings of any person faced with betrayal into several stages. With reference to them, they give certain recommendations. Detailed information is provided below.
- Shock stage . Occurs when a person finds out about betrayal. He may experience acute pain, become hysterical, or fall into a stupor. Usually the condition lasts 2 weeks. The victim's task is to combat the effects of stupor or shock. It is not recommended to make serious decisions at this time. Sometimes it will be useful to get acquainted with similar situations and stories; you may need the help of a psychologist.
- Overload stage . Lasts up to six months. The fact of betrayal has already been taken for granted. At this stage, it is necessary to determine the optimal model of behavior. The problem is that the victims at this time are literally swinging on an emotional swing: either they want to start living a new life, or they are “overwhelmed.” At the stage of overload, you should give up thoughts about the past and start looking to the future with your head held high. Life is not over.
- Recovery stage . The duration depends on the willpower of the person. Some people already enter into a new relationship six months later, others take years to recover. The best remedy at this time is impressions. There is no need to start leading the life of a recluse: new acquaintances, new emotions and simply an active life in which there is no place for sadness are the right means to combat the consequences of betrayal.
You constantly think about the other person
This is perhaps the most striking sign that will help bring anyone to clean water. We all find it difficult to think about anything or anyone else when we fall in love with someone. You may find yourself daydreaming about meeting soon, wondering what the other person is doing right now, or when the next time you will be able to contact them. If you began to compare a close friend with your relationship partner, this means that you began to consider him as a person with whom you can connect your destiny in the future.
