Cooking with love!
“All happy families are alike...” Lev Nikolaevich asserted.
Not everyone will agree with this, but it is difficult to argue with the fact that there are certain common components of family happiness. These are certain constants - quantities whose values do not change regardless of the mentality of the spouses, their character traits and other characteristics. And if you imagine that family happiness is a delicious dish, then it is these unchangeable “components” that should become its ingredients. I suggest you try to “cook” family happiness using this recipe...
What is important in family life?
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Everyone has their own meaning of family life. Who wants to carry love through many years and share their life with a person who will always support and understand in any situation, for whom the main thing is to give birth to many children and raise them as worthy members of society. For some, marriage is simply a tribute to tradition.
However, all these people, in order to save their marriage and not turn it into “an intolerable obligation to each other,” should understand that the main thing in the family is harmony. Harmony in everything, from respect for the habits and character traits of your partner, mutual support in difficult life situations, and ending with the joint solution of everyday and other problems.
Preparation
The basis is love.
Everything in the Universe begins with love... And every family in the classical sense also begins with this magical feeling. People who love each other together create their own harmonious world under one roof. This is wonderful! But what to do if you feel that this bright feeling is missing in your relationship from the very beginning. This also happens...
Firstly, this is often a misconception of those couples in whose understanding love is a kind of festival of hormones, when it seems that you cannot breathe without a person, it is difficult to cope with passion and all thoughts around the clock are only about your loved one...
We must understand that such a riot of emotions has little to do with true love. And secondly... Stephen Covey, author of the wonderful book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families,” has a wonderful phrase: “Love is a verb that means action.” It seems obvious. But let's think about it... Loving is listening, empathizing, appreciating and supporting another person. And don’t go crazy with the desire to possess it. It is “acting” love that is the main ingredient of family happiness. This is important for us to understand.
Let's move on to the recipe...
Add a generous dose of respect.
Without respect for each other, family happiness is impossible. Respect for the personality of a loved one, for his opinion, is an important condition for family harmony. The problem is that over time we forget about this. We get used to our spouse and somehow relax. We often rudely interrupt him, do not listen, do not choose expressions during family quarrels... And respect quietly leaves the family and closes the door behind itself, making way for selfishness and tactlessness.
Let's not let this happen! We always try to treat our spouse with attention and respect - we demonstrate how dear he is to us, how much we value him. And we ourselves, of course, have the right to expect the same attitude towards ourselves - we do not ignore disrespect towards ourselves.
Taking care of each other is an essential part of the recipe.
It seems to me that, by and large, a family is created for this purpose. So that two loving people can take care of each other, and then of their children. Caring is about paying attention to the mental state of a loved one - our ability to always reassure and support him. This is a very cool feeling - that you are not on your own in this world... That next to you stands shoulder to shoulder a person who will share both your sorrows and your joys. There is also attention to the physical comfort of a loved one. As an example, the husband’s concern for the financial security of the family, and the wife’s concern for home comfort. In no case do we forget to add this ingredient to the relationship!
Let's build lasting friendships.
In my opinion, it is the strong friendship between spouses that is very close to the concept of true love. The one who “... is long-suffering, merciful, ... does not envy, ... is not arrogant, is not proud, does not act outrageously, does not seek her own, is not irritated...”. We are ready to forgive our best friend a lot (if not everything!), understand him and listen to him. Share your most secret things with him. Help him and support him in any situation. It is precisely such relationships between spouses that are the key to family happiness.
We add a “complex” product – a compromise.
And this is not just a “complex product”, but real art! Which, of course, needs to be learned. Rigidity, stubbornness, pride, selfishness and excessive straightforwardness are generally the enemies of any relationship. Not just married ones. But they are especially toxic for marriage. Flexibility in relationships and the ability to make concessions help you cope with any challenges in marriage.
“What if the spouse does not want to give in? Why should I? Firstly, because the skill of compromise is, in principle, much easier for a woman. It is naturally more flexible and softer.
Well, secondly, that’s why we are given female wisdom and cunning, so that any compromise can ultimately be translated into our favor. 
We add a clean and transparent component – fidelity.
Marital fidelity is an indispensable condition for purity of relationships and mutual trust. Cheating has a devastating effect on a marriage. She's like an earthquake. The same are its consequences - it is possible to restore relationships with great difficulty, but will they be the same as before? Hardly... Unfaithful spouses justify themselves by saying that this is just a little entertainment, nothing more. Nothing serious... “It didn’t disappear from anyone!” – argue the most cynical of them. But in fact, a lot is lost - the very foundation of the relationship, which is built on love and trust, is collapsing.
I do not believe that it is categorically impossible to forgive betrayal. Forgiveness is generally a vital skill in family life. How many times have we heard about couples who have gone through infidelity and have forgiven their spouse? However, not all of them subsequently saved the family - for many, the mental wound did not allow them to return to the former sincerity of the relationship, and people separated.
Therefore, in the face of temptation, it is always worth asking yourself the question: “Am I ready to pay for this passing hobby with my family?”
Sprinkle the dish with passion pepper.
To prevent relationships from being bland, they should be diluted with fragrant seasonings. Flashes of passion and tender romantic moments are like a beautiful New Year's sky, colored with bright flashes of fireworks... And, of course, it's not just about sex. Ardent impulses, playful flirting, pleasant surprises and unexpected gifts - all this is just as relevant in family life as at the initial stage of a relationship. Even more important. There is no need to be embarrassed to be bright, emotional, seductive, exciting and mysterious for your spouse. Any age.
But I categorically disagree about the benefits of regular heated quarrels with passionate reconciliations. This only exhausts and devastates people. Passion and vivid emotions should be a necessary seasoning for family life, but not the main ingredient. Otherwise, it will be simply impossible to eat such a dish. They can be poisoned.
Let's add some salt...
The salty taste of tears - it would seem why our impeccable family delicacy needs it! But the fact of the matter is that no relationship can be flawless. The family idyll can be imitated, but in reality it does not exist. A happy family also experiences crises, spouses periodically conflict, and fate also tests their relationship’s strength...
How then does a happy family differ from an unhappy one? The way the spouses overcome all these challenges... In the first case, they do it with dignity. And the very understanding that happiness is impossible without difficulties, joy alternates with tears, and bright streaks of life with dark ones, helps to get rid of unnecessary illusions about the possibility of cloudless happiness. And the realization that “the darkest hour is before the dawn” gives us the strength to overcome the most severe adversities...
And about tears... It is important for a woman to remember that her sincere tears and childish defenselessness during a conflict will really help to successfully resolve it. They are able to “put out” the anger of their spouse. While a woman’s defensive actions in the form of accusations, insults, blackmail and even threats have the exact opposite effect on her husband...
What is needed for a happy family life?
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A happy family relationship is a huge effort by each partner. Maintaining and maintaining a “favorable climate” in a family can be quite difficult. But it will be much easier if you follow wise rules.
First, a man and a woman must respect each other. No matter how your life circumstances turn out, you must be unwavering in your choice. If you have nothing to hide from your other half, living together becomes much calmer, omissions and misunderstandings disappear.
Secondly, you should praise your partner as often as possible. It doesn’t matter for what – for a delicious dinner, for an evening walk, for relaxing in nature on the weekend. The more kind words you say to your partner, the more you will raise his or his self-esteem and let you know that you need each other. The payoff won't take long to arrive.
And thirdly, you must remember that your relationship depends only on yourself. Whether they will be strong and last for decades, or whether they will fall apart a couple of months after the wedding because of some little thing is up to you to decide. Also remember that efforts to maintain a happy marriage must be mutual.
Problems.
Popular wisdom says that with a sweetheart there is heaven in the hut. But is this true in reality? Statistics show that in countries where the standard of living declines for some reason, the number of divorces increases sharply. The reason is a conflict against the backdrop of material difficulties. Problems with housing and a constant lack of money drive spouses apart. Often someone has to leave for work, and I am away from home for a long time. Loyalty, misunderstanding, resentment - blows that only the strongest are ready to face.
But will wealth become a guarantee of successful relationships? Family psychologists think not. In their opinion, the problem lies not in the financial crisis, but in the inability to come to an agreement, find a way out, and survive a difficult stage, because material well-being can change dramatically for the better. A husband and wife must learn to support each other, look for a way out of dead-end situations, be content with little and appreciate what they have.
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Cooperation.
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What are the most common causes of quarrels in modern families? Why do mutual reproaches arise? We need to thank our grandparents, parents, directors of melodramatic films and everyone else who at least somehow influenced the formation of stereotypes in our heads.
Let's imagine a young wife who doesn't like to cook. In general, the kitchen is not her thing. A girl is much more interested in writing articles, earning money, and building a career. After such a revelation, everyone will bombard her with remarks like “You owe this and that!”, “What a housewife you are!” and everything in the same spirit. This is how labels and public opinion work.
But what if her husband does not at all like the role of breadwinner, once assigned by someone from the outside. What if he is satisfied with a stable little job and is attracted to a kitchen with the ability to bake cherry pies. This is happiness - finding a compromise, not breaking yourself over your knees, trying to meet someone else's requirements.
In their family, people have the right to distribute responsibilities among themselves. This is the main task. Which can be dealt with by those who are looking for a way out, not a culprit. Cooperation, work in a team, partnership will certainly lead to happiness in the family.
Secret No. 6. Don't wash dirty linen in public
Even in the most ideal families, scandals and misunderstandings occur; this cannot be avoided. But the actions of people who have quarreled can be radically different. So, some, at the first opportunity, bring out all the details of family life, all the “dirty laundry” for everyone to see. They run to their parents and friends for advice, trying to attract a larger audience to the family problem.
Others prefer to resolve accumulated misunderstandings one on one. And the second option is the most preferable. As the Russian folk proverb says: “Another person’s family means darkness.” No one can give you correct and adequate advice that can resolve all the contradictions that exist in a relationship. Only you can do this.
Friendship.
Couples who celebrated their “golden” wedding believe that the success of the strength of their union lies in friendly relations. The opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk, to be honest, frank and who you really are is the highest benefit of married life. In addition, it is always interesting to spend time with a friend, discuss some issues, and travel.
One 80-year-old man who took part in a Harvard University experiment on finding the secrets of happiness admitted that he still watches the most interesting films only with his wife. He explains this by saying that it was always interesting to discuss the plot with her and share thoughts.
American psychology professor John Gottman created a love laboratory in 1986 in the form of an ordinary apartment equipped with special observation equipment. 600 pairs of participants and 16 years of experiment led the scientist to the conclusion that the strongest relationships were those that were built on the “principle of friendship.” This is what the author called the ability of couples to create an emotional-intellectual connection that allows them to suppress negative thoughts and feelings.
Secret No. 5. Be understanding and patient
We live in rather unstable times, when no one can guarantee one hundred percent confidence in the future. In such conditions, fleeting falls, disappointments, failures and setbacks are inevitable.
The family should become the place in which a person can hide from all these everyday storms. Do not hesitate to show empathy, compassion and understanding towards your loved one. This is the basis of the recipe for a happy seed life.
Responsive partners, ready to lend a helping hand in any situation, act as support and support, manage to build the right relationships without quarrels and scandals.
