Psychology of family life: healing relationships

In this article we will tell you:

1. Functions and tasks of the family
2. 7 stages of family life
3. 3 levels in the psychology of family life
4. Factors influencing the psychology of family life
5. Crises in the psychology of family life
6. Determining readiness for family life
7. Signs of a quality family life from a psychological point of view
8. Astrology of family life

Marriage, family and love are eternal topics, so the psychology of family life interests many people. There is hardly a person who would not want a harmonious relationship, a long life together, where there is no place for reproaches, quarrels and disagreements. But the reality is that desire alone is not enough; it is necessary to take specific actions to achieve this goal.

Despite the fact that each person is individual and brings part of his personality into relationships, psychologists still identify positive and negative factors that are common to any family. In our article we will tell you how to make your marriage happier, what recommendations psychologists give and how astrology can help with this.

Functions and tasks of the family

Before creating a social unit, each person thinks about whether he needs a family, the main function of which is to accelerate the development of spouses in the spiritual plane. If a husband and wife are at approximately the same level of development and also have certain knowledge, then during their intimacy an exchange of vital energy occurs. In this way they enrich each other. This exchange is love, which allows a person to develop. If such a movement does not occur, then the essence of both men and women develops much more slowly.

However, this does not at all mean that you need to have sex all day long; this will result in no further development. In addition, too frequent intimacy can even be harmful, including for health, since each of the partners loses a lot of vital energy at this time.

It must be remembered that a person, unlike animals who are not able to control their instincts, must adhere to certain frameworks that allow them to be happy and healthy. To fully develop in terms of evolution and maintain creative potential at a high level, it is enough to exchange energy several times a month.

The first person to touch upon the topic of the psychology of family relationships in his books was Nikolai Levashov.

An equally important function of the family is the birth and upbringing of intelligent and harmonious children, which will be discussed below.

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The family is a form of life created by the human mind for more effective and rapid development of both society as a whole and individuals. Here it becomes possible to raise children in such a way that they grow up to be developed, more advanced individuals than their parents.

In addition, it should be noted that a person’s behavior in and without a family is significantly different. In the first case, new life experience and knowledge are acquired. In addition, responsibilities and worries appear. All this has a beneficial effect on the mind, brain and intelligence in terms of their development.

Why is it scary to start a family?

• I do not have enough money. Do you think that you won’t be able to handle your family? This is the most banal excuse. Either you're too responsible, or it's not about the money at all.

While you think that you are not wealthy enough for marriage, while you dare to take responsibility for your wife and children, take a step back and two forward, she will leave you for another, more confident man. And the question is not about money at all, but about your self-esteem.

If you are not confident in the future, you are not confident in yourself. Why does she need such a man? She wants a family not with your money, but with you. So upgrade yourself and your self-esteem.

• She will spend my money. The other side of the coin is your greed. Of course, your used car and one-room apartment on the edge of town are a real treasure, and your woman is just sleeping and seeing how she can make money off of you. Only self-deprived men believe that a woman is with him solely for the sake of money. In fact, they drive family life away from themselves because of the same complexes.

Yes, women are mercantile creatures. But remember, how we think people treat us is how we think about ourselves. If you think that a woman sees you as a loser and is only with you for the money, you consider yourself a loser. These are all complexes and fears that need to be fought, otherwise you will be left alone, in splendid isolation with your belongings. So the psychology of family relationships can help you.

• I will lose my freedom. Some representatives of the stronger sex are sincerely afraid of becoming dependent on their wife and losing their valuable freedom. If you think that a civil marriage will not commit you to anything, but an official marriage will tie you up, you’re wrong.

A real man is always responsible for his actions, and if you live with her and don’t plan for the future, it’s better to separate at the initial stage. Don't give false hopes and promises. Living in the illusion “no painting, no marriage” is stupid.

• My parents are against it. Do you have strict parents? Are you 8 years old? Are you an infantile sucker who never makes independent decisions? No? How else can I explain these cheap excuses?

Yes, sometimes parents stand in the way of our choice, openly forbidding us to get married. But if they think that you are not mature enough to face difficult family challenges, run away from such a family. Otherwise, you will never become independent, and until old age you will remain a beloved child who needs to wipe his snot all his life.

• My parents are divorced and we are getting divorced. Do you think that it is marriage that ruins everything? Perhaps this was the case with your parents? This is how the psychology of family relationships works - everything comes from childhood. Believe me, it won't happen to you...

Most often these are defense mechanisms that work against ourselves. Perhaps your parents separated badly and you suffered a lot? Leave your traumas and fears in the past. If you don't try, you won't know and you'll lose your opportunity to be happy.

• I don't want to be responsible for anything. Realizing that after the wedding you will have to take responsibility not only for yourself, but also for your wife and children, does it become wildly scary? This is the fear of responsibility.

In addition, such responsibility involves raising a child, instilling in him good character traits and setting his own good example. But not everyone is ready to be an example for their children. This is again a question of confidence and good self-esteem.

• She will make me henpecked. Do you think that while you are in a civil marriage, you can easily break off the relationship at any time if living together gets boring? This is the fear of losing the right to choose.

Everyone should have their own life! Set your boundaries very wisely. You should have your own hobby, your own friends, hobbies. A woman should not interfere in your affairs, should not forbid you anything. And if she is not satisfied with such conditions, then you are definitely not on the way.

• I'm afraid of being disappointed in her. Of course, with a long-term relationship, more and more of a girl’s shortcomings come to light: you find out that she doesn’t poop like a rainbow, and that she looks different without makeup. She may well not be the princess you dreamed of. But why then be together? Why waste your precious time on a person who doesn't satisfy you?

Often we continue to drag our feet in the hope that something will change. But these are illusions. There are no ideal women, these are myths. You refuse to accept a woman for who she is. You are not ready in principle for a real relationship. Why? See points above about fears and low self-esteem.

• I'm just afraid to propose. You are afraid of rejection, you are afraid of being rejected. Such men do not dare to take serious steps for a long time. You lack self-confidence.

Perhaps you had a negative experience? Have you been rejected, betrayed or cheated on? But this experience was in the past. Where is the guarantee that it will happen again? Destroy and challenge your negative beliefs, otherwise you may remain an avid bachelor forever.

Factors influencing the psychology of family life

According to researchers in the psychology of family life, the causes of conflicts affecting relationships in marriage are:

• Psychological characteristics of partners, which often becomes the cause of a breakup.
• Poor relationships between parents that husband and wife observed in childhood.
• Everyday problems, for example, living with parents who interfere in the lives of young people or constantly wandering around rented apartments.
• Abuse of bad habits by one of the partners, for example, alcohol.
• The appearance of a child in the family, which leads to a number of difficulties, or, conversely, the absence of children, which does not suit the spouses or one of them.
• Life situations that caused the marriage, for example, an unplanned pregnancy.
• There are too many household or work responsibilities that lead to overwork and no energy left for family life.
• Circumstances that do not suit one of the partners (permanent business trips for a long time).
• Unfulfilled high expectations.

Based on this, the following types of marriage can be distinguished:

The occurrence of a crisis is associated with the type of marriage, and the psychology of family life helps spouses cope with this difficult period, minimizing losses.

Family rules for a happy life

This article is about how important it is to voice and establish rules at the beginning of creating family relationships, how important it is to adhere to them, and how a family without family rules can suffer. When they ask me: “How to make your marriage happy?”, I answer with a counter question: “How to make sure that when driving your car, you avoid an accident?”

Usually they answer me: you need to choose the right car (not damaged, in good working order, etc.) and strictly follow the traffic rules! Then I say: “Exactly the same thing should be done in family life: you need to be reasonable in choosing a marriage partner and strictly follow the rules of family life.”

They immediately tell me: “Are there any family rules ? Doesn’t every couple make their own unique rules and traditions?”

I answer: “Why then aren’t motorists allowed to drive on the roads according to their own rules? After all, car enthusiasts are exactly the same husbands and wives. So they would allow three billion car owners to drive, each according to their own rules... But in reality this does not exist, and will not happen! So, why do we demand that they obey the rules on the road, but not in their family life?!”

They tell me: “Road rules are needed so that people can predict each other’s behavior, predict it and avoid dangerous intersections. Failure to do this will lead to collisions and accidents. And this is painful, deadly, plus material damage.”

Then I say: “What, conflicts in families, betrayals and divorces - aren’t these dangerous clashes, aren’t they painful, deadly and not material damage? And don’t spouses in family relationships need to forecast and predict each other’s behavior? Or maybe you want to say that husbands and wives all over the world really want to have new family rules ?! I very much doubt this: reasonable people usually still strive for stability...”

Only after this do people begin to accept the idea that several billion families simply cannot mathematically create the same number of unique family rules . And so that they are all correct and work. Just as on the road, there cannot be many rules for correct driving, proven by millions of tragedies, so in family life: there are still rules, there are relatively few of them, they are equally applicable to everyone. Those who want to stand out from everyone and move in family life according to their own rules, no matter how original and unique they show, will face a fate similar to that of those who are uniquely weird on the road:

There are many options for extravagance - the result is one: accident and tragedy.

What are these rules for a happy family in the most general form? About the same as on the road. Their philosophy, their essence is simple: mutual respect, transparency of intentions, clarity and predictability of all actions for loved ones, an equal set of rights and responsibilities.

Without pretending to be complete, I will give at least the forty rules that I always follow when improving relationships in those families in crisis who turn to me for family counseling for psychological help.

40 rules for a happy family

A family is a family in the full sense of the word if there is housing, financial and psychological independence from relatives, friends and other persons, with complete physical and psychological comfort in communication. Accordingly, the basic goals of the family should be aimed at achieving complete independence of the family from other persons and complete comfort in communication between spouses (and in the future, with their children).

1. Spouses are completely equal in their rights and responsibilities to the family.
2. Spouses are obliged to always and everywhere emphasize their love and respect for each other : treat each other kindly, give compliments, give gifts, hug and kiss each other, be in contact (call each other, write to each other) during the day, make pleasant wishes to each other, etc. . Apologies for minor offenses and oversights are made quickly, and accepted without offense even faster.
3. The status of “Head of the Family” does not imply inequality in the family and does not provide any benefits other than respect. This is only an indicator of a person’s activity and his effectiveness in solving the important tasks that the family faces. The status of head of the family is acquired as a result of numerous and constant services to the family. This is a tool to simplify and optimize new decision-making in the family.
4. Discussion of any goals, objectives, problems and decisions of the family is carried out only in a sober state, without emotions, on the basis of clear arguments. If one of the spouses is not ready to discuss a controversial issue, he can correctly ask to postpone its discussion to another point in time, but no more than a day. The initiator of the discussion is obliged to respect the request to postpone the discussion of the problem by an unready partner and not to put pressure on his “half”. Otherwise, this is where the aggravation of relations in the couple will occur.
5. In the most acute family dispute, it is prohibited to insult and humiliate each other, use any threats (violence, abandonment, divorce, etc.), physical violence, kick them out of the family home, or leave on their own. It is forbidden to insult each other behind the scenes, in the presence of children, relatives, etc.
6. In family disputes, it is prohibited to involve third parties in the conflict - relatives, friends, colleagues, etc. If the conflict becomes dangerous, the police should be involved. But in this case, bring the matter to an administrative or judicial decision.
7. It is advisable to conduct conflict dialogues in the family face to face, in the absence of children, relatives, and friends.
8. The presence of grievances in the family should not stop the normal order of family life: the order of financing, shopping, food, solving everyday issues, paternal and maternal behavior, intimate life, etc.
9. Husband and wife can consult with their relatives, friends and colleagues, but make important decisions only together. Once a decision is made, it is desirable that it remains unchanged. If some extremely important circumstances arise that can cancel or change the family decision, they should be openly voiced and discussed.
10. If the spouses do not have unity in making a decision, it is postponed until a common decision is made in the couple.
11. No one has the right to make decisions and implement them individually, unless special powers have been obtained for such actions. (Like: “look on the spot, I trust you.”)
12. When making family decisions, first of all, the interests of children, their well-being, development, education, safety, care, etc. are taken into account.
13. Spouses are obliged to respect each other's family members, communicate correctly with them, and take care of each other's parents and children from previous marriages.
14. Having created a family, spouses do not have the right to maintain or acquire gambling, drug or alcohol addiction: all this is incompatible with the safety of the family and its happiness. Spouses are obliged to get rid of any forms of addiction in a short time.
15. Spouses are obliged to avoid criminal social circles and/or criminal activities, as this always creates risks and problems for the family as a whole.
16. Spouses are obliged to make efforts to maintain external physical and sexual attractiveness for each other, to take into account the wishes and requirements of the partner in this matter.
17. Any form of parasitism and parasitism should be excluded in the family. Someone’s refusal to work must take place for good reasons and only with the consent of the “other half”.
18. If one of the spouses finds himself in a difficult life situation (loss of job, disability, serious illness, criminal or other prosecution, etc.), the partner is obliged to support him/her with all his might. At the same time, the person who finds himself in a difficult life situation is obliged to take an active position in overcoming his difficulties.
19. Her spouse should be involved in solving emergency and current everyday issues of the family. The cleanliness of the home, its furnishings, the availability of food, cleaning the premises, washing and ironing clothes, cooking, childcare are tasks that equally concern both spouses. It is desirable that the household and parental functions of spouses be clearly defined and secured. There is not and cannot be a spouse in the family who is completely exempt from these functions.
20. Spouses have a responsibility to protect each other from harm from other people, including their relatives and friends. They should remove from their social circle those strangers who allow themselves to unfairly criticize their family members.
21. Residence of relatives, friends and children from previous marriages in the family’s living space, their financing in a significant amount, is possible only on the terms of consensus in the couple, with general consent.
22. Spouses have the right to know the place, position, working conditions, level of income and expenses, each other’s social circle, and report to each other about how that part of their day goes when they are not together.
23. Spouses jointly participate in the formation of the family budget, accumulation of funds and their expenditure; financial reporting and justification for significant expenses are required.
24. Optimally, the total annual costs for each spouse (clothing, shoes, leisure, various procedures, etc.) should be approximately the same, or at least comparable . Moreover, in each specific month, the amount of these costs for spouses may differ significantly. The main thing is that over the course of the year there should be no significant biases towards the partner that are offensive to anyone’s pride.
25. Spouses should strive to spend their leisure time (evenings, weekends and holidays, vacations, corporate events) together . Both within groups of friends and as a couple. Leisure planning should be carried out jointly, in advance and taking into account the interests of both spouses.
26. Spouses have the right to access each other's mobile phones, social networks, and bank cards; the right to know with whom half of them communicates.
27. Spouses are obliged to remain sexually faithful to each other, refuse flirting and personal communication with representatives of the opposite sex, and make adjustments to their behavior in case of jealousy on the part of the marriage partner. In case of intrusive attention from any third parties, you should immediately inform your other half about it.
28. Spouses are required to show sexual initiative towards each other at least weekly; they cannot refuse each other sex without a good reason. Spouses are obliged to support all sexual initiatives of each other, which do not contradict their moral principles and the Criminal Code.
29. Spouses are obliged to be tolerant of their partner’s communication with relatives and children from previous relationships, and reasonable financial costs for this communication.
30. Spouses openly discuss the planned number of children in the family, create comfortable conditions for planning and carrying out pregnancy, and exclude the possibility of abortion (exception: for medical reasons or due to sexual violence).
31. Caring for and raising children is an equal responsibility of both spouses. Spouses are required to have common pedagogical approaches (based on humanism).
32. Spouses are obliged to do their best to support each other's career, financial, educational and social growth. Including consent to training, advanced training, business trips for each other, and moving with a promotion to other cities, regions and countries. The spouse whose career is developing especially quickly is obliged to create conditions so that opportunities for career and personal development remain for his/her spouse.
33. If one of the spouses runs their own business, the “other half” must be interested in all its aspects, and a successful businessman must create opportunities for his “other half” and, in the future, children to participate in this business.
34. Spouses should not allow themselves to live apart for long periods of time . It is important to get away from complex work schedules, long business trips, shift work schedules, long-term separate residence in different localities, the “someone in the city, someone outside the city/in the country”, “someone in the same country - someone else”, etc. This type of marriage leads to divorce.
35. It is advisable for spouses to share each other’s leisure interests and hobbies and do it together. It is also important to create new joint hobbies.
36. Spouses are obliged to pay due attention to their own health and the health of all family members.
37. Spouses must be attentive to each other's criticism and comments. The criticism and comments themselves must be made in a correct and non-offensive form.
38. -If family relationships cease to be comfortable and become uncomfortable, this should be discussed in the family before infidelity or other personal relationships with members of the opposite sex occur.
39. In the event of serious mistakes by one of the spouses (binge drinking, violence, infidelity, leaving the family, etc.), the culprit is obliged to admit his guilt as quickly as possible and try to rehabilitate himself in the eyes of the family. The other party is obliged to at least once give a chance to restore family relations in full. The guilty party is obliged at any cost to fulfill what was promised in the interests of preserving the family, including giving written obligations and concluding a marriage contract beneficial for the other members
40. In the event of a divorce, the family's property and financial resources must be divided fairly and equally, in accordance with the Family Code. The divorce of spouses does not negate the need for their correct communication with each other, mutual assistance, and shared responsibility for raising and providing for children.

As you can see, this is far from the most complete, but only a certain basic list of rules of family life. But, believe me: even this is usually enough for the family to move towards marital harmony!

If you wish, you can expand this list with your own items. But, even more important, it would be to discuss these points and accept them in your married couple!

Because, I assure you, as a specialist with twenty-five long years of experience as a family psychologist:

Most family problems arise due to the fact that spouses have different ideas about the rules of the family, the rights and responsibilities of themselves and the other half in it, or, while recognizing them in words, in fact simply do not fulfill them.

If you do not repeat these other people's mistakes, you will definitely set a course for your stable family happiness. I really wish this for you.

Crises in the psychology of family life

In the psychology of family life, in each period of a relationship there is a peak when most marriages break up:

• 1 year;
• 3 years;
• 7 years;
• 10 years;
• 15 years;
• 20 years;
• 25 years.

Problems, as well as methods for solving them, are different in each individual case. Thus, what will help cope with a crisis in the first year of marriage will not give any results in a deadlock situation after 10 years of marriage.

If we talk about how long each period lasts, it is difficult to give exact dates. It all depends on the behavior patterns of the spouses and their character. Some are ready to wait for several months without trying to cope with the current situation, while others, due to their temper, cut the Gordian knot right away. However, most often it takes about 6–12 months for a conflict to mature.

There are only two ways out of a crisis situation

:

1. The marriage survives (constructive).
2. The union falls apart (destructive).

It is worth noting that now a constructive way out of the crisis cannot always be considered positive, since it happens that spouses decide to maintain the union only for the sake of their common child, so as not to traumatize his psyche. However, as a result, everyone is unhappy, the husband and wife can hardly tolerate each other, and they take their anger out on the child, for whose sake the relationship was maintained. It all ends with psychological trauma occurring for everyone.

Rule 3. Don’t show family conflicts

There are disagreements and conflicts in the family. Discuss family problems and resolve conflicts at home. Don't ask friends, parents, or acquaintances for advice.

Involving someone else's opinion will worsen the situation in the family. The family consists of a wife, husband and children. Other people, even their own grandparents, are outside the family. Each person has his own opinion and his own rules in life. Other people don't know the ins and outs of your family and won't be able to help.

5 Resources for overcoming conflict in the family.

Determining readiness for family life

Before entering into an official marriage, partners should study the ethics and psychology of family life, and for this you can read the relevant literature or consult a specialist. This will allow you to avoid making mistakes that many make in a legal union, and also make sure that you are really ready for this serious step. You need to understand that to create a harmonious and functional union, it is not enough to simply reach puberty.

In the psychology of family life, there are three criteria for the maturity of a couple to enter into a marriage. These include:

• maturity mental, physical;
• social maturity;
• readiness for marriage, ethical and psychological.

A person who is mature at the mental level is able to look at things soberly, can be self-aware, and knows how to build relationships with others. Potential spouses must understand the need to provide mutual assistance, as well as to separate material and everyday problems.

If we talk about social maturity, then it testifies to a person’s education, the ability to provide not only for himself, but also for the family that he created. To do this, he must have a stable job.

The readiness of the spouses at the psychological level is characterized by awareness of the concept of “we”. It lies in the fact that the husband and wife begin to have common interests, they begin to relate to parenthood in the same way, and their perception of spiritual values ​​also becomes the same for both of them. However, you need to understand that the personal “I” of the partners in this case should not be violated either.

The basics of the psychology of family life help to get rid of the conclusion of ill-considered marriages, as well as those created by partners who are not ready for it.

Rule 4: Express gratitude for everyday things

A woman is not obliged to cook, clean, or do laundry. A man is not obliged to provide and protect. All actions in the family should be desired. It is necessary to praise each other for daily responsibilities. Say “thank you” more often, thank you for the little things.

It is important for a wife to want to cook a delicious dinner for her husband. The husband will be happy to thank his wife, give a compliment, and offer to wash the dishes. A child is not required to receive only positive grades at school and behave well. Praise will motivate your child to study even better.

5 Laws of Abundance that Work in Relationships

Signs of a quality family life from a psychological point of view

• Finding compromises

  .

If married partners are happy, then they realize that in any conflict situation it is worth looking for a compromise, because the family is not a battlefield. It is this kind of union, according to psychologists, that is the strongest and happiest.

• Interest in each other

  .

After years of living together, partners' interest in each other may disappear, because they think that they have studied each other 100%. In this case, in order for the family to become stronger, it is necessary to try to maintain mutual interest, while noticing even the little things, and to share the interests of the other half.

• Eliminate competition

  .

When both in a couple are happy, they will not prove to each other their superiority in this or that matter. In a healthy relationship, everyone has their own roles to perform without trying to look their best. It is precisely such families that are considered the happiest in psychology.

• Treat with a sense of humor

  .

This feeling allows you to experience difficult situations much easier, without focusing on the negative sides of your partner. This is the only way, from a psychological point of view, that healthy families are born.

• Maintain balance

  .

There are no ideal relationships; disagreements and disputes can arise in any family. However, only couples who are truly happy are able to maintain a balance between negativity and positivity, without allowing an advantage in one direction or the other.

Rule 2. Find time to communicate

In a relationship, you need to talk. Make time for each other every day. Communicate not while eating dinner or watching TV, but without distraction. Sit next to or opposite each other, listen to your partner or child. Everyone may have difficulties that require support. Lack of communication in the home entails a loss of trust. In addition to conversations about work, household chores, friends, and discussions of business issues, it is necessary to listen to the personal experiences of family members. Your loved ones should understand that you are always there and will definitely help in difficult times.

Trends

Content

Modern life has changed a lot over the past 20-30 years and dictates different rules of life. It would be more accurate to say that finally the rules as dogmas and the expression of rigid public opinion disappeared, and they were replaced by freedoms: thoughts, self-expression, way of life. This freedom is even frightening - before it was clear what path awaits you. School - getting a professional education - wedding - work - retirement... Boring, but stable and understandable. Family life played an honorable role in this list. Unmarried ladies and single men were considered as insufficiently valuable members of society.

Now the statistics of marriages and divorces confirm that family and marriage have ceased to be such an important value. Now everyone decides whether and when to start a family, or live in free solitude. Of course, you can’t sit on both chairs, and you still have to choose whether to get married or not. You can make a decision thoughtfully, based on objective information - the pros and cons of the family.