What is kindness, what does it mean to be kind, how does it manifest itself?

What is kindness? How to learn to accurately distinguish between good and evil in everyday life?

In search of an answer, let's turn to our irreplaceable assistants - history and dictionaries.

Russian religious thinker of the 19th century. and the founder of such a movement as Christian philosophy, Vladimir Solovyov, in his treatise “The Justification of Good” writes about goodness as “a real moral order, expressing the absolutely due and absolutely desirable attitude of everyone to everything and everything to everyone.” This he calls the Kingdom of God.

Dictionaries of the XVIII-XIX centuries. defined “good” as positive actions and material goods. Rich and wealthy people were considered kind. In our time, the meaning of the word used is moral and ethical.

Ozhegov’s explanatory dictionary gives the following formulation: kindness is responsiveness, emotional disposition towards people, the desire to do good to others. Dmitriev's explanatory dictionary indicates that kindness is a spiritual quality of a person. “Explanatory Dictionary of the Living Great Russian Language” by V.I. Dalia: In spirituality. meaning good, what is honest and useful, everything that the duty of a person, a citizen, a family man requires of us; the opposite of bad and evil. Do good, don't be afraid of anyone. There is no harm in good things. Good is not repaid with evil.

So what kind of a good man is he?

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What is kindness

Kindness is a positive personality quality that makes a person selflessly help and treat people with care. The concept of goodness is revealed through the individual’s desire to please others with certain actions. To be kind means to always take care of others, to do something for their benefit. Here the connection between good and good can be traced. A person who does good receives true pleasure from it; he cannot do otherwise.

A synonym for kindness is virtue. This quality presupposes a person’s polite and attentive attitude towards others.

A boy gives happiness to a friend

In pedagogy, such definitions as “kindness” and “kindness” are associated with morality and ethics. But at the same time, in the explanatory dictionary of V.I. Dahl also interprets good as property and material values belonging to a person. It is no coincidence that in the old days a rich man was called kind.

The power of kindness is even seen in the fact that in the Old Slavonic alphabet one of the letters bore this name. Historians have established that the word “good” is of original Russian origin; translated from Old Slavonic it meant “oak” and was associated with strength, strength, perseverance and masculinity.

In psychology, kindness is associated with a high level of human empathy, altruism, and spiritual sensitivity. However, a person must do good wisely: his desire to please others should not negatively affect his own life. You shouldn’t take off your shirt and give it to a beggar unless you have another shirt in your closet at home.

In philosophy, kindness is part of a person’s spirituality.

Work in nature is an important means of educating humanity

In the Christian religion, much attention is paid to the eternal struggle between good and evil, because everything is known in comparison. Kindness equates to mercy. It manifests itself in the desire to help those in need. Kindness in religion is considered a spiritual quality that must be trained throughout life. The Church encourages righteous actions because they make people humane. A person who does good deeds receives love as a reward.

Islam obliges people to communicate politely with each other. This religion teaches people to help others with kind words. Kindness is an innate quality that a person must preserve and develop throughout life. This can be done if you always act according to your conscience. Islam teaches tolerance, which is also an act of kindness.

Buddhism does not contrast good and evil. The emphasis in this religion is on compassion and love, and kindness in life is a necessary condition for personal development.

In other religions, goodness and kindness are also considered signs of spirituality. God blesses a person for good deeds, because one of the names of the Almighty is Good. The ability to do good is a sign of true faith in God.

Kindness is inextricably linked with a person’s selflessness and warmth, and faith in love. If someone expects gratitude, fame and universal respect for showing kindness, then this is not a kind person, but an egoist.

What prevents us from being kind?

Do you often meet selfless people? They are also called altruists, who do not seek benefits for their actions, and do not expect anything in return, including praise like “You are the best” or “there is no kinder person on earth.” If you have someone like that in your circle of acquaintances, you are lucky, because not everyone experiences true kindness these days.

It is difficult for kindness to coexist with arrogance. “Who is he for me to help him!”, “He’s the wrong guy, I don’t hang out with people like that” - from a person who says this, kindness will come with a catch. Agree, it is strange to expect good from someone who considers it humiliating to condescend to her.

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The longtime enemy of kindness is anger. If an individual experiences anger, he cannot be truly beneficent.

There is no place for kindness in the heart of an inveterate egoist. It is certainly necessary to think about yourself, but everything should be in moderation. If “I” runs far ahead, not noticing others, such a person will consider it simply impermissible for himself to help not only a stranger, but also a relative.

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Resentments muffle impulses to do good deeds. They can lurk in the soul for a long time. It’s worse when they begin to tear you apart from the inside and push you to thoughts of hatred. There is only one way out - forgiveness. And not only the one you are grudge against, but also yourself.

Another enemy of kindness is envy. Oh, that's when you experience a whole bunch of negative emotions. For example, you envy your neighbor who bought a brand new cherry Renault, because “but I don’t have one.” And then one morning this neighbor comes to you and asks you to help fix his car, because he is late and needs to go urgently. Will you help? If not, then the feeling of envy prevented you from doing this.

What does true kindness look like?

Kindness manifests itself in actions. In a kind person, this character trait is reflected in all areas of life. A person's true goodness is judged by such things as:

acceptance of one’s own individual personal characteristics
respectful attitude towards others, manifested in tolerance;
a person’s lack of desire to re-educate and remake those around him;
altruistic attitude towards loved ones and colleagues;
ability to build constructive interpersonal relationships with colleagues;
generosity, willingness to share what a person has with others;
lack of envy.

Is kindness a sign of strength or weakness?

Society is a dynamically developing system. Simultaneously with the development of society, a revaluation of values occurs. Several centuries ago, kindness was considered a sign of purity of soul, nobility, good manners and selflessness. But today the situation has changed. Nowadays, a kind person who readily rushes to help others and does not demand anything in return is considered a naive eccentric. Such people are often manipulated, so sometimes kindness is considered a weakness. To prevent this from happening, a kind person should not solve the problems of friends and relatives, but should help them find ways to solve their problems.

However, in educational institutions, teachers continue to form moral foundations in children. This means that kindness remains a significant social quality. Therefore, kindness and generosity can rightfully be considered a sign of strength of character: a person has a choice. He can act in a way that is beneficial to him, and benefit from his “good” deeds. Or he can selflessly help another, do something nice for a loved one.

The power of kindness is also manifested in the fact that a person not only helps others cope with life's difficulties, but also shows them ways of personal development. Helping others become better is true virtue.

Kindness is fueled by the ability to treat any person with respect and believe in his strength.

In modern reality, it is not easy for a good person to live. He is always in a situation of moral choice. By helping others, he needs to preserve himself and his resource. If he can choose the right vector of effort, then good deeds will have a positive impact on him.

Game of goodness.

Galina considered herself a kind woman. She had a child, but all her life she strived to help other children. She could take a toy from her child and give it to someone else. She did the same with clothes. Under the impression of someone’s approval, being in euphoria from her virtue, Galina could give money to a rogue asking for an allegedly sick child, who was most likely fictitious or of little importance to the swindler, and Galina’s child was therefore deprived of simple life blessings, pleasures and goodies. Galina considered herself a very kind person. Do you think she is good?

In fact, Galina strives to please everyone. She is so in need of external approval, even from unfamiliar people, that she neglects common sense and the interests of the closest, most needy, most dependent creature on her. Her kindness masks her indifference. Most likely, Galina is dominated by some form of narcissism. In such behavior there is a certain need to be special, which has not found other ways out and resources for gaining attention other than feigned virtue.

Today Galina’s child is undergoing psychotherapy. His trauma is associated with the loss of a basic sense of security, significance and need for this world. He is infected with a powerful program that destroys him, which was given by his mother and which formed neural connections in his brain from an early age: “Don’t live - let others live,” “Don’t desire - your desires and needs mean nothing. There are only the desires of other people”, “I don’t love you - I love others. They are more important than you. They are better."

This child is already quite a few years old. He was born a long time ago, but never began to live. The evil that the mother caused to this soul can hardly be measured by the tears of one person. This mother did not love herself very much and was not capable of loving her child. She was probably raised by a masochistic or narcissistic mother. She brought a potential martyr into this world due to the fact that she had a child without working through her serious psychological aberrations.

Why is kindness needed?

To understand why kindness is needed, it is enough to imagine a person living among greedy egoists, hypocrites and envious people. It is obvious that he will not be able to become happy in such a society.

The mission of kindness lies in such significant moments as:

helping the elderly, sick people and weak individuals;
openness to the world and new experiences;
social interaction will become a source of energy for a person who does good to people;
animal care;
respect for nature;
development of emotional intelligence;
gaining strength and vitality;
knowing the limits of one’s own capabilities and designing a path of self-development;
correct interpretation of other people's actions based on acceptance;
conscious refusal to judge and label;
awareness of one’s own importance, the usefulness of one’s actions;
gaining inner strength, vital core;
finding your calling and the best way of self-realization;
the opportunity to build relationships with others based on altruism;
a person will learn to distinguish good from evil, to appreciate manifestations of nobility and generosity on the part of others;
finding happiness.

Doing good deeds protects a person from degradation. Kindness as a personality trait saves a person from infantilism and dependent behavior patterns.

Without kindness, the structure of society will collapse. Individualism will flourish. But refusing to work together will not allow a person to achieve significant results. Life will become unbearable, because everyone will think only about themselves. Such phenomena as collectivism, cooperation, empathy, mutual understanding and mutual assistance will lose their force.

Who is a kind person

Someone who has the following personal characteristics can claim to be a good person:

the ability to empathize, sympathize, show compassion;
responsiveness;
caring;
tact;
friendly attitude in interpersonal interaction, friendly attitude towards others;
the ability to accept a communication partner as he is, with all his advantages and disadvantages;
a person’s lack of conviction that someone should do something for him;
providing help to another person only when he asks for it;
mercy;
the ability to put oneself in another person’s place;
emotional sensitivity;
the ability to control your emotions and show patience;
unselfishness;
generosity, breadth of soul.

The old lady treats people to her harvest, she doesn’t mind

Parables about kindness

For centuries, people have written wonderful tales and given birth to parables about kindness. They perfectly demonstrate the essence of kindness. For example, this video, which has spread around the Internet many, many times, speaks very eloquently and subtly about this:

Here is another instructive story about the importance of the silence of good deeds...

One day, the students came to the mentor and asked him: “Why do bad inclinations easily take hold of a person, but good inclinations take hold of a person with difficulty and remain fragile in him?”
- What happens if a healthy seed is left in the sun and a sick one is buried in the ground? - asked the old man.
“A good seed that is left without soil will die, but a bad seed will germinate and produce a sick sprout and bad fruit,” answered the students.
“This is what people do: instead of secretly doing good deeds and growing good seedlings deep in their souls, they put them on display and thereby ruin them.
And people hide their shortcomings and sins deep in their souls so that others do not see them. There they grow and wound a person to the very heart.
You, be wise and don’t do this!

What prevents a person from being kind?

Unfortunately, not all people can be called kind. Why is this happening? What prevents a person from being kind? Psychologists identify the following reasons for this:

people tend to compare themselves with others and experience a sense of superiority and arrogance, which interfere with the manifestation of their humanity;
the self-esteem of most successful people, who could be kinder to others, is inflated, as a result of which they are proud of their successes and do not want to help others become successful;
wanting to satisfy his own needs, a person ignores the needs and desires of others;
people are not always willing to offer help to each other, because they do not want to take on extra responsibility;
members of society view members of their class as competitors.

Can kindness hurt a person?

Sometimes doing good deeds gives rise to conflicting feelings in a person. This may happen if:

manifestations of kindness are regarded as a self-evident social phenomenon, therefore a benevolent, sympathetic attitude is required from the individual;
regular disinterested help, which remains without gratitude, depletes a person’s personal resource;
if a person always helps others and does good, he risks becoming a victim of manipulation;
excessive virtue and the desire to help when it is not asked for can offend a person, imposed care causes irritation;
Unsolicited advice spoils interpersonal relationships;
the desire to help a person cope with his difficulties deprives the sufferer of the opportunity to apply his own knowledge and skills to solve a difficult situation;
When helping a friend, a person often assures him that everything will be fine, but these are empty words that may not correspond to reality (it turns out that the good helper gave his friend false hope, deceived him, disappointed him);
some false good-natured people blackmail their victims with kindness;
the desire to help loved ones is fraught with falling into codependent relationships.

Asya Rakhovich

Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.

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Real goodness. What is it like?

For those who have studied ancient Slavic writing, the concept of good is familiar as a vector directed upward.
Development vector. Good is the energy that characterizes development, prosperity, comfort, overcoming, elevation, completeness, harmony, integrity, success. Such an internal state as goodness can arise only from Strength and Mind. Good is the wisdom not to support evil and injustice, being able to punish, eliminate or change them by turning them into a developing structure. Goodness does not wag its tail, does not flatter, does not suck up to those who are stronger, does not modify facts, does not deceive. Kindly asks constructive questions to find the right answers. Good makes the right decisions and moves the world towards the development and improvement of all Being, and not just personal selfish interests, which do not bring joy without harmonizing the entire living space. A good person cannot be one who is blind, but only one who clearly sees and understands life, who is developed, wise, knows how to act, develop, decide, and be fair. So are you a kind person? If you want to help those in need, remember money is a powerful energy and by supporting evil or parasitism with it, you will only increase it. I see the best way to do good is to give a fishing rod to someone who asks you for a fish and teach them how to use it. Also good is increasing education, expanding the horizons of talented youth, who will make your country and the world stronger, kinder, more beautiful and better.

How to become kind

If desired, a person can cultivate kindness in himself. To do this you need:

Learn to treat people carefully. Selfish attitudes must be left in the past. Communication should be based on politeness and gratitude for pleasant moments in communication. There is no need to be embarrassed to say words of gratitude to your comrades. It is also important to learn to express sympathy and share his grief with a person.
Anyone who has decided to become a kind person needs to smile more often. A smile can radically change thoughts. Transformation of thoughts entails changes in actions. Doing good deeds with a smile is easy and pleasant.
The predominance of material values over spiritual ones makes a person petty and mercantile. It is important to cultivate spirituality within yourself. For this, it is useful to practice meditation and yoga.
It is useful to constantly engage in self-knowledge. This allows a person to sensibly assess his resources in a critical situation when someone needs help.
If a person is focused on obtaining material gain, he needs to change his thinking. Selfish motives cannot force an individual to help someone. Only an altruistic principle can force a person to help someone for free.
Cultivating kindness requires a person to have high self-control and self-discipline. It is important to learn to promptly recognize the emergence of such feelings as pride, envy, anger and work through them. When negative emotions are processed, there will be room in the heart for good and bright things.
If negative feelings arise frequently, you need to find an effective, constructive way to deal with them. This could be systematic exercise, walks in the park, handicrafts or general cleaning. All of the above activities will help normalize the emotional state and restore personal virtuous resources.
It is important for a person to learn to adjust his self-esteem. Virtue and arrogance are incompatible.

A wise old man tells a girl about virtue

Anyone who decides to do good needs to learn to rejoice in the successes of others. Envy is a bad helper in good deeds. People around you should not be viewed as competitors.
You can discover a virtuous resource within yourself if you read fiction that describes the good deeds of this or that hero. Of course, it is easier to develop an individual’s interest in quality literature in childhood than in adulthood, but this does not mean that books about kindness will not help a person become noble and generous.
When communicating with colleagues and friends, you need to monitor your speech and choose your words for critical remarks very carefully. A carelessly spoken word or remark can hurt a person.
The ability to forgive offenders is the greatest skill that all people need to train. The desire for revenge destroys the good beginning in a person. The habit of judging and labeling leads to narrow-mindedness and does not allow a person to hear the silent cry for help from a loved one.
In every person's life there are people who can rightfully be considered kind. Anyone who wants to develop this quality in themselves can imitate good-natured acquaintances. Every adult should remember that he himself is an example for the child, so he must convey socially approved behavior options.
Participation in the volunteer movement and charity events is a great opportunity to feel useful and important for society and citizens in need.

Kindness starts with little things. A friendly smile, a compliment to the cashier at the supermarket, a woman’s heavy bags delivered to the entrance - all these are the little things that ultimately form the model of behavior of the kindest person.

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Let's try to figure out what kindness is. Many people believe that good people have a bad life because they “ride” on the good ones. Those who think so are mistaken, because they do not understand what kindness is. Kindness is a power that gives a person the ability to change the mood of the people around him from bad to good. To become truly kind, you need to be able to not only endure the pain that comes from the people around you, but respond to their negativity with love. Is it hard to be kind? But there is no easy happiness in this world. Kindness is one of the qualities of a holy person. Kindness is the mother of truthfulness, just as truthfulness is the mother of patience. Without kindness it is impossible to become a truthful person. There are four types of kindness, two of which bring happiness and two of which do not.

Spiritual kindness

Spiritual kindness is inherent in a person who sees a soul in himself and in other living beings, and then he becomes like a relative to everyone. He treats a saint, a simple or fallen person, his relative, and even a plant kindly. That is. He doesn’t care about his mother or his dog: he loves everyone, friends and enemies, indiscriminately. Understanding this category of kindness is not easy, and it is possible to practice it only if we can see the soul in everyone. Just as an artist cannot explain how a masterpiece is created, but simply says: “Well, you sit down and draw,” so a person who sees the soul says: “All living beings are dear to me, because each of them has its own unique destiny. After all, a dog also has a soul, which is eternal and was once in a human body, and then did something stupid and got the body of a dog.” He is very calm about the fact that bodies replace one another depending on the actions of the individual. A holy person sees the soul, its past and future. A holy person is calm about the fact that someone does not love him; he understands that this dislike for him is nothing more than a manifestation of the educational process that fate performs on him. Ordinary people practically do not understand people who have spiritual kindness. It is difficult for an ordinary person to understand why someone is serene in all life situations, why he does not have worries in any situation, why he is not angry with anyone, is not offended, is not angry. A calm attitude towards life is possible only if a person has learned karma, the law of cause and effect that determines our destiny. He is not nervous because he knows why the dog barks: because it is a dog, and it cannot live any other way. He knows why a drunkard drinks: because he cannot help but drink, because he is unable to cope with himself.

Kindness in goodness

This kind of kindness is more understandable than the previous one, although not for everyone, and it is more accessible to us. To begin with, this is exactly what we should strive for. Kindness in goodness implies a selfless desire to do good deeds and never do evil. A person just wants to do everything kindly. Sometimes he wants to get angry too. But since he is humble about his fate, he does not trust the negative attitude that has washed over him. Therefore, he carefully studies from the scriptures how to behave, so as not to get angry, in order to do everything kindly; He checks his entire life against the letter of the holy law.

Kindness in Passion

Kindness in passion never brings true happiness: it gives only temporary pleasure, followed by suffering. Kindness in passion is called sentimental kindness, since the person who possesses it is kinder to his relatives than to all other people. It is precisely the relatives who will cause such a person the most suffering. Therefore, while he does good deeds to his relatives, in the depths of his mind he will deeply hate them for riding on him. This person is very weak-willed, as he is strongly attached to the pleasures he receives from his loved ones, and therefore cannot be strict with them. Because of all this, bad manners, rudeness and deceit flourish around him. He is proud of his kindness and constantly points it out to everyone.

Kindness in Ignorance

Kindness in ignorance manifests itself in the fact that a person becomes kind only for a while as a result of severe fright or shock, and then loses this quality. For example, a husband constantly beats his wife, and she decides to call the police. The husband immediately tells her: “Oh, listen, my feelings for you have changed. Please forgive me. I feel so guilty for you." He would really repent so sincerely. A woman’s heart is inclined to believe everything, and therefore the wife says: “Well, okay, I won’t call the police.” And the next day her husband beats her again. This means that he became kind only temporarily under the pressure of circumstances. In fact, this is not kindness at all, it is simply deception of yourself and others. The wife in this case also shows kindness in ignorance. She thinks: “I didn’t call the police, which means I did a good thing. I’m kind and he takes advantage of it.” What is the conclusion from all this? Kindness is not good, but evil? However, before making such a conclusion, you need to carefully study what real kindness is.

Signs of kindness...

Kindness is often confused with weakness of heart, which is a vice. There are four signs of true kindness.

A kind person: 1. easily accepts hardships and insults addressed to him; 2. tries to understand how to do good correctly; 3. treats everyone evenly and gently; 4. kind under any circumstances.

A kind person easily accepts hardships and insults addressed to him

Kind people take hardships and criticism very easily because they do not want to offend a person who is strict with them. They understand that strictness towards them is the greatest benefit, which allows them to realize what is getting in the way in life. Kind people are empathetic by nature and want everyone around them to do well. This trait should not be confused with loyalty. If a kind person hears fair criticism addressed to him, he perceives it just as easily as unfair attacks. He understands that it is difficult to immediately determine whether the claims brought against him are groundless. Of course, the first reaction of every person to any severity is irritation and defense. However, a person who is kind by nature, knowing this, does not try to resist severity and fight back. He is always open to criticism, realizing that it is good for him. Then, when he realizes that the criticism against him was groundless, he will try not to have any special complaints against the person who criticized him; This is how he trains himself to be humble. A good person understands that unfair criticism is the result of his past unpious actions. An angry person perceives any criticism as a grave insult to himself. A kind person treats critical people with respect. In order to avoid any reason for another surge of negativism, he tries not to build too close relationships with negative, critical people. This is how a good person behaves. If the complaints against him turned out to be not unfounded, then he is very grateful to the person who reprimanded him, and this is also a sign of a kind heart. Some people accumulate good deeds and thoughts, others accumulate evil ones. A person who accumulates good deeds feels that there is happiness and is sober about his future. A person who accumulates evil deeds feels that the world is bad, that there is no happiness, but he thinks that in the future he will naturally become better. The super soul (voice of truth) from within shows honest people their real future. Deceitful people see their future in a false light. Code a person who realizes that happiness exists. He experiences some kind of deprivation, he understands that it will only cleanse him and there will be even more happiness in the future. When hardships come to an evil person who does not accumulate good deeds, he begins to get nervous, thinking: “Lord! How long can you suffer? I’m tired of everything in the world, I wish there was a bright, cloudless future.”

A good person strives to understand how to do good deeds correctly

Kindness is manifested in accordance with a person’s knowledge of what is good and what is bad. A good person strives to understand how to act correctly in life.

A gentle character may prompt a person to give an alcoholic money for drinking. But if a person, strengthening his mind, begins to analyze whether he did the right thing, then he will think about what will happen to this alcoholic in the future. By studying the scriptures, he will understand that he has committed a wrong, evil act. What will he understand? Firstly, he will understand that this alcoholic, with such an attitude towards him, will begin to believe that everyone should give him money for vodka. Secondly, his relationship with this person will deteriorate, because if the next day he does not give the alcoholic money, then he will no longer consider yesterday’s benefactor good. If you first give and then don’t give, it means ruining the relationship. In addition, as a result of this alms, the alcoholic will begin to drink more and subsequently become drunk, otherwise, perhaps, he would have endured it. Thus, according to the Vedas, in this case an evil act was committed, not a good one. Then what to do? Just show the drunk out the door? This is also an evil act. What to do when a drunk neighbor rings the doorbell and asks for a drink? If you slam the door, it’s bad, if you give money, it’s also bad. Only a kind person can understand how to act in this case. A person with a soft heart will not give money for drinking, but will feed an alcoholic and say a kind word to him. It turns out that a kind person will not be able to slam the door and will not give money. The only thing he can do is let a person into the house and say: “I have lunch, let’s have lunch together.” So he feeds his neighbor, and he tells him: “Well, give me some money.” However, this was not the case - the one who fed the guest did a good deed, and the power of justice is on his side, the bad karma has been worked out. And the man says: “You know, I won’t give you money for vodka, because I don’t want you to drink yourself to death. If you want, come to me again, and we’ll have lunch again.” And the neighbor will have no reason to blame this person, because he was treated kindly, and from a favorable attitude, perhaps his mind will awaken and he will want to stop drinking. It is not easy to do good; for this you need to have inner rigor and fortitude. To do this, you need to have knowledge of how to act in different life situations. A good person strives to understand how to behave correctly according to the scriptures. A good person gains sobriety and understands that the scriptures do not lie, that they teach a happy life. Having a sensitive heart, he can easily figure out what to do in any situation. Therefore people will not be able to blame him for anything. So, a good person cares whether he is really doing a good deed, and for this he will study the word of God, which clearly says how to do good deeds.

A kind person treats everyone equally gently

The third sign of a kind person is that by nature he is equally gentle with everyone. This does not mean. That he doesn't love his child more than someone else's. But if two children come into the house - one of his own and someone else’s, he will think: “Someone else’s child will be offended if I take more care of my own.” Therefore, in the presence of someone else's child, he tries to take equal care of both. This is an equally kind attitude. It is quite natural that we love our child more, but in the presence of someone else’s child we need to sincerely, with all our might, try to treat both of them equally and kindly. Very kind people in such cases even care more about someone else’s child than about their own. They do this for their own upbringing and for the sake of raising their child. In order to instill good character traits in their child, they set an example for him of how to treat people. As a result, their child thinks: “My parents are good, they are kind to my friend.” How do evil people raise their children? Ignorant people say: “It’s time to sit down to eat. Why did you come with a friend? Send him quickly and sit down at the table.” Such parents will remain “without pants” because in this way they teach their children to care only about their family members. What's the problem here? The problem will come a little later. When the children leave home, the parents will find themselves outside of “their” family; for the children they will become a “foreign” family. As a result, in the same way that parents treated those who were outside their family, children will subsequently treat their parents. Moreover, they will beg from them: “You know, mom, we don’t have money. We’re young, we need it, come on!” When mom becomes weak, they will tell her: “We don’t have money, but you have enough crackers. You don’t need much, you’re already old.” Since there is no kindness in selfish families, children grow up cruel in them, despite the fact that their parents devoted their whole lives to them. The result of selfish relationships: feel sorry for the children or don’t feel sorry for them - they will then slam the door in your face. So, kind people are equally gentle with everyone, but they are often strict with their loved ones. However, this severity is only external, since kindness always sounds in their voice. A kind person has a strong mind and when duty requires it, he tries to look stern, but even during punishment his voice still remains kind. This is the only way you should raise your children. However, this style of parenting is not available to evil people.

A kind person is kind in any circumstances

The fourth sign of a kind person is that his kindness always manifests itself, even when it is fraught with trouble for him. For example, someone is disliked by the entire team; this person felt bad, and everyone rejoiced: “Oh, wonderful! Our little darling is dying.” But a kind person will boldly begin to help the outcast. He doesn’t care that his actions are not approved by the team. To someone who reproaches him, a kind person will say in a kind way: “I would help you too if you were feeling bad. I help everyone." This is how a kind person gains genuine respect from others. A kind person cannot be frightened by a bad attitude, because he treats everyone kindly, and his conflict with the team naturally fades away. A kind person is truly free from gossip and dissatisfaction from his colleagues, everyone respects him. However, the same cannot be said about the weak-willed person everyone rides on.

Source…

Series of messages “We know this...”:
What we know about, but do not always give it meaning...

Part 1 - Kindness... Part 2 - Types of kindness... Part 3 - Truthfulness (the voice of conscience) Part 4 - Criticism and condemnation interfere with happiness... ... Part 14 - The spiritual ability not to criticize... Part 15 - Criticism and ego... Part 16 - Criticism and dissatisfaction ...

Examples of kindness in life

There are many examples of kindness in everyday life:

A new employee was hired for the position of general manager, although one of the company’s employees was counting on a promotion. But by nature he was kind, so he did not envy the new employee. Instead of being hostile to him, he tried to help him, introduced him to the specifics of the work and legal acts. The initial good attitude towards the new employee eventually grew into a strong friendship.
Returning home from school in winter, the girl saw a puppy on the porch, shivering from the cold. She was afraid that her mother would not allow her to take the dog home, but she couldn’t leave the baby on the street to die. The girl brought the puppy home. Together with his mother, they tried to find his owner by posting advertisements, but no one was in a hurry to take the dog. As a result, the puppy remained in this family.

A girl saved a puppy from death on the street in the cold

The man was hurrying home from work on March 8. He dropped into the store to buy flowers for his wife and daughter. Near the flower shop table there is a boy counting coins in his palm. The man noticed that the boy was almost crying. He squatted down in front of him and asked: “Did something happen to you?” There were tears in the boy’s eyes, he quietly answered: “Today is a holiday. I wanted to buy my mother a rose, but I don’t have enough money.” Then the young man took the boy by the hand and they went into the store together. The boy chose a delicate white rose as a gift to his mother. The man nodded approvingly and paid for this flower. “Thank you, thank you!” — the boy whispered, not believing his happiness. The man smiled as he looked at him.

Good masking evil.

Valentin was walking down the street having quarreled with his parents. He was 9 years old. The parents drank and cared little about their child. On the street, a guy of about 25 approached him and began asking the boy about his sorrows, sympathizing with him, feeling sorry for him. He invited me to his place. Fed. He offered me an overnight stay. He allowed me to watch TV, play video games... Subsequently, Valentin lived with a caring uncle who saved him from violence in an alcoholic family for ten years, being subjected to sexual violence in exchange for care and friendly understanding...

The criminal is absolutely sure that he loved and saved the boy. The boy doubts whether a loving friend or foe has sheltered him. Law enforcement agencies claim that anal intercourse with minor children drawn into intimate relationships by manipulation is still not love and kindness.

In the same way, a man who took a girl running from war, poverty, from a dysfunctional family - seemingly saved her, but forced her to have sex that she did not want - raped her. If a person, seeing a dependent and unprotected situation, subjects someone to humiliation and psychological violence, he commits evil even if he justifies it by giving money, food, a roof over his head and supposed care.

Quotes from famous people

Many famous people have paid attention to the importance of kindness as a social phenomenon, as evidenced by their statements:

“If a person is kind, it doesn’t matter what he’s wearing” (G. Freytag);
“When a person does good, his soul rejoices” (Plautus);
“Children learn kindness in the family” (V.A. Sukhomlinsky);
“Kindness is the wonderful music of the soul” (R. Rolland);
“Doing a good deed is the best reward for it” (R. Emerson);
“The ability to do good is the greatest happiness” (D. Baer);
“An act that was done by decree cannot be considered good” (I. Turgenev);
“No earthly force can change the nature of kindness” (Democritus).