Why do women cheat?
First you need to understand what pushed your wife to take such a step.
Because a woman’s betrayal and a man’s betrayal are completely different concepts. And not a single normal girl will jump into bed with another if the relationship with you completely suits her. Well, unless she is a whore by nature. So, we had to choose better.
But that's not what I'm talking about now. You had a long, strong, stable relationship, and suddenly there was betrayal on her part. Let me tell you right away - it is very unlikely that your wife was just chasing a bigger dick. Women are built completely differently, and if she cheated on you, it means there were deeper reasons for this that you did not notice.
Some of the most common reasons may include:
- You began to treat her with indifference. You may not even notice it, but women see this moment very clearly. You conquered her, gave flowers and gifts, said compliments and carried her in your arms so that she became yours. And now you have achieved it, which means that the need to show signs of attention, in your opinion, has disappeared. She's already yours, where will she go? Only she still needed these courtships, pleasant words and sweet surprises. And if you don’t give this to your wife, she herself will find where to get it.
- You suffocated her with jealousy. Yes, yes, don’t be surprised that constant scenes of groundless jealousy can one day lead to real betrayal. Because if you blame her all the time and suspect her of something she didn’t do, she might freak out. And in the end, decide that it’s better for you to pester her for business, and not just like that.
- She wants to take revenge on you. And not necessarily for some big misconduct on your part. You're being rude. You're not paying attention to her. You are not the same as she loved you. Anything can be a trigger. And if she can’t convey her complaints to herself because you simply don’t hear them, she just wants you to feel all these inconveniences too.
- You don't satisfy her sexually. This is one of the very common reasons why women cheat. After all, it’s not just you who needs sex—it may be even more important to her than to you. And your pleasure in bed is not equal to your wife's pleasure. Talk to her, ask what she wants in bed, don't be afraid to experiment. And when you are just a sex god for her, she won’t even look in the direction of other men.
- She wants to assert herself. Again, over time you stop paying as much attention to her as you did before. And she no longer feels that she is desirable, beautiful and that men want her. To raise her self-esteem and check how successful she is among other males, a girl may decide to cheat.
If you begin to notice some alarm bells, you cannot ignore them. Otherwise the consequences will be very sad.
When you understand for yourself why this all happened, the next question arises: how to forgive your wife’s betrayal and is it necessary to do this?
How to understand your spouse and save your marriage?
Your wife cheated, but wants to save the family? Many couples have survived the fact of betrayal and at the same time continued to live together. It is likely that the wife repents , asks for forgiveness and continues to live together.
- You will have to trust her and learn to trust again . This will take time.
- Talk to your spouse . Let there be no secrets between you. If she wants to continue living together, then find out for what reasons she committed this act.
- Discuss what you and she were not happy with in your life together.
- Work on your relationships . If you have identified conflicts and disagreements, eliminate them and make compromises. Diversify your life - go on a trip, change your place of residence, change your circle of friends.
- Locking your wife at home, depriving her of communication with her friends, and working is not the best solution. This means that you cannot learn to trust again.
- Work on your self-esteem. You will probably feel jealous, but this feeling arises from lack of self-confidence.
The desire to maintain the relationship must be mutual. If one of the partners has decided that everything is over, there is no point in insisting. In this case, the best way out is to let go, give freedom.
How to help a man whose wife left him for another man? Practical tips:
Should you forgive your wife for cheating?
I'll tell you one thing you won't like. It is your fault that your wife went to the left. Not that leftist dick she slept with, not her, but you. Because you didn't give her what she needed, and she went looking for it from another guy.
Women do not run away from strong, confident, pumped-up alpha males to insignificant wimps. And if you are now tearing out the hair on your ass, wrapping snot in your fist and cannot understand how to forget your wife’s betrayal, then you are a weakling who is worthless.
A man who works on himself, invests in his development, will not be jealous of his woman. And she won’t cheat on him. Because he's cool, because he's better than others, because he knows how to make his partner happy.
And if your wife cheated on you, there is nothing to forgive or not forgive her for. All questions should be addressed to you. Take responsibility for your life, in the end, stop shifting it to others. You yourself must control everything that happens around you. And if such a situation occurs in your personal life, it means that you made a mistake somewhere, and now you are dealing with the consequences.
When you accept this responsibility, you will understand whether you can forgive your woman. Perhaps you were both wrong, and her cheating was the result of an unfortunate combination of circumstances. Working together on this problem or getting help from a family psychologist will help you cope with the crisis in your relationship. Or maybe it will be easier for you to break up and start a new life without each other.
Learn to be grateful
The next step in the recovery process is to become more grateful to your wife for the happy moments you have had.
This is to balance your nervous system and learn to tell a different story about your relationship.
Take time to appreciate things like the chance encounter you had or the beautiful sunsets you enjoyed, the fun trip you took together, or other little things in your life for which you are grateful to your wife.
I'm sure that even in the most crappy relationships there were very pleasant moments that create a balance between "good and evil."
What to do if your wife cheated?
How can a man survive his wife's betrayal? How to cope with a marriage falling apart at the seams? What to do when you find out about her infidelity? There are three main paths you can take. But which one to choose is your personal decision.
You don't tell her that you know about cheating
Let's say the situation is like this. You analyzed what happened, realized what was your fault and your mistake. And that your wife cheated not because she just wanted variety, but because she wasn’t happy with you.
After digesting all these thoughts, you came to the conclusion that you want to save your relationship and fix the situation. In this case, it is better not to tell her that you know about her infidelity. Now I will explain why.
Our psyche is designed in such a way that if your offense was not made public, your feeling of guilt is not so strong and not so destructive. Yes, she will be ashamed, she may regret that she cheated, but at least she will not feel the enormous guilt in front of you that she could have. I'm not saying she won't feel guilty at all. There will be, of course. But she will cope with it much easier if the girl does not see your condemning look every time.
At the same time, there is no need to deceive yourself and pretend that nothing happened. Someday later, when the crisis has been overcome, when passions have subsided, you will be able to talk about all this - calmly and constructively. But your main task for today is to make your relationship stronger, more harmonious and happier.
If you have already figured out what exactly your mistakes were, correct them. Work on yourself and on making you more comfortable together. How to behave after your wife cheats in order to save the relationship?
Don’t spend whole days at work, spend more time with your wife, be interested in how she lives in general. Remember what you did at the very beginning of your relationship to win her love. Give compliments, do not skimp on affection and care, show interest in her. A caring, loving, exemplary husband does not make you want to go to the left.
Or maybe the problem is that you relaxed your buns and let yourself go? Or is it that work, friends and weekend fishing have become more important to you than your family? You need to analyze yourself and understand where you can improve yourself. What you need to develop so that you can be proud of yourself.
Join the gym and get in shape. Take my training and become a super lover, the very sight of whom will make her knees shake.
And believe me, when you level up, your woman won’t even think about other men. Because next to her will again be that alpha male whom she once fell in love with.
You talk to her and you solve the problem together
The first option is not suitable for everyone, I understand. It is very difficult to contain everything to yourself when you find out about betrayal. Therefore, you can take the second path and talk to your wife frankly.
How to forgive your wife’s betrayal when resentment, anger and misunderstanding are bubbling inside you? Naturally, you want to immediately tell her everything to her face. But remember: you are an adult, confident man, and you should not stoop to insults and accusations, much less hysterics and assault.
You should have another task: find out the reasons that pushed her to cheat, set priorities for your family and decide how you will rebuild your relationship. Frank conversation is what will help save your marriage if it is important to both of you.
Do not remain silent and do not pretend that this situation does not affect you. Tell me that you are hurt, unpleasant, offended, but you want to improve and fix everything. Find out what doesn't suit her about you, and what kind of partner she wants to see next to her. What does she lack, what does she want to change in your relationship? A heart-to-heart conversation will help you understand her motivations and desires.
Because most likely you weren't paying attention to what was important to her. You thought that this was unnecessary tinsel. And when you figure out what her complaints are, don't ignore them. Start improving, change, develop, become someone she can be proud of.
There is no universal recipe, everything is individual. But remember that if you want to rebuild your relationship, you don’t need to move away from her. This is most likely what you want because your ego has been hurt and you want to lick those wounds alone. But pretending that you are strangers is wrong. You need to show your woman attention, care and affection so that she can see: you love her, appreciate her and don’t want to lose her.
Get a divorce
If you don’t know how to forget your wife’s betrayal, and don’t want to rebuild a broken relationship, say that you want to get a divorce.
As I said, women don’t cheat just like that. If she is unfaithful to you, it means she is uncomfortable with you. And if you, too, are now extremely uncomfortable, and there are no bright prospects ahead, take your balls into your fist and put an end to the relationship.
When you don't want to correct the mistakes you both made, you don't need to torture yourself or her. Let her go to the man who wants to do all this.
Read my article on how to properly separate from your wife and take this difficult step.
How to live further?
We have come to one of the most important questions - how to survive betrayal. Much depends on your relationship , the presence of sincere love and affection.
The duration of the union also matters - the event occurred in the first or second year of marriage or after 10 or more years. In some couples, cheating is a release.
If your union has long outlived its usefulness, then sooner or later there must have been a reason for it to break completely. Analyze your recent time together and answer the questions:
- “Were you satisfied with the relationship?”;
- “How did you communicate with each other?”;
- “What were you missing?”;
- “Were you both ready to work on the relationship, to maintain it?”
These questions are important for understanding yourself and the other side.
What to do to survive betrayal?
- Understand the reason for the action. In this case, the best way is a heart-to-heart conversation.
- With rare exceptions, both partners are to blame . It is not enough to get married and just live nearby. You need to work on relationships, learn to compromise, not only take, but also give.
- Find out whether the wife repents of what she did , whether she wants to continue living together, whether she considers cheating a mistake.
- Try to ask .
This is the most difficult thing. To forgive means to let go of the situation, not to return to it again, not to reproach during the next family quarrel. Forgiveness is an internal state of mind, and not everyone is able to achieve it.
Each family experiences the fact of betrayal individually . And the decision on what to do is made based on whether the spouses want to continue living together.
Can a mistake be forgiven?
A painful question for anyone who has been cheated on. A person often finds himself in a dual state. He wants to stop loving the offender so as not to suffer, but this does not work. Rarely does anyone decide to immediately separate from their spouse. No matter how much the resentment burns, people are in no hurry to resort to divorce. I want to understand the situation, to understand what is really happening.
READ Why men cheat: psychology and main reasons
There is no need to try to squeeze forgiveness out of yourself. If a person comes to this, then it will be a personal decision, rather an exception to the rule, rather than something universal. Mental pain cannot be overcome quickly. It will take a lot of time and patience, colossal efforts on the part of the one who suffered the disappointment. You need to forgive from the heart and only when the situation deserves it.
