Parting is a difficult stage not only for the person being abandoned, but also for the initiator of a serious conversation. Choosing the right way to communicate your intentions to your partner can be extremely difficult.
Many people prefer to write about this, fearing a personal meeting and the reaction of their once loved one. However, this method, in addition to obvious advantages, also has disadvantages.
Having decided to take such a step, you will need to choose the right words and prepare for your partner’s possible reaction.
How to write to a guy or girl about a breakup, read on.
Pros and cons of ending a pen pal relationship
Those who are not sure of the adequate reaction of the interlocutor or do not have any feelings for their partner prefer to break up by correspondence. This is appropriate if the relationship did not last long, and during this time it became obvious that there was no point in the long term.
By choosing this method, the initiator of the separation gets rid of the need to give reasons or arguments, the likelihood of becoming a victim of manipulation.
Among the disadvantages of this method are:
- difficulty of formulation;
- ambiguity of message;
- intrusiveness on the part of the partner in attempts to discuss what happened.
To eliminate such consequences, this issue must be approached seriously and responsibly.
When should you choose a personal meeting?
to break up by correspondence if the relationship lasted a long time and the feelings of the once loved one have acquired significance and value.
A message of not the most pleasant content in this case is a banal demonstration of disrespect.
If you plan to remain on friendly terms with your ex-partner, this method is also inappropriate. It is inappropriate to communicate your intention to break up via message to a hot-tempered person who is prone to revenge.
Most likely, the offended partner will not hesitate to spread rumors , publish personal photographs and disseminate details of his personal life - it will take a long time to restore his reputation, postponing important matters and quiet leisure time.
How beautiful and dignified it is to part with the man you love
In this case it will not be painless. The loved one, even if he tries to accept the situation with consent, will unconsciously open the wound. Any meeting or mention of yourself can cause pain. But there are several ways that will help reduce the negative consequences.
If you are the initiator
The reason may be coldness on the part of the man. If you feel the first signs of a breakup, keep your pride and take this step. For this:
- Be frank when talking, but restrain your emotions - don’t throw yourself around with tears, but don’t slap them in the face screaming about allowed youth.
- Don't give in to persuasion. If you decide to leave, don't give up.
- Do not give the opportunity to interpret the words differently - be extremely precise in your wording.
- You should not go to the last meetings, arrange farewell parties, they will just become another.
And if he is the initiator
In this case, you just need to maintain your own dignity and inner peace. For this:
- Find the motive. It is worth understanding why the breakup occurred. If the reason is you, this is a reason for introspection and change.
- Identify its shortcomings and list them.
- Give yourself time to cry - a day, three, a week, no more. When the term expires, cross him out of your life.
- Tell a friend, a diary, or a professional about grief - sign up for my consultation.
- Focus on yourself - on your career, appearance and sports, hobbies, new learning.
- Perceive the past positively, remember the beautiful with joy that it happened, and not with bitterness that it has passed.
What needs to happen for this to be appropriate?
When choosing to separate by correspondence, men and women are guided by different reasons. Such differences are justified by the unique characteristics of character and mentality that are inherent to a greater extent in all representatives of a certain gender.
Why do men leave by text message or letter?
A man’s intention to break up by correspondence may be due to several reasons:
- Traditionally, the strong half of humanity prefers to hide weakness and feels discomfort if someone nearby demonstrates such emotions. Mostly, this applies specifically to women and children if a specific man becomes the cause of their tears. Feeling guilty towards his ex-girlfriend, the guy prefers to communicate his intention to break up through a message.
- Every girl has the skills of manipulation, especially when in the company of well-known people. Even in the short period of time that a relationship with a partner lasted, a woman manages to study all the “weaknesses” and methods of influencing the object of her adoration in order to get what she wants. Some men are clearly aware of this, and therefore know that when they meet in person, there is a risk of succumbing to the charms and changing their mind about breaking up.
- For representatives of the stronger half of humanity, reputation is extremely important. Due to upbringing and the influence of fashion trends, some men are of the opinion that composure shown even to a loved one is a reason for respect and self-affirmation. Parting by correspondence in this case is a direct demonstration of indifference and “strength of spirit.”
In practice, the man who initiated the breakup by correspondence still continues to communicate with the girl after a while; it is unlikely that it will be possible to avoid a serious conversation.
Why do women break up at a distance?
Most often, women choose this method of breaking up by correspondence based on two completely polar reasons.
The first is associated with fear of the partner's reaction . If the relationship was dominated by scandals, humiliation and insults, the girl is simply afraid of being a victim again. By writing about your intention to separate, this likelihood naturally decreases.
The second reason to dump a guy in a message is some kind of manipulation. If a girl loves “thrills” and experiences discomfort when there is no “spice” in a relationship, then this is an effective way to make her partner nervous and somehow express herself.
This method of attracting attention to oneself can end sadly and lead to real separation. Before sending a message, it is important to make sure that this is a true desire and not a method of manipulation.
How to break up with your lover
Adultery is a common practice among married women. This is a pleasant break from everyday life, a way of revenge or an opportunity to feel desired. But sometimes such a connection comes to an end - the soul has ceased to be attracted to the beloved, or rational reasons for the break have appeared, or other circumstances. The main difficulty of separation is that the legal spouse does not find out about the betrayal, so it is necessary to separate peacefully from your lover.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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If you still love him
Feelings may remain, but needs require a break; for example, if there is a threat of disclosure, the husband begins to suspect something. In this case, you must use one of the following methods:
- Make everything beautiful. Arrange a farewell romantic evening, you need to honestly reveal all your cards - explain why family is more important to you. If a person is loving and understanding, he will let you go.
- Don't give up until the last minute. Time heals, but repeated meetings will only make the situation worse.
- If it is not possible to quickly break the connection, do it gradually, weaning yourself from constant meetings.
- Look for flaws. Yes, he is good-looking and charming, but the main thing is that he is a forbidden fruit, that’s why he’s so drawn to you. But for sure, like every person, he has significant disadvantages. Finding them will help you take the plunge.
- Find an emotional replacement. Get joy from a new hobby, go on a trip or change your job to a more attractive one. Pleasant changes will drown out the bitterness of loss.
- Sign up for my consultation. I will help you cope with many internal problems and give you the opportunity to understand yourself.
If he doesn't want it
It’s worse if the lover himself is quite happy with his status, loves you and does not want to part with you. In this case, to avoid running into an open scandal, follow the recommendations:
- Do not insult your lover, do not point out his shortcomings.
- Find a worthy cause, but don't make it out of hand.
- Be restrained and even cold when meeting. You can talk about your problems and ask him to solve them. This will probably make you less desirable in his eyes.
- Do not resort to blackmail, do not give in to persuasion to stay in response to silence on his part.
Consider the lover's psychotype
Depending on their character, people react differently to a breakup:
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- Choleric people can flare up and show excessive aggression, be careful.
- Melancholic people are vulnerable, they do not tolerate a breakup well, they can be deeply offended and very worried.
- Sanguine people are good friends and optimists; they are generally understanding and will easily accept an offer to separate.
- Phlegmatic people are calm, they will not object or fight for affection, but will accept the current situation.
What to write?
Making the final decision to separate by correspondence is only the first stage of a serious conversation. Much greater difficulties arise when formulating a text . Anyone who has gone through this is familiar with confusion, confusion in thoughts, and stupor.
A message addressed to a guy is somewhat different from a message to a girl. To save yourself from unwanted consequences, you need to take these features into account.
How to break up with a girl?
Girls are prone to fantasy, embellishment of facts, they are impulsive and vulnerable. When choosing the right words, it is important to formulate your thoughts clearly and as specifically as possible so that there are no understatements or questions left:
- Hello. You know, I thought for a long time and realized that family life was not for me. I want to meet with friends more often and not depend on other people's moods. You are a cool girl, there will definitely be a person next to you who shares your views.
- Hey, we need to judge something. I want to break up. We constantly quarrel over trifles, probably we are simply not suitable for each other.
- Hello. When we started dating, we didn't know each other. Over time, I realized that we have completely different hobbies and interests. This is not for me.
Under no circumstances should you resort to insults or accusations. The dialogue should take place on as calm a note as possible.
How to break up with a guy?
When breaking up with a guy, it is important to consider that the meaning of the message may be lost behind long messages, metaphors and other techniques:
I thought for a long time before making this decision.
I don’t want to continue the relationship anymore, it seems pointless to me, we don’t respect each other’s desires and feelings.- Hello! I think you're cool, but I don't really see us as a couple in the future.
- We had a great time together and will definitely meet again. But I want you to understand me correctly. I am not planning a serious relationship now, and this is not influenced by any specific reasons. It's just my wish, I hope you understand.
The first message should be extremely short and understandable, and should not contain unnecessary thoughts or rhetorical questions.
How to behave so that he regrets the breakup
Words are an effective means, but not the main one. If you are thinking about how to make a young man regret leaving you, then first of all, raise your own self-esteem, tell yourself the following: “he just doesn’t deserve me, because I …” and mentally list all your merits. Repeat to yourself every day how good, smart, beautiful, talented, caring, interesting, self-sufficient and unique you are. Loving yourself more than him is the first step to healing emotional wounds.
A man can definitely regret breaking up with you, but only if he sees that he has lost a real treasure. A woman swollen with tears, crying and humiliated, begging him to return, does not look like a treasure at all. Pull yourself together and forbid yourself to call him, write to him or look for meetings. To make it easier, set a specific period of silence, for example, two months. The longer you allow, the better, because:
- He will have more chances to get bored and understand the difference in life with and without you.
- Maybe freedom will only bring joy, you will be able to breathe deeply and do what you have long wanted.
- Or get yourself in order - lose weight, change your image, get your hair done, manicure, change your wardrobe, in general, do everything that you previously didn’t have enough time, energy or finances for (relevant for those whose partners are constantly saving).
When you are one hundred percent satisfied with yourself, then you can show yourself to him in all your glory. Only the meeting should be casual or business. For example, agree to meet somewhere briefly to hand over some things. At moment X, shine, enjoy life, look satisfied, happy, and under no circumstances show that you had a hard time with the breakup. With your pain, you will only feed a man’s egocentrism and increase his self-esteem, and with your dazzling appearance and happy sparkle in your eyes, you will make him think about the correctness of his decision.
Here are a few more important points:
- Don’t rush to post photos online of you and another young man immediately after breaking up. Your ex will definitely guess that this is a fiction and will understand how much it hurts you. It’s better to post photos of you hanging out with your friends or doing something interesting, for example, something that he previously forbade you to do - he’ll definitely be offended by the fact that you’re enjoying your freedom to the fullest.
- For the same reason, go alone to a “chance meeting”, but calling your mobile at the right moment and saying “Sorry, I’m in a hurry” is a great move.
- Don’t behave like a “bitch”, don’t throw insults and accusations - this will only make him laugh or anger, but it definitely won’t make him regret the breakup.
- Don’t complicate your life, avoid visiting those places where you had such a good time together.
- Change the situation: go to your parents for a week or renovate your home.
- Remove from visible places everything that reminds you of him - photographs, his things or gifts.
- Don’t sit idle, take up every minute so that you don’t have any free time left for memories and experiences.
Breaking up with a loved one is extremely difficult, but begging and self-destruction will not bring him back, but, on the contrary, will only push him away. And he certainly won’t regret parting with the “rag”; at best, he will feel pity for you, and at worst, disgust.
Follow-up written communication
One message is never enough to break up. The partner will try to continue the dialogue, if only because of the effect of surprise. When breaking up with a guy, it is important to take into account that the offended partner will try to convince the girl in order to restore her injured pride.
It is important for a woman to point out the fact that further dialogue makes no sense:
- I didn’t write to make you promise to behave differently. You are who you are, I don't want to change you. We just don't fit together.
- It doesn't depend on you whether we will be together or not. I have too much to do, I don’t get anything done, and therefore I don’t need a relationship.
- I just don't have feelings for you.
You should not end your next message with a question mark or an unfinished thought, this will only provoke your partner to respond.
Messages addressed to a girl should not contain a hint of shortcomings in her or complaints:
- I can trust you, tell you something personal, have a great time. But I don’t feel anything for you, you are like a sister or best friend to me.
- I really appreciate what you did for me, that’s why I don’t want to deceive you anymore. I decided everything a long time ago.
- I realized that you are a person who knows the value of time, so let's not waste it on each other. I don't think we have a future.
A few similar messages and the dialogue will be over. Most likely, the dissatisfied partner will still make attempts to sort out the relationship, from which similar behavior can save.
Statuses on social networks are an effective tool
Another tool that will tell a guy more than you yourself is statuses on social networks. Their text may hurt your ex, make him regret the breakup, or tell him that you miss you:
- Now I'm finally free and happy.
- How good it is to free yourself from the shackles of jealousy and constant discontent.
- I’m starting to live with a clean slate – I can breathe easier.
- I am considering applicants for the vacant position of a loved one.
- Try to make me happy, my ex failed.
- I am free like a bird in the sky, I can finally spread my wings.
- Looking for inspiration to write a new love story.
- Love has passed, the tomatoes have wilted, but this is only for the better.
- Everyone has their own limit of patience, mine burst, but I don’t regret it one bit.
- There are no irreplaceable people.
- “Love was without joy, separation will be without sorrow.” (M. Yu. Lermontov).
- Is love evil? No, I'm not a goat to love a goat!
- “If you can’t get closer, people move further away.” (Franz Kafka).
- I’m ready to forgive and start over, but I can’t say about it, and you won’t guess it yourself.
- By the way, yes, by the way, there is your half of the bed here... (Evgenia Rybakova).
- Only by parting with a person do you find out who he really is.
On the vastness of the World Wide Web, if you wish, you can find many more short but succinct quotes from famous personalities that will express your feelings better than yourself. Finally, the same advice: love yourself more than anyone, then parting will not be so painful. Goodbye.
What could happen after?
Doubts after such a breakup are a natural psychological phenomenon.
The initiator will re-read the correspondence more than once, analyzing every printed letter.
Was it worth using this word, was the intonation understood correctly, was the partner very offended, etc. The more serious the relationship, the longer the pangs of conscience will be.
The right way to break up with a loving man
Have you cooled down, but still feel enthusiastic looks and hope? When you are confident in a breakup, it is important not to hurt your lover’s feelings. After all, he hasn’t done anything wrong, he’s just experiencing unrequited love.
How to break up with a guy correctly and competently and do it beautifully
Let's give some recommendations:
- Don’t be alone; it’s better to choose a neutral area – a cafe, a park.
- Don't give false hope for a possible positive outcome.
- Prepare your speech and arguments in advance.
- You cannot humiliate or insult your partner.
- Don't offer friendship after a breakup - this is a rare, almost non-existent phenomenon.
- Put an end to it - don’t answer calls, don’t be provocative, try not to cross paths.
Farewell SMS
A modern girl will most likely choose SMS messages to say goodbye. And this is quite logical, because this form of communication is the most common.
It might look like this:
"Hello Cat. I decided that it was better for us to break up. We have become like heaven and earth. Bye!"
Saying goodbye via SMS is indeed more convenient. But there are a couple of negative points here: firstly, exchanging SMS messages presupposes a dialogue. Most likely, the man will want to respond to the SMS, and this will provoke a quarrel. Secondly, the partner may simply not take such a message seriously. In this case, a letter written on paper will look much more serious.
Features of correct behavior
If you have thoughts about breaking up, try going somewhere first. In practice, it often happens that the woman herself is not ready to leave. She needs to be alone with herself, in particular, to be without a partner. A very important point - during this period you should not even maintain friendly relations with him. Try to avoid talking on the phone, meetings and correspondence. This will be a waste of time on something that has not yet cooled down. Wait at least a couple of months, and then you will need to meet and talk.
How to break up with a man? How to break up correctly?
When is the best time to say goodbye?
An informed decision is born after one or two weeks of reflection. There is no right or wrong moment. However, it is better not to do this on the eve of the holidays or against the backdrop of an important event (someone's death, illness of a loved one, career changes), as this will double the negative impact and worries. Suitable time of day is morning, first half of the day. At this moment, a person looks at everything with open eyes and a strong mind.
How not to traumatize your psyche during a breakup
First you need to understand for yourself that after ending a relationship, you should not look back and expect something in return. You don't owe anything to your partner or to anyone except yourself. If you remember this rule, parting will be easier.
It is very likely that the man is not ready for you to leave, so you need to be friendly when breaking up. It is important not to give in to negative emotions and not make your partner a source of evil. Negativity only destroys the psyche, resulting in a feeling of weakness and devastation. And in the future, it is precisely such people who will be drawn to you; this is something worth thinking about.
