What to do if your friends betrayed you, how to cope with the pain of resentment?: Media news Newsland - comments, discussions and discussion of the news.

To begin to recover from betrayal, you must be specific about the feelings it caused. Try to understand what exactly you are experiencing right now.

Anger

You have been hurt, and one of the most natural feelings in such situations is anger. “How dare she?!” How could she?! She will pay for this!

Sadness

When you are betrayed, you may experience sadness due to a sense of loss (of trust, happy memories, or your future interactions).

Astonishment

Yes, you were probably shocked to learn that a close friend betrayed you. Most likely, you didn’t even suspect that she was capable of this.

Fear

You may worry about the consequences of this betrayal. So, sometimes it can mean serious upheavals, and this frightens you.

Have you ever been betrayed by a friend?

Yes.
No.
I myself have been a traitor.

Disgust

You can’t even bear to think about your friend and her actions, because it makes your stomach ache.

Uncertainty

You may doubt yourself and whether you are worthy of love and care from others. After all, the person who betrayed you clearly believes that this is not the case.

Shame

You may blame yourself and feel shame about what happened and how others may now treat you.

Confusion

Perhaps you are still unable to understand what happened and what to do now.

Identifying how you feel at any given time is a very important step to begin moving forward. You may experience many or all of these feelings after a betrayal—most likely several at a time, and sway back and forth as you process them.

For example, surprise and confusion may be the first feelings you experience, followed by anger and disgust or sadness and fear. Then you can return to surprise, tinged with shame.

Be prepared for the fact that there will not be a clear or even transition from one feeling to another, and you will most likely find yourself drawn into a stormy whirlpool of emotions.

Let's talk a little about betrayal

What to do if your friends betrayed you? In people's understanding, betrayal has different meanings. For some it is deception, for others it is betrayal, and for others it is failure to fulfill your whims and desires. This is, first of all, undermining trust through some action, a series of actions, or an incorrectly chosen word.

After betrayal, a person begins to delve into himself. Look for the reason for what happened, which, of course, affects self-esteem. He doubts that he is worthy of friendship and respect, since his best friend betrayed him. Feels guilty for what happened. But psychologists advise to first calm down and not look for reasons.

Reasons why a friend might betray

Treason of principles and agreements. A friend may exchange you for someone else from his circle. Perhaps something has changed in your friendship, you have become uninteresting to him or too intrusive. Or a former friend tried to extract some kind of gain from your relationship, but it didn’t work out. You considered it friendship, but he simply meant it to be a verbal contractual relationship.
Dissatisfaction. A friend was dissatisfied with your behavior or the consequences of the actions taken. If possible, you need to immediately clarify the situation and explain your action. A smart friend will understand and forgive, but a stupid friend will prefer to break off the relationship.
Minor quarrel. A quarrel over trifles indicates that the friendship has not strengthened. This means that you remain in the status of comrades if some trifle can separate you forever. If quarrels often occur between you, there is no hope of strengthening friendly relations. Most likely, you are both too proud and intransigent to accept each other's position.

Broken friendships, like clothes, can be mended.

What is the reason?

Before we start figuring out what to do if your friends betray you, let’s find out why they do this. Often this happens not by choice, but due to various circumstances, stupidity, for example, or due to natural weakness. Someone is pursuing their own benefit. Sometimes this happens unconsciously; the traitor does not even think about the consequences.

Revenge is a dish served cold

I hope that none of you are even thinking about taking revenge, but I’ll still say a few words.

Taking revenge on someone for something is as stupid as running after a train that left 5 minutes ago. Is it true!

The bitterness of resentment can be dispelled by going to a concert or sports training. After a couple of weeks, the anger will subside, and after a couple of months (if it was a serious betrayal, usually much faster), you will already remember this as another, albeit not the most pleasant, incident in life.

If your pain is so great that thoughts of revenge do not leave you, then think: maybe your honor and dignity have been hurt. In this case, the best solution would be to talk about the situation with someone close: your parents, a psychologist, or someone you truly trust.

Now in many cities there are free centers where psychologists and psychotherapists are available. And such conversations help in almost 100% of cases.

How to cope with pain?

No matter how difficult it is, you need to pull yourself together and take a sober look at the current situation. Let's give some practical advice:

Don't isolate yourself.
Don't replay recent events in your head. This is already in the past. Don't look for the guilty.
You shouldn’t torment yourself with questions like why they treated you this way and not differently. In this way, aggression, resentment and bad energy will accumulate, taking away strength and health.
Physical activity is the best way to extinguish bad emotions. Let it be aerobics, running or any other sport. They will help you get rid of negative thoughts.
Throw out bad emotions on paper through painting.
Do not refuse the support of loved ones to whom you can pour out your soul.
If you want to scream and cry, don't hold back.

But under no circumstances take the blame upon yourself. It is important to understand that betrayal is a fairly common occurrence that many have experienced. If the offender wants to meet with you and explain himself, give him the opportunity to apologize. And one more piece of advice - don’t take revenge! This will not solve the problem, but will only make it worse.

Let's figure it out further, what to do if your friends betrayed you?

Degree of betrayal

Betrayal is a pretty strong word. For some, it will mean that a friend forgot to call or went for a walk without you. And someone regards this action as more serious actions:

Gossip behind your back
Cheating with a loved one
When you are abandoned in a difficult situation
Didn't help in trouble
Framed in front of other people, friends, parents, bosses

If the reason is really compelling, then you can stop communicating with the person altogether without remorse. The main thing here is that there is no broken phone. That is, the friend’s guilt must be provable. No matter how stupid it may sound, you either yourself must witness the betrayal, or have in your hands photos, videos or audio recordings confirming that your friend is no longer like that for you.

Even in the world of adults and educated people, intrigues abound. Someone said something to someone, and then the phrase changes from person to person, and it can reach you in a completely distorted form.

Your decision may be complicated by your friend's denial of guilt. Even if everything goes against him.

Here you need to listen to your inner voice, remember whether this is the first case of ambiguous behavior of a comrade. And then decide for yourself whether this is betrayal or not. And if you realize that there is an enemy in front of you, then promise yourself to never return to this topic again: don’t worry, don’t build dialogues in your head. Either a friend remains a friend, or your friendship ends. In both cases, you will benefit. And life itself will put everything in its place later.

What reaction might occur?

We have already talked about the desire for revenge. Along with this, there are:

Anger and anger. In a state of passion, a person is capable of committing the most terrible crimes. Firstly, this will negatively affect your emotional state and health, and secondly, by harming the offender, you will only make an enemy. Just forget about betrayal.
Hatred. Generates evil.
Resentment. It is known to destroy a person from the inside.

You need to learn to forgive. This is difficult and may not work out right away, but this is the only way you will be able to relieve internal burden, get rid of bad thoughts and emotions, and mental pain. So, what to do if your best friend betrays you?

Why did this happen to me?

Treat a quarrel philosophically, even if it led to a break in the relationship. Maybe this situation is useful for you, as it will help strengthen your spirit? You shouldn't fall into despair. “All people are bad, life is not a success...” - these thoughts are absolutely groundless. Such thoughts will generally teach you to subconsciously push away new people. But a new friend, real and faithful, may already be on the way.

Normal relationships are possible when people give each other a certain amount of freedom. And by claiming too much for a friend’s time and attention, we can only ruin the relationship.

Or maybe he wasn’t one?

What makes a true friend different?

He always remembers you, even when he is very busy with work, and will come to your aid at any moment.
He will sort out your problems.
There's never a dull moment with him.
You can trust him with innermost secrets that no one will know about.
Knows how to forgive.
He feels you perfectly and knows what and how to help.
He will help you financially and physically, without demanding anything in return.
He won’t let you get into trouble, he won’t make you laugh at him because of something stupid; on the contrary, he will bring you to your senses and offer the right solution.

Therefore, in the event of a quarrel, think about whether the offender was your true friend? Of course, it also happens that a comrade commits betrayal due to certain reasons that justify it to some extent. But the person who betrayed will be able to do this again.

Analysis of the situation

The most important thing is that you need to understand and accept, although it is difficult - where there is betrayal, there is no friendship. Betrayal is not an insult. By offending you, consciously or unconsciously, friends will never cross a certain line. By betraying, a person deliberately sets you up, sometimes for the sake of his own interests, sometimes simply out of anger and envy. Any offense can be forgotten, but betrayal is definitely a break in trust.

Although this is difficult, it is important to understand yourself: is it my fault that a friend betrayed me? Maybe he couldn’t do otherwise, he just couldn’t, he was confused? Maybe, knowing about his cowardice, you put him in conditions in which he could not support you, stand up for you? Friendship is a relationship that is primarily voluntary. If we force a person to choose between our interests and his own, we risk trust. After carefully analyzing the situation, perhaps you will look at it differently.

What to do if your best friends leave you?

In this case, you should not immediately panic, you need to analyze why this is happening. If you have done something wrong, simply admit it and ask for forgiveness. It also happens that in the bustle of everyday life we forget about old friends. Just like they, in fact, are building their personal lives and careers.

Therefore, before you worry, look at the problem with different eyes, gather your friends. Believe me, you will have many interesting topics for conversation and warm memories.

Pain in my soul

It's a shame to realize that I'm only needed when someone needs help with advice or simple support. Yes, I’m happy to help, I’m happy to listen, I’m like a mother, I’ll understand and won’t offend you. But that’s where the relationship ends, they neglect the fact that it’s important to me, that I also need the support and reliable shoulder of a friend. For some reason, they don’t discuss their problems with anyone, they just “hang out” with others, have fun, but they run to me with problems. This doesn't just affect one friend of mine, everyone around me does it. I am like a transit point, a place where people need to repent, get support, they show me their weakness, I accept it, and help. She never laughed in their face and said that they were wrong. But in public they don’t seem to notice me, they almost try to avoid my company, they act distantly.

Some useful tips

Once you find the reason why friends disappear from your life, recharge yourself with positivity. Do not refuse new acquaintances, make peace with old friends. So:

Look for comrades with similar interests.
Get together with old friends more often, at least once a week for a cup of coffee.
Keep in touch with friends.

So, now we know what to do if your friends betrayed you. In the case of real betrayal, you should forget the offense and let the offender go. But don’t cut short, perhaps this is just a ridiculous quarrel, because of which you shouldn’t give up your friendship.

You were not betrayed, you were protected

How do you like this reformulation? If you talk from above (and this is the most correct way not to slide into a victim - to talk sensibly), then the person simply made you understand that you deserve better, more, different. And in place of the friend who has left your life, a new one will definitely come, more interesting, more suitable for you.

Imagine if, throughout our lives, each of us communicated only with the same people. No development, new ideas, knowledge, experience. Boredom, not life.

And in order for other personalities to come into your space, it must be freed. And sometimes in just this way - betrayal, so that you understand that this is the end; you didn’t suffer and didn’t look for excuses for the person you don’t need in your life.

We often cling to the old. This applies to personal relationships, friends, and habits. Proverbs tell us that “an old friend is better than two new ones.”

In fact, the world has changed a long time ago. Some established expressions may be applicable to the present time, but some of them are too outdated.

Now all psychologists and self-development trainers say that you need to meet and communicate with different people. And the more experiences you live, the more interesting your life will be in general.

Therefore, consider your friend’s misbehavior as a gift to you from the Universe, which wants to surround you with more “quality” people!

By the way, speaking on a larger scale, there are no bad and good / worthy and unworthy people. All people are neutral. I use these epithets to better convey my point. But in fact, one type of person suits one person, and another type suits others. And there are a great many of these types.

Maybe you have completed the lessons and stages that you should have and are ready to move to a higher level of awareness (regardless of age).

It often happens that your long-term social circle shares your interests. In this case, friends can really be friends all their lives.

But, as a rule, over time, interests diverge. And it’s stupid to pretend that this is not so. Better look differently. Your life will present you with more than one surprise in the form of a meeting.

One of the stories. Yana

“We’ve been friends since childhood, a story from school, now I’m finishing university. At one point I was faced with a lot of problems, relationship difficulties - my boyfriend left me; I had a serious fight with my mother, and, unable to bear it all, I went to my grandmother for a few days. I asked my friend not to bother me, because I didn’t want to communicate with anyone. To which I only received one negative response. A friend called me selfish, that she was worried, but I only thought about myself. I understand that I’m wrong, but I have so many problems, my head is spinning, I don’t want to see anyone. I asked for forgiveness for my actions.

Because of this, our relationship became strained, it was difficult to be with each other, and she had a new friend. It’s a shame, of course, but we agreed to remain friends and not be enemies. They talked with their new friend everywhere, went to different events together. But when she has problems, she comes to me and shares them with me. He says that he can’t open up to a new girl yet. And I listen, support her, give advice. I'm always ready to help.

But as soon as we are in public together, she makes me look like a fool, always making me wrong in disputes in which she is not even involved. And she’s too lazy to sit at the same desk with me.

Why do I endure all this humiliation and betrayal from my best friend? Why do I allow you to wipe your feet on me? I myself understand that I shouldn’t allow this, I’ve always been strong, but, not understanding anything, I’m trying to establish contact again, turning the other cheek. I am disappointed in female friendship, but I want everything to be as before, when we were true friends.

Which friend can be considered a traitor?

If the phrase “betrayal of a loved one” evokes standard ideas, then betrayal of friends has blurred boundaries. First of all, it depends on your perception of your friend and on what is important to you.

Usually, we encounter betrayal when a friend acts dishonestly. For example:

Spreads gossip behind your back.
Gives away all your secrets to other people.
Looks for the moment when failure overtakes you.
Sets up for money or career.
Turns away at a difficult moment for you.
He cheats regularly.

The worst thing about betrayal is that it cannot be foreseen.

A friend or girlfriend can smile in the face, but plot behind their back. It seems like it's the best of friendships, but it's not. There comes a moment when a loved one reveals their true colors and brings incredible pain into life.

You shouldn’t regard all actions that you don’t like as betrayal. There are moments in life when a person becomes a hostage to a situation and, perhaps, he had to do something different from what you wanted.

You also need to soberly consider cases when a friend tells the truth that you would not want to hear, and you feel hurt - but this is not betrayal. It is necessary to clearly define the scope of this concept and not draw hasty conclusions.

How to regain self-confidence

Often the self-esteem of a person who has experienced betrayal is significantly reduced. And to increase it and restore self-confidence, psychologists suggest the following:

Don't let your emotions drown out your reasoning for a long time. Don't forget to take care of yourself, look after yourself and look after yourself. Review your nutrition system, start playing sports.
Try to protect yourself from the person who betrayed you. After all, sometimes such people can bring a lot of trouble.
Don't give up communicating and meeting with friends. They are the best remedy for healing your spiritual wounds.

And under no circumstances blame yourself for the event that happened. None of your actions can be the reason or justification for betrayal.

How to endure betrayal from friends

For any person, the betrayal of a close friend cannot pass without leaving a trace. After this it becomes very difficult to trust anyone. Psychologists in such situations advise:

In cases where the betrayal is not associated with any too serious things, you need to try to understand the motives for such an act. But first, you should admit to yourself that you value this person. If he is your true close friend, then you will cherish him even after the event. Be sure to listen to him. Perhaps he is already repenting. After all, no one is immune from mistakes.
If you have thoughts of revenge, then it is best to abandon it. Revenge will not bring you any relief or satisfaction. Instead, do something nice for your friend. This will have a much better impact. He will have more remorse, and you will have more peace.
If your friend is not even going to repent, then you just need to let the situation go. And mentally thank him for all the good moments experienced together. This strategy will help you quickly recover from betrayal and heal mental wounds.

Whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with the person who betrayed you, only you can decide. You have every right to either continue your communication or completely refuse it.

How to trust others after betrayal

This is definitely the million dollar question! A large number of people turn to psychologists with just such a problem. This applies to loved ones, friends, and the whole world in general.

It is very difficult to trust and accept a person again if someone has previously hurt you.

The fact is that disappointments, quarrels and breakups are an integral part of every person’s life. Avoiding them and trying to protect yourself is useless. Such events will still happen.

Another thing is important here: how you will relate to this. And only this will determine your behavior and building relationships in society.

If after every quarrel or breakup, you can’t find a place for yourself and think that life is over: “here they betrayed you again,” “and I knew that this would happen,” etc., then with you from time to time This is exactly what will happen.

But if you decide to change your thinking to a more positive one: “that means this is not my person, it’s okay, there will be many more meetings and acquaintances in my life,” and you need to think this sincerely; then life will throw such events at you less often, and you will meet decent people more often than traitors.