At all times, modesty has been considered one of the most valuable virtues. Religions encouraged her, and writers and poets admired her in their works and certainly endowed positive characters with this trait. However, there have always been those who tried to see in modesty pretense and hypocrisy, the desire to hide really unsightly things behind a mask of restraint. Today we will figure out what modesty is and how it manifests itself, and we will also find out what pros and cons it gives.
What is modesty?
Modesty is the ability to behave calmly, restrainedly and moderately, without boasting about one's virtues or attracting unnecessary attention. A modest person, as a rule, attaches less importance to material values, but strives for personal growth and spiritual happiness. However, he cannot be called timid or shy. He behaves with dignity and is proud of his achievements, he simply does not “show off” them in anticipation of praise.
Modesty should not be confused with shyness or timidity. Shyness is a consequence of lack of self-confidence, while modesty is an indicator of dignity and adequate self-esteem.
Modesty excludes such behavioral features as boasting, tactlessness, unceremoniousness and permissiveness. In addition, modest people are not characterized by self-interest, arrogance, vanity, pride, vulgarity, licentiousness and narcissism. A modest person always treats others with respect and never shows ostentatious contempt or disrespect for anyone.
Immodesty is also bad.
There is no need to rush to the other extreme - immodesty.
Although, if we have to choose between these two extremes, then immodesty is much more useful for human development. After all, a person does something, makes mistakes, gains experience. Moreover, the experience is both positive and negative.
Forget about both modesty and immodesty. Get busy! Training! Development.
Try to at least do something, and not be modest. At least show yourself somehow. But there is no need to show yourself. You need to train not on stage, but before it.
Examples of showing modesty in life
The main form of modesty is moderation in everything . A modest person does not need luxury. Of course, like all people, he loves comfort, so he tries to equip his home, providing himself and his family with benefits and conveniences. But at the same time, he does not seek to decorate his home with expensive paintings and other objects of art that do not fit well into the interior. Coziness and comfort are much more important to him than luxury.
Modest people are characterized by acceptance, because they adequately perceive their abilities and capabilities, and they always allow those around them to remain themselves. They do not make demands on other people , but at the same time they are very demanding of themselves and always try to give the world more than they receive themselves. Therefore, modesty is usually accompanied by altruism, generosity and selflessness.
A modest person never demonstrates pride, but this does not at all prevent her from being proud of her achievements, since pride is a sign of dignity. Whatever position such a person holds, he does not turn up his nose and communicates on equal terms with all people. At the same time, he will not take advantage of his position and the resources available to him, and will not steal or take bribes, since such actions humiliate his human dignity.
How to get rid of shyness
Excessive modesty develops into shyness, so you need to know how to get rid of it.
Reflect on your personality
Shyness, in contrast to introversion, which is associated with silence and restraint, is characterized by indecisiveness, tension, timidity, and social awkwardness.
Such a person harbors a huge fear that others will evaluate him in a negative way. Instead of thinking about what needs to be done, he focuses too much on the problem itself, without trying to find a way out.
One way to reduce social anxiety is to spend more time thinking about what you can think of to make the situation successful. Ask yourself questions:
- In what situations do I show excessive modesty?
- How can I make these situations more comfortable for me?
Be interested in other people
As we have already mentioned, an overly modest and shy person focuses too much on his emotions and feelings, and therefore cannot feel “at ease.” The solution is simple: start thinking about other people. This is a simple and effective strategy that not only helps remove anxiety, but also engages others. After all, everyone likes it when people pay attention to them.
This will be difficult at first, so ask yourself questions that will stimulate your curiosity:
- What are this person's interests and hobbies?
- What message does he want to convey?
- Why is this person behaving this way?
Soften your internal dialogue
Shy people are often very critical of themselves, and their self-talk can be very harsh.
The inner critic can cause a lot of emotional damage, robbing you of peace of mind and lowering your self-esteem. All this only aggravates the problem, making it impossible to find a solution.
The voice with which you talk to yourself can become your best friend. Use words like “should” or “must” less often, especially in social situations.
Pros and cons of modesty
Modesty has always been considered an admirable trait. And each of us would like to be surrounded by mostly modest individuals. But how useful is this trait for its owner? Does it give him any advantages in life or, on the contrary, limit his opportunities? In fact, modesty has both advantages and disadvantages. And which of these outweighs, everyone decides for himself.
Pros of modesty:
- Benefits for relationships. Everyone likes modest people, it’s pleasant to communicate with them, and they rarely give reasons for offense. Therefore, such people usually have harmonious relationships in all areas of life, including family, circle of friends and work team.
- Modesty is decorative. This famous saying did not come out of nowhere. Modesty makes a person more attractive in every way. That is why fairy-tale princesses and princes are always modest, despite their wealth, refined manners and beautiful appearance.
- Motivation. Humble people also love praise. And since they do not know how to praise themselves, they can only attract the attention of others with real successes and achievements. And this gives them permanent motivation to work on themselves.
- Affordable comfort. A modest person does not need luxury housing, a high-status telephone, prestigious watches or a premium car. He does not pursue high cost and ostentatious luxury, but when choosing, he is guided only by real desires and the desire for comfort. Therefore, he gets better and more comfortable things for less money.
- Efficiency. Such a person knows that success can only be achieved through daily work on oneself. He strives to become a better person, devotes time to self-improvement and self-actualization, and tries to adopt positive qualities from the people with whom he communicates and works.
Disadvantages of modesty:
- Fewer opportunities for advancement. It's no secret that boastful people often achieve success precisely because of their lack of modesty. They are always visible to their superiors and demonstrate their usefulness, which makes them more likely to be promoted than their more productive but modest colleagues. In addition, people who lack modesty are better able to attract the attention of the opposite sex.
- An excuse for timidity. Often, modesty really turns out to be the screen behind which a person diligently hides his timidity or unwillingness to take bold actions. Fearing failure or being judged, he may miss out on many valuable chances that life gives him.
- Learned helplessness. This is a state in which a person does not take decisive action, despite the fact that he has every chance of success. A modest person is not inclined to take risky actions, and therefore often has low expectations about his own abilities.
Two types of influential forces
In the context of modesty, there are two types of people. And they are, as a rule, on completely opposite sides of the social spectrum.
The first type has a fleeting influence on others. They seem quite powerful and confident, but their strength turns out to be insignificant. Maybe you succumbed to their influence today, but tomorrow it will completely disappear. People of the second type have very little influence at first, but over time it grows and becomes stronger.
Before we take a closer look at the two types of people, let's do a quick self-analysis to determine which side of the spectrum you fall on. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Am I acting out of fear or gratitude?
- As a rule, am I more likely to trust people or are they more likely to trust me?
- Do I always try to prove that I am right or am I comfortable with the fact that people can have their own opinions?
- Do I feel that I am better than others or perceive them as my equal?
- Are people in my shadow or am I allowing them to be in the spotlight?
- Do I often brag about my achievements or do I prefer to talk about other people's achievements?
Pay attention to the conjunction “or”: it helps to talk about the behavior of two types of people in one sentence. Write down the answers to the questions, and then answer another one: how do you feel in those situations that you did not choose? For example, if you like to be the life of the party, how do you feel when others are the center of attention?
If you tend to choose both options, then you are somewhere in the middle of this spectrum. Perhaps this behavior is reasonable. In any case, this is better than being too modest (even shy) or overly self-confident.
Of course, the amount of influence depends on many factors. However, there is one that stands out from the rest and has great power: whether you act out of gratitude or fear. In other words, out of a sense of humility or arrogance (a form of dominance).
Yes, arrogance, like many unpleasant human traits, is a derivative of inner fear. We are afraid that we will not be appreciated enough, so we choose defiant behavior to boost our self-esteem and muffle the voice of fear.
Skills are learned by studying, not by taking an exam.
If a person is modest in communication, he needs to take communication courses.
If a person is modest on the sports field, he should go to sports clubs. If you are modest on the beach, it is useful to take care of your body. If modesty is in a nightclub, go learn dancing.
It is not necessary to go to courses or trainings. You can teach yourself what you don’t know how to do.
Go and meet all the girls in a row, if modesty has so far prevented you from finding a good girlfriend.
Scary? - Develop courage.
Nothing to say? — Read useful articles, everything has been written there a long time ago.
Don’t want to approach everyone, but only the beautiful ones? Only to the best? Yes, my friend, your sense of self-worth is off the charts. You yourself are not one of those people. Go to mediocre people like yourself. No, choose an even lower bar. Find others like you, modest ones. Find a common language
