A person is not just a biological organism that needs to satisfy such basic needs as air, food, sleep, etc. Each of us constantly experiences certain emotions, and this is very good, because it is emotions that make us living people. Without emotions, we would be soulless robots, performing all actions automatically.
Although almost all psychologists advise not to hold back your emotions and throw them out, few of them raise the issue of self-control and emotional balance. A person who does not know how to control his emotions is somewhat like a car without brakes! Such a car drives along the road at maximum speed and does not notice any signs. How long can a vehicle without brakes run at full speed? Until it collides with another car and causes an accident.
If we do not learn to control our emotions, then they will not create, but destroy us from the inside! Self-control is a very useful and necessary skill if you want to change your life for the better, find a common language with the people around you, find yourself and become a spiritually developed, happy and free person.
Emotions cannot be kept to yourself, but they must be expressed in the right place, at the right time and in the right way, otherwise you can overnight destroy everything that you have been striving for so long and what you have strived so hard for. The fact is that emotions can take us by surprise at the most inopportune and crucial moment, because they are unpredictable and spontaneous.
To prevent emotions from preventing us from acting correctly and wisely, we must be able to manage them! How to learn to control your emotions? In this article we will look at the most popular and effective techniques and exercises.
Be aware of your emotions
If you want to learn how to manage your emotions, then first you need to learn to be aware of them. You need to look at any situation that arises in your life objectively and as if from the outside. First, emotionally distance yourself from the problem, analyze exactly what emotions this problem evokes in you, and then mentally or in writing record your conclusions.
Give yourself a full account and be clearly aware of what is happening around you. This can only be done if you do not give in to emotions, but pull yourself together, calm your soul and begin to think rationally. This can be done with the help of special meditation or proper breathing.
“How will I know if I have become aware of my emotions?” - a reasonable question, the answer to which is quite simple to find. If, because of the anger you feel towards a certain person, you could not restrain yourself and spoke with this person in a raised voice, but at the same time thoughts were spinning in your head that you were doing bad again, getting angry over trifles and spoiling yourself nerves, then you can congratulate yourself! You have taken one of the significant steps towards realizing your own emotions! Don't stop there and keep working on yourself!
Why is it so important to be aware of your emotions? The point is that awareness allows you to take responsibility for the emotions and feelings you experience, rather than blaming the other person. Thanks to awareness, emotions can be depersonalized, and emotions that are depersonalized and devoid of individual nuance are much simpler and easier to learn to control.
Controlling emotions: main rules
Understanding how to learn to control emotions and not get nervous is quite simple. Teaching this skill is based on several rules. Stick to them, and after a little practice you will notice that your feelings begin to gradually yield to your intention to curb them.
Detachment from what is happening
Many negative emotions arise in us when someone unreasonably takes out anger, resentment, or a bad mood on us. Such situations occur in everyday and family life, at work and in business, at school, etc. One of the main rules is to “fail” the emotional manifestations of other people, i.e. do not react to them, do not respond to people in the same way. When you are overcome by a surge of negativity, try to distance yourself - distract yourself from what is happening, for example, by switching to another activity, moving away from the scene, or thinking about something positive.
Self-hypnosis
In a fit of indignation or anger, think that any life situation is an experience designed to make you a stronger person. Emotional outbursts strengthen the psyche and strengthen character. Treat them that way. Changing your attitude can be difficult when you're not used to it, so try to remember that you're doing it to become a more resilient person who's hard to shake. In this way, you will begin to form an inner core, thanks to which you will be able to confidently walk through life, achieve any goals and control yourself.
Timely pause
When you are in an excited emotional state, it is not enough to simply say to yourself: “Okay, that’s it, stop, we control our emotions.” One of the foundations of managing emotions is the ability to “slow down” your psyche in time, to restrain the development of a specific emotion. To do this, you need, as they say, to turn on your brain, think about what you want to do or say, and only then make a decision - to do it or not. Thoughtful and balanced decisions are what have true value. Therefore, do not rush to tell the person everything you think about him or to be indignant about an annoying incident. Stop, take a few deep breaths and pull yourself together.
Breathing exercises
It’s not just that many auto-trainings and exercises for managing mental states begin with breathing. Breathing is the basis of everything; it promotes concentration, relaxation, calmness, and recovery. If you look at this from a physiological perspective, breathing saturates the blood and brain with oxygen, improving mental activity. And from a moral standpoint, breathing gives you a little time to weigh everything and think about further actions. Therefore, breathing exercises (even one simple deep breath) help normalize your mental and physical state. You will find good exercises in our article “Exercises for relaxation and relieving emotional and muscle tension.”
“Filtering” your social circle
Emotions, especially negative ones, can be transferred from one person to another with lightning speed. Try not to communicate with “negatives” and minimize the time spent in negative companies. If you suddenly feel that people are unfriendly towards you (and in general), it is better to interrupt communication, at least until next time. Emotions are a type of energy with a positive or negative connotation. You should not absorb other people's negative energy. On the contrary, strive to communicate with positive and cheerful people who radiate goodness. Communicating with them will give you great pleasure and recharge with positive feelings. The ideal option is to select or create a social circle consisting only of people who are positively disposed towards life.
Spiritual development
In the daily bustle, we should not forget that there is also an inner world that requires elaboration. If you want to learn how to control negativity and restrain emotions, try immersing yourself in spiritual development. This does not mean that you need to instantly become a devout and religious person or join a sect. Today there are many interesting teachings and practices that help you find inner harmony, gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your purpose, and learn to live in harmony with yourself and the world around you. But at the same time, you can easily continue your normal life in the usual way. If you are interested in this area, you can take our course “Spiritual Development: Where Science Doesn’t Work” - it contains a lot of useful information on this topic.
Finding Hobbies
How to learn to control emotions and not be nervous - find something you like that can become an outlet. Think about what you enjoyed doing as a child or what you would like to do in your free time now. Surely you will have more than one activity that you will be distracted by with great pleasure. By choosing a hobby for yourself, you will have the opportunity to forget about your worries and problems for a while, relax mentally, gain strength and improve your vitality. Interesting hobbies contribute to the development of self-control, and if you suddenly feel offended, annoyed, or uneasy, you can always turn to this “buffer” to sublimate emotions into specific activities.
Sports activities
Physical exercise is one of the most effective methods of developing self-control and internal strength (physical, too, of course). This is why it is so common to see people letting out negativity by hitting a punching bag, working out in the gym, or climbing the sheer walls of a climbing wall. If you understand that sometimes emotions haunt you and you simply have nowhere to put your excess energy, make a “knight’s move” - go in for sports. Physical relaxation will give you psychological stability and strength; you will begin to heal your body, filling it with a healthy spirit. If in doubt, look at athletes - most of them are cheerful, kind, positive, love spending time with friends and family, and enjoy studying, working or doing business. The result is obvious! In the worst case (if you don’t want to go to the gym or sign up for a section), simplify your task: jog, do exercises, do push-ups or squats several times during the day.
Proper nutrition
Food is a source of energy and strength for our body. But, firstly, you can’t eat just anything, and secondly, you need to understand that each organism is individual and also perceives food in its own way. Oddly enough, our internal state and many abilities, including the ability to control emotions, also depend on how we eat and what we eat. For example, if we eat late in the evening, it is very difficult for us to fall asleep, because the body is busy processing food. And in the morning we don’t feel like eating. As a result, we start the day sleepy and exhausted, and this directly affects our condition, decision-making, and degree of self-control. There are many more examples that can be given, but they will all lead us to one conclusion - you need to eat right and eat healthy foods. Then there will be self-confidence, a good mood, and energy to manage emotions. Yes, and don’t forget about healthy sleep – it’s also very important.
Rejection of bad habits
Even when we think we have good control over our emotions, we may not notice much. Especially if we have bad habits. Moreover, we are talking here not only about smoking and alcohol abuse, but also about such things as negative thinking - in fact, this is also a habit, just like emotionality. Just as some people cannot concentrate and think until they smoke a cigarette, others cannot relax until they drink, others cannot experience an event until they react to it emotionally. All this leads to one result - addiction, loss of self-control, outburst of negativity, absent-mindedness, lack of control. But you yourself understand perfectly well that the less a person is dependent on something, the more free he is in life - in thoughts, reactions, actions, actions. So another recommendation is to think about whether you have bad habits and addictions that are really interfering with your life. And if they are, start getting rid of them little by little. Start with something small and then move on to bigger things. Rest assured that this will help you learn self-control and self-control. Read our articles “Strategies for Overcoming Bad Habits” and “Habits That Promote Happiness.”
These rules should not only guide you to the necessary and correct thoughts, but become a real guide that will show you how to learn to control your emotions and not be nervous, stop worrying and “twitching.” Become aware of them, feel them, write down their names on a piece of paper and review them early in the morning, during the day and before bed so that you don’t forget to stick to them. To make it easier to practice managing emotions, we offer several useful exercises.
Keep your balance
Emotions are not only possible, but also necessary to regulate. Like the temperature on a thermostat, we can change the temperature of our emotions. Don't forget that you are the master, not the slave, of your inner impulses.
To feel good, calm and harmonious, your emotions should be neither too “hot” nor too “cold”. Look for the golden mean! Only balanced emotions can make you a happy and free person.
Both an excess of positive emotions and excessively depressive or aggressive behavior are not only bad for your health, but also not always appropriate! The pronounced emotions that we all have to experience from time to time disrupt our spiritual harmony and have a very destructive effect on us. This applies to both negative and positive emotions.
To avoid emotional turmoil and overload your nervous system, try to maintain balance. As soon as you feel that some emotion is overwhelming you and will soon cover you completely, focus your attention on something else: do household chores, go to the gym, cook a new dish, or just start counting mentally or out loud from one to until the emotion lets you go.
What do we usually feel at work?
To create a positive environment, organizations need to understand what emotions are prevalent in the workplace and how they affect employees.
The most common positive and negative emotions at work:
- convenience;
- satisfaction;
- enthusiasm;
- insolvency;
- preoccupation with problems.
Positive emotions are not limited to just optimistic feelings. These may include: calm, comfort, energy, enthusiasm, excitement, happiness, joy, peace, relaxation, satisfaction.
A recent study showed the top 3 positive emotions employees experience at work:
- comfort (48%);
- satisfaction (37%);
- enthusiasm (37%).
Examples of negative emotions that may appear during work: irritation, anxiety, boredom, disinterest, dissatisfaction, disappointment, despondency, sadness, stress, fatigue, discomfort, frustration, restlessness.
According to research, the 3 main negative emotions are:
- disappointment (56%);
- stress (45%);
- anxiety (30%).
Happiness and sadness are fairly simple emotions that every employee feels every day and can easily describe. But there is a wide range of feelings that require deeper explanations, for example, moral emotions.
Morals are principles that differentiate between good and bad behavior, and they vary from person to person. And the emotions that are affected by morality are called moral emotions. They include guilt, regret, shame, and carry much more weight than our primary feelings.
Employees consider the following to be the most negative moral emotions:
- humiliation;
- disgust;
- indignation.
Get plenty of rest
A person who does not fully rest becomes irritable, slow, apathetic and angry. Lack of rest makes a person too suspicious and emotional.
A fully rested person, unlike a constantly tired workaholic, has much more internal resources to think about and solve this or that life problem. The more tired we are and the less rest we get, the more the quality of our thinking, through which we process the information received, decreases. If you haven’t had a normal rest for a long time and are experiencing chronic fatigue, then you will simply react emotionally to information received from outside, but you will not be able to draw any conclusions and find the best solution to the problem.
Many people think that rest is some kind of abstract and unnecessary phenomenon, so they often neglect it. But in vain, because it has been scientifically proven that due to fatigue, people react too emotionally to this or that problem, make a lot of serious mistakes and make wrong decisions. People who fully rest and get good sleep control their emotions much better. It is much easier for the latter to become balanced individuals and gain control over their inner impulses.
Stages of emotional maturation
It's similar to how a person grows. But not everyone comes with emotional maturity along with physical maturity.
To become emotionally mature, you need to go through these stages to know and understand yourself, and then learn to manage it.
When you meet yourself halfway, you need to first cleanse yourself of negative and repressed feelings and emotions. This is the way of growing up.
First stage. Allowing yourself to enter into the process of growing up
It's like deciding to give birth.
At this point, acknowledge and accept that you are emotionally immature and make the choice to grow up and get to know yourself.
Initially, you may not realize it, but you are already striving for it. Moreover, such a decision may come to you without understanding how emotionally immature you are.
You will simply want something different in life, or circumstances will develop in such a way as to push you towards a “new birth”.
You may not be satisfied with your own reactions to events, the behavior of children, people, and you will want something qualitatively new.
Second phase. Recognizing your reactions
When you were forced to hide negative reactions all your life, raised to be a respectable person, taught to suppress with all your might what might seem indecent to someone, you grew up as a person absolutely far from your true self and ignorant of your real emotions.
You don't know what you are capable of in anger or in joy. Like a small child who accidentally waves a hand near his eyes and does not realize that it is his hand.
The child is just beginning to recognize himself that these are his arms, his legs, they move like that.
Understand and track that you are hiding your emotions or, conversely, throwing them out too violently.
At this stage, recognize your emotions, and to do this, react and show this reaction. Don't hide and muffle, but show it.
Sometimes it will look indecent and shock people who know you as a “balanced person.” And you will be surprised that you can do this.
If you were unable to do this in an environmentally friendly way, then thank the situation, forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness from your interlocutor (you can mentally, if you don’t have the courage to do it personally) and let go of the situation.
After all, she gave you back a piece of herself!
Third stage. Training skills to manage emotions
When you have learned how you can react, what situation causes what emotions, it is time to master the skills of managing your reactions.
There comes an understanding of what caused this reaction, acceptance of the situation and the opportunity to choose: to show it or not. There comes an understanding of how it can be useful to you and others.
This is a mutual process - you will never react to a person who does not have aggression, and if he does have it, then yours points it out to him.
Or, realizing that this is your reaction to your own dissatisfaction with yourself, you will be able to restrain yourself and express your opinion in the mildest form.
And then you will find a way to release this reaction from yourself, based on what is appropriate for the health of the body and relationships, maintaining balance, satisfying your need and not offending the other person.
You will now be able to choose when to react and when to work through it alone with yourself. Not by assessing yourself as “good” or “bad,” but by accepting the fact that it is in you and it needs to come out.
Thus, you maintain your health, both physical and psychological.
Don't make excuses for yourself
Emotionally unstable people who cannot control their inner impulses begin to justify their actions. They claim that they behave so emotionally because they have such a character, it is characteristic of their essence, the weather outside does not meet their requirements, the tram did not arrive on time, not one, but several black cats crossed the road, etc.
All these external aspects affect a person in a certain way, but they do not affect him so much as to become an excuse for the fact that he does not know how to control himself and his emotions.
As soon as some emotion begins to overwhelm you, do not look for excuses in the outside world, but look at yourself from the outside and think about what factor you are reacting to so violently and why this is happening. Once you get to the bottom of the source of negative emotions and put everything into perspective, you can begin to solve the problem that has arisen, and not think that the stars, magnetic storms or careless drivers are to blame.
The nature of emotions
An emotion is a person’s reaction to a situation. To manage emotions, you need to understand their nature. Emotions can be moderate or violent, but they all arise as a reaction to an external or internal stimulus.
Emotions exist in a person at the level of reflexes. It is inherent in nature that, thanks to emotions, we react to the world around us. But thinking, making arguments, evaluating - this is a skill that we develop throughout life.
Both the ability to react emotionally and the ability to reflect are extremely important. Sometimes emotions help us make quick decisions when we really need it. But not in every situation emotions should prevail over common sense.
The question arises, how to manage emotions and behavior?
Take a little break
If you feel like a teapot that is about to boil, then you should take a short break to cool down, because this condition is very dangerous for both physical and mental health.
Do not react immediately to a situation that causes you negative emotions. Think about how this situation can be resolved. Come up with several options, and then choose the one that is most optimal for you.
To learn to control your emotions, you should remember that you first need to cool down and calm down, and only then can you begin to solve the problem. Analyze the situation objectively, look at it not as a direct participant, but as an outside observer on whom this situation has no influence and for whom it does not evoke any feelings.
If you make a hasty decision under the influence of emotions, you will later experience a bitter and unpleasant feeling of regret. By taking a short break, you can focus your attention on those details that go unnoticed during an emotional outburst.
What are repressed emotions?
Repressed emotions are affects that a person chooses not to acknowledge so they cannot act on them or express them in a healthy way.
Consider the example of an employee being yelled at by his boss. Obviously this makes him angry, but he doesn't redirect the anger back to his boss for fear of losing his job. So what happens to his suppressed anger? How does he get rid of this feeling? He unleashes it on his helpless subordinates, shouting at them. Then he goes home, throwing out negativity on his wife or children.
Suppressing emotions where they should be expressed causes us to vent them on those close to us, damaging relationships without bringing relief.
Take the EQ emotional intelligence test
Start keeping a diary
This exercise may seem strange to some. What does a diary have to do with emotions? Very direct! Journaling will help you learn to control your emotions and control your anger. Buy a beautiful notebook or notebook, and write “Diary of my emotions” on the cover. As soon as some negative or positive emotion begins to overwhelm you, immediately open your diary and write down in it everything you feel at the moment.
If you are experiencing a negative emotion, then first share with your diary everything that is boiling inside, and then switch to the positive: realize why you had this or that emotion, how you reacted to this or that remark, why you reacted that way and etc. As soon as you get rid of the emotion and its pressure, then remember and write down in your diary all the good things that happened to you during the day, and those events that caused you joy, happiness, laughter, etc.
Controlling emotions: exercises
The exercises presented below can be performed at any time when you need to control your emotions, i.e. in real time. Traditionally, they are suitable for negative emotions, but for variety and to hone the skill, you can practice them while experiencing positive emotions. We will offer four exercises in total:
- The first exercise is to replace any negative emotions with positive ones, for example, anger and malice with joy and laughter. For example, you are arguing with a person, and the atmosphere is becoming increasingly tense. At the moment of apogee, when emotions are rushing out, tell the person something that he does not expect to hear at all. For example, you can say to your loved one: “You are so dear to me” or “I love you.” If this is a friend, say: “You are the best friend in the world!” Answer your boss: “You are a very cool leader.” But be careful that it doesn’t look like a mockery. Having done everything correctly, you will instantly extinguish emotions – both yours and your interlocutor’s.
- The second exercise is a variation of the first, but it is designed more to change your own state. At the moment when you realize that you are unable to contain negative emotions and a corresponding reaction is about to follow, transform it into the exact opposite. If something annoying and very unpleasant has happened, and you want to “erupt in thunder,” make an effort and smile, laugh, jump for joy. Think about what good can come out of the situation and start enjoying it like a child. Do the same with other negative emotions.
- The third exercise is journaling. It may seem unusual, but it is very helpful in controlling emotions and controlling anger. Buy a notebook and make it an “emotion diary.” Whenever you feel yourself starting to get angry, sad, guilty, or resentful, sit down in a chair or at a table and start writing. But write not what worries you, but on the contrary - all the good things that happened during the day, what is in your life, what you are happy about. Switch from negative to positive. You will begin to think in a different direction, and your mood will begin to change. Save your notes, and in moments of the next negative experience, make new ones and re-read old ones. As a result, your “emotion diary” will be filled with a lot of pleasant impressions and memories that will help you control your emotions better and better.
- The fourth exercise allows you to neutralize negative emotions or at least minimize their manifestation and impact on the psyche. It is similar to the previous one, but if then you wrote down all the good events in your diary, now you are throwing out on paper everything that worries you. You don’t need a diary for this - you just take paper and pen and write everything that comes to your mind. After you have expressed all your thoughts, take this piece of paper and burn it, imagining that all negative emotions turn into ashes. You can also use one more variation: divide the sheet into two parts, where the first will contain bad emotions, and the second will contain the opposite good ones. Then cut the sheet, burn the “bad” half, and keep the “good” half for yourself and re-read it several times, concentrating on the positive. This exercise will help you endure bad events more easily, restrain your emotions, and endure anger.
We hope that our article, although it did not open your eyes to the importance and features of managing emotions, has expanded your knowledge and given food for thought. The only other thing we can advise is to try with all your being to accept the idea that you are capable of becoming the master of your feelings and emotions, stop being their slave and follow their lead. We wish you to always believe in yourself and, looking in the mirror, see in the reflection a successful, joyful and satisfied person with life. And finally, some more advice from psychologists. Good luck!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Emotional regulation
- 5 Signs You're a Slave to Your Emotions
- Emotional management: what is it and how to learn it
- Anger management: a selection of useful materials
- Mindfulness and its benefits
- Emotional Labor
- Mastery of Self-Control
- How to express your emotions without becoming a manipulator
- Emotions and health: how they are interconnected
- How to develop self-control and self-discipline
Key words:1Psychoregulation
Don't deify your emotions
All the emotions you experience are a normal reaction of the nervous system to one or another external stimulus. All chemical processes are a completely normal and familiar phenomenon that occurs in your body, and not some divine manifestations of an intangible nature.
Emotions can be compared to shortcuts on our desktop, which, like interface elements, are necessary for us to interact with the system more easily and productively. With just a few clicks, you are taken to the desired location in your computer system. Both emotions and computer shortcuts, showing us the shortest path, lead us to our destination.
If emotions did not exist, instantaneous decision-making would become confusing, complex, and incomprehensible. Without emotions, all decisions will look exactly the same to us, because any possible development of events will be absolutely indifferent and unnecessary to us.
If people did not experience any emotions, then they would not be able to work productively, enjoy life, set and achieve goals, complete assigned tasks, etc. If you deprive a person of all feelings and emotions, then his life will turn into hell, where every previous day will be no different from every subsequent day.
If you deify emotions, treat them as divine revelation and mindlessly follow their call, you will never be able to make your life simpler and easier.
What emotions require control?
We all know that emotions can be positive and negative. And, it would seem, if we could leave only positive ones and “throw away” negative ones, our life could become much better. But this is only an appearance, because even positive emotions can do us a disservice - for example, driving us into a trap of pleasure.
It is necessary to control emotions that cause suffering and pain to a person and people close to him. These are the emotions that force you to do what you don’t like, what is bad. Simply put, we need to manage states and feelings that deprive us of freedom of choice.
For example, if a person is very sociable, energetic and cheerful, he may have bad luck at work. This means that your manifestations in those places where such behavior is unacceptable must be kept under control. Otherwise, these positive emotions can lead to serious troubles and problems.
But, naturally, it is negative states that are subject to main control. Conventionally, they can be divided into three levels:
- Ego. This is a hidden part of the human personality. Its manifestations may not always be recognized immediately not only by those around them, but also by the people themselves. Emotions arising from the ego include joy from superiority over others, universal recognition, privileges, praise, and increased attention to one’s own person. This also includes a constant thirst for more (profit, wealth, etc.), envy, pride, narcissism, selfishness, vanity, resentment, gloating, boasting, etc. The ego is the support and the most powerful source of many emotional states.
- Weaknesses. Another source of emotions that need to be controlled. Let us list the main emotions, feelings and qualities of this level: lack of self-control and weak willpower, weak character and laziness, melancholy, despondency and sadness, painful passivity and constant shyness, lack of independence, depression, thoughtlessness in decisions and actions, cowardice, anxiety, fear, dependence from other people. Any situations when we don’t want to pull ourselves together, cope with difficulties, hang our heads, complain, etc. serve as a manifestation of our weakness.
- Thirst for sensations. Life without emotions and experiences will become boring and faceless, but they, like everything else, should be in moderation. What can be attributed to the thirst for experiences? This is lust and constant attraction to the opposite sex, gambling addiction, thirst for thrills and an increased need for adrenaline, bad habits, drug addiction, gluttony, etc. For many people, conditions and emotions of this particular level are the most painful - they cannot cope with them, and even if they want to stop striving for these pleasures, they are not able to do so.
These three levels give rise to the lion's share of emotions that you need to learn to control. Think about whether they are familiar to you, whether there are times when you suffer from them, whether you want to cope with them. And if you answered yes, the following recommendations are especially for you.
Meditate
Meditation will not only clear your head of negative thoughts, restore mental balance, develop willpower and improve your quality of life, but also teach you to control your emotions. Any emotion is your reaction to one or another event happening in your life. All emotions begin with your thoughts. First you thought, and only then you felt.
Thanks to meditation, you will achieve a state of spiritual harmony, peace and a sober mind. Several meditation sessions a week will teach you to fight passions, avoid vices and take control of your feelings and emotions. With the help of meditation, you will get rid of the emotional veil and be able to look at yourself and your life objectively.
We recommend: Meditation before bed. 5 effective techniques
How important is the ability to manage your emotions?
Managing emotions is a person’s ability to feel their emotions, characterize them, experience them and then let them go.
Do not confuse managing emotions with suppressing them. In the first case, we gain control over ourselves, and in the second we only drown out our feelings and do not solve the problem.
You shouldn't hate your enemies. Emotions interfere with thinking.
Godfather
The ability to manage emotions helps to build healthy relationships with the outside world and with people. This is especially true in conflict situations. In a fit of anger or resentment, we say unpleasant things to people who do not deserve it. This leads to deterioration in relationships.
Also, showing inappropriate emotions in an unfamiliar company or crowded place can create the wrong opinion about you. In the future, this may affect not only personal, but also work relationships.
Negative emotions lead a person astray. But we always have a choice: to succumb to negativity and exhaust ourselves with worries, or to admit a mistake and work to correct it.
Self-esteem also depends on our emotions. The more we repeat that “everything is very bad” and “not the way we wanted,” the less satisfaction we have from life. We begin to consider ourselves good-for-nothing losers. This leads to depression.
It’s not for nothing that they say that all diseases are caused by nerves. Too many negative emotions or constant suppression of them leads to nervous breakdown, deterioration of sleep, appetite and other problems.
Say no to emotional overload
The strong emotions that you have to experience if you don’t know how to control yourself cause emotional overload, which negatively affects your body and worsens your health!
If you are so overwhelmed by a feeling that your breathing and heartbeat become faster, your knees begin to tremble, your body sweats excessively, and you experience nausea and dizziness, then this indicates that you have become a victim of emotional overload.
Don't give up and don't get discouraged! Don't go with the flow and don't become a slave to your own emotions! First divide all the information received into several parts, and then begin to analyze them. If you can’t do this mentally, then don’t be too lazy to pick up a pen and write everything down in a notebook.
Once you begin to analyze and consider the information received from all sides, you will be able to come to your senses and take control of your emotions. You will be able to evaluate the results obtained soberly and objectively, and the decision you make in a normal emotional state will be truly rational and effective.
Restraining emotions leads to psychosomatic illnesses
Of course, it’s no secret that the body and mind are closely interconnected. Experts have come to the conclusion that this connection leads to the fact that about 40% of the world's population have encountered the problem of psychosomatic diseases at least once in their lives.
For example, nervousness impairs digestion, causes diarrhea and headaches. As a result of constant stress, herpes can appear on the lips, and constant suppression of emotions and thoughts leads to an increased feeling of anxiety.
Just think about how many things you don’t tell your parents and friends for fear of hurting them. Often people close to you do something for you, trying to help, but in reality, their actions only make the situation worse. Why can't you tell them this to their faces?
We also often express our thoughts to our other halves, fearing to hurt him. Even though sometimes their behavior or words may be offensive, we often choose to remain silent.
Please note that constant suppression of emotions leads to the appearance of psychosomatic diseases such as migraines, overexertion and chronic fatigue.
Start living a healthy lifestyle
Our lifestyle affects our emotions in the most direct way. If you want to learn to control your emotions, then be sure to reconsider your lifestyle. Avoid fatty and heavy foods, alcoholic beverages, smoking and other bad habits. Start exercising, eating right and going to bed on time. Spend more time on your spiritual growth and personal development.
Find a hobby that will become your outlet. If at school you attended a young naturalist club and loved picking mushrooms, then why not now go into the forest and enjoy communion with nature? A hobby will help you forget about problems and worries, give you the opportunity to escape from routine and everyday hustle and bustle, and will help develop willpower and increase vitality.
Develop and train willpower
Thanks to willpower, you can easily and simply learn to control your emotions. Willpower is your internal resource, with the help of which you will manage not only your emotions and body, but also change your life for the better.
Emotions, like drugs, tempt us, cause addiction and turn us into slaves. Willpower helps you overcome this temptation.
You can develop willpower through asceticism, meditation, sports, planning your day, maintaining personal hygiene, maintaining order around yourself, fighting gastronomic weaknesses, getting rid of bad habits, etc.
How does your position affect your emotional background?
In personal and professional life there are quite a few factors that influence the emotional background. But what about things like tenure and job hierarchy?
Some employees may feel frustrated by a lack of support in the workplace or satisfied and happy when they receive a promotion. Managers sometimes feel stressed about meetings or feel comfortable about the progress their team is making. Leaders are worried about their business or are enthusiastic about starting the year with a clean slate, with a completely new direction.
Employees in any position experience a completely different range of feelings. However, the study revealed some differences between ordinary employees and managers. Top managers are more likely to feel energized, enthusiastic, and empowered, but less likely to feel relaxed and at peace.
Learn to breathe correctly
Emotional overload directly affects the heart and muscles. If you are experiencing a strong emotional shock, then after a while you will feel tired, overwhelmed and exhausted. To learn to control your emotions and avoid becoming a victim of another emotional overload, you should start practicing deep and slow breathing.
A special breathing technique will not only help you relax and take control of your emotions, but will also saturate your brain with oxygen. As soon as you feel that your emotions are getting the better of you and you can’t think about anything else, then find a secluded place where no one will disturb you, close your eyes and start breathing slowly through your nose.
✔ Each breath should last at least 5-7 seconds. After inhaling, hold your breath for a few seconds and then exhale slowly. Each exhalation, like inhalation, should last at least 5-7 seconds. Do 10-12 repetitions or breathe slowly until you calm down and begin to think clearly.
Why keep your emotions under control?
You've probably noticed how relationships can deteriorate due to someone's incontinence and excessive emotionality. People who are turned on half-turn have a reputation for conflict and inability to compromise.
Often we thoughtlessly pour out the negativity accumulated during the working day on our loved ones. Then we have to regret what we said in the heat of the moment, but we don’t know what to do about it.
In addition to anger and malice, there are other emotions that put a spoke in our wheels. For example, fear. Because of it, we cannot express our opinion when we want, act according to our conscience, or take an action that will make our life better.
It is worth mentioning an emotion that is less destructive at first glance – sadness. It has many names and shades: loneliness, despondency, dissatisfaction, regret. These quiet comrades do not allow us to rejoice. In such a state, it is easy to succumb to depression and someone else's manipulation.
People who know how to manage their emotions and not give in to momentary impulses are usually more successful and achieve more in life than those who constantly struggle with emotional swings. This conclusion was reached by psychologists from Stanford University who conducted an experiment popularly called the “Marshmallow Test.”
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More than 650 children aged four years took part in the experiment. One by one they were led into a room where marshmallows lay on a plate. The task was stated as follows: the child can eat this marshmallow right now, but if he waits 15 minutes, he will receive another marshmallow and will be able to eat both sweets. For the purity of the experiment, each child was left alone in the room with marshmallows.
As a result, only 30% of all children waited for the return of the adult, who entered the room 15 minutes later. The rest could not control themselves and succumbed to temptation.
The experiment was carried out in the 60s of the last century. Organizer Michel Walter tracked the fate of these children and became convinced that those who at one time managed to curb their immediate desires turned out to be more teachable and successful in their chosen areas and interests.
Take actions that are opposite to the emotion that arises
To learn to control emotions, you need to do the opposite of what the emotion provokes you to do. If you feel angry towards some person, then do not give in to the emotion and do not shout at this person, but smile at him and wish him a good day.
If your pride suffers from the fact that someone turned out to be faster, stronger, taller, more successful, happier or simply better than you, then do not envy this person, but sincerely praise him and rejoice at his success.
If you have become a victim of apathy, despondency or laziness, then get off the couch, leave the apartment and start doing something useful.
If some emotion has overwhelmed you and you rush to the phone to call your friend, relative or colleague and tell about all this in great detail, then take up meditation and do everything possible to get rid of the emotion without outside help.
If you are unable to take an action opposite to the emotion that has arisen, then try to simply ignore this emotion. Act as if you are not experiencing this emotion right now.
Why should you be able to control your emotions?
Before answering the question of how to learn to control emotions and not get nervous, it’s worth understanding why this is necessary at all. The fact is that if a person is not able to keep his feelings in check, they begin to dominate him. This can cause his behavior to become destructive, cheeky, and even contrary to his own beliefs.
A person becomes predisposed to extravagant and rash decisions and actions, and such things as correctness, reasonableness, and attention to others lose their relevance for him. As a result, you can “break the woods” and do a lot of things that you will later regret.
In addition, unscrupulous people can take advantage of a person’s emotionality: deceive him, force him to do something, provoke him to do something, play on his pride, put pressure on feelings of guilt or pity, including self-pity.
Emotions can be called that part of a human being that can at any moment take you by surprise and, as if by the wave of an unkind magic wand, destroy a person’s entire life, plans, hopes and aspirations.
If emotions are constantly changing (that is, when a person is exposed to first one and then another emotional state), his communication with others is seriously difficult. Feelings that grip a person’s consciousness can easily unsettle him. As a result, he is “thrown” in different directions, and there is no balance or stability in life.
Because a person is constantly distracted by emotions, his perception of the world and life becomes dull, he loses the very possibility of finding himself, a deep understanding of his needs, values and desires. An overly emotional life is a path with a bomb, the timer of which can go off at any moment.
The inability to control emotions paralyzes the will and makes a person weak, even more dependent on circumstances. But in life you need to be self-confident and capable of self-control. Only then will it be possible to become its full-fledged owner and achieve unprecedented heights.
We think these arguments are quite enough to understand the danger of the inability or unwillingness to manage one’s emotional states. But still, it would not be superfluous to find out the opinion of a psychologist on this issue. Here is a short video with the participation of Anatoly Starkov.
Stop hanging out with toxic people
Why do you need to limit or completely stop communicating with toxic people? The fact is that people have the ability to transfer their emotions to other people. And if you communicate with positive and pleasant interlocutors, then your mood improves noticeably, and you yourself begin to feel much better.
Constant communication with toxic and negative people can turn the most cheerful optimist into a grumbler dissatisfied with anyone and nothing who looks at the world through the prism of the darkest pessimism. If you want to learn to control your emotions and be in harmony with yourself and the outside world, then you should definitely refuse to communicate with such people. If you can’t completely cut off the connection, then do everything possible to reduce communication with the toxic person to a minimum.
Emotions and facial expressions
Emotions and facial expressions are closely related and directly depend on each other. Agree, sometimes it is enough to see the expression on a person’s face to understand what he is experiencing right now.
But if emotions affect facial expressions, then we can use facial expressions to influence emotions. Here are some interesting exercises:
- When you are in a bad mood, stretch your lips into a smile and remain in this position for 30–40 seconds. After a minute's pause, repeat the task. And so on several times.
- If you need to appear confident and convincing, straighten your shoulders, raise your head, and then purse and relax your lips. Do the exercise several times in a row.
- A soldier's stance will help you maintain calm and balance. Imagine that you are standing at a post where you need to keep your hands at your sides and have a stone face.
Think about the solution, not the problem
If some difficult situation has arisen in your life, it will definitely cause a certain negative reaction in you. The more you think about the problem, the more you chew “mental gum” and think about this or that aspect of the current situation, the more negative emotions will take over you. Thoughts about a problem most often cause anger, anger, disappointment, sadness, sadness, etc. It is quite normal to experience such emotions in this case, but very ineffective.
You shouldn’t dwell on the problem, because the current situation can no longer be changed. There's no time machine that can take you back in time, so it's worth thinking about what you'll do in the future. Don't think about the problem, think about how to solve it.
Start making a list of all possible solutions to the problem! While you are thinking about your next course of action, emotions will no longer be a priority for you. You will be able to soberly assess the current situation and find the strength to move on.
See the world through the eyes of a realist
Learn to accept reality as it really is. A variety of people live in our world: there are kind and decent individuals, there are evil and envious people, there are noble gentlemen, there are inveterate gossips, etc. We have to communicate and interact with these and many other types of personalities every day.
Some people cheer us up and make our day better, while others try to ruin our nerves and do everything possible to get the desired resource from us in the form of anger, hatred, anger, sadness, sadness, irritation, etc.
You should not get hung up on why this or that person said this or that word to you, performed this or that action, was rude to you, was rude, caused you aggression, etc. Each person has his own story, his own problems, experiences, his own character and his own way of thinking.
Your task is not to understand the inner world of a complete stranger to you, but to learn to control your emotions. We cannot influence other people, but we can change our attitude towards this or that life situation.
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The importance of expressing and controlling emotions
In the social world you need to be able to control your emotions, it should be a skill.
But what does control mean? Usually, when people say “control your emotions,” they mean suppress them. But suppressing emotions is literally like the following: you turn on some kind of spring, a stream, and you concrete it. But the source itself continues to work. The reason for the reaction has not been removed. It is one thing for you to be filled with joy but hold it back, but it is quite another for you to be filled with contempt and anger. If you suppress an emotion and do it regularly because you are regularly in the same workspace or with the same person and perform repetitive actions, then you have a repressed negative emotion constantly present in your body. This is a direct path to illness. The centers of emotions are always located in some part of the body in the form of sensations. And the organs that are located in this place, next to it, are susceptible to damage, they are literally filled with repressed emotions. Sometimes it happens that a person 20 years later, remembering the past, begins to cry - this is because he did not cry then. If your picture of the world is too inadequate to reality, you will always be overwhelmed by emotions. If you constantly exercise them, then, from a health point of view, it will be easier for you. Emotional, hot-tempered, unrestrained people are usually healthier, while well-mannered, cultured people get sick more. Because those who dump emotions spoil relationships, and those who suppress emotions maintain relationships but spoil themselves.
Neither one nor the other is useful, but the skill itself is useful - being able to show emotion at will. Because there are people who find it very difficult or scary to say what they feel, what they are going through. You need to be able to speak openly - one, and be able to restrain your emotions - two. But if you are holding back an emotion, you need to know how to defuse it. For example, Adriano Celentano chopped wood in the film The Taming of the Shrew. You can play sports, shout, or write and burn a letter - the emotion needs to be put into action.
To learn how to maintain balance, you need, first of all, to work out your picture of the world, make it more flexible, softer. For example, it’s not “should”, but “can”, it happens like this - and it happens like this, maybe in another way. I am like this, he is like this, and they are like this - we are different. So that the picture of the world is not a flat picture, but consists of many details, elements where you can move freely. When you have a rich picture of the world, it allows for a lot, you perceive what is happening more easily, and then emotions are no longer initially critical. This approach is deeper. It naturally takes more time, because simply containing and expressing emotions is a technical skill, like doing push-ups.
One of the most difficult issues is coexisting with other people's emotions when they do not match yours. The worst option in this situation is to start worrying and think: “It’s somehow wrong to say something to a person, because he’s worried, but it’s somehow not quite right for me”... Then you sacrifice yourself. And your task, on the contrary, is to express yourself so that a person understands you - activity is important. But people who consider themselves well-mannered prefer to sacrifice themselves for the sake of decency. In fact, we are not talking about good manners, but about an inferiority complex and uncertainty. The key problem is not even that the person “overwhelms you” with his emotions, but that you suppress your emotion and cannot say: “I don’t like this, let’s do it differently.” You are suppressing yourself, not him.
The option of constantly holding back and shutting down is not suitable here, because even if you put in a lot of effort, you will still be “infected” and will not be able to be natural in your state. A good option is to talk, talk, convey your feelings to the person: “You know, it’s wonderful that you are so happy, but I perceive it differently.” You need to prove yourself to the other person. After all, your counterpart is not very worried about how his emotions affect you - he simply actively expresses himself. Do the same
It is important that he hears what is important to you and begins to take it into account
