“Arrogance is the second happiness”—modern culture has instilled in us since childhood. And in fact, if we look at the situation objectively, we will see that arrogant people achieve more in comparison with those who are guided by some principles of moral behavior. However, if we look at this situation not from the perspective of one specific situation in which an arrogant person achieved success due to his arrogance, unprincipledness, rudeness, and so on, then we will see that the success of such a person is fleeting and is most often leveled out by subsequent failures. Why is this happening? And is arrogance really the second happiness, and modesty a relic of the past? Let's try to figure it out.
Unfortunately, most people today are under the illusion of the injustice of the world and the randomness of current events. They say that everything happens somehow on its own, absolutely devoid of any sequence, logic, and, in general, everything depends on chance, luck, and so on. And from this point of view, success will always await a truly arrogant person, because if there is no justice in the world, then this justice must be restored (at least in relation to oneself) independently and at any cost. But this is a big misconception. Events in our lives do not happen by chance or on their own, but are determined by reasons. And we create these reasons ourselves. Our actions yesterday created our today, and our actions today create tomorrow. And if you look at life from this point of view, then the puzzle, as they say, comes together. All events in our lives are determined by cause-and-effect relationships. And if we take into account the cause-and-effect relationships in the question of whether arrogance is the “second happiness”, then many questions arise here. After all, if a person acted brazenly, boorishly, and unfairly took something away from someone, then he thereby created the preconditions for the same thing to happen to him. And from this position, modesty is the best of human qualities, which allows you to live harmoniously in the world.
What is modesty
Let's look at the concept of modesty in more detail. The term “modest” has existed in our language since the 17th century. It means humble, moderate, meek and undemanding. This is someone who does not put his own personality above others.
Modesty cannot be considered only a positive or negative quality. In the lives of self-respecting people, this quality becomes a virtue. But for politicians and public figures it is a disadvantage.
Modesty due to cowardice or lack of self-confidence is a problem for the individual himself. An overly modest or inappropriately modest girl may remain alone forever. But on the other hand, the lack of this quality, selfishness and showing oneself to the detriment of others creates considerable problems.
Modesty and Shyness
A person acquires most of the qualities that are inherent in a person in infancy, and some before birth. Scientists' analyzes say that in the womb we are able to hear not only the conversations of mom and dad, but also capture the mother's thoughts. If a child feels that he is desired, then in the future he will grow up confident in his own abilities. If during pregnancy the mother does not love the child, then he has every chance of growing up as a person without self-confidence and with a sense of guilt.
It is worth noting that modesty and shyness are different concepts.
Shyness is a manifestation of lack of confidence in one’s own strengths, the fear of not being liked. This quality interferes at first in childhood, but if the child is not helped, then in adulthood he will be afraid to set goals and achieve them.
Modesty is an indicator of the upbringing of a confident person. A person knows his strengths very well, but does not flaunt them. Therefore, it is believed that modesty is an adornment.
So, after all, is modesty an adornment for a person or a burden for him? The uniqueness of each individual is undeniable. Based on this, it turns out that life principles, character, and set of habits are unique in everyone.
We are similar to each other, but we are different, like snowflakes and fingerprints. For one person something is good, but for another it is the opposite. Based on this, it is difficult to say for sure whether it is better to remain modest or, on the contrary, to do everything for show.
Probably everyone will remember a situation in life when the arrogant behavior of another person humiliated their dignity or offended them, causing outrage. This behavior causes negative emotions. Similar feelings arise when we see unbridled behavior, etc.
Now imagine a girl who, embarrassed, lowers her gaze. Or a man who gives way, offers his hand. Good manners, modesty and respect are almost synonymous concepts. You can remain a modest person, but confidently follow your own goal. And it is these individuals who are able to achieve what they want.
— Celebrity opinions about a modest person.
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“Modesty is the kind of pride that least irritates others,” said Jules Renard. So, modesty is just well-disguised pride? Interesting opinion.
“Mr Attlee is a very humble man. And he has every reason for this.” Winston Churchill is well known for his provocative aphorisms. It is obvious that he did not have the highest opinion of modesty either. Is modesty a screen behind which limitations are hidden? Unconvincing and quite controversial. For some reason I feel very sorry for Mr. Attlee.
“It’s easier for ugly girls to lead modest lives.” Film star Marlene Dietrich decisively sided with the British Prime Minister, not conceding his lack of tact. But the question of “ugliness” is subjective, and beauty is not eternal. And in old age, not everyone is a model of modesty.
“Humble natures tend to accept their circle of friends ready-made at the hands of chance,” said Robert Louis Stevenson. Deeply and generally true. A modest person will be embarrassed to take a step in the direction of a company that is truly close to him. However, is this a plus of modesty or vice versa?
“Modesty is the middle ground between shamelessness and shyness.” Aristotle, as always, is laconic and logical. If shamelessness is a clear vice, and shyness is a minor flaw, then virtue must necessarily fit somewhere between them.
“In everything one must observe moderation, even in modesty,” Anatole France convinces us, admitting the existence of modesty, but calling for caution. Perhaps it is precisely if this condition is met that a person can be considered modest, but gifted and bright.
“Excessive modesty leads to incompetence,” agrees with the Frenchman, the classic of American science fiction, Harry Garrison.
Interesting and different points of view. Perhaps the key word here is “redundant . You have to be modest in everything, even modesty. And then everything will work out for us! Having emerged from the shadow of our competitors, we will definitely invent something, conquer someone and break through somewhere. And then, modestly lowering our eyes, we will accept the well-deserved compliments of the fans sobbing with happiness. You may be interested in the article “Stop Blushing“.
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Modesty in Religion
All religious movements call on people to be simple, humble, and to make do with little. The desire for pleasure, in any of its manifestations, has never been welcomed by religions. On the contrary, it is generally accepted that giving up such pleasures will cleanse the body and soul and bring them closer to spiritual benefits.
The opposite of modesty in the religious understanding is pride. This is a sin because it does not allow the individual to show forgiveness, compassion, and humility. Even Christ himself washed the feet of his own disciples. There is a hidden importance in this action that is not immediately noticeable. Hidden here is not just the meaning of renouncing superiority, but also the sacrament of purifying the soul.
Pros of modesty
Let's consider the pros and cons of such a quality as modesty. Let's start with the positive side.
Usually, modesty is inherent in girls because this quality is characteristic of them; it is a decisive factor in creating character. Modest girls have always been an example of femininity. This quality was considered an indicator of manners, politeness, and education. From childhood, girls were taught rules, etiquette, and good manners in schools. Initially, they were instilled with modesty.
Nowadays, modesty does not have such a high value, but it has not gone unnoticed. It is easier to communicate with such people; they are not rude or offend people. At the same time, we are always ready to help and support. These people do not exalt themselves above others; they maintain some distance. Such a person is unlikely to be able to ask you for anything, but he will gladly fulfill your requests, even to his own detriment.
Modest individuals rarely become the center of intrigue or gossip; rumors do not circulate about them. If you do not like to act as a leader, to be in the center of the company, or to be an altruist, then modesty is your quality.
Is it possible to stop being overly modest?
As with any personality trait, excessive modesty is difficult to overcome.
Once they actually know this truth, they may be nervous about taking the first step toward correcting it because they are afraid of what others might think.
Even though it may not be easy, it can be managed. To do this, you must forget about other people's opinions, at least in your daily life. It is important for you to feel comfortable with your own decisions, even if they are not always the right ones.
Important!
Ultimately, learning to love and respect yourself will help you leave behind excessive modesty.
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Disadvantages of modesty
But not everyone is sure that modesty should be considered a positive personality trait. Some consider this particular trait to be the reason for unluckiness, because modesty is the main disadvantage of a modern person.
But in reality, what does the world know about humble individuals? Nothing. None of the famous people can be called modest or insecure. Based on this, it is concluded that modesty is not required to achieve heights and prosperity. But this is not the entire list of disadvantages. Modesty becomes the cause of failures on the personal front.
According to statistics, most men prefer modest girls, but in practice everything is different. Modesty interests a representative of the stronger sex only in the initial stages of a relationship, when it acts as a mystery. But if it does not go away with the development of the relationship, then the man loses interest and switches to more relaxed representatives of the fairer sex.
It turns out that due to excessive modesty, a girl can lose her chance and be left alone. This quality is a hindrance not only on the personal front, but in building a career. Moving up when you do all the work for yourself and your colleagues and do not try to get a salary increase becomes impossible.
Humble individuals never desire leadership. What they have is enough for them; they do not try to improve their lives. It is worth saying that there are enough arguments against modesty to force you to reconsider your own attitude towards this trait. Modesty takes on negative traits if:
is on display. This approach is often used by insecure people. The one who demonstrates his own shyness and modesty achieves praise. Such actions are called false modesty; natural modesty is called a positive quality, if it did not become the cause of complexes. Often excessive modesty and lack of self-confidence become a real problem. They do not allow the personality to develop.
Shy people limit their own capabilities in every area of life. It is difficult for them to take steps towards interesting people. At work, they have a lot of interesting ideas in their heads, but they are embarrassed to share them. In interactions with others, such a person is silent and uninteresting. Therefore, it cannot be said for sure that modesty adorns a person. If this trait is seen to a moderate extent and does not interfere with normal life, then it is positive.
The reason for excessive modesty, as psychologists are sure, can be the following factors:
genetic. Researchers claim that there is a gene for shyness. From the moment of birth, it is noticeable in individuals with an unstable nervous system; upbringing. The wrong approach to education and lack of communication skills become constraining for a person, they force him to become overly shy; childhood trauma. Due to the shock that a person experienced at an early age, many qualities can suffer, so modesty is not an exception.
Is modesty inherited?
Modesty can be a positive quality if present in small quantities. Don't go too far and underestimate yourself.
The information described above is general in nature, but there is a separate concept - female modesty. This is a loyal and even obligatory quality. Modern women grew up on classical literature, where every heroine blushed as soon as the object of her adoration passed by. Today, morals are different, but the basic information remains. Therefore, seeing a modest woman, we understand that this is a lady with a deep inner world.
Still, modesty has its reasons, and this model of behavior does not always come from upbringing or reading literature.
Why does a person become modest?
- Modesty is inherent at the genetic level and is passed on from close relatives.
- If a person has an unstable psyche, he is often a deeply shy person.
- As a result of childhood psychological trauma, isolation develops and, as a result, tightness and excessive modesty.
- If there is not enough communication with people due to the type of profession or character.
- When, in their youth, a girl or guy is rejected by people they like, they are denied friendship or close relationships. It also makes teenagers feel embarrassed and shy in the future.
How to get rid of modesty
There are several options for answering the question of how to get rid of modesty. One of them involves character building, training and special classes. Another is to seek support from a specialist. For self-training of character, the following recommendations are suitable:
Strengthen your character. If you want to do or say something, do it, even if the words or actions turn out to be stupid. Communicate with others more often. You should not refuse a possible meeting with classmates, classmates, colleagues or friends. Remember, in childhood, modesty does not interfere with communication. Stop tormenting yourself with reproaches for failing at something. On the contrary, celebrate what you did well. Think about how to fix what doesn't work. Use the “casual acquaintance” training. To do this, come to a place where there are a lot of people and try to meet and communicate with complete strangers.
If the above methods do not help, then you need to seek professional psychological help. The expert will conduct all the required diagnostic tests, and if necessary, develop an action plan and tell you how to overcome modesty.
But it is necessary to fight this personal quality only when it becomes excessive. With moderate modesty, be proud of this feeling, remember that it is a person’s adornment.
— 2 reasons for excessive modesty. The opinion of psychologists.
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Psychologists believe that excessive modesty can arise due to the following reasons:
Genetics. Scientists talk about the existence of a gene for shyness. It manifests itself from birth in people with an unstable nervous system. upbringing. Improper upbringing and insufficient communication skills constrain a person and make him overly shy.
Psychological childhood trauma. As a result of the shock experienced in early childhood, many character traits suffer, and modesty is no exception.
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