Psychologists often compare successful relationships to a building. It can be built in different ways, but it is important that it always rests on a solid foundation. In the case of relationships, the foundation is formed from a mixture of two components: love and respect. Although they seem to be unconditional, it is possible and necessary to develop respect in a relationship, just like love. When any of these factors are missing, the building will collapse.
Unlimited trust
If there is respect in a couple, the partners adhere to the rules that were developed jointly. There is no need to control who met with whom and what they did. Of course, they want to introduce their significant other to their parents, they are interested in each other’s lives, but this has nothing to do with control, dependence on each other and prohibitions. And if a man suddenly begins to strongly interfere in his partner’s space, you should think about the fact that this is a red flag signaling a lack of respect.
Nothing to hide3
It's not just about not deceiving, not betraying and not lying. Sometimes partners are afraid to tell their loved one some bad news. They think they are doing a good thing because they don't want to stir up any worries. Sincerity in relationships is the basis. If a partner is not afraid to talk about problems or his own failures, this means that he trusts and is confident in the relationship. He knows that together with his half he can handle everything. This is also a sign that he respects his partner and takes her very seriously.
What kind of women do men respect and appreciate?
Hello dear ladies. I will be glad to see you on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rkirranov/
Why do the same men, under the same circumstances, respect some women, value them and perhaps not carry them in their arms, but behave bestially with others?
And such men are the overwhelming majority. (It is true that there are those who behave badly towards all women, but this is an overwhelming minority)
So why do men behave completely differently around women? Why are some women respected and valued, while others are not? What makes a man begin to respect and love his woman?
There are several reasons for this.
The first reason why a man appreciates and respects a woman is obvious - her self-respect.
Very briefly here. What common mistake do I notice in women?
Many beautiful ladies behave differently depending on what emotions they experience towards men..
If they don’t really like a man, they behave coldly towards him and do not show initiative. They can put him in his place if he starts to become arrogant and impudent.
If you like a man, then in some situations a woman can “swallow” the disrespect, and somewhere she begins to constantly call him. Read about which women men respect and how to achieve respect in the book “19 Mistakes with Men. How to make him respect and love you .
If the man is a “Prince”, the woman falls in love with him and then it begins…. Gives him gifts, spends all his money. She writes letters saying that she loves him. (and he doesn’t say or write anything like that). He begins to almost pester the man. He gives him a power of attorney for his car. He lets you live in his apartment. He endures rudeness and disgusting behavior from him, often even insults. And over time it may begin to contain it. Yes, understand, dear ladies. Your behavior should not have any dependence at all on whether you like the man a little or whether he is a “Prince” and you are head over heels in love with him. Your behavior and attitude towards a man should depend only on how much the man is in love with you.
That is the other way around.
If a man is head over heels in love and talks about it every day, then you can also confess your love. If he clearly likes you sexually and as a person, then try not to hurt the man with your feigned indifference and reciprocate his actions. (if you intend, of course, to develop a relationship) (For information on how to understand that a man is in love, read the article HERE .)
And if you are on the outskirts of a man’s attention, he is not particularly disposed towards you, then even if he is a billionaire, even a handsome man, even a “prince”, even the most charming and sexy man, you can’t even show that you are not only in love with him, but even that you are attracted to him.
Otherwise, the man will wipe his feet on you and drop his self-esteem to the floor. Do you need this? No, not this. Let it be as it should be. A man runs after a woman and if he runs well, he achieves her favor. We can discuss in detail how to do this at my Consultation .
Therefore, I will repeat. Your behavior should depend on the man's behavior. Your emotions have nothing to do with the matter. Whether you are in love or you like him a little does not matter. The mistake is so common that pay attention to the man’s behavior. (I’m writing about dating. But in fact, this could be a relationship even after 10 years of marriage)
And don’t imagine that his behavior contains something that speaks of his love when there is none. After all, some men are relatively polite and gallant with all women in a row. (it doesn’t matter whether he likes her or not) And the fact that he even handed you a coat and entertained you with jokes may not mean anything AT ALL. (you need to watch how he behaves with other women)
So, what kind of women do men respect, appreciate and ultimately fall in love with? Examples:
Women who simply do not allow themselves to be treated with disrespectful behavior. (without consequences, at least). And I repeat, it doesn’t matter whether the prince is in front of you or the guy from the next street. Read about the signs of disrespect and how it manifests itself in the series of articles “A man does not respect a woman. Signs of disrespect."
For example, a man is late for a date and didn’t even warn him on the phone that he was going to be late? A woman who respects herself simply packs her purse and leaves.
A man came on a first date, on March 8, on a birthday without flowers? She does not “swallow” his offensive behavior, but simply asks: “Why did you come without flowers, or at least without a flower, on the first date?” Then she doesn’t really listen to his objections, but sends him for flowers. (at best, or even just for a walk)
Did the man talk to her rudely? No, she will not remain silent. Depending on the stage of acquaintance, she either temporarily stops communicating with him, may not communicate at home (only everyday topics, as an option), or in another way that reaches the man, explains to him popularly that he cannot behave like that with her.
What does it lead to if a woman allows herself to be disrespected and “swallows” offensive behavior on the part of a man? To the point that the man becomes impudent and behaves worse and worse . After some time, his boorish behavior becomes a habit and breaking it becomes a difficult task. (Now, if a woman immediately tries to behave as in the examples above, there will be a huge scandal and the man can leave)
Such behavior by a man should not be tolerated under any circumstances. The easiest way to do this is at the very beginning, when a man does not yet have the usual behavior with a particular woman. He was rude and got turned away.
The second reason that men respect and value a woman is that a woman’s world is not closed to a man..
This is also a very important point, for some reason difficult to understand, as I learned during consultations and trainings.
People often ask me for some super magic words. Supposedly they exist, you just have to find them, pronounce them in front of a man, and the man will begin to love the woman, respect, appreciate, etc.
But usually (there are exceptions), it's not about the secret words, but about who says them. If a woman respects herself, if she is not focused on a man, then even not very successful words have a strong impact on a man. And vice versa, of course. If a woman does not respect herself, if all her attention is focused on a man (dependence in essence), then no matter what she says, everything is useless and will bounce away from him . Often, even hysterics, crying and other strong methods only work for a couple of days, or even hours.
When a man and a woman first met, the woman, as a rule, has a lot of interests other than the man. She has friends. She goes to dances, sports or something else. She is interested in communicating with relatives. She is interested in both this and that. And the man himself is often moderately interesting to her
And largely thanks to this, the man respects and appreciates her. (subject to the first point, of course)
In principle, I have written about this more than once or even ten times, but I constantly have to repeat this truth.
A man's respect for a woman is inversely proportional to her dependence on the man's life . (The man said “good”, which means she’s happy. If he said “bad”, she’s unhappy) He described this in great detail in the book “19 Mistakes with Men. How to make him love and respect you"
And, of course, vice versa. That is, a man’s respect for a woman is directly proportional to her interests and concentration of thoughts on something other than a man .
As soon as a woman’s emotional life is concentrated on a man, respect evaporates somewhere. Men immediately feel that you have no one and nothing except him. (I'm not talking about other men now) And he begins to behave disgustingly.
If you are only interested in talking about a man (it doesn’t matter whether it’s good or bad), if the whole environment is connected with the man (his friends, his relatives, and not your girlfriends), then very soon the man will stop respecting you.
I repeat that it doesn’t matter how you feel about a man. You don't have to call him. (although with addiction this is already difficult)
You can only criticize him during meetings.
You can also only criticize a man when meeting with friends.
You can even try to make him jealous of you. (If other men really interest you, then it might work.)
But all this will not work, if a woman is isolated on a man (70 percent of her thoughts are enough), then all other methods of influencing a man, which previously worked perfectly, stop working .
You may even have acquaintances and friends, but you are not interested in communicating with them. (except maybe on the topic of your man) You are not even interested in watching a movie.
(It’s better to let the man close in on you. And then you can ignore all his manipulations. After all, he won’t get away from you).
Then with the man it turns out like with some kind of “black hole”. It will become more and more difficult for a woman to concentrate on something other than a man. Your friends will simply cease to be interesting to you, and you to them. (Who wants to constantly hear about your man). Rest and entertainment, which previously brought great pleasure, will no longer bring it.
At some point, almost complete dependence on a man will come. He said something good, he was in a good mood. He said bad things, he was in a bad mood. The remaining events are neither particularly encouraging nor upsetting.
What to do? How can you make a man respect a woman more? How to make any influence techniques work well, even those not executed quite correctly?
The advice I give below is obvious. However, the difficulty is not in its execution, but in understanding how important it is for communicating with a man.
I'll say it again. Male psychology differs from female psychology in this matter very significantly.
That is, a woman cannot completely focus on a man and must necessarily have some interests other than him.
And don't say it's impossible. I have seen women who have 3-4 small children perfectly implement this strategy of influencing men.
So let's get to the tips.
First , look closely at what you are talking about with other people, what is it that piques your interest?
It is most important. You can still communicate quite a lot with other people, but if you are mainly interested in talking about your man, then your relationship with him is already in danger .
Secondly , look carefully at your social circle.
To what extent has he begun to be replaced not by your acquaintances, but by your man’s acquaintances (relatives, friends)?
Just yesterday you talked with your friends, your relatives and your work colleagues. But as the relationship with a man develops, this state of affairs gradually changes.
Maintaining the same social circle becomes almost impossible. The husband's parents, his friends, his acquaintances appear. And all of them are gradually replacing your friends, your acquaintances and relatives. But the time and energy for communication is not unlimited. (I’m already silent about when children are born, when there is very little free time)
And after some time, it happens that almost all YOUR communication is squeezed out, and you communicate almost only with friends and relatives of your “prince”.
It is clear that such a woman has a limited flow of new information and energy. She is already becoming dependent on the man.
After all, firstly, I repeat, she is no longer so interesting to him, since she does not have new information and independence. (“Darling, I went to see my friend, bye. Don’t forget to feed the baby.”)
Secondly, in the event of some kind of quarrel and conflict with a man, she is simply left with virtually no communication, and in fact, without energy and support. After all, all communication is not with her acquaintances. Almost all communication is with his acquaintances and they, accordingly, begin to meet only with him. (It only seems that you still have friends. After all, if you don’t maintain communication, then it gradually fades away.)
And, for example, a quarrel. The girl remains in an information vacuum, without the support of other people, she has no one to share or talk about her situation with.
This, of course, cannot be allowed. Try to foresee such a development of the situation in advance, since it is, in fact, standard. (That is, behavior when a woman focuses on a man and he begins to be rude, loses interest in her, etc.)
Therefore, try in advance to prevent the fact that your friends and acquaintances will be replaced by his acquaintances.
How to do it? In general, everything here is obvious, you just need to understand the rather strong danger for relationships of such actions.
The first thing is to simply maintain relationships with your friends and relatives.
It may seem to you that your man’s relatives, acquaintances and friends are much more courteous, friendly, cheerful, etc. than your girlfriends and relatives.
Maybe this is actually true. But this is his social circle, not yours. Accordingly, the “betterness” of his acquaintances is not at all a reason to stop communicating with them. Keep in touch with your people. Write them SMS, call them, wish them happy holidays, meet them, give them gifts and do everything you did before. You may not be able to meet as often, but never stop communicating completely.
The second thing is to constantly meet new people.
I don't know how old you are. However, as you get older, you will begin to understand one simple truth. There are very rarely girlfriends (and friends) with whom you can be friends from school until retirement. Such cases do happen. But more often the situation is different. With old girlfriends (friends), relationships reach a certain peak, are maintained for several years, and then gradually decline to some minimum.
No, you don't have to quarrel. It’s just that over time you start to communicate less and after a while, at best, you meet for birthdays.
And if so, if it is almost inevitable that old friends will leave sooner or later, then you need to regularly make new friends. Well, naturally, girlfriends do not arise from any acquaintance. You get to know 100 girls, 10 of them become good acquaintances, and 1 becomes a friend.
And if you don’t want to be left with an extremely small social circle in 5-10 years, then you need to constantly get to know other people.
Try to maintain some other interests in addition to communication.
Before writing, in fact, about obvious things, I will repeat myself once again. If you want a man to respect you, appreciate you, not be rude, and not leave the family, then you must definitely not focus on him , on his interests.
By definition, you then must have some other interests. And if you were already doing something before meeting a man (sports, books, something else), then continue doing it. This is the easiest way.
If not, then try to start. Here you will often need to try several times, since not everything will work.
The man will most likely hinder you. He will say that you spend too much time on something, and he doesn’t have enough time and attention.
However, as soon as you succumb to his persuasion, you are “caught.” After some time, a decrease in interest in you on his part is guaranteed. More or less depends on the situation, of course, but it will happen.
Third, remain attractive to other men..
A man always feels whether other men like his woman or not. And he respects and values those women who other men like much more. (other things being equal of course)
Example.
The girl met a man. She was overweight by about 8 kg, inability to dress and inability to communicate with people and men in particular.
The man talked to the girl, maybe not rudely, but somewhere on the edge. He didn’t really appreciate her, he could make borderline jokes (regularly and in the presence of other people), he flirted with other girls in her presence.
The girl began going to the gym with him. She lost 8 kg and met several girls at the gym. One of them was well versed in clothing. (not a professional, just curious). She helped her change her clothes a little to something that suited her better.
Plus, she constantly communicated with other girls; they began to communicate somewhere outside the gym, which gave her confidence.
After some time, men with much better qualities than her existing “prince” began to pay attention to the girl.
Aaand, lo and behold. He changed his behavior almost instantly. He began to treat the girl with respect. Stopped joking. Stopped flirting with other girls in her presence. He started calling her constantly, stopped being late, etc.
What happened?
Yes, the woman just became different. She became more valuable in the eyes of men. The man felt this and began to treat her much more respectfully. True, this no longer helped. She started dating someone else :).
If I had seen such a story alone, I would have thought that this was an exception. However, there are dozens and hundreds of them, and all are similar in plot. And a girl doesn’t always lose weight wearing them. But she always does something that attracts more men to her and of better quality.
And of course, the question is, what kind of men like you, besides him? If these are men who are roughly his equal in value in the market of men and women (income, self-confidence, communication skills, appearance, basic qualities) or higher, then the man will generally value the woman much more than if no one likes her. (Of course, even here you can ruin everything. If a woman is liked by princes, but is dependent on a man, then nothing will help)
It’s not for nothing that the phrase “got crazy” exists. That is, when a woman stopped taking care of herself, lost interest in everything except the existing man, often gained extra pounds, and one of the main things was that she lost the skill of communicating and flirting with men, lost confidence in communicating with men, etc. (And this is not a 100% rule. If a woman is independent of a man and knows how to satisfy his complex needs, then she can be liked even without a competitive appearance and ability to communicate)
I'm not suggesting you cheat on your man. I'm not even suggesting that you make him jealous.
Everything is much simpler. Try to look and act in a way that will continue to please men.
How to do it?
The answer is also simple. You need to communicate with other people besides him. Even with women, first of all.
Try to get interested in something (sports, painting, dancing, even working and raising children), and based on this hobby, form a circle of girlfriends and friends.
Don't try to make your girlfriends and friends into a pillow into which you need to complain about your troubles. Try not to blame your financial problems, problems in relationships with men, etc. on them. By such actions you will not only not attract friends, but the last ones will run away.
Where is the training in flirting, communicating with men, etc., you might ask?
If there is a social circle, then communication training occurs constantly. Learn to listen, learn to sometimes give compliments, give feedback, not criticize, help someone more with advice and support.
If there is a social circle, then men will definitely appear in it. Don't try to really flirt with them or seduce them. This is the main thing. As soon as you try to achieve at least some result, tension appears and it is usually immediately obvious that you want something. Therefore, communicate, even practice some techniques, but do not try to achieve something from a man. (even to please)
The main thing in communication is making efforts to maintain a wide circle of acquaintances. A wide circle of communication is practically impossible without some common interests. Expand your interests (not on the Internet), try not to burden people with problems, and your circle of friends will expand.
Only in such a circle of acquaintances will you be able to hone the art of communication. Only in a wide circle of diverse acquaintances will you be able to receive quick feedback on your actions. In a wide circle of acquaintances, men will definitely appear with whom you can flirt and practice some communication techniques. (Even if I repeat, you will only meet women)
So, let's repeat what kind of women men respect and appreciate.
First of all, you must respect yourself.
In two words, you should not ignore or let men treat you poorly. (And, of course, provoke, about which below) You must be able to live without a man. (even if it is worse financially and emotionally).
Secondly, you should not provoke this disrespect.
The most common reason is that a woman begins to pester a man some time after the start of falling in love. Writes to him when he clearly doesn’t want to communicate. Tries to talk about love when a man only expects that he likes him. Focuses on his life when a man wants a woman to have her own life.
Thirdly, a woman should devote some time and attention to objective indicators of her value . (not for a specific man, but for men in general)
Take care of your appearance, develop self-confidence, the ability to communicate, ultimately set the table, conduct small talk, etc. Read about how to become more confident in my book “How to become more confident in yourself in 3 months .
Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.
Listen to each other6
Of course, opinions do not always have to coincide. It is important, however, that partners always listen carefully to what the other person has to say. This is what distinguishes relationships in which respect reigns. A good partner listens and waits for the other to finish. But not only to immediately express your thoughts. Always pay attention to what your loved one said.
Always play fair7
In any relationship, arguments break out from time to time. This is not always a bad thing, sometimes it is they that allow you to strengthen relationships and move forward. Here we are not talking about whether it is worth fighting with ourselves at all, but about how partners do it. A partner full of respect will fight fairly, without blows below the belt, without offensive sayings and, of course, without physical violence. He will try to listen to the argument and respond reasonably - this is a great sign of respect. It’s easier to do everything and bang your head.
There is nothing more pleasant than knowing that your partner loves and respects you. But respect in a relationship can sometimes be more difficult to develop than love - but it can be more important. Love without respect turns into a selfish relationship that will never last much time and will certainly end in tears.
Pregnancy
Very often people are interested in how a husband should treat his pregnant wife. After all, during this period, a woman’s body is rebuilt. Some become calm, others become unbearably hysterical. How to behave?
The following tips will help a man maintain harmony during his beloved’s pregnancy:
- Pregnancy is not a disease. This should be remembered. But, as many people say, it’s easier to go to work with a cold. It should be remembered that during pregnancy a woman is most vulnerable. Therefore, it is recommended to be patient and not react violently to emotional changes.
- Again, pregnancy is not a disease. There is no need to worry over your wife like over a crystal vase. But it’s worth listening to the requests of pregnant women.
- Support and attention are what a pregnant woman needs. If the wife asks to go for an ultrasound and look at the baby, it is better for the husband to agree. And show interest in the unborn child. The woman will be pleased.
- The wife's hysterics and strange desires are a temporary phenomenon. As has already been said, they need to be endured. Do not threaten divorce under any circumstances, or leave the girl “in a position” alone.
- Less stress. The woman whom a man loves must be protected from any troubles during pregnancy. After all, the baby’s health depends on it!
All these tips will help a man show himself as a loving and attentive person. Of course, you shouldn’t forget about all the other features either. In principle, the key to success is:
- respect;
- attention and understanding;
- equality;
- ignoring some women's emotional outbursts;
- showing concern.
