Reason 1. There is no formed image of the man of your dreams
You haven't decided who you want in life. It’s like in a store: you come and don’t know what you want, the seller doesn’t know for you either. And what he offers will be to his personal taste.
It is worth writing a list of qualities that you want to see in your partner. Otherwise, you will continue to say that there are no worthy men around. Just take and decipher the abstract word “worthy”. Attention and the law of attraction work in such a way that as soon as you decide what you want, you immediately begin to notice it around you: a car of the brand and color you dream of, bags, boots, etc. And if you don’t notice worthy men around, it means that you simply haven’t developed an understanding, and there’s nothing to catch your attention on.
Assignment: decipher and write down for yourself the concept of “worthy man.”
First step
At the beginning of every relationship, the worst thing is to take the first step.
Of course, you don't always have to do it yourself. Most guys will prefer to take the initiative themselves. But if you see that the wait is dragging on, it’s better to take matters into your own hands. It’s very scary to come up and speak first, but this way you’ll immediately dot the i’s. He might like you, but he's shy. Maybe he's not interested in a romantic relationship with you - but then it's not worth wasting any more time on him, right?
When talking, don't be afraid to flirt. Flirting will help show him that you are interested. Use body language, lean towards him when talking, don’t be afraid to touch him unobtrusively, look him in the eyes, give compliments if he deserves them!
If you started communicating and you have common hobbies, but you still haven’t received an invitation to a date from him, take the initiative. After all, what do you have to lose? Choose a harmless excuse like a new movie or a concert of your favorite band.
Reason 2. Too strict limits
Sometimes strict criteria subconsciously benefit us in order to remain single. Because we are afraid of relationships like fire and raise the bar so that this does not happen to us. Yes, often the subconscious mind contradicts our conscious impulses.
When deciphering the qualities of a “worthy man,” try to avoid rigid boundaries based on hair and eye color, hobbies, and level of social status. Do not rush to measure manhood through the prism of money. It’s good if his income is not lower than yours, this is worth noting.
You don't have to be a complete match in temperament or opposites to be attracted like magnets. It is only important that your lifestyle and recreation at least approximately coincide in rhythm. Otherwise, you will face a lot of disagreements and complaints about lack of attention from one side or the other.
If you are not ready for an active holiday, it will be difficult to force yourself to fall in love with skiing or diving. It is enough to roughly outline your lifestyle together, where there is a common comfort zone in which you intersect. This could be playing with children, dancing classes, traveling or something else. You don't have to match everything.
Assignment: take a closer look at where you have squeezed a man’s dignity into the rigid framework of social status, money or something else. Loosen the stranglehold and write down those areas of life and recreation where you would like to intersect with him and have a common comfort zone.
Despair3
This point smoothly follows from the previous one. “Why don’t men get to know me?” – how often does this question flash through your head? Daily? Hourly? Every minute and every second?
Now there are so many gurus and coaches shouting about the power of thinking and negative attitudes, but things are still there.
If you continue to convince yourself that men don’t get to know you, no one needs you and your life is meaningless, everything will remain so. This will become your reality. Fresh, tasteless and slimy, like yesterday's oatmeal.
Advice about “letting go” really works. But it is not always possible to follow them.
You don't need to lie to yourself. It is pointless. You won't let go of the situation, putting on yourself a fake smile of being strong and independent.
Admit to yourself that you want a relationship. Male attention and adoration. Acknowledge and feel this desire. Visualize a picture of your future in which men are crazy about you. Savor this picture in detail.
Well done.
Now start taking action. But shift the focus from men and returning your ex (or taking revenge on him) to yourself.
Reason 3. Your own contribution to the relationship is unclear
There is a chance to meet an interesting person and feel the most ridiculous way: shy, blush. And in a relationship, you constantly feel the fear that he will leave you and find a more worthy woman.
You have already compiled a list of qualities. Now take a closer look at how much you yourself correspond to what was declared and what you will share. This will create a great plan for personal development. Otherwise, the list of desired advantages of a potential partner is usually much longer than his personal contribution to the relationship.
There is no need to mirror here: if he earns 200 thousand, then I need the same amount. And you shouldn’t go from the opposite: if he earns money, then I will look after the house. Just write down a separate list of your strengths and skills, what you will share, about warmth and care, massage and courage, about interesting conversations and a sense of humor, also write about the salary of a doctor or company director, if you don’t spend everything on yourself.
Assignment: write a list of your own strengths and skills that you are willing to invest in a relationship. To maintain balance, let the size of this list be no shorter than the requirements for a man.
What to do if you want a guy but can't find one
Most likely, you just think that you are not able to find a boyfriend. This is easier to do than it seems. First, clearly define what exactly you want and what your boyfriend should be like:
- high or low;
- brunette or blond;
- humorous or very serious
- a homebody or party animal;
- a good athlete or a person far from sports;
In general, try to draw an image of your future chosen one. It’s not for nothing that they say that thoughts are visualized.
When you analyze the qualities of your chosen one, try not to use the particle “not”: “was not”, “was not attracted”, “was not a member”. If you want to find a person who does not drink, write specifically “teetotaler.”
Once the list is complete, read it out loud and wait. Remember: you can’t change anything on the list. The process has started and you will get exactly what you dreamed of. But making a list doesn't mean you just have to sit still. You need to socialize more and attend parties and other events.
Reason 4. “I want to be loved and given gifts”
The wisest thing to do would be to write how you feel around him. So that it doesn’t turn out that he is all beautiful and loving, and you are cold, but are afraid of losing him. It happens that those who love us are not at all interesting to us. Order not only to be loved, but also to feel the feeling of love. Look at your image - how you want to be next to him.
Often the “orders” of worthy men are taken by girls disappointed in love, who, due to past bad experiences, forbid themselves to love. If your heart is closed to love because of past scars, then even the most worthy man will not make you happy.
Assignment: write what feelings you want to experience next to a man and whether you are ready to open your heart again. If you have closed your heart, then all female sensuality and magnetism have lost their strength and charm. We will work with this in the next task.
You constantly whine about your loneliness7
And about your problems. And how life is unfair. Don't put your finger in your mouth - let me whine!
Men fall in love not with their butts, not with their breasts, or even with beautiful eyes. They fall in love with emotions, with the state in which they are next to you.
If you constantly walk around with an aggressive-depressive expression on your face, it is unlikely that men will approach you to get to know you.
If you are in the company of people of the opposite sex constantly whining about your failures in your personal life, do not hope that the situation will improve. It’s unlikely that your friends will want to solve the riddle from the series “Why do men run from her like fire?”
A pathetic loser stuck in the image of a victim is very unattractive. Not sexy. Doesn't beckon. Doesn't attract.
Speak to your girlfriends about your failures, but don’t get carried away. Otherwise, you will lose them too - few people like to be a snotty vest for tears.
Stop posting thoughtful quotes about loneliness. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop whining!
Well, you're shedding tears again and reaching for a piece of pizza!
Reason 5. Belief that fate has decreed it this way
You don’t need to think that the absence of the man of your dreams next to you is a punishment for some offenses from a past life, that fate or karma decreed it this way. Every time we complain about fate and show excessive fatalism, we throw off responsibility for what is happening in life. Because of this, the chances of changing something are reduced.
All people on the planet are worthy of love. At any age you can fall in love and become loved, be it a completely new person or someone with whom you have been together for 20 years. To do this, you need to revive your feelings and your own heart.
Task: close your eyes. Remember all the partners who have been in your life and thank them from the bottom of your heart for the experience and for your personal spiritual growth, for your maturation. What do you feel in the center of your chest? If there is pain, unpleasant sensations, then remember whether there was a moment when you forbade yourself to love. You told yourself that you would never love again. What happens in the center of the chest? How has your breathing changed? Thank your pain too - it only tells you that your attention and awareness are needed in this place.
You're not interesting2
Hard?
Maybe. For gentleness, go to your friends. They will reassure you and tell you that everything is okay. We intend to get to the bottom of the truth.
What can you offer a man besides good looks?
Do you have hobbies or hobbies? Are you burning with some goal, a dream? Now we are not talking about marshmallow castles in the air or beautiful pictures from magazines that you drool over. Do you have any goal in life that you are running towards with burning eyes?
Is there anything to talk to you about? Can you joke and understand jokes?
A cute face and seductive shape are great. But if this is your only resource, you can’t count on a serious relationship.
Dress smarter, go to a party. They will get to know you. But what will come of this communication if you have nothing behind your soul?
You must have your own ground under your feet. In addition to the fact that this will attract worthy men into your life, it will protect you from becoming obsessed with your partner.
If you don’t have your own friends, hobbies and just fucking plans for the evening, then you’ll grab the poor guy by the throat so that he won’t be able to breathe.
You will forgive him anything, throw tantrums and be jealous of everything that moves. Because you are simply not interested in yourself. So why should a man be interested in you?
Don’t shift responsibility for your life to some abstract guy.
Take care of your appearance now. Get used to daily self-care. Love him. Enjoy this and yourself. Otherwise, later, when the man becomes yours, you will relax and become the same unkempt, depressive phlegm that you were.
Chat with people, make friends and acquaintances. Both sexes.
Develop yourself, set goals and achieve them. You should literally ooze positive energy. At least for my own sake. And the men will catch up on their own.
Reason 6. Don't love yourself
If you harbor feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or exceptionalism, then there are hidden benefits to why you are subconsciously reluctant to enter into a new relationship or make your current relationship healthy.
Relationships will reveal pain points even more. If you are alone, you can still be in illusions and false beliefs that “there are no worthy men around”, “men were crushing”, “all this is not for me”, “I’d rather pursue a career, and a better specimen will turn up at a new level.”
If you believe in your exclusivity, that there is no suitable partner for someone like you, then imagine that there are more than 7 billion people on planet Earth. And at least a few or several thousand people should definitely fit your parameters.
In a healthy relationship, we don't lose ourselves in the other person. Otherwise, there will be a lot of complaints later: “I’m here for you, and you...”, “Yes, I could have done so much,” “I wasted my best years,” and other regrets. Everything else will be an addiction, a neurotic connection, a desire for someone big and strong to plug the gaping hole of self-dislike in the chest. So, of course, we start with it.
Love between people is always a balance between one’s own fulfillment, gaining strength and investing in another person and the relationship. We cannot receive or give love, but we can create it inside and around us so that this energy-information field nourishes us, our thoughts, actions and projects.
The best manifestation of self-love is self-knowledge. If you are already doing this, then you are interesting to yourself. Love as the energy of connection will help transform all your contradictions into a single whole. Ideally, give a task to implement for each side of your “I”.
For example, Masha the shocking girl goes to strip plastic, Masha the clever one writes a book, Masha the mother makes steamed gluten-free cutlets for her children. And all this is one person. It would be great for all of your subpersonalities to find one thing to do, but this is a separate conversation for the highest level of self-knowledge.
Assignment: Write out and hang on the refrigerator a list of the things that bring you joy so that you and your family know how to express their love for you in action.
What's next?
I hope you no longer wonder “How to find a man?”
You have done everything that was required of you: you realized what you want, clearly formulated your order and created your list.
“What next?” - you ask.
There are two options.
Option #1. Liberation
You can turn working with your list into a real ritual.
- Choose a special day and time;
- Read the entire list with anticipation that soon this ideal will burst into your life and you will be together;
- Burn this sheet of paper. As soon as your request turns into ashes, you can be sure that the Universe has already begun to attract your man to you;
- “Release” the ashes. You can bury it in the garden or scatter it in the wind.
If you don't like the idea of burning, you can roll the sheet into a tube, tie it to a balloon and release it into the sky. Imagine: your order is being sent into the Universe right now!
On the subject: How can a woman reduce the importance of desire when attracting love?
Option #2. Storage
There is another way to work with a list. You can put it in a box or a beautiful holiday envelope and hide it somewhere in the apartment. Find a cozy shelf for your box or envelope, or hide it in your closet under your clothes.
By the way! You can re-read your miracle list from time to time, experiencing positive emotions and feeling high vibrations. Imagine your loved one in all its glory with all the described qualities. Feel how good you are, how great you are having time together.
Reason 7. Don’t start a relationship until you have resolved all your psychological problems and blocks
There are fit girls who are obsessed with their appearance - you know them very well. I also regularly encounter girls whom I call “cute little girls.” They are passionate about their spiritual development and inner beauty. Self-knowledge has led them to the point that they know everything about blocks and negative beliefs. But true growth and self-discovery only happen when we take action. Otherwise, all good ideas turn into a concrete slab, and the energy with enthusiasm goes out and turns into a swamp.
Thus, self-knowledge occurs not only through studying oneself, but also always through action and manifestation of oneself in the world. Actually, this is what all adequate technologies have been created for.
Enlightenment is good. But a new dangerous belief may be born that until you have worked through all your blocks, it is better not to meet with anyone at all. Otherwise there is only pain, lessons, etc. Deferred value, just like with fit girls: when I have an ideal figure, everything will work out.
So many developmental sweethearts are buried in their own shadow side, trying to heroically clear out the Augean stables of the past, work out relationships with mom and dad, heal generic programs, wind the power of the family on their finger and, having washed themselves off like the brownie Kuzya, with all the best dowry from their grandparents rush to your chosen one. Don’t do this - the process of self-knowledge and self-improvement never ends. And we get to know ourselves most quickly in relationships.
Knowing how to work through blocks in an environmentally friendly way, without flirting with spirituality, is necessary in order to quickly return to real action, not after a year or two of “cleansing depression,” but a day or two after failure.
Task: check the balance between self-development and specific actions, steps towards relationships.
Reason 8. No concrete actions
You can meditate and visualize as much as you want, but if you avoid the real and simplest actions on the path to success in any field, it will not happen.
Relationship coaches and trainers recommend that single people go on dates at least three times a week. Some even talk about creating a funnel of men based on the type of marketing and gradually filtering them out. I wouldn’t say that such a systematic approach is necessary, but it works for the desperate.
If you avoid dating sites, then you are missing out on a huge number of opportunities. Many good couples met on the Internet. There are very busy and interesting people that you simply may not find in public places.
The task is the simplest and most difficult at the same time: at least three dates a week.
Thoughtful image
Critically analyze your appearance. This does not mean that you need to look for the slightest flaws and acquire complexes. Even the models on magazine covers are not perfect. But it doesn’t hurt to think about what you can change in your appearance to become more attractive to the opposite sex.
Agree, you also don’t like sloppily dressed and unkempt men. Therefore, try to create an image that will highlight your strengths and hide possible shortcomings.
If you consider yourself ugly or fat (which is actually wrong!), try to work on your appearance. Skillful makeup and a good hairstyle can work wonders, as can a well-chosen wardrobe. In fact, this does not require huge expenses, and on the Internet you can find a lot of advice on image and style. Just choose what feels close to you so it feels natural.
A gym membership and regular exercise will not only help you stay in shape, but will also increase your chances of quickly finding a good guy!
Reason 9. Repeated scenarios and similar partners
For example, we broke up with a previous partner who drank. The next one appeared, at first everything seemed to be fine, but then it turned out that he also drinks or even (oh horror!) became an alcoholic next to you.
What is the reason? Most likely, you did not see the lessons and opportunities for personal growth that came along with this person. Or you broke up very badly.
Here I recommend looking at your purpose and karmic tasks, which still exist, but not to punish you, but to stimulate your constant development: so that, based on your strengths, you develop your weaknesses and move towards integrity. And external circumstances only help this and reflect the inner world. And if you see where and in what ways people and circumstances help you develop personally, it will become easier to end painful relationships and start new healthy relationships.
When we leave with gratitude and acceptance, we are more likely to meet a more worthy match. Not long ago, agencies even appeared that create beautiful divorce ceremonies, no worse than weddings.
Assignment: End previous relationships with gratitude, at least in your head. You can say thank you for many things: for the time of the person next to you, for the experience.
How important it is to be friendly
Any person enjoys communicating with those who are open and friendly.
It is enough to smile at a chance meeting, wave your hand from afar, or invite him to sit next to you. These gestures are not obligatory to anything, but they definitely let him know that you are pleased to be around and exchange at least a few words with him.
Gone are the days when a girl had to show her indifference with all her might in order to win a guy. Who wants to communicate with a frowning princess?
Try not to confuse friendliness with availability. Just be kind and conducive to communication with those around you.
Conversations, even short ones, are an important part of a budding relationship. It’s not enough to just say hello and then look away and stare at your smartphone. Try to use every meeting as an opportunity to exchange at least a couple of phrases with him: ask him about the movie premiere or what he is going to do this weekend. Such harmless topics will help you stop feeling awkward and afraid to take the first step.
Reason 10. Yes, but not the one
People often come to astrologers and fortune tellers with questions about compatibility in a couple. Not with the question of what and how can be improved in a relationship, but rather “is this person even right for me?” Like, look at the photo: what will happen to us next, how long will we be together, is this a serious relationship?
If a person asks this, it means there are two reasons:
1. He doesn’t know himself well and what he needs.
2. Not ready to invest in a relationship.
But I equally dislike questions like this and when they program people by telling them what will happen to them and how. Because serious relationships arise between people who are serious about each other, and not by themselves.
The question “is this man right for me?” cunning and funny. Look, he has already approached you, very close, very close. Every person is neither a friend nor an enemy, but a teacher. And he came to teach something, show something.
If our vibrations are completely different, we will not meet and get closer, we will pass by. Each partner who evoked feelings and hormones in us was suitable for us, showing one or another part of our character, and gave us the most necessary experience.
And if there is a person next to you with whom there are certain problems, instead of looking for something better on the outside right now, take a closer look at what you can do for the current relationship. And if you have done 300% everything possible, then you can part with a calm soul, a pure heart and a feeling of gratitude.
This way, your chances of meeting a more worthy person will increase significantly, because you have serious intentions and you yourself have grown head and shoulders above in previous relationships.
Assignment: take a closer look at whether you have done everything possible for your current relationship.
Where can I meet a man for a serious relationship?
So, you are determined to meet your betrothed, then go for it! Just don’t make the common mistake of all girls and go in search of your destiny in a club or other nightlife establishments. Young people come there not to look for a wife, but for entertainment for the night.
The same can be said about holiday romances. There are, of course, exceptions to the rules, but it’s better not to risk it. You can meet your destiny with friends at a party or seduce a colleague at work, but you can consider other options for search areas.
A dog is man's friend
If you love animals, then without wasting time, go looking for and purchasing a pet. You can’t even imagine that a puppy can become not only your true friend, but also help you find your destiny.
Photo by Victor Grabarczyk on Unsplash
The dog requires proper attention: necessary vaccinations, walks in the morning and evening, training. The last point involves visiting cynological centers, exhibitions and competitions, where there is a high chance of meeting a cute four-legged lover.
Sports objects
The trend of a healthy lifestyle has been gaining unprecedented momentum lately. Fitness clubs and swimming pools are good places to look.
- Firstly, you will know for sure that your future chosen one has no bad habits.
- Secondly, your body will thank you very much, and even teenage girls will envy your figure.
As you can see, there are only advantages. By the way, jogging in the morning is also encouraged, because while jogging in the park you can also accidentally meet a potential soulmate.
Foreign language courses
Sign up for prestigious courses in English (Chinese, French, etc.) and kill two birds with one stone.
- Firstly, you will raise your own level of development, because an employee with knowledge of a foreign language is always a priority.
- Secondly, you will have the opportunity to make acquaintances with serious men who attend such courses mainly out of necessity, i.e. one can immediately draw conclusions: either the young man is taking leaps and bounds up the career ladder, or his income allows him to freely travel around the world.
In any case, you will make wonderful acquaintances and connections, even if the romance does not start.
Trainings, scientific seminars
Never refuse business trips and all kinds of business events at work: conferences, advanced training courses, trainings and forums. They usually send not just anyone, but serious and purposeful representatives of the business world.
Training
It must be said that a common cause noticeably unites. And the woman in this case is in a winning situation - you can safely initiate an acquaintance and be sure that you will be perceived as an assertive businesswoman, unaware of your true intentions.
The publication
If a woman lives according to the “work-home-work” principle, then you shouldn’t hope for a miracle and wait for a meeting with the prince. First, force yourself to leave the house and go to crowded places:
- exhibitions of paintings or photographs;
- themed parties;
- concerts and festivals;
- book clubs;
- rally and horse racing.
You can start visiting clubs of similar interests. It’s clear that you’re unlikely to meet your loved one at a beading course, but if you decide to take a parachute jump, your chances increase significantly. There are also go-karting, rock climbing, fishing, cycling and much more.
Dating websites
Whatever one may say, during a time of complete shortage of free time for personal life, most people prefer to look for their destiny on the Internet. Among those registered on dating sites, the percentage of men with serious intentions is close to 15-20. Of course, there is a big risk of running into a loser or just a swindler, but there is still a chance to meet a normal man.
Dating app Tinder
Fill out the form indicating reliable data, your interests and adequate requirements for applicants. The main thing is to learn from correspondence at the initial stage of dating to identify scammers and those who need a relationship for a couple of nights. Read more about meeting a man on a dating site in our article.
