Our beautiful ladies often say the following phrases: “It’s easier for men to find a woman than for us to find a man!”, “If I were a man, all the women would be mine!”, and so on. These are some of those pathetic remarks that women utter when they drink motherwort in the pose of a dying swan
Of course, it's not easy being a woman. But the man is not at all a cross between God and a wizard in a blue helicopter. He is an ordinary person, he also faces difficulties in his life. We do not mean obstacles on the way to the goal. We are talking about objective difficulties that can never be completely overcome.
Such difficulties haunt a man in his personal life. If you look into it, it turns out that finding a woman is not so easy for a man. There are five main reasons that prevent this. We'll talk about them.
Introspection
My personal life is not working out... What should I do? Try to find your answer in this list. Each reason has its own specific analysis in order to find a solution to the problem. But when the essence of the issue is clear, the solution comes much easier.
Obsession gets in the way
Basically, this condition is typical for girls. Why is the girl’s personal life not working out? Because starting a family at any cost - this thought occupies her entire essence. In this case, every representative of the opposite sex becomes a potential husband for her. But, unfortunately, after a few meetings, men suddenly disappear from her life. This is no coincidence.
Focus on this issue introduces some haste into the relationship. Every person wants to love and be loved. It takes time to get to know each other better, to give the opportunity to feel and understand what kind of person is in front of you, to communicate, to find common interests and goals.
In this case, a situation is created when a man, on a subconscious level, feels that he is being rushed into marriage, into starting a family. And then he tries to quickly free himself from the imposed relationship and leaves.
What reasons prevent a girl from finding her beloved?
- the girl's desire to please. The guy is used to winning the favor of the opposite sex himself;
- conversations about marriage and planning for children. This often scares and pushes a guy away. He is more interested in communicating with a girl, her attention, some intrigue in the relationship. If this is not the case, he leaves;
- excessive openness and sincerity. Guys lose interest in such girls.
Don't worry if your personal life isn't working out. Try to live for yourself, enjoy freedom, stop persistently searching for a life partner, and then the guy himself will notice you and try to win your attention.
What will society say?
If nothing in life works out, people wonder what could be the reason? Public opinion plays an important role in this problem. Young people over 25 years old are asked questions about the causes of loneliness, which leads to the emergence of a number of complexes:
- something is wrong with me;
- I will remain alone forever;
- I have an overly critical attitude towards the opposite sex.
Questions from others and their “advice” can cause a lot of negative emotions and even depression. Therefore, if your personal life is not working out, you should not listen to the opinion of society. It would be more correct to listen to yourself, to your desires and feelings.
Lack of privacy. How to live with the knowledge that you will remain alone forever?
How else can I understand that a person so freely told me that it was time to get married, that it would be nice to go on vacation with someone, to take a walk? I jokingly kept up the conversation, we discussed his imaginary wife, his bachelor life.
This can be understood as his trust in you, as the fact that he felt free with you, was not afraid and could talk to you as if he were a friend. I think this is a good start. Love intimacy does not always begin with passion, especially in adulthood, especially for someone who has some reason to avoid relationships.
Does this mean that he initially did not even consider me as a possible candidate for a relationship, since he discussed this with me?
Perhaps he did not consider you as a candidate, and is not considering you now. But this does not mean that at one point he will not want to consider you in this capacity. Of course, this doesn’t mean that he wants to... It just seems to me that you are drawing a somewhat categorical conclusion about why he doesn’t write to you, the reasons for which may be different
This is what I pay attention to, Anna. You write:
But 2 weeks have passed and nothing has changed. He stopped writing to me altogether. Me too.
This sentence can be formulated differently: “I stopped writing altogether. And so does he.”
He said about himself that he was a terrible introvert, that it was time for him to get married, that he had no girlfriend. He is very calm and does not like large companies. He always corresponded very politely and easily. I didn’t write first often, but I still wrote. He always responded to all messages immediately, not in very detail. But as I understand it, he is generally a man of few words.
And so our correspondence lasted more than six months; at work we met at most once a week. He talked nicely, but didn’t invite me anywhere. And I waited. He is 35 and has never been married. And as colleagues said, in 10 years of work they only know about one of his relationships.
Considering the way you describe him, one cannot expect any initiative from him. Apparently, he is not very proactive not only with you. Perhaps that is why he does not have a relationship (and perhaps in this you are similar to him?).
It seemed to me that he got used to me, got used to my ugliness and would soon decide to go on a date. But no.
You were proactive at the beginning of your communication. Why did they suddenly expect initiative from him now? And why should he start showing it? Just because you think it’s time?
Then I invited him to walk together to a new store at lunch, just to be curious. He agreed. We walked and talked, everything seemed fine. It seemed to me that he might want to go somewhere else for lunch with me. But 2 weeks have passed and nothing has changed. He stopped writing to me altogether. Me too.
On what basis did you conclude that he would no longer want to go anywhere with you? You didn’t invite him anywhere else, did you? And he himself is unlikely to invite you... And he may stop writing for various reasons. Especially considering that you have been communicating together for a long time, why should your appearance turn him off right now?
The reason that he does not write to you may be that he is not ready for a relationship in principle, perhaps he is afraid of it (and this is not so uncommon among both men and women). As you understand, then it’s not about your appearance at all, but about increasing intimacy, which can be scary.
Or he may be waiting for your initiative, and remain silent for the same reason as you.
Or he may think that he didn’t like you for some reason (since you no longer write or invite anyone).
There may be other reasons, but these are all speculations. How it really is can only be understood by communicating with him.
If acquaintances were made, during which communication ceased, I would think that the person and I were not suitable for each other in terms of some personal qualities, views on the world, or tastes. But they don’t get to know me! There is no opportunity to reveal yourself.
I have an ugly face due to problems with my bite.
I understand that everyone is put off by my face.
Sometimes women come to see me with a non-standard, unusual appearance - in my opinion, very attractive, if not beautiful - but who consider themselves unattractive, and almost ugly. It happens that men come who are handsome as men, but who, for some reason unknown to them, do not have relationships, they suffer from loneliness.
And, I am sure that you personally know people whose appearance is very far from what is considered beautiful, but who are doing well in their relationships. There are many such people.
I live with the hope that I will meet a person for whom spiritual beauty will be more important than appearance. Men never paid attention to me.
Anna, you are dreaming the impossible. Appearance is not important, except perhaps for a blind person (and that’s a question).
(And for you, a man’s appearance is not at all important? Are you ready to establish a close relationship with a man of any appearance, “the main thing is that the person is good”?)
But appearance is not the reason for the absence of a relationship. Attitude to appearance is a very subjective thing: what is ugly for one person is beautiful for another. This applies even to rather extreme forms.
Therefore, Anna, if they don’t approach you, if at the age of 30 you are not in a relationship, and have always suffered from lack of choice, loneliness, then the reason for this must be sought in something else, and not in appearance.
In the way you treat men, relationships, and most importantly, yourself.
The main reason, in my opinion, is my appearance. When I used to go for a walk with my friends, we would just sit somewhere in the park or walk down the street, guys would come up to them to introduce themselves, but not me. That is, outwardly, I did not pass their selection. People like me initially have less chance of meeting each other, because communication simply doesn’t happen, we’re not chosen.
I will tell you a terrible secret of men: we men choose those women who first chose us. If you observe nature, you will notice that nature works the same way (the female chooses the male, and not vice versa).
A man can, of course, have his own tastes, and if he takes an active position, he also chooses someone and not someone (“We choose, we are chosen. How often this does not coincide...”). But the rapprochement is initiated by the woman (otherwise the man will turn into a rapist who ignores that he was not chosen).
Anna, look at your relationship from this point of view.
A person who is embarrassed by his appearance often seems to be “hiding” from view; he both desires attention and is afraid of it, and therefore internally he is rather closed, “does not sound”, he is “not visible” to others. They don’t choose him not because he is so ugly or bad, but because they don’t notice him, he doesn’t attract anyone because he doesn’t choose anyone. It's like he's not there. I repeat that we are not talking about appearance, but about psychological state, about readiness for contact, about the degree of openness, about personal initiative, about showing your attitude, sympathy, affection, interest.
I ask myself how to move on without losing optimism and faith?
Anna, perhaps your optimism, faith and enthusiasm will increase if you leave your appearance alone (what does not depend on you!) and try to look for the reasons for your unhappiness in relationships in what depends on you.
Appearance is a given. But behavior, a way of living, a way of entering into relationships (including with yourself) is not a given, and it depends on you. This means that this can be changed.
Draw conclusions
The main thing is to fight self-pity. Renounce the grievances that you have accumulated towards the whole world and others. Find your own mistakes and try to correct them. Wrong choice of a partner, jealousy, uncompromisingness, inflated demands - all this leads to the fact that you are once again subject to disappointment.
Decide for yourself which relationships suit you and which ones you don’t want to enter into? What actions are you willing to do for the sake of love and a happy relationship? Are you ready to change your character for the sake of your loved one?
Give a frank, objective assessment of yourself, your character, your aspirations and desires. And then you will understand what your mistakes are and try to change your life for the better.
Reason #1 for bad luck - bitter experience of the past and fears
Do you remember the saying: “I get burned on milk, but it blows on water”? Who among us did not fall in love in our youth? Who among us has not suffered from unrequited love? It was then that this stupid confidence took root that “they are all the same.” This is a kind of program written into the subconscious to protect us in the future. Nature takes care of us in this way, protects us. But sometimes this defense mechanism plays a cruel joke.
And every time fate gave us another chance, we, without realizing it, refused it. It would be more correct to say that our fears did this for us.
But they fell in love again! But the weight of previous mistakes hung like a stone around my neck. Not allowing you to forget about the past pain for a second and therefore the failures are repeated.
Vicious circle
When you forget about everything in the world, just to find the desired life partner, you disrupt the natural course of events, introduce some kind of rush into your life, and begin to enter into one relationship or another.
Here it is important to stop and think, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start loving yourself. Calm down and understand that in order to build harmonious relationships you need to work on their quality. If you are not ready for this, get a better career, organize a trip, take a break, try to realize yourself in some area.
Reason #4 - life is unfair!
“Why am I having no luck in my personal life with men, help!” - What is this - a cry for help, or banal self-deception? Many complain that “life is unfair to them” and “that there are no “normal” men on their way.” For some reason, women in this area are more likely to complain. Men also have enough problems, but somehow they carry more and more of them within themselves.
Why isn't life fair? It is not always so. Often, we ourselves are not ready to let strangers into our lives, even those chosen by our hearts. Because by this moment life for 99% of those “complaining” had already somehow developed and settled down.
There is a crazy fear of losing freedom. The need to wash and cook (not only for yourself, your loved one!). Understanding that you will have to give up: carefree bachelor get-togethers with friends. From watching football matches in favor of the series and vice versa. From ingrained habits, etc. “It is much more profitable and convenient to love at a distance,” your subconscious, or your “ego” dictates to you...
How to find a new path
Achieving success in life is difficult, tireless work. To do this, you often have to change your beliefs and reconsider stereotypes. Is it possible to find a person with whom you will live your whole life? Yes, it's real. But only this requires constant work throughout your life, overcoming misunderstandings, forgiving shortcomings and appreciating virtues.
It is important to be able to take responsibility for your actions and make decisions. Don't be afraid of anything new, let go of the old, unusable. A person creates his own happiness, without expecting help from his chosen one.
Having made the appropriate conclusions, reconsidering your attitude to life and to issues of love, marriage and family, you will certainly thoroughly study the mechanics of happiness and find the formula for long-lasting harmonious relationships.
Methods for dealing with bad luck in your personal life
Now I want to give advice that is a dime a dozen on the Internet. The most interesting thing is that they are distributed right and left by those who themselves do not have a family, who do not have children, but they “understand a lot” about why they have no luck in their personal lives with men)))
When I read their recommendations, I clutch my head because someone will read this. Will take and follow these tips. Do you know what will happen?
You will be like a squirrel in a wheel spinning from one partner to another! From one relationship to another. And at this time the cats will scratch your soul. And there will still be no light in life.
This is what “smart” and “advanced egoists” without a family advise.
Reasons for unsuccessful personal lives in men and how to deal with them
Why do beautiful, smart and worthy men complain about their unfulfilled lives? Men who have failed in past relationships feel disappointed. This fact lowers self-esteem and creates an inferiority complex, leading to isolation.
Men are usually happier in new relationships because the experience of past mistakes tells them how to behave correctly. If the man himself was not the initiator of the complications and breakdown of the relationship, then he has nothing to fear and can safely go in search of a new companion, believing that the winding path of testing and preparation for a new happy life has been completed.
Men are afraid of losing freedom, many believe that women are materialistic, and this also scares them. Past failure in relationships causes self-doubt.
But it is necessary to remember that all these reasons are not an obstacle to new relationships. Psychologists advise men to choose women who are age-appropriate, mature, modest, well-mannered and intelligent. Take a closer look at your new girlfriends, study their behavior and then just make a choice.
Reason #3 - your thoughts
All our thoughts have an addressee. Space, the universe reads all our thoughts and answers us. Think about how many positive thoughts are born in your head every day? “Where can I get money”, “Credit...”, “She’s sick again...”, “Yes, this job...”, etc., etc.
And only in the evening, after a shower, until sleep finds you, lonely and broken, in a chair in front of the TV with a glass of something... for some reason one single thought gets stuck in your throat: “Why am I so unlucky in my personal life with men?!”
Yes, because you are not doing it seriously and systematically! We were taught to look for work. They taught me how to get a job, but they didn’t teach me how to look for or manage my personal life. It is believed that it should somehow grow together by itself. Well, isn't it funny?
Reasons for unsuccessful personal lives in women and how to deal with them
To the above reasons for the unsuccessful personal life of women, one should add the expectation of a rich groom. This misconception leads to the fact that the level of expectations from relationships very soon brings deep disappointments. If you want to create a strong relationship, you need to take into account that both partners will contribute to the material component. And then there will be no unnecessary expectations and resentment.
A woman may also experience fear of psychological and physical intimacy. A woman is not able to open her soul to a man. For her, time is important in order to become closer spiritually, overcome fear and gain trust in the chosen one.
All problems of relations between the sexes are solvable and painless if there is a high feeling of love between them: it both educates and neutralizes fears and doubts, and finally, it brings long-awaited happiness and harmony.
Reason #5 - sacrifice, low self-esteem
One of the good reasons for breaking up a relationship, if one suddenly appears, is excessive sacrifice! “I am everything to him... and he?...” Or “What was he missing? I left my friends for him, and...” - sound familiar? Have you already heard it somewhere?
Or maybe it wasn’t worth sacrificing yourself on the sacrificial altar of love at all? Maybe you shouldn’t “do everything for him) and nothing for yourself?
One of the reasons that “there is no change on the personal front” is that as soon as people begin to develop more or less normal relationships and everything gets better for them, one of the partners will definitely begin to try on the mask of a sacrificial doe. For what??? You are loved for who you are! And this happiness must be cherished like the apple of your eye. Remember - low self-esteem is the enemy of a happy personal life.
Loneliness, lack of personal life, depression, feeling trapped - all these are links in the same chain. Agree, it is unlikely that if a person has a full personal life, he will feel lonely. Often depression is a consequence of a breakup.
Esoterics and personal life
In this article you will learn:
Relationships, personal life - different people associate these words with different things. For some, it warms the heart with pleasant memories. But for some it only causes sadness and melancholy.
Interpersonal relationships have always been hard work for both parties. Especially after the first time of falling in love has passed. For many people, this becomes a common cause of breakup. There are many subtleties in this matter, and I will talk about the most unobvious of them in the article.
Esoterics is a very multifaceted science, so to speak. With the help of various esoteric techniques and practices, you can influence almost any area of life and activity.
Personal life is no exception, be it problems with your significant other, or any other part of it.
It has been said many times that life is not only the material and physical components, but the intangible part as well. Spiritual, emotional, energetic. By giving preference to one part and completely ignoring the other, it will be very difficult for you to achieve harmony, and, therefore, happiness.
Therefore, along with physical actions aimed at maintaining good relationships or improving well-being, try to perform certain practices that will improve the metaphysical component of your personal life. I will talk about some of them below, and you can find some on my website here.
Partner requirements
Many of those who have problems in their personal lives are true idealists. They want their partner to be ideal and fit all the parameters. But does this happen? Does it make sense to write a list of qualities of an ideal partner? Yes, perhaps a few people out of 7.5 billion will fit your requirements, but is it likely that you will meet them? Parents often help compile such a list. Mom worries why her son’s personal life is not working out, but at the same time she doesn’t like each of his chosen ones. She sees a lot of shortcomings in them and immediately reports them to her beloved son. But perhaps these will be advantages for him?
Of course, it’s good that a person “doesn’t jump at the first bone,” but being too demanding of the opposite sex is not right. Try not to analyze people from head to toe. Allow them to reveal themselves in a relationship, and then you will see that a lot of advantages can be hidden behind small shortcomings.
Selfishness interferes with personal life
The fear of losing freedom is nothing more than a manifestation of selfishness. Your inner tyrannical self will always stand in your way. And an affair with yourself will bring nothing but disappointment and fatigue.
If you are afraid of relationships, then perhaps you are not ready for one yet? Or maybe you just don't love your partner? When people are madly in love with each other, they want to spend their whole lives together. They simply cannot run away from their partner and leave him in the middle of the road.
