Our life is designed in such a way that we are constantly in contact with the fact that we are being lied to. Why does this happen and why is it dangerous? Lies have become an integral attribute of modern man. A person constantly notices lies around him and catches someone in a lie. What is a lie anyway? According to the dictionary: a lie is a statement that is obviously not true and expressed in this form consciously.
Wherever there is life, there is danger. Ralph Waldo Emerson
People lie for different reasons. Some lie “for the good,” trying to protect a loved one from something bad or unpleasant. Others lie out of selfishness, for their own benefit. But whatever the reason, a lie always remains a lie.
Fact is a white lie
Perhaps the safest lie of all, since it is mainly used with good intentions and for the sake of others, and not for one’s own benefit. It is used so as not to hurt other people's feelings as much as it could be when speaking the whole truth to their faces.
Also, such lies can be used to save loved ones. Vivid examples of this can often be found in literature, for example “The Captain’s Daughter” by A.S. Pushkin.
In case you are not familiar with this work, it is worth saying that the hero passed off one person as another in order to save the life of his beloved. You can find quite a lot of similar examples in art, because it seems romantic.
Ignorance of your individuality
Each of us is, of course, unique and unrepeatable. Everyone has individual abilities, talents, and goals in life. Only those who do not know their true essence are forced to rush through life in search of consolation and reassurance. Therefore, one has to resort to lies in order to prevent the realization of one’s own worthlessness.
This person does not try to look for his own individual path, but prefers to adapt to the opinions of others. It is impossible to achieve much with this approach. Yes, work colleagues, friends, acquaintances may be satisfied, but their own dreams and aspirations will be lost forever.
Creative lies
It is also a relatively harmless type of lie, since it rarely harms anyone and does not carry malicious intent. It is used to attract attention and emotional coloring of a story. A person can tell how he witnessed some interesting and exciting incident, although in reality such a thing did not happen.
As mentioned above, there will be no great harm from such a lie, but you shouldn’t get carried away with it either, because it can become a habit, and sooner or later those around you will find out that you are systematically deceiving them, and you will be branded a windbag.
Diffidence
She always accompanies any liar. Why a person lies is not difficult to understand. He lacks the courage to express himself as clearly and directly in communication as his heart desires. If a person constantly lies, then he should understand the reasons for what is happening and talk frankly with himself. As a rule, behind the deliberate concealment of individual circumstances of life lies the intention to find happiness and become a complete person. Only the path to achieve it was chosen completely wrong. You cannot find friends if you are a cold and selfish person who thinks only about himself.
Insecure people often provoke others to quarrel and publicly notice their weaknesses and shortcomings. In fact, by doing so they emphasize their own weakness and signify their inability to find inner harmony in the soul. If such behavior is assigned to an individual, then she risks being left completely alone for a long time. Big lies lead to inevitable isolation. Who enjoys communicating with someone who constantly puts others down, ridicules and gossips?
Blatant or shameless lies
But this type of lie can no longer be called harmless. Blatant lies are the most serious and vile type of lies that exist.
It can include slander, in order to avoid punishment, or for the sake of worsening relations between other people, making false promises for the sake of obtaining one’s own benefit, in general, any lie aimed at harming another person, or one’s own benefit at the expense of others.
When people shamelessly lie, they deal a crushing blow to their karma, and the Universe will not leave them unpunished. I am glad that only a visibly rotten person can consciously decide to commit such a lie, and such people, as one would like to believe, are still in the minority.
How can you tell if a person is lying?
There are several characteristic signs that allow you to determine that your interlocutor is telling a lie. Firstly, he carefully hides his eyes from you. There is an unpleasant moment in a conversation when it seems as if he doesn’t hear you or doesn’t understand you. Secondly, the person starts fiddling with some piece of clothing to hide his excitement. He can endlessly straighten his hair or glance at his watch as if he is late for something. Thirdly, a liar always gives himself away by touching his own nose during a conversation. Why is he doing this? This is where the unconscious comes into play.
Thus, a lie leads to the breakdown of all existing relationships and does not allow a person to live happily.
Is lying dangerous for a liar?
It would seem that if you don’t blatantly lie to other people to harm them, then in principle you don’t have to worry, because no one will be worse off from a small harmless lie. Technically this is true. But there are several reasons why even deception for the greater good can play a very cruel joke on you and your loved ones.
And these reasons explain why and how lying is dangerous for a person. A lie, even the most harmless one, does not cease to be a lie. When people lie, it’s like they’re making a lump of plasticine, adding another piece with each new lie. Gradually, this lump grows, overshadowing the mind and logic of the liar, forcing him to resort to deception more and more often, even in cases where it would seem to be not necessary at all.
Moral boundaries are also expanding, and if a person began with a creative lie, then sooner or later, under the influence of emotions, he may resort to shameless lies. And after the first time, the second time will be easier. Fact #6 - Lying is dangerous for a liar.
Fear of judgment
When a friend or relative deceives you, not in all cases you will be able to notice it and take the necessary measures to neutralize this phenomenon. The first question that arises is: “Why does a person lie?” He must be very afraid that by telling the truth, he will show himself not at his best, demonstrating weakness and uncertainty. For many so-called strong people, this is like death. The fear of condemnation sits deep in their subconscious and often guides all conscious actions. Such a person is unlikely to allow himself anything extra, even if she really wants it.
If a person gets used to deceiving in society in order to make the right impression, then gradually his action becomes automatic. And now the person lies simply because it is more convenient than telling the truth. Tell me, why bother explaining something to your interlocutor when you can use the usual form of communication and demonstrate your imaginary worth?
What is the illusion of the deceiver?
When a person performs this or that action frequently and systematically, it is stitched into his brain, influencing his perception. This phenomenon can often be observed in alcoholics, drug addicts, thieves, and, in principle, in any people who systematically engage in any unpleasant activity.
Fact No. 7 - a pathological liar begins to suspect everyone around him of lying. This threatens to deteriorate interpersonal relationships with loved ones and distort the perception of the world as a whole.
Distrust of others
This is perhaps the most serious reason why a person lies. When a person cannot openly express his thoughts because he is afraid of being misunderstood or ridiculed, a very serious problem arises. A person begins to hide his best aspirations and goals and does not realize his brightest dreams in life. Sincerity becomes impossible. So a situation arises when a person is simply forced to use deception in communication, even if it is disgusting to him. Of course, such an interaction can by no means be called truthful.
If a person gets used to constantly putting on a mask, then over time he begins to dissemble in front of himself. How does this happen? Self-deception is most often expressed in justifying one’s own mistakes.
Why don't liars' dreams come true?
Being in a state of a pathological liar, a person cannot clearly and clearly see his future goal. This is explained by the fact that for the subconscious it does not matter whether it is a lie or truth, it perceives everything equally and takes it at face value.
As a result, consciousness and subconsciousness come into conflict and it becomes impossible to achieve harmony, and therefore the clear fulfillment of one’s desire. Fact #8: It’s harder for deceivers to achieve their good goals.
The desire to appear stronger
Sometimes people lie to avoid forming a false opinion about themselves. They simply do not want to be considered weak and weak-willed. Therefore, in any difficult situation, they care, rather, not about resolving it, but about ensuring that no one thinks badly of them. The desire to impress is dictated by an internal fear of shame, and therefore they begin to demonstratively spread lies around themselves. Deception becomes their way of interacting with others. If a person constantly communicates like this, then soon he himself will no longer be able to distinguish truth from fiction, and will become entangled in his own made-up stories. You cannot demand from a person: “Don’t lie to me!” This is the choice of everyone.
If you tell a lie, will your karma get worse?
Lies, especially blatant ones, have a serious impact on human karma. Vedic culture considers lying, along with foul language, as a form of negative speech karma.
The influence of such things is manifested by the fact that a person’s consciousness is shrouded in a veil of ignorance, hiding the true essence of things and presenting various phenomena in a false light. A liar is immersed in a world of illusions, staying in which will not lead to anything good.
As a rule, people who lie systematically do so unconsciously and have little control over the process itself. This is explained by the presence of a parasitic subpersonality on the aura. It is this that makes a person lie again and again, clouding the mind and replacing true thoughts with false ones.
Fact No. 9 - deception affects karma. If the term subpersonality is unfamiliar to you, you can read the article on the relevant topic on our website here. You can identify and get rid of such a parasite by undergoing photo diagnostics and using techniques from the online esotericism course.
Lying causes and consequences - why do people lie to each other? I fully answered this question. You need to get rid of this undoubtedly bad habit, the sooner the better. Good luck in your development! And don’t let people who lie get in your way.
Lies and hypocrisy in the light of the Bible
The Bible is clear about lies and hypocrisy.
1 Peter 2:1-3 “Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit, and hypocrisy, and envy, and all slander, like newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, so that from it you may grow to salvation; for you have tasted that the Lord is good.”
The Apostle calls on us to guard ourselves from false and hypocritical speech, since this does not bring us closer to God and salvation. God does not share where a person deceived for someone else's benefit, or told a lie for his own benefit. God hates all lies. There is great retribution for the fact that we lied. Our next generation will pay for our sins. Where it leads? To a vicious circle. Our children, paying for the sins of their ancestors, will sin. Their children will be responsible for their sins. The consequences of lies and reticence will result in damaged relationships, illness, and the lost souls of your loved ones. One of the great losses of humanity is the loss of loved ones. Problems can be dealt with, but leaving them... alas.
There is no need to sin in such a way that your loved ones suffer later.
The Bible says: “These are six things that the Lord hates, even seven, which are an abomination to His soul: proud eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises evil plans, feet that are quick to run to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and sowing discord between brothers." Proverbs 6:16-19
A person is born into this world with an already sinful heart. A child begins to deceive from childhood, albeit unconsciously. As he becomes an adult, he understands that this is bad, but still continues to do it. However, God gave man the power to subdue and control his mouth. Proverbs 4:24 “Put away from you deceitful lips, and put away the deceit of your tongue from you.”
“Behold, [the wicked] conceived unrighteousness, was pregnant with malice and gave birth to lies; ” (Ps. 7:15). “The wicked will not abide in Your sight: You hate all those who practice iniquity. You will destroy those who tell lies; The Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and treacherous” (Ps. 5:6,7)..
Why do people lie
“Everyone lies” - this statement by Dr. House from the popular TV series can be quoted by anyone, even those who have not watched the series. Lying is indeed an integral part of human existence, scientists point out: for example, we all have to lie almost every day, simply by greeting other people and answering the question “How are you?”, sociologist Harvey Sachs. Greetings as part of a conversation are formal and ritualistic in nature, so a socially acceptable response would be “Wonderful” or something similar, he explained, rather than a detailed account of exactly how things were going. If a person is not doing well, he is forced to lie in order to maintain communication and relationships with the interlocutor.
Research supports Dr. House's conclusion. People tell lies at least once or twice a day, according to an analysis of time diaries among American college students and members of local communities by psychologist Bella DePaulo of the University of Virginia and co-authors. During the week of the study, 147 participants recorded in their diaries when they had to tell a lie - a total of 1,535 times, with only one of the 77 students and six of the 70 community members saying they had never lied. Over the course of a week, students told lies to 38% of the people they interacted with; members of the local community told 30%. In fact, study participants lied more often than they recorded in their diaries, the authors suggest: they may have forgotten or simply not realized that they were lying at some point; No one felt “everyday” lying—like politely telling grandma that the sweater she gave her was really cool—caused anxiety or regret, or considered their lie serious, planned it, or worried about getting caught.
Two-thirds (60%) of students who took part in another study conducted by psychologist Robert Feldman and colleagues at the University of Massachusetts Amherst lied an average of nearly three times during a 10-minute conversation in an attempt to appear more competent and attractive, the researchers found. The researchers secretly recorded videos of interactions between each pair of students and then showed the recording to each of the interlocutors individually, asking them to identify any inaccuracies or lies in their speech. It turned out that many were not even always aware that they were telling lies: “When people watched themselves on videotape, they discovered that they were lying much more than they thought,” Feldman. It also turned out that men and women lie differently: According to Feldman, women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel comfortable, while men were more likely to lie to make a good impression on the other person.
"White" and "black" lies
People resort to lying for many reasons, and it is hardly realistic to list them all, but several typical motives can be identified, says Paul Ekman, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California at San Francisco, author of the book “The Psychology of Lying”, the inspiration and consultant of the popular TV series “ Fool me".
Ekman's nine motives that lead a person to lie; the most common of them are the desire to avoid punishment, be it a fine for speeding or a reprimand for breaking a cup, as well as the desire to receive a reward that cannot be obtained in any other way (for example, declaring at an interview that you have experience in a certain job, although you do not have it, in order to improve chances of getting a position). Other reasons Ekman mentions for lying include the need to protect oneself (example: a child alone at home telling a stranger that his father is sleeping); the desire to win the admiration of others; a desire to get out of an awkward social situation (a person may lie about being busy in order to end an unpleasant phone call); an attempt to maintain confidentiality and not reveal your plans; the desire to secure power over others by limiting their access to information held by the one who lies.
However, there is a difference between “ritual”, “small” lies, which people hardly notice, and serious ones, which may be aimed at concealing wrongdoing: these two types of lies differ both in content and in motives, Bella DePaulo. If an everyday lie includes, for example, a statement that a person is tired or busy (in order to leave a boring party), then people consider lies about deaths, illnesses or danger, about personal relationships or important events in life to be a serious deception. In addition, serious lies are told primarily for selfish reasons, while everyday lies tend to be more “prosocial” and more often of the “white lie” type (white lie, which can benefit the person to whom the lie is told - for example, to support and encourage your interlocutor).
Dishonest behavior is considered reprehensible and undesirable, but in certain circumstances lying is considered acceptable and even necessary - for example, the “white lie” of a doctor consoling a patient. Thus, Dan Ariely, a professor of psychology and behavioral economics at Duke University, author of “The Whole Truth About Untruths,” writes in it that he gratefully remembers how he was in the hospital for a long time with severe burns and the doctors said that he would be fine, even when the medical evidence was not so encouraging.
The evolution of lies
Lies arose along with human speech itself, giving a certain advantage in the struggle for limited resources and partners to those who wanted to manipulate others without the use of physical force, scientists suggest. “Lying is very easy compared to other ways of gaining power. It’s much easier to lie to get someone’s wealth or money than to hit someone over the head or rob a bank to get it,” Sissela Bock, a philosopher and psychologist at Harvard University.
It is easier to tell the truth, while lying requires effort and a sharp, flexible mind, psychologist Bruno Verschuere, in 2016, together with co-authors on dishonesty at different ages, received an Ig Nobel Prize (“for asking a thousand liars how often they lying and decided to believe these answers"). This study showed that lying is part of the development of mental abilities: children learn to tell lies at a very early age and do it often, but poorly; teenagers lie better and more often, thus testing the limits of their independence; and in old age both the frequency of lying and the “skill” in its use decrease.
Attitudes toward dishonesty change with age—and this affects the frequency with which people lie, according to other work done by psychologists in Romania and Brazil. Preschool children lie for selfish reasons, to avoid punishment or gain benefits, and, as a rule, evaluate dishonesty negatively. As children grow older, they lie more frequently and skillfully, demonstrate more advanced selfish lying skills, but also begin to lie “prosocially”—to help others or to avoid upsetting others; Children and teenagers hardly perceive “white lies” negatively.
The persuasiveness of lying correlates with advanced social skills, Robert Feldman et al. show. The authors found that among all ages and genders, teenagers with the most developed social skills turned out to be the most talented liars. They were able to tell lies by controlling their nonverbal behavior, including facial expression, voice pitch, posture, and eye contact. Young people with the worst social skills had the most difficulty controlling their nonverbal behavior when they were lying.
Dishonest and creative behavior have something in common—they both involve violating existing rules, according to research conducted by Francesca Gino, a professor at Harvard Business School. In one experiment, participants were shown a series of number matrices and asked to find two numbers that added up to 10. Participants received a reward based on the number of matrices they "solved," and nearly 60% lied, giving experimenters inflated results. The next task assessed the creativity of the participants (for a series of three words they had to come up with a fourth word related to the others): it turned out that those who lied about their results in the previous task showed a higher level of creativity than the truthful participants.
Similar results “on the level of honesty” show: about 35–40% of participants honestly report their result, even if it cannot be verified and if it reduces the reward. People are honest sometimes even to their own detriment, in order to comply with the social norm, since the choice to “lie or tell the truth” has not only a material dimension - in this, oddly enough, honesty is similar to a “white” lie.
Lie tests
Personality questionnaires, which are filled out, for example, by job applicants during interviews, may include questions, the answers to which demonstrate how truthful all other answers are as a whole. For example, if someone agrees with an unrealistically positive statement—like , they may be trying to “play nice” or appear better than they actually are.
Consequences of lying
Serious deception often undermines the victim's trust for a long time not only in the liar himself, but also in other people. When a person lies, he breaks an unspoken agreement to treat others the way he would like to be treated.
One way to understand how acceptable it is to lie is to ask what consequences it leads to, Bella DePaulo. Participants in diary studies typically described their social interactions as pleasant and meaningful, but if the participant lied, they experienced discomfort (albeit not very pronounced), which led them to avoid dishonesty whenever possible in personal interactions and when communicating with closer people. So even ordinary, everyday lies seem to leave a small “stain” behind them, DePaulo concludes.
Often, deviations from acceptable behavior are described as a “downward spiral” that begins with one minor violation—small “spots,” to use DePaulo’s phrase. “You can stay at the same level of good, but no one has ever managed to stay at the same level of evil. This path leads downhill." - Father Brown, Gilbert Keith Chesterton's character. Dan Ariely may well be with him: “I talked a lot with major scammers - insider traders, fraudulent accountants, people who “sold” supposedly NBA matches, athletes who used doping. With one exception, these were all slippery slope stories.”
Dishonest behavior can become habitual if repeated over and over again as the person's brain gradually adapts to the unpleasant sensations typically associated with telling a lie, according to research by Dan Ariely and co-authors. Researchers used MRI to study the brain activity of those who tell lies, namely the reaction of the amygdala, which is responsible for emotions. Liars' amygdala activity decreased with each subsequent lie, meaning each lie dulls the senses and makes subsequent lies easier to deal with emotionally. Gradually, people begin to lie simply “out of habit,” even when there are no motives to tell a lie.
How to recognize a lie
Some clues in behavior and gestures, according to experts, can lead to suspicions that a person is not telling the truth. For example, liars are more likely to gesture with both hands, frown, and use interjections (like “hmm”), according to researchers from the University of Michigan. Also, those who tell lies are more likely to purse their lips, not complete sentences and “play” with their hair, Edward Geiselman, professor of psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles.
However, there is no 100% reliable way to recognize whether a person is lying or not. A liar, having convinced himself of his own sincerity, begins to believe in it, and it is no longer possible to recognize a lie: only someone who is lying and at the same time knows that he is lying can be exposed, Ekman wrote in “The Psychology of Lies.” “No one grows a nose like Pinocchio. There is no sign that is present when someone is telling a lie and absent when someone is being truthful." - Ekman.
Most of the time, people don't realize they're lying, which helps them lie because they don't feel nervous or anxious, says David Smith, a philosophy professor at the University of New England and author of Why We Lie. “Self-deception is the handmaiden of deception: by hiding the truth from ourselves, we can hide it more completely from others,” he.
Preferences for honesty can be influenced - examples of honest behavior in the surrounding social environment can act as a factor in encouraging a person to lie less, suggests a study by Johannes Abeler, professor of economics at the University of Oxford, together with Armin Falk (University of Bonn) and Fabian Causse (University of Munich). They analyzed the behavior of primary school-age children (on average 7.8 years old) from low-income families who participated in a year-long mentoring program. It involved the child spending time together with an adult mentor for half a day a week and doing joint activities (cooking, playing football, handicrafts, etc.). Participation in the program was found to significantly increase children's levels of honesty, and the effect was long-lasting: four years after completing the program, children who interacted with mentors demonstrated greater honesty than their peers in the control group who did not participate in the program.
Interactions with mentors enrich children's social environment by providing information and experiences that are essential to developing integrity but that children from families of low socioeconomic status may lack, the authors explain. In addition, a mentoring program benefits children by providing resources that may be lacking in a family environment—for example, if parents raise their children in a strict or mistrustful environment, children are less likely to view their parents as role models, including when it comes to about honest or dishonest behavior. As a result, mentors can serve as surrogates for parents and influence children's preferences, and therefore the program's effect on honesty was stronger among those children whose parents demonstrated stricter parenting styles and were less trusting of their children.
However, it is unlikely that it will be possible to completely get rid of telling lies and it is hardly worth it. In our world, lying is a necessity and an element of social skills that are critical to a person's ability to function in society, David Smith: “If you imagine a world in which people did not resort to deception, it would be a terrible world indeed.” Dan Ariely similarly: “For most of us, a world without lies would be an immediate blow to our self-esteem.” Everyone will receive honest (and therefore harsher) feedback about their work, appearance and behavior, children will face harsh reality much earlier (and with unpredictable results); and for interpersonal relationships, complete frankness will be a disaster. “I like to joke that my wife and I have been married for 40 years because we have separate bathrooms. This is only partly a joke, because there are some things you don't want people to know, even your spouse, and it's not just bathroom behavior." - Ekman
