How to recognize lies in a relationship? Why do partners cheat?

Relationships between a man and a woman do not always go smoothly. And we are not just talking about conflicts and quarrels, for example, at the everyday level. It happens that one partner lies to the other. Deception is scary, don’t you agree? Especially in relationships. The psychology of people’s behavior in them is such that taking off the “rose-colored” glasses can be not only difficult, but also painful.

What to do if you discover deception on the part of your significant other? How can you tell if your partner is lying? Signs of male and female lies, advice from psychologists and answers to frequently asked questions on the topic - you will find this and much more in the publication.

Male and female lies: is there a difference?

Yes. Men are different from women. Women are different from men. The difference between the sexes is colossal, it is no secret to anyone. And the differences may concern the “manner of presentation” of lies.

Next, we consider the main differences between men's lies and women's lies, given as illustrative examples.

Do you think male lies are very different from female lies?

A lie is a lie anyway. What is the use of dividing it into male and female?

33.33%

I think not very much. In any case, it seems to me that reasons and motives are much more important.

50%

I think it's strong. I heard (heard) somewhere that at times.

16.67%

Voted: 6

Men's lies and the reasons for men's lies

First, let's figure out what motivates men who lie. Here are some reasons:

lack of courage . If a man lacks courage, he will almost certainly lie to a woman about something, for example, that he cannot do something;
the desire to charm or impress. Often used when exaggerating something (big salary, achievements);
desire to gain benefits . The benefit can be expressed in the fact that the fact of lying and the act itself will be aimed at obtaining something (intimacy, massage, delicious dinner and more);
desire to protect yourself . Very few men use lying as a method of protection in relationships. Often lies in this context are caused by an unceremonious violation of a man’s personal boundaries by a woman;
white lie . This, for example, is about a serious mistake that a man does not want to admit or disclose in order to save his relationship with a woman and maintain her trust.

The list is incomplete. There are so many reasons and motives for lying that talking about them would take too much time. It should be understood that they are not always unambiguous. Lack of courage, for example, as a reason does not always lead to lies about appearance. A man, without being brave, can lie on any topic, about anything. Consider the list presented simply as a source of information and not as a guide to start labeling.

Men often lie. But not as often... Like women. These are dry statistics, but we will talk about women’s lies later. Please do not think that we are biased towards one gender or another. We respect both the fair sex and the stronger sex equally. And we encourage you to do the same!

To understand the essence of men’s lies, let’s present 5 examples. Let's tie each example to the reasons given earlier. Here they are:

Lack of courage. Example: “I would do anything for you right now, but I can’t today because I have a headache.” What if your head doesn't hurt? It's simple. Here, courage should be considered as the ability to speak the truth. It seems there are objective reasons for everything.
Charm. Example: “I get so much money that I can take you to the sea 2 times a year.” In reality, everything may turn out to be completely different.
Benefit. Example: “Honey, you look amazing, don’t bother with makeup.” The benefit here may lie in being on time somewhere. Where the two of you may be late if you continue to make a mess.
Protection. Example: “I need to spend more time at work.” Here the very fact of work may be a lie. Think, maybe a man just needs more free time? If yes, then he is lying.
The rescue. A bad example is hiding the fact of betrayal: “I have nothing in common with her.” The example is really bad, because in this case the lie, if it is such, is tied solely to concealing the fact of a bad deed.

What is the worst reason for a man to lie to you?

Lack of courage. A man should have this quality.

An attempt to charm. Why do you need charm if disappointment follows?

The desire to benefit. A mercantile man is the worst man.

66.67%

Protection. A man protecting himself from a woman? Laughter.

16.67%

The rescue. In the example you showed, this motive is terrible.

16.67%

Voted: 6

Women's lies and their reasons

Women lie more often. This is statistics based on numerous studies and the practice of psychologists. Here are common reasons why women lie in relationships:

an attempt to overcome life's problems . It's something like self-hypnosis. Using a lie, a woman can hide something that greatly worries her;
lack of love . If a partner shows little attention to a woman, she may begin to use various tools of lies to attract him;
an attempt to expose someone . This is an exclusively feminine and even quite skillful way of lying. We will show an example below;
an attempt to justify the spouse . This is a contradictory mechanism of lying, when a woman lies to both a man and herself in order to at least somehow restore his status in her eyes after a mistake he made;
self-affirmation, increased self-esteem . Some women resort to deception when they want to elevate themselves in the eyes of their partner.

The list, as in the case of male lies, is not complete. Situations are different, so motives and reasons simply cannot be put together and presented with some kind of 100% correct classification.

Here are 5 examples of women's lies with reference to the reasons presented earlier:

Solving problematic problems through self-hypnosis and instilling in the partner the idea that there are no problems. Example: “Darling, remember my salary was cut? Everything returned to its place, the boss reconsidered the decision.” In this case, the salary reduction remained a reduction. A lie is an attempt to restore your status in the eyes of a man and in your own.
Lack of attention. Example: “Dear, I feel very bad today, please come early.” There may be manipulation of the state in order to attract the attention of a partner.
Exposure. Example: “You know, friends say that you get not 100 thousand, but 80.” By combining such a phrase with methods and tools of manipulation, a woman can try to bring a man to clean water and get a confession that his salary is much lower.
Justification. Example: “You were drunk, I understand everything.” Even if the man was not drunk, but made a mistake, this method of lying to him and to himself is a means of self-hypnosis, as in the first case.
Self-affirmation. Example: “I have so many suitors that I don’t even know how to fight them off.” This is a direct hint to a man that there is a real goddess next to him. Even if she is not a goddess. Even if there are no suitors.

Remember: lies can be both good and bad. It should not be viewed one-sidedly from one point of view. Sometimes wickedness is more good than evil. Approach the acts and facts of your partner’s lies objectively. Communicate, try to compromise, strive with all your might and means to achieve mutual understanding. Then there will be no place for lies in your relationship.

Do you agree that women really lie more often than men?

No. I am a woman and have never observed this in myself.

No, but it seems to me that sometimes they are capable of many things, including blatant lies.

100%

Yes, I think women are the most deceitful of people.

Yes, but I often try to justify it as their weakness. Still the weaker sex.

Voted: 5

Psychological infidelity

It can be a natural continuation of emotional betrayal and implies a deeper love for another person, regular fantasies about him. Even if there are no attempts to leave the family or make fantasies come true, this is already treason.

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Signs of cheating in a relationship

How can you tell if your partner is hiding something? The signs may not always be obvious. The speech most often concerns practical changes in behavior habits and more. The true truth can be hidden so cleverly that to reveal the fact that a partner is hiding something, it will not be enough to simply observe him. However, there are several obvious and non-obvious signals that indicate that your partner is not telling you something.

Here are 9 behavioral markers that indicate your partner is hiding something:

Unexpected surprises . Has your partner decided to give you all his free time unexpectedly? Did he bring a gift with him? Doesn't he usually do this? Think he probably wants to make amends for something. Don't know why? He almost knows for sure. If your relationship has long gone far beyond the stage when there is only room for romance and passion, then unexpected surprises are almost certainly a signal that your partner is not being honest enough with you. But not always: please do not confuse a person’s sincere impulses in the desire to do something nice with acts of disguise in the form of overly suspicious gestures.
Unusual excitement, anger or indifference . Observe how your communication goes. If a partner is worried about something, shows acts of anger or indifference, although everything was not so before, this is bad. This means that there is a possibility that his attention is absorbed in something else. A nervous partner who has always been calm is a sign that there is something more important or unpleasant for him. Try to discuss the problem and find out what caused the behavior to deviate from normal.
A sudden change in image or style . Does a girl start wearing makeup for work and buying beautiful “work” things, although she hasn’t done this before? A man perfumes himself and polishes his shoes before business meetings, chooses only clean and ironed shirts, although he used to be almost a sloppy person? In both cases, you can begin to suspect your partner that he is trying to hide something.
A drastic change in self-care habits . This is almost the same as the previous point. When sloppy people suddenly begin to become still neat and well-groomed in every sense, then you can begin to suspect.
Stealth . A man and a woman in a relationship must trust each other. Without this, a normal union as such is not possible. If a partner suddenly becomes secretive, but previously was as open as possible in any situation, then he is trying to keep silent about something. Perhaps he's afraid to spill the beans.
Refusal to plan for the future . Do you and your significant other regularly discuss the future? This is good. It's bad when your partner stops doing this to you. If he (she) does not support relevant conversations, tries to avoid them, or laughs them off altogether, just to end the conversation, then something is wrong.
Change in sexual behavior . We're talking about behavior in bed. Psychologists note that women who, for one reason or another, lie to their partners are characterized by an increase in libido. The consequence is an increased frequency of sexual intercourse, an increased level of desire to “frolic” with a partner. There is also a point of view according to which women have such a “craving” for what is almost boring - this is a way to cloud their partner’s mind. This is a way to show that everything is supposedly good. It's different with men. When they start hiding something, their attraction to a woman decreases. The reason is preoccupation with something other than bed.
New hobbies . Hobbies that suddenly appear can be a sign of deception. Your partner, being a heavy smoker, started going to the pool or gym in the evenings? He decided to radically change his lifestyle, but he doesn’t want to involve you in this? You understand everything yourself. There may not even be a hall. However, there is a high probability of deception.
Anger or jealousy beyond measure . Resentment, anger, accusations based on jealousy, if this has not been observed before, may indicate that everything is bad. Some psychologists express the opinion that an attempt to sharply and without reason accuse a partner of infidelity is a signal that the person himself has already committed infidelity or is planning it. This is a kind of defense mechanism that a person uses to give himself away.

There are many signs. As with the reasons, which is understandable, it’s not worth talking about all of them. We have given the most common ones based on people’s behavioral models, because anyone can skillfully suppress words, but only a professional liar can behave as if everything is fine.

If you have been lied to by a partner and have been deeply disappointed or hurt, please seek professional help. It will also be useful if there is a misunderstanding in your relationship with your partner: try going to a psychologist together. He will help you sort out problematic issues.

When to forgive your husband

If your husband cheated, then you shouldn’t “jump in the face”; give him a chance, because each of us can make a mistake. It happens that a man cheated once, after which he was very worried, repented, and realized that he had endangered the most precious thing in life in a fleeting affair.

Should you forgive betrayal?

You can think about the fact of forgiveness in the following situations:

If you love your husband very much, you cannot see your life without him. Before the betrayal, you had an excellent relationship, you understood and appreciated each other, helped in solving everyday problems. We laughed at the same jokes together. The thought of divorce had never even crossed your mind before.
If cheating is a single case, a short-term relationship, and not a relationship that has been hidden for a long time and which has involved emotional attachment.

If the husband repents of what he did. He sincerely regrets, tries to do some things that are not typical for him, and is generous with his emotions. He suffers because of what happened.
If your union is convenient for both. My husband is a wonderful family man. He provides for both you and the children. When you leave him, it will definitely not be better.

You can only give a man a second chance when you are not indifferent to each other. If there are strong emotions between you, even negative ones, then this is a good sign. This is evidence that there is a relationship between you, and it can be saved.

What to do if there is deception in your relationship?

Next, we will present advice from psychologists that can help you figure out how to deal with deception in relationships. There will be two groups of advice: one is devoted to how to get rid of lies, the second to how to solve the problem that provokes lies, if it has been identified.

Here's how to get rid of the scam:

be open with each other. If your partner is a secretive person himself, show him by example that living in yourself is not what a relationship is about;
try to look for the reasons first. This is important, because blind skirmishes and mutual reproaches are not always good. Acts of lying may be due to objective reasons. Perhaps your partner simply does not want to burden you with his problems. It may also be that it is easier for him to survive something negative by simply remaining silent. Just get an answer from him, ask for honesty;
communicate . The habit of communicating often and a lot, with or without reason, is something that will almost certainly lead you and your partner to the point where you will discuss everything. There will be no place for deception in such a relationship. If it does, believe me, it will quickly open;
Don't look for deception in everything . Excessive suspicion of a partner, oddly enough, can force him to use lies.

To solve the problem that provokes lying, if it comes to you, involve a partner. Explain that his participation is important. Say that this will help get rid of lies and any need for them. If your partner has problems, everything is the same: help him, become not just a soul mate, but also a friend, a support.

Have you experienced cheating in a relationship?

Yes. It is very painful and unpleasant. I don't understand liars.

83.33%

No, fortunately. I'm lucky. My partner is the most honest person in the world.

Can not say. I sometimes suspect my partner of lying to me.

16.67%

Voted: 6

When you shouldn't forgive your husband

There are situations when there is no point in forgiving your husband; it is better to immediately break off relations with him. If you have an emotional man who regularly goes “to the left”, after which he begs for forgiveness and swears eternal love, then such a marriage is doomed to failure, and it doesn’t matter whether you love your husband or not.

Sooner or later you will be disappointed; you will not be able to be on the same territory with him. Therefore, there is no need to torture yourself. It's better to break up right away. Usually, a man’s deception in a relationship is the last straw in the following case:

There has been no relationship between you for a long time. You suffer from indifference and coldness towards your husband, sometimes you feel hatred. You understand that you will only be better off without him. The thought of divorce came to you even before finding out the fact of betrayal.
The husband systematically deceives, begs for forgiveness, promises that this was the last time. After which everything repeats again. There is no point in forgiving here.
Her husband’s betrayal was not fleeting, but long-term. He led a double life, deceived, came up with various excuses. In this case, not only physical intimacy is involved, but also emotional attachment.
After the betrayal, the husband did not repent. He accuses you of deceiving you, that it was your fault that led to his actions. He lacks attention and love. In this case, the betrayals will repeat. You will take on the role of the victim.

Is it possible to restore a relationship after deception?

Yes and no. It all depends on how you are set up. Don't look for advice and help from other people. If only because they did not experience the separation, if there was one, the way you experienced it. They do not know what the reason for the deception was on the part of the partner or yours. They cannot demand that you forgive lies that they did not “sip.”

You can only get a positive result in restoring relationships after deception when you sort everything out with your partner. We can only guide you by pointing out that only through joint efforts with your partner can you decide whether to restore the relationship.

When a partner asks: “Have you ever loved someone more than me?”

Unless you have agreed in advance to be completely, 100% honest, answer no. Let's say there was a stronger feeling in your life than the current one. Who will feel better if you tell the truth?

Having confessed your true feelings, you will take the well-hidden skeleton out of the closet and seat you third at the table.

So leave it in the dressing room and feel free to lie. Unless, of course, deep down you plan to return to your previous love - it’s dishonest to hide such plans from your current partner.

FAQ

The following are answers to common questions that people have when discussing the topic of deception and lies.

What is the name of the disease when a person lies all the time?

If a person is prone to constantly and even pathologically telling others false information, it is customary to say that he is a pathological liar. This tendency is often called pseudology. Its danger lies in the fact that approximately 5 out of 10 pathological liars sincerely believe what they say. They believe that their lies are not lies at all, but reality.

How to psychologically force a person to tell the truth?

Let's present advice for the case when it comes to relationships (love, friendship). Try:

show the person that you are on his side;
discuss this or that situation, hinting that the truth in it is above all else;
don’t put pressure, but show interest in some other way. Genuine interest in people liberates them;
talk about your own vision of the situation. Calmly. With arguments;
bluff if necessary. Pretend that you already know the truth, that you allegedly just want to understand the reasons for the deception. Again, calmly and with arguments, albeit far-fetched ones.

Where do a person's eyes look when he lies?

There are many points of view. We cannot vouch for which one is correct. Here are 3 of the most interesting:

A liar strives to look into the eyes of the interlocutor to whom he is lying. This behavior can be explained by the belief that people who tell the truth openly look into the eyes of their interlocutors. A liar can use this technique as a means of persuasion.
A gaze directed upward and to the right is a signal that a person is trying to come up with something. This is true for right-handed people. It's different with lefties. If everything is reversed (a right-handed person directs his gaze to the left and up, and a left-handed person looks vice versa), then we can say that the person is simply remembering something.
The liar blinks frequently and tends to move his eyes, pretending that something is bothering him. He will rub his eyes frequently.

How to react correctly to a lie when you know the truth?

The first and most important thing is calm and caution in your assessments. It is important to analyze and weigh all the pros and cons. The difficulty is that some signs of insincerity are often indirect and cannot guarantee the certainty that a person is really lying. Total:

double-check the information available;
don't just consider the context of what you're being told. Monitor both verbal and non-verbal behavior.

What and how to do next is a decision that you must make yourself. We cannot dive into the situation you are or will be in.

How do you know if a person is telling the truth or not?

Read the answer to the previous question to be objective in your reasoning, and also refer to the question “Where do a person’s eyes look when he lies?” This will bring you closer to being able to distinguish lies from truth. Also try reading the section in which we talked about signs of lying.

How can you tell if a man is lying via text?

There are several signs. For example, when your interlocutor sings praises literally, you should be wary. Often men do this in an effort to win favor. Often, liars on the Internet, even to harmless questions with a trick, begin to “scribble” such answers that it is difficult to read them afterwards. A deceitful interlocutor will describe everything down to the details and moments that will not be significant. Another technique that a liar can use is “butter butter.” In response to a question about, for example, where a man has been, he may start lying like this: “I was stuck at work, we were solving an important issue, my colleagues were a little stupid, I had to push myself and do something.” Work, solving problems, colleagues, pushing yourself – it’s all about work. The short and concise answer is almost certainly true.

What does it mean when a person's eyes shift?

If he does not have such an ailment as nystagmus (eye vibrations caused by physiological and pathological reasons), then nothing.
It is inappropriate to talk about lies in this case. It is possible, but impractical. Do you think bluffing in the name of uncovering a lie is an honest technique?

Yes. It is possible and sometimes possible to expose a liar only with the help of bluff.

80%

No, it seems to me that this is a kind of hypocrisy.

I can’t say for sure. It all seems to depend on the context of the situation.

20%

Voted: 5

How to forgive your husband

Even if you have decided to forgive your husband, it cannot be done in one fell swoop, with the snap of a finger, with a suggestion to yourself, with a decision made. You suffer from pain, betrayal. It is important to understand that negative feelings will not go away.

A man cannot completely rid you of this painful feeling. Even if you decide not to forgive your husband, to leave him, to be ready for a new relationship, then you will be able to look at them through the pain, “all men are the same.”

That is, the new fan has not done anything bad to you yet, and you are already looking at him with a dirty trick and suspicion. Therefore, answer yourself the question: “Are you okay with these feelings?”, or do you want to get rid of this negativity.

If you decide to get rid of the emotions caused by your husband's deception, you must understand that there is no magic way that will help you fix it. To get rid of negativity, it is important to work through the situation with a psychotherapist.