Constant quarrels in relationships: what to do and how to find the cause of misunderstandings

In any relationship there are different stages: positive and negative. The latter include constant quarrels with her husband, especially swearing after the birth of children.

Overcoming these same situations, the growth of mutual understanding in a couple indicates precisely the development of relationships - the achievement of harmony. Therefore, it is so important to learn to quarrel correctly, seek mutual understanding and make peace.

Do not miss

Do not miss
Quarrels, squabbles and scandals: 5 zodiac signs that turn divorce into hell

Any conflict situation arises for one reason - there is some problem that cannot be solved. And constant scandals with your husband are the fastest way to solve this problem.

TOP 10 rules on how to avoid misunderstandings

There can be many reasons for misunderstandings and disagreements in relationships - from differences in male and female psychology, different views on life and family values, to simple fatigue or failures at work. But, we hasten to reassure you, there are also no fewer ways to restore harmony in a family or couple.

We spell out expectations. You shouldn’t hope that your partner will subtly sense your hidden message. He may simply not have such extrasensory data, and he may also be preoccupied with something at this very moment of your appeal. Therefore, it is better to immediately make it clear what you expect: sympathy, support, protection, help, advice, etc. This will immediately simplify your further communication and allow your partner to demonstrate the reaction you need.
Learning to communicate Stop hoping that someone will understand your desires without words. You also won't be able to predict your partner's thoughts. Sometimes advice is needed, sometimes real action is needed, and sometimes simple silence, sympathy and family hugs act as a lifeline. This means we stop believing in illusions and the unconscious desire to direct someone’s reactions by dropping only hints. In return, we begin to work on the relationship, open up more to our partner, talk about our feelings, pains and joys - we immerse him in our world and, in return, no less carefully study what he lives and what worries him.
More trust and less nagging And also, stop constantly suspecting someone of heartlessness and indifference. If you haven't made it clear what you want in response to your complaint or story, then you shouldn't blame your partner for insensitivity or aggression. Besides, as they say, everyone thinks to the extent of his depravity. So it’s better to try to look at all the good things in your partner and then you will also receive a positive reaction in return. And, in the end, help him understand you correctly so that he can really help you cope with your own problem.
We listen and hear How often, when someone tells us about our shortcomings, we immediately form an active counterattack in our heads, appealing to all possible and impossible facts. But if your loved one began such a conversation in a peaceful tone and uses soft language that does not offend you, it means that he simply wants to convey to you his wishes for the improvement of your relationship. This means that he sees his life only with you and tries to be happy in it. So, it’s better to put aside your belligerent fervor and still hear his words and try to become better - for him, for yourself, for your future.
Let’s move away from the pronoun “I” If you have already gotten married, then be so kind as to do everything together – like there: “together in joy and in sorrow...” At the same time, not only do things together, but also discuss all problems together. The less often you hear in the house: “I decided...”, “I said...”, “I promised...”, the more likely it is that your family will avoid all sorts of misunderstandings and nitpicking over words. If you have already made a decision, then at least pretend that it primarily depends on your husband’s opinion: “I bought movie tickets. Remember, you really wanted to see this movie...” The more respect you show to your significant other in everyday life, the more love and understanding you will receive in return.
We exclude any negative particles. This especially applies to the small and harmful word “but”. Try replacing it with "and". You yourself will be surprised how the emphasis in what is said will change. Compare: “I love you, but I want him to love me too!” and “I love you and really need your love.” In the first case, it seems like there is an accusation of something. In the second, there is a soft and disarming confession. Also, you should not provoke your partner by frequently repeating what you DO NOT want. So you seem to drive him into a framework and force him to obey. In return, you can simply talk about your desires and dreams, which will encourage him to fulfill them and bring them to life.
Do not skimp on compliments. Words of praise are pleasant for both men and women. Try to say nice things to your partner more often, paying attention to appearance, behavior, and actions. Just never spoil your compliments with comparisons or negative memories. Do you want to please? So, please without adding the proverbial fly in the ointment. Give your warmth to your loved one and very soon you will begin to notice positive relationships in his communication and behavior with you.
Use affectionate names Of course, what is excessive is not very good. And we do not encourage you to “lisp” or call your 60-year-old spouse “Bunny” (although if he likes it, then why not?). We are talking about the fact that even during family quarrels or resolving serious issues, you need to smooth out the severity of the situation and reduce the intensity of passions by using diminutive forms of the name. Well, tell me, which Tanya or which Olezhek will be able to respond rudely after such treatment? And by reducing the heat, you can achieve a faster consensus and a faster restoration of normal relations.
Never start screaming No matter what issues are being resolved, no matter what circumstances you are faced with, screaming is evidence of powerlessness, not strength. In addition, you yourself provoke your partner to such a pace and degree of showdown (see advice above!). As they say, what comes around comes around. If you feel that you cannot cope with boiling emotions, then it is better to postpone the conversation and showdown for a while. Having thought everything over with a cool head, you can calmly explain to your partner all your dissatisfaction and complaints, without regretting afterwards the rudeness and insults that came out of your mouth.
Talk, communicate, get in touch. If there is a problem, don’t be silent about it. There is dissatisfaction in some area of your family life - share this with your partner. If you have problems at work that prevent you from completely relaxing at home, ask your spouse for advice. If you are tired, exhausted from working both at home and in the office - ask him for help, support and sympathy.

If you feel that there is a misunderstanding in the family, the best option would be to contact psychologists. As a last resort, try practicing open communication sessions at home. Talk about your wishes and complaints to your partner not only during quarrels. Determine the day of the week when you will have an hour of revelation, where you can quietly and peacefully discuss all omissions and disagreements in a calm atmosphere. Maybe the first such discussions will not yield results, but gradually you will learn to listen and hear your partner, begin to feel his emotions and needs, and create harmonious relationships together.

Any misunderstanding causes pain in the hearts of loving people, threatening to develop into a serious problem and even lead to separation. To prevent this from happening, it is necessary that both one and the other participant in the relationship strive to preserve feelings and make their partner happy. Only with mutual desire can you cope with the crisis, learn to understand each other, change yourself, positively influence your chosen one, and together build a harmonious family where respect and love reign.

The meaning of the word "mutual understanding"

If you turn to dictionaries for the meaning of this term, you can give it the following definition: mutual understanding is a certain coincidence of points of view, views and thoughts between two people. Mutual understanding is the basis of connections that will last for a long time. It is also understood as a special skill in building interaction, and this process can occur both over a long period and over a short period. It happens that one fleeting dialogue allows you to see some solid foundation between two people that unites them.

The feeling of agreement and understanding in a relationship is unique, because it is felt on an emotional level. This feeling gives a feeling of warmth and comfort. It is pleasant and convenient to have a conversation with a person with similar feelings and thoughts. At the same time, in the absence of some contact on the internal level, the relationship will feel cold, close people will increasingly begin to move away from each other.

When there is mutual understanding between two people, their judgments and opinions coincide, and it is easier to find a solution to the conflict that has arisen. Mutual understanding is the basis of long-term relationships.

Only thanks to this feeling can normal working contacts, mutual love and strong friendship exist. It is extremely important for any of us to have the support of loved ones with similar views when quarrels, controversial or conflict situations arise. Mutual understanding allows you to achieve success.

Understanding in family relationships makes it easier to overcome common difficulties without losing home comfort and a good microclimate in the family. And if at the start of a relationship mutual understanding is formed by itself, then in further everyday life it should be carefully preserved by all family members.

Mutual understanding is very strongly connected with the concept of friendship, because at the heart of each of these phenomena is the ability to forgive, be patient and support each other.

It happens that understanding in a relationship is formed almost from the first moment. People feel a special disposition towards each other, realizing this quite quickly. But most often you need to take certain steps to get closer. Typically, these steps are as follows:

Starting a conversation, expressing your thoughts, discussing news, the latest films or music preferences. In this way, people begin to get to know each other’s inner world. One of the important factors that help to get closer and understand a new acquaintance is showing signs of attention, even if it is just a light, sincere smile or a friendly attitude.
At the next stage, certain common activities or activities appear. Work colleagues decide to have lunch together, friends go on shopping trips together, family life involves common daily activities.
Eventually, certain traditions emerge - they can be daily, monthly or annual. Among them are joint dinners at a restaurant on Fridays, drinking tea before going to bed, and the habit of celebrating a birthday in a certain place.

Is it worth fighting?

The worst thing is that misunderstandings accumulated over the years very often lead to the complete destruction of the family. First, dissatisfaction appears, which develops into coldness, isolation, disgust, indifference and hatred. And most importantly, love and respect disappears. The prospect is not too bright, right? This means that we need to look for ways to do things to restore harmony in the relationship. But both spouses should be interested in this. Otherwise, why try and change yourself if your loved one doesn’t need it. Perhaps a better and more reasonable decision would be to give up the chance for everyone to find their own happiness...

Who do you turn to first for help? – if you are confident in your partner and are still looking for support from him, it means that respect and spiritual closeness have been preserved, and this, you see, is a lot.
Is your partner attracted to you physically and spiritually? – we are talking now about love, passion and respect. If this is present in your relationship, then it makes you want to fight for it.
Perhaps the reason for your disagreement was a specific situation or event? – we have already said that the birth of a child, problems at work or with finances, illness, quarrels with parents or friends can lead to misunderstanding and rejection. But it is precisely in such moments that you need to learn to overcome all difficulties together, tempering your feelings and learning the main lessons of life.
Do your views on life coincide? – if you proudly answered in the affirmative, then you should be glad that fate gave you a meeting with a soul mate. And it’s definitely worth overcoming all your petty quibbles and learning to appreciate what is truly priceless.
Do you understand your mistakes in communication? – if you know how to admit your shortcomings and see exactly how you can improve your relationship, then you and your partner need not to put off this moment and together make compromises to save the family.

The main thing to remember and understand is that both spouses should have the desire to restore the relationship, to remove all misunderstandings and omissions from it. Only by working together, open and frank conversation, attentive and respectful attitude, will you be able to resurrect love and trust, and will you move together in the same direction.

Misunderstandings are rare among adult couples

It's simple: adults know how to manage their emotions, show less aggression and sarcasm, and emit less negativity. Of course, this does not apply to all adults. But the point is that the first step to understanding is to turn off the emotional component and learn to calmly listen to each other. And this is given less often to teenagers, but much more often to people who are wise with experience.

Sometimes, in order to influence a relationship, you first need to work on yourself. Selfishness, stubbornness, pride, resentment - all this prevents you from looking at things soberly. It happens that a person makes a thousand claims to his partner, but takes mutual criticism with hostility and calls the reproaches unfounded. Perhaps if you are not ready to look at things objectively, you are not ready for a serious relationship.

Are you unhappy in your relationship and don't know what to do next?
Here is our article on this topic .