Dissatisfaction with life and internal dissatisfaction - how to get rid of it, reasons, signs

Currently, one of the most common problems people have is constant dissatisfaction with life. Dissatisfaction with one's own life makes a person feel unhappy. From year to year, the situation related to the well-being of people becomes more acute. People are increasingly feeling unhappy. They cannot enjoy ordinary things that previously gave them satisfaction, and in the pursuit of material values, they become their “slaves,” and because of far-fetched delusions, they exhaust themselves with moral suffering.

Reasoning on the topic that such happiness was touched upon in their works by many psychologists and philosophers, esotericists and mystics, and each has their own instructions for achieving such an extraordinary and desired state. The term happiness refers to something good, bright or living life in complete satisfaction. This simultaneously includes the experience of love and the meaning of life, pleasant everyday moments, the search for a calling, existential categories, and self-realization. The existence of a family, the absence of health problems, having your own car and a constantly growing income also have a positive effect on the level of life satisfaction. All human actions have one goal - to be happy. When a person fails to achieve a goal or fails, dissatisfaction with life arises.

Dissatisfaction with life. Internal dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction with life and internal dissatisfaction, unfortunately, are quite common. These are conditions in which a person constantly criticizes himself, and he always lacks something. At the same time, he is convinced that having received this “something”, he will instantly become happier and will be able to get rid of many problems. In fact, this is an erroneous misconception, and only those who understand the nature of this phenomenon can understand it.

For what reasons does this happen?

There are several factors that can influence a person’s level of satisfaction with life:

Public opinion, values imposed by the environment - it is sometimes difficult for a person to be content with little, when an advertisement says that without a cool car he is incomplete, or when one of his family members or friends claims that for complete happiness it is necessary to have a country house;
Inconsistency with one’s own ideals - if a person sets high goals and does not achieve them, this leads to defeat and an internal crisis, the so-called emotional burnout; as a result, he ceases to appreciate his previous merits and concentrates on failures;
The loss of a loved one or several people at once - a quarrel with loved ones or the death of one of the relatives can seriously unsettle and “cripple” the psyche, depriving a person of any meaning in life;
Disappointments - most often in people, when others do not live up to expectations, and you have to take responsibility not only for your own, but also, possibly, for someone else’s life;
Childhood spent in poverty is another significant factor, because something is constantly missing for those who in childhood did not even have the bare minimum, and in adulthood cannot ensure that all their desires are fulfilled;
Low level of personal development - a person who is focused on consuming material values and is fixated on how perfect everything should be is less happy than someone who cares about internal harmony and well-being by taking care of themselves;
Fear of hopelessness - if a person has been depressed for a long time and is unable to get out of it, he develops a state of hopelessness when it is unlikely that anything can bring pleasure.

The main reason for dissatisfaction with life and dissatisfaction with oneself is the discrepancy between the goals set and the results achieved.

Signs of dissatisfaction with life and internal dissatisfaction

Recognizing this phenomenon can sometimes be very difficult, because it can be disguised as various other disorders. However, it is worth paying attention to some signs that should ring alarm bells:

unwillingness to encourage and praise oneself - a person who is dissatisfied with himself, does not know how to say good words about himself and even think about himself in a positive way, he constantly claims that he could become even better;
constant tension follows from the previous point - cannot reward himself at least emotionally, therefore he is often irritated and in a state of anger;
excessive criticism towards other people is another clear sign of dissatisfaction with life and internal dissatisfaction, because it is mainly self-critical people who criticize others, who are always lacking something;
inability to enjoy little things - he constantly wants to build Napoleonic plans, and small intermediate victories practically do not please him, he cannot find his place in life, understand his purpose;
hoarding or, conversely, unreasonable consumption - too much saving or wastefulness - a sign that a person lacks internal harmony.

If you detect at least one of these signs, you should immediately contact a specialist, because independent work, especially in advanced cases, may not be enough.

How to get rid of this condition?

The main point to understand is that a person must understand the following: happiness is within himself, and no external factor can bring or take it away. The idea is that all people are complete, they are born that way. And the circumstances they encounter only complement it or make it stronger.

Regular exercise and walks in the fresh air can be irreplaceable. Some people benefit from a change of scenery. Experts also recommend scheduling a massage or acupuncture treatment, which will lead to improved physical and mental health in a relatively short period of time. But it is worth understanding that all these activities are auxiliary, since the basis is work with a psychotherapist.

Why is it important to enroll in psychotherapy courses?

If a person is not happy with life and is not satisfied with his own situation, it is worthwhile to work through these issues with a psychotherapist. The fact is that only an experienced person from the outside can tell you what exactly the problem is and how to solve it. Many people engage in self-healing, believing that it will save them a decent amount of money, but in the end they still come to the point that they need to contact a knowledgeable person, and lose precious time during which they could live, and not exist.

Only with an experienced psychotherapist with a high level of qualifications can the problem be solved in its depths, and not on the surface. Of course, you can’t do without independent exercises, including those prescribed by an expert. But a person who finds himself in such a difficult life situation can only be helped by someone who knows how to get out of it and can help with this.

The Damian Sinaisky Center for Strategic Coaching and Psychotherapy will help you learn to enjoy life and get the most out of it. As a result, you will be able to live a holistic and fulfilling life.

How to heal from a victim complex

If you are constantly unhappy with your life and feel like a victim of circumstances, then first of all you need to change your thinking.

Stop blaming yourself and others.

No matter what difficult situation you find yourself in, it is no one's fault. When you feel guilty, you waste a lot of energy. There are no ideal people, everyone makes mistakes. When you get angry or offended in a difficult situation, you don’t have the strength to solve the problem. When you are hurt, it should motivate you to take action, not drive you into despair.

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Be responsible for yourself.

Only you are responsible for how you live. If you have problems, then you let it happen. Don't count on anyone to help you. First of all, look for a way out yourself and answer honestly the question - what have you personally done to change your situation?

Don't attract other people's attention to yourself with pity.

If you need understanding, find a way other than complaining. Make people admire you, not pity you. When talking about any problem, express your feelings correctly - do not talk about how you did too much for others and did not receive any return, talk about the feelings that you experience without blaming anyone. Share not negative, but positive, charge people with energy and then you will feel tremendous support.

Be wise.

When an unpleasant situation happens, you have two options - become a victim or find benefit for yourself. Remember, no matter how difficult the circumstances were, they may turn out to be something good in the end. Try to understand the true meaning of the problem that has arisen, think about why such a test fell on your shoulders, in what directions you can move and what result you want to get.

Enjoy the moment.

Don't think about the past, it can't be returned, don't worry about the future, you don't know what it is. Live in the present. To find a way out of a difficult situation, you need to be balanced and not clog your head with unnecessary thoughts.

Believe in yourself.

Everything that happens to you is the result of your thoughts and actions. When you learn to love yourself and accept new experiences with gratitude, you will not have any problems. You will be able to truly enjoy life in all its manifestations.

Don't beat yourself up.

A constant stream of thoughts prevents you from soberly assessing the situation and plunges you even deeper into the state of the victim. Direct all your energy to find the right way out. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, try to grasp the essence of what happened. Never give up and never stop enjoying life. Once you learn to control your emotions, you will no longer be a victim.

Similarities and differences between you

We tend to be attracted to people who like us—people with similar values, interests, and outlooks on life. We like people who support us, who see things the same way we do. And while similarities are what attract people to each other, how they deal with their differences largely determines whether a relationship will flourish or fizzle out. Pay attention to how your partner deals with differences of opinion. Is he expressing his opinion or is he simply making it clear that “if you have any sense in you, you will agree with me”? Does he/she make value judgments such as “thinking like this is wrong”?

All people are different. And if you don't set your own boundaries that give you and your partner the opportunity to show respect for each other, in the early stages of the relationship, over time, criticism, hostility and even cruelty will “creep” into your relationship.

Psychologist John Gottman has studied marriages in his laboratory at the University of Wisconsin for more than a quarter of a century and has gained a clear understanding of why some marriages survive and others fail. A scientist is able to predict the fate of a couple simply by observing their behavior. His predictions are correct a whopping 91% of the time. In his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, Gottman describes the human skills that harm marriages and offers specific solutions for each. He identified four negative relationship patterns that almost always result in a breakup. He called them the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."

Criticism in the form of getting personal.
Prejudice in the form of insults, ridicule and teasing.
Defensive behavior in the form of excuses, justifications, and hitting back instead of responding more healthily to concerns raised.
Obstacles in the form of refusal of relationships and avoidance of conversation (silence or monosyllabic answers).

Do you take on responsibilities?

The quality of a person's life is directly proportional to his desire for excellence, regardless of what he does.

Vince Lombardi

American football player and coach

The commitments you make and the promises you make to yourself are the bridge between you and your ideal life. If you're unhappy in your marriage, check whether you're fulfilling your responsibilities as a husband and father (or wife and mother). If you're earning less than you'd like, make sure you're working hard.

If you want to achieve a goal, promise yourself to take steps towards it. Only they will help you go towards success according to plan and only they will force you to do what you need to do, regardless of external circumstances.

If you want results, you must be responsible for your work.

If you are interested in doing something, then you do it when it suits you. And if you have made a commitment, then you will do it in any circumstances. No excuses, just results.

Ken Blanchard

writer

So if you want to improve your life, don't cut yourself some slack.

What changes are you looking forward to?

We always have a choice: to take a step forward or return to where it is safe.

Abraham Maslow

psychologist and founder of humanistic psychology

Are you struggling to find work-life balance? Do you want to open your own business? Do you need to restore your health? Are you learning to deal with anger? Or maybe you are trying to improve your relationship with your partner? Define your goal and formulate it as precisely as possible.

The power of the right goal setting and attitude is illustrated by the example of What Breaking the 4-Minute Mile Taught Us About the Limits of Conventional Thinking by Roger Bannister, a medical student from London, who at the age of 25 decided to run a mile (1.6 km) at all costs. faster than 4 minutes. The year was 1954 - then it was believed that a person was not capable of such a thing.

Bannister developed his own training regimen. But psychological preparation turned out to be even more important. He changed his mindset from “this is impossible” to “I want to be the first to do this.” On May 6, 1954, Bannister ran the mile in 3 minutes and 59.4 seconds.

Roger Bannister silenced his inner voice, gave himself permission to become great, realized that running lit a fire within him, promised himself to become the first person to run a 4-minute mile, and was clear about what his goal was.

Where does life dissatisfaction begin?

Dissatisfaction with life is rooted in various spheres of life of a modern person - home and family, work and money, self-realization, entertainment. They are the sources of dissatisfaction. Emerging problems spoil an individual’s mood and negatively affect his self-esteem and well-being.

Experts identify the following aspects that give rise to a feeling of dissatisfaction with life:

high expectations;
lack of items or events;
habit of making plans.

Psychologists advise not to fantasize about an ideal life, which does not correspond to the real picture of the world. This is often reinforced by advertising of status items. Belief in the ideal is actively supported by public opinion, the media and shopping centers.

The famous psychologist Abraham Maslow named several groups of needs, which included physiology and safety, socialization, respect and self-expression. When a person has achieved wealth and become in demand in the professional sphere, his soul asks for more communication. Managing your desires is what protects a person from dissatisfaction with himself.

Greed or excessive desire to have something destroys a person from the inside. Moreover, this problem is inherent even in very rich and influential people.

If a person has been accustomed since childhood to planning the future and being responsible for the events that happen in his life, then it will be difficult for him to cope with problems. Considering himself a single creator, the individual feels guilty for the discrepancy between the actual path and the fictitious picture. Dissatisfaction with life is additionally fueled by the desire to become more successful, smart and interesting.

Speaking about the reasons for dissatisfaction with life, we must not forget that the world is constantly changing. Depression is what dissatisfaction with life leads to. Achievements quickly depreciate, and you won’t be able to enjoy the same things. The problem of dissatisfaction with oneself is complicated by the fact that visiting psychologists and psychotherapists in our country has not yet become a normal phenomenon.

What to do

Every day a person is forced into harsh work and living conditions that are difficult for him to cope with. Progressive dissatisfaction can be prevented through balance in all areas of life. An individual is able to find answers to many questions within himself, so he has the opportunity to choose an active position or simply wait for a favorable moment.

Psychology calls dissatisfaction with life a reason for reflection. Consider the following points for yourself:

what exactly is missing for happiness;
roots of discontent;
meeting expectations.

Sometimes the cause of irritation is chronic fatigue. In this case, you need to limit physical activity, get more rest and avoid stress factors. The shortest way to overcome dissatisfaction is the help of a specialist.

A specialist who specializes in such issues will help eliminate the feeling of dissatisfaction with life. A psychologist does not diagnose or instruct a person. He always makes the decision himself, taking into account basic values. The assistant's task is to help the individual experience joy in his own life.

What's stopping you from taking action?

The things, questions, and words we fear most are often the very things we need to do, ask, or say.

Timothy Ferriss

writer

Most often, it is not others who hold us back, but our own inner voice. He says that we are not smart or strong enough, that our attempts are doomed to failure. If you feel like you are standing still and your conversations with your inner self are not ending well, just ignore it.

Some people allow their fears to take over. One way to overcome them and silence your inner voice is to acknowledge and voice what you are afraid of.

Imagine the worst case scenario and you will feel your fears begin to subside.

Timothy Ferriss

Timothy Ferriss developed an exercise called Managing Fear. He showed that once his fear was transferred from thoughts to paper, it was easier to overcome it in real life.

What's holding you back?

What are you truly passionate about?

The most powerful weapon on Earth is the burning human soul.

Ferdinand Foch

French military leader

If you want to be free and develop, ask yourself: “What lights the fire in me?”

What makes you happy? What are you truly passionate about? Entrepreneur and co-founder of Apple Steve Jobs knew the answer to this question from an early age: he was fascinated by design. Designing simple products is what fueled his fire.

Think about what you are obsessed with. By doing this, you will be focused, motivated and productive.

Consequences

Psychology calls the main consequence of dissatisfaction with one’s life internal emptiness. The desire to fill it provokes a craving for various extremes - dangerous actions, meaningless purchases and other oddities. Exorbitant spending of money, alcohol and dubious company only aggravate the problem.

It is interesting that many people tend to reproduce the attitude towards life formed by their parents and grandparents. From the past we have come to believe that in order to succeed and achieve, it is necessary to experience discomfort and suffering. Such thinking inevitably leads to self-dissatisfaction and subsequent depression.

A loved one feels like a victim, what should I do?

If there are “sufferers” in your environment, you can help them. This is not easy, especially if the person himself does not want to change his thinking. But there is still a chance that they will listen to you.

To help a loved one, first of all, you do not need to devalue his feelings. Support him so that he understands so that you will be there in any situation. Show by example that nothing is impossible. Radiate positive energy, support not only with words, but also with actions. For example, if a person complains to you that soon there will be nothing to eat, buy the food yourself and remind the refrigerator. If a person complains of physical fatigue, help him and buy a certificate to a good massage therapist. How exactly to help the victim is up to you to decide, but most importantly, have less regret and show how wonderful life is and how many new opportunities there are for realization. published .

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