You've probably noticed that sometimes you look at a girl, and she's so confident. She knows about her strong qualities, about her desires, she knows everything about her appearance, even if she “didn’t come off the cover of a magazine.” It is not difficult for her to meet new people because she is confident that she can carry on a conversation.
But there are completely different people who are afraid to approach those who are more successful and start talking to them. The question immediately arises in my head: “What will they think of me?”, “What if they don’t like me and they judge me?”
So, life for those who have good self-esteem (neither too high nor too low) develops much more successfully than for people with low self-esteem. For one simple reason - they miss opportunities.
In this article:
What is self-esteem? “Now tell me” Personal boundaries
How does self-esteem affect family relationships?
Family is a circle of closest people who directly build confidence and self-respect. This is especially important to remember when raising children. It is necessary to help them form adequate self-confidence from an early age through reasonable praise, polite treatment, attention, and care.
How does each type of self-esteem affect relationships with family:
- Understated. It affects not only the perception of the spouse, but also increases anxiety and concern about the relationship in general. Such people are jealous, distrustful, they are more prone to mood swings, since they often adapt to the influence of others. This negatively affects family relationships. It is sometimes difficult for your other half to understand why you are unhappy. Indeed, an insecure person often does not understand his own needs, the reasons for his bad mood, what can we say about your spouse?
- Overpriced. People with such self-esteem are not able to listen to others, withstand even constructive criticism, understand, and correct their own mistakes. In a relationship, it is very important to listen and hear each other. People cannot be perfect; a family is built on understanding, acceptance, and trust in each other. A self-confident person is not able to build healthy relationships, because he loves, cares and hears only himself, and looks at his partner as a competitor.
- Adequate. She is healthy, sometimes she is called tall. The only type of self-esteem that is normal. Such people know how to accept and value themselves and other people as they are. They do not put themselves above others, do not compare, and do not strive to prove their own importance. But, at the same time, they know their needs, know how to build personal boundaries and build harmonious relationships.
Instant Narcissism
The reasons for such a cult with a narcissistic bias can be found in a number of phenomena.
First, social media and affordable credit make people appear more successful than they are.
Secondly, the style of behavior of celebrities, whose whole job is to demonstrate brilliance and greatness, began to be copied by bloggers and guys who simply registered an account on Instagram.
Thirdly, advertising strategies for promoting goods and services indirectly influence thinking: increasing the level of consumption means taking care of yourself, this is good and correct.
Fourthly, constant changes in the labor market force a person of our day to demonstrate success and constantly sell himself under different sauces, but invariably - confident, reaching the top and radiant. Now not only professional qualities are important, but also psychological stability, the ability to get along with others, be an optimist and have a decent online profile. Promoting a personal brand is impossible without working on self-esteem.
Fifthly, having satisfied their need for basic convenience (otherwise why is everyone around wearing sneakers?), people want comfort to reign in their souls. Self-admiration, as a socially approved action, provides this wonderful opportunity.
And finally, sixthly, the widespread need for psychological education forces us to seriously simplify common-sense ideas. Thus, the maxim “high self-esteem is the source of high achievements” turns into a pop candy wrapper and degenerates into other statements, for example, that low heart rate underlies not only life failures, but also social dysfunctions.
The influence of self-esteem on relationships with the opposite sex
The ultimate goal of relationships with the opposite sex is to create a family. The choice of a partner will be influenced not only by his appearance, character, behavior, attitude towards you, but also your self-confidence, which affects the psychology of your habits.
- Understated. A person with low self-esteem is not able to understand his needs and desires. Doctors say that such people tend to get into toxic relationships. This happens due to the fear of being left without a partner, therefore, when they get into an abusive relationship, they cannot break it off. A person who is insecure can live for years or decades with an unloved person out of fear of being left alone without finding a mate.
- Overpriced. Due to excessive self-love, people with high self-esteem will always focus on their own merits, neglecting the needs of their partner. This limits the possibility of finding a life partner. Few people would want to live with a selfish, arrogant, narcissist.
- Healthy. Such people know very well and are able to express their own needs, they clearly know what personal characteristics their partner should have. They are easy to communicate, interesting, attractive to the opposite sex. It is easy for them to build relationships with the opposite sex.
How does self-esteem affect friendships?
People with self-esteem disorders, overestimated or underestimated, always find it difficult to build any relationships, including friendly ones. A person who is unsure of himself is often in a pessimistic mood, he complains about life, whines. Sometimes even the closest friends have a hard time withstanding this constant negativity.
It is also difficult to be friends with a narcissist. He is focused on himself, prone to boasting, overestimating his capabilities, and putting himself above others. Such people and friendship are often incompatible concepts.
If you have healthy self-esteem, people will reach out and expand your circle of communication and friendship. Such a person knows how to accept others as they are, appreciate personal boundaries, empathize, accept criticism and criticize adequately, and does not try to assert himself at the expense of others. This is another example of the influence of healthy self-esteem on human behavior.
"Now tell me"
Now tell me, can a woman still have low self-esteem if she has completed all the previous points. I'm sure not. Remember, it all starts with a great desire to change your life for the better. When you don’t want it to be the way it was before, and you see the reason that you simply don’t love yourself enough, then everyone around you sees it.
No one wants to hire a woman who believes she is unworthy of it for a high-paying job. In the same way, it is very difficult to enter into a new wonderful union with a man if you do not show him with your entire attitude towards yourself how you can be treated and how you cannot be treated.
The influence of self-esteem on behavior around strangers
Of course, the first impression is often false, but it is always remembered and leaves its mark in further communication.
- A person who is insecure is often not even noticed, because he is embarrassed to talk to others, prefers to retire and remain silent.
- The same cannot be said about a narcissist. He is loud, intrusive, arrogant. He will be remembered, but not in a good way.
- When meeting a person with healthy self-esteem, they are remembered as a polite, interesting interlocutor with whom you want to continue communicating.
For career and personal goals
In this area, it is also possible to trace the connection between self-esteem and the behavior of people with different types of self-esteem on their performance and ability to achieve goals.
- Understated. Underestimation of one's capabilities, lack of initiative, lack of goals - these are all characteristics of an employee who lacks self-confidence. You may have to change jobs frequently because employers have little use for you.
- Overpriced. Such workers are also not of much use. They tend to exaggerate their capabilities and take on too much. They also don’t know how to take criticism or work on mistakes. A few of these unfulfilled tasks, and you can go looking for another job.
- Healthy. As in other aspects of life, in work it is also better to deal with people who are able to adequately assess tasks, learn, analyze their behavior and mistakes. This can be done only by people with adequate self-esteem, who are sufficiently confident in their abilities and knowledge.
Some tips on how to increase self-esteem
Instantly improving low self-esteem, which has been developing throughout your life, is not easy, but possible. Changing self-esteem takes time and persistence. But don't give up! You deserve to accept yourself, to feel comfortable. No one should be held back from reaching their full potential. To do this, use the advice of experts:
Use positive statements (affirmations)
Positive statements can help improve self-esteem because they gradually become true for you. Describe how you want to feel all the time: I am happy, self-sufficient, harmonious, healthy. Say it out loud and often.
Perfectionism is no good
Nobody is perfect. Although it sounds strange, perfection cannot take you to where you really want to be. Accept your flaws. Stop being dissatisfied with your achievements and results. Instead of perfect, choose good enough. Allow yourself to make mistakes, to fail. Sometimes you can learn more from failure than from success. Be proud of even your smallest achievements.
Recognize your strengths
No one is good at everything, and we are all good at something (math, drawing, cross stitch). Identify your strengths and focus on developing them. Then you will demonstrate to yourself real abilities and achievements. And because we enjoy doing what we're good at, you'll feel happier.
Set yourself a challenge
Don't let the fear of failure stop you from trying new things. Step outside your comfort zone. Set small goals for yourself, such as eating more vegetables, walking more, starting to learn English. Achieving them will help you feel better about yourself and motivate you to set even more goals.
Connect with people who love you
Spending time with people who treat you badly can have a huge impact on your self-confidence. Spend more time with people who love and appreciate you because they can help you challenge negative thinking. Ask them what they like about you, what you did right. This is necessary in order to form a different, more positive image of yourself. Also, be willing to meet new people to make new friends, even if it means trying new hobbies and stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Be more compassionate with yourself
When disappointment and embarrassment overwhelm you because you weren't able to achieve your goal, don't be too hard on yourself. Imagine a friend is in your situation, what advice would you give them? We often give much better advice to others than we give ourselves. Direct these thoughts towards yourself, change the critical thoughts with self-compassion.
Remember that your self-esteem is not constant, it directly depends on your thinking, actions, and environment. So keep working so you can develop and maintain the healthy self-confidence you strive for.
Good books to boost your self-esteem
- "How to Overcome Your Victim Complex" by Wayne Dyer. A book with practical examples, methods and tips will help you fight back against manipulators. The author is sure that to be a victim or not to be is everyone’s personal choice.
- “Make him shut up. How to overcome your inner critic and take action by Danny Gregory. The book is about how to stop devaluing yourself and all your achievements.
- "And I do not". How not to be afraid of refusals and go ahead towards your goal,” Jia Jiang. Any refusals are perceived painfully, personally, and hit hard on self-esteem. The author decided to overcome the fear of rejection, and what came out of this can be found out by reading the book.
The issue of increasing self-esteem needs to be approached comprehensively. It is necessary to work not only on appearance, but also on self-perception. Come to the “Flourish” marathon to work out your body, face and even your mind in detail. Special meditative practices will help you find harmony with yourself and love yourself.
