A child’s lack of self-confidence negatively affects not only his current life, but also his future achievements. Low self-esteem in a teenager prevents him from developing fully. Thoughts of being laughed at, misunderstood, or school work not being good enough for everyone to see are anchors that hinder development.
Self-esteem plays a big role in the development of a child’s personality. The main step for a teenager on the path to success is the opportunity to realistically assess his place in society. Objective self-esteem helps a child understand what he can really do for a successful and happy life.
In early childhood, the sense of self-perception is impeccable. But under the influence of external factors (parents, relatives, educators and surrounding people), self-esteem is subject to adjustment.
Signs of low self-esteem in a child
How to understand that a child has problems with self-esteem? Psychologists identify a number of symptoms that may indicate low self-esteem in a child.
- Criticality – the child criticizes everything around him and feels dissatisfied when things don’t go according to plan. An upset child feels misunderstood and underappreciated, and this can provoke withdrawal.
- Tearfulness is the result of excessive criticism. Dissatisfaction with your results comes out through tears.
- Desire to be the center of attention - children constantly attract the attention of adults so as not to feel lonely. Adults do not always have time for constant conversations and joint activities, which angers and upsets children.
- Inability to lose - such children do not value the process of the game, but expect only a positive result from it, i.e. victories. They believe that this will allow them to earn the acceptance and love of others. Such children do not know how to admit defeat, and at the same time overestimate the fact of their victory (excessive boasting).
- Fear of making a mistake – fear of failure makes a child avoid risks. Therefore, the child chooses the action in which he is absolutely confident. This attitude interferes with development, and in addition contributes to the emergence of anxiety.
- Closedness and unsociability - introverts, as a rule, find it difficult to find a common language with peers and let other people into their space, so their social skills are poorly developed.
- Depressed mood – such children are often sad and not smiling. They do not have the motivation and vital energy for spontaneous actions.
- Achieving ideals - an attempt to bring any action to the ideal does not give the opportunity to focus on other important points. Perfectionism prevents a child from developing effectively and efficiently, because too much effort is spent on improving and correcting the result already achieved.
- Aggression is the best defense - attack. And the manifestation of aggression and anger only worsens relationships.
- Addiction to approval – children with low self-esteem are overly eager to receive approval from peers, parents, and teachers. This may be due to a lack of trust or a lack of understanding of how to understand yourself or how to evaluate your actions yourself.
- Behavioral factors - a child who lacks self-confidence often speaks quietly and indistinctly. doesn't make eye contact. In a team, he sits on the edge, does not try to establish contact with peers, thereby trying to distance himself from everyone. The appearance may be sloppy.
It is worth considering that all these signs can manifest themselves in different ways. It depends on temperament, character, family situation and life path.
Causes of low self-esteem in teenagers
Psychologists suggest that low self-esteem in children and adolescents is influenced primarily by environmental factors: the family situation, the presence of friends, the atmosphere in the school class. Characteristics of temperament and character may also influence.
Many parents may notice changes in behavior at the age of 6-7 years, when the child enters first grade. He faces new experiences and difficulties, and the influence of teachers and peers can have different effects on self-esteem. The more children feel warmth, love and care in the family, have the opportunity to discuss difficult issues and share experiences, the faster they adapt to social life in a new society.
With the transition to secondary school (at approximately the age of 11-12 years), a teenager’s self-esteem begins to adjust under the influence of relationships with peers.
Some children feel inferior due to personal characteristics:
- Congenital disease.
- Disability.
- Peculiarities of perception of educational information (slowness, need for repetition, etc.)
- Temperament.
- Physical characteristics (such as a birthmark, excess weight, thinness, or unusual hair color).
Relationships in the family can also become a significant reason for low self-esteem in a child: strong guardianship or lack of trust in the family negatively affects the teenager. Children withdraw into themselves, often thinking that adults do not need them.
Some parents may compare their child's failure to the success of a friend's son/daughter, emphasizing that the other child is better, smarter, or stronger. During such conversations, the teenager begins to doubt his abilities, believing that he is not good enough.
Social contacts at school with teachers and classmates also influence the formation of self-esteem. Bullying from peers, humiliation and intimidation from teachers can drive a child into a depressed state. The child needs to know that at home he is loved, valued and will always be supported.
Showing love is good!
It goes without saying that parents love their children. But not all adults know how to express heartfelt affection. If this is not done, then the teenager will feel useless and self-esteem will fall. Learn to talk about your feelings yourself, show tenderness, show sympathy. Let your son or daughter feel that you unconditionally, unconditionally, sincerely accept him for who he is. Tell your child that you are happy to spend time with him and how good it is that you have him. Try to do it emotionally. Express your feelings through nonverbal (wordless) means: a sincere sparkle in your eyes, close attention, touching your shoulder, hugging. If a teenager feels loved, his self-esteem will definitely increase.
How is self-esteem formed?
The formation of a child’s self-esteem is largely influenced by the behavior of adults: parents and teachers. From birth, the child looks at his parents, their reaction and waits for an assessment of his behavior, trying not to disappoint mom and dad.
It is important to make it clear to the child that it is impossible to know everything - it is human nature to make mistakes. And parents, as mentors, should not scold, but help and guide.
Each child is unique, and the role of elders is to reveal talent without underestimating abilities.
4 stages of development of self-esteem in a child:
- From birth to 1.5 years, through the care and love of parents, the child develops trust in the world around him. The child does not fully understand the meaning of words. He feels his parents' appreciation through a smile, a hug, a gentle voice.
- From 1.5 to 4 years is the age when a child actively explores the world around him. It is important to let your child feel independent. You shouldn’t prohibit him from exploring everything around him; it’s better to help him make this path comfortable and safe. The child is responsible for his own actions. The parent’s task is not to criticize, but to explain what the child did wrong. The emphasis is on the action, not on the child’s personality.
- From 4 to 6 years old is the period when a child’s place in society becomes important. He wonders how many friends he has in kindergarten or in the playground near his house. Why doesn't anyone want to be friends with him or play with him? Looks for the reason in himself. At such moments, it is important that the parent supports the child and explains what is happening. At this age, it is important for a child to take initiative. Give more freedom of action.
- The school stage, the period from 6 to 15 years, is the most important in the formation of a teenager’s self-esteem. In the school process, hard work and achieving significant results are important. If at this age a child does not integrate into society, his self-esteem is low, and this negatively affects the learning process. The child becomes withdrawn and unsure of himself. Apathy may appear and interest in what you love may fade. Therefore, it is extremely important to support your child at any stage of life, to show care and love.
More praise, less criticism
The task of parents is to bring the child’s self-esteem as close to reality as possible. If you criticize your son or daughter all the time, their self-esteem will drop completely. Don't be stingy with praise. It is important to encourage any endeavors of a teenager. Never make fun of a child if he fails at something. Try to help him, give maternal or paternal advice, just do it unobtrusively. Encourage the teenager, tell him that he will succeed. If you don't know how to raise a teenager's self-esteem, show your son or daughter that you believe in them.
How do parents influence their children's self-esteem?
Responsive and loving parents help the child develop with normal self-esteem. And negative relationships in the family give rise to uncertainty and isolation: the child becomes fixated on his failures, becomes suspicious, and sometimes displays aggression and anxiety.
When forming a teenager’s self-esteem, the style of communication within the family is important:
- Symmetrical - all family members interact with each other on equal terms. In such a family, the child considers himself important, his opinion is taken into account in all situations. The child forms his own criteria for evaluating his actions based on his parents’ assessments.
- Asymmetrical - the child is practically not allowed to participate in decision making. This model creates a negative perception of one’s own self.
It is important to understand that a child is also a member of the family. He has his own opinion on the situation or action addressed to him. It is worth taking into account the child’s opinion in matters that concern him indirectly or directly. You should not neglect the child’s words, as he may feel useless and withdraw into himself even more.
Forming the correct perception of criticism
Always show interest in the affairs of the minor and find out about his difficulties. It is important to properly teach him to accept criticism from friends or teachers. Explain to children that sometimes you need to admit your mistakes or defend your point of view in a cultural manner. Do not feel sorry for the upset teenager, but simply advise him how to behave in such situations. Explain to your child that criticism is not a personal insult, because others may have a different opinion than he does. Let him understand that criticism can become an incentive for further development, an objective assessment of his further actions.
How to improve low self-esteem in a teenager?
- Do not criticize your child - it is important for a teenager to hear about his strengths. Don't dwell on his failures.
- Give your child compliments - appearance is very important during adolescence. If a child has acne, you should not transfer everything to adolescence - it is better to consult a specialist to find out the cause and choose treatment tactics. Or, for example, make an appointment with a stylist to choose fashionable clothes or change your hairstyle.
- Support, praise and pamper - say that you are proud of your child, emphasize his results, set him up in a positive way: “You will succeed, I believe in you” - the child will be very happy to hear this from his beloved parents.
- Show your child your self-confidence - children often look up to their parents, so show your child what kind of person you are: strong, confident, friendly.
A parent must convey two important messages to their child: “I’m cool” and “You’re cool too. Even a little better than me."
- Expand your child’s social circle – discuss his interests with the teenager and sign him up for clubs or a sports section. Perhaps at school not all the kids develop friendly relations. And in the new team, the child will show his abilities and look at himself from a different perspective. The larger the social circle, the better the child’s talents and abilities are revealed.
- Teach to say “no” - often children with low self-esteem are used for selfish purposes. Such children do not like to refuse, because this is how they feel important. The child should be able to determine for what purpose he is being asked to help? You need to teach your child to say “no” to all ill-wishers. This is an important skill: “the ability to say no and assert your boundaries.”
When should you contact a psychologist?
Adolescence is an important and difficult period of personality development. Changes occur, both physical and psychological. The child is in search of ideals, achieves new goals, and sets priorities.
It is necessary to prevent low self-esteem against the background of so-called “shortcomings” and fictitious complexes. If you don’t cope with the problem in time, the imprint can be left for life: self-doubt prevents you from realizing your abilities.
It is important that parents give support to the child to create good conditions to achieve results. If parents understand that they cannot help their child on their own, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist for advice.
Consequences of low self-perception in adolescence
Often the mental and physical health of a girl or guy depends on self-confidence. Parents should not forget about this. Here are the negative consequences that low self-esteem can lead to:
- resistance to stressful situations is lost;
- a depressed mood occurs;
- various fears appear;
- the functions of the gastrointestinal tract are disrupted.
Of course, no parent wants this to happen to their child. Therefore, it is very important to help minors improve their self-confidence. Psychologists recommend tips and exercises on how to raise self-esteem for a teenager.
Summarizing…
Low self-esteem in adolescents negatively affects their position in society and can cause isolation, misunderstanding, and conflicts in the family and in the team. An inferiority complex prevents children from developing and achieving their goals.
The child needs to be helped to form a positive opinion about himself. A teenager must understand that he is loved, valued, and respected. This will help you adapt to difficult social conditions, not lose yourself and move on to success. With low self-esteem, a teenager begins to find obstacles everywhere and see negativity where there is none.
If you are faced with the problem of low self-esteem in a teenager and understand that you need help to overcome it, you can turn to psychologists at our Center for help. The studio of practical psychology "Empathy" has been specializing in psychological assistance and support for adolescents for many years. Our group classes are designed in such a way as to help a teenager find himself and become more confident in this difficult period of life. MORE DETAILS
You can also sign up for an individual consultation with a psychologist. MORE.
Features in adolescence
The complex and contradictory period of formation of self-analysis in a teenager determines how successful he will be in adulthood. Good self-esteem will help you interact normally with the opposite sex, achieve your goals, and achieve success. One of the features of this period is that the authority of their parents begins to decline among minors. If peers see a teenager as handsome, smart, and cheerful, then he values himself. If peers react negatively to him, then self-esteem drops. Just don’t step aside, it’s important to help the child. During this period, children want to experience everything through their own experience. Therefore, advice must be very correct.
