Why girls like bad boys: psychology, scientific research

It's unfair that girls love bad boys, but alas, that's the way it is. Each of the women at least once tried to tame the “bad guy”. Some got burned and didn’t want any more adventures, while others, like moths, fly from one toxic relationship to another until they burn out. “Bad” guys are brutal, strong – real alphas, but this is not the only reason for attraction to such men. Do you want to be the hero of her tearful melodrama or is it better to remain yourself? Read the article and think about it again.

Who are the good guys and why girls don't like them

First, let's figure out why good guys lose compared to bad guys in a girl's eyes. You're polite, caring, kind, but instead of trying to get you, she tells you that you're a great friend. But she will buzz her ears about how much she likes the guy from the next office who is rude and ignores her. Good guys work hard for relationships; they are “excellent” in love. They are warm, reliable and... boring!

The guy is afraid of ruining everything, so he avoids risks, scandals, and in the eyes of the girl he quickly becomes a “rag.” He will watch melodramas with her, look sympathetically into her eyes when she openly goes too far with her claims from scratch. A bad guy will not allow himself to be humiliated and his feet wiped all over him. He will be able to define the boundaries of what is permitted and show “who is the man” in a relationship, and girls like it.

Not such a paradox

Universal injustice or global conspiracy - this is what the “good guys” call the inexplicable craving of women for “bad guys.”

“I look after her, give her flowers and gifts, I gave up everything for her! What's the answer? She’s cheating on me with some boorish, uncouth brute!”

Women love bad men - that's a fact. But men and women look at this completely differently.

How a man sees everything: a stupid woman gives up a secure future and family for the sake of a dubious affair with someone who can hardly be called an exemplary husband or father of future children.

How the woman sees everything: “Oh, how... incredible he is!” Paradox? Only at first sight. If we delve deeper into the topic of attraction to bad boys and study it from a psychological point of view, we will find a simple answer to the question that keeps good boys awake.

Who are the bad guys

A bad guy knows his worth, even if he has no special talents and has not achieved anything in life. He knows how to show off and arouse the admiration of women. He has long understood the hackneyed principle about “The less we love a woman” and actively uses it. He lives for his own pleasure and does not deny himself anything.

Good guys hate bad guys not only for their pathos, but also because they take the best girls. At school, bad guys are rarely excellent students; they have many girlfriends, each of whom has already mentally tried on a white dress. They dream about such guys, they dream about them, imagining them as their idol. With age, the situation changes and being an alpha male becomes more difficult, but more on that later.

How long will this last

But while bad guys have the power of hypnosis and magnetism, it's important to note that their methods of seduction wear out pretty quickly.

Although they find it relatively easy to build new relationships, research suggests that over time they have a harder time maintaining their captivating first impression. Don't forget that bad guys tend to have character traits such as selfishness, indifference and arrogance.

Just be careful, since recognizing the true essence of a person is not immediately possible. Bad guys are good at hiding their bad qualities.

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Why do girls fall in love with bad boys?

It's nice to be the heroine of a novel that a girl once read, imagining that the guy would change for her. Women idealize bad guys and happily put on rose-colored glasses to endlessly forgive until they see the light. There are several reasons why girls love bad boys:

1. Genetic memory. It just so happened that a man should be wild, unbridled and fearless. Otherwise, how could he kill a mammoth and feed his family? Therefore, even now, recklessness is accepted as a positive quality, even if it goes far beyond the norm. The girl is sure that “So-and-so will definitely protect me!” In reality, it often happens that the girl herself has to be protected from him.
2. Banal boredom. Home, work, study - all this is so predictable and monotonous. Another thing is that he is so unusual, you don’t know what will happen to him in the next minute! So what if he can forget about your birthday and during a quarrel he insults you with the last words.
3. Imposed family values. Nowadays, families don't hold on to marriage the same way. Having children does not protect anyone from divorce, and often the woman herself becomes the initiator. But until recently it was a shame, so girls stuck to their chosen one, even if he was rude, drank and cheated. And their mothers instilled in their daughters that such relationships are the norm. We cannot speak for everyone, but girls from such families join the circle of those who love sacrifice in love.
4. Stereotypes and “heroes of novels”. Previously, in books, and now in films, there was and continues to be propaganda for the “bad guys.” It feels like the bad guys are specially ordering advertising for themselves, but in fact, directors and writers are simply making girls’ dreams come true in their works.

Instead of output

Relationships with bad guys are very fascinating. But for the most part, girls who fall for such guys do not have much experience in romantic relationships and believe that there is no other scenario. However, if you don't mind flashy short-term romances, that's your right.

It's normal that women often pay attention to bad guys. As you can see, there is scientific justification for this. But if you're focused on a healthy, long-term relationship, you need to get off this rocky path. The main thing is to be happy.

Was there anything you didn’t like about this article, do you have anything to add, or did you find an error? Be sure to write about it in the comments. Not a single comment will be left unattended!

Do you have to be a bad guy to make a girl fall in love?

After another bad guy steals a good girl from a good guy, it’s hard not to think about life and re-evaluate. “Oh, so, since girls love bad boys, then that’s what I’ll become!”, you think and are already getting ready to behave cheekily from tomorrow and make caustic jokes with a concerned overtone. Take your time, there are several reasons to remain yourself:

1. After 25-30 years, the demand for bad guys declines. There are still masochists who are ready to suffer and love, but there are fewer and fewer of them every year. Beautiful women now value wealth, reliability and seriousness. They also say that guys develop later! Many of the first beauties of the school bitterly regret that they missed out on the loser crammer, who has now created a popular application and is fabulously rich.
2. You don't have to change yourself, but you can learn a few tricks from the bad guys. A little impromptu, self-confidence, elements of unpredictability. Know how to surprise, remain yourself and don’t allow yourself to be humiliated - that’s enough.
3. Breaking yourself is not healthy. Starting to drink, smoke and use foul language, and then disappear into the gym, neglecting your studies, will not do any good. Girls are attracted to complete personalities, and the bad guy type seems familiar to her, so she falls for him. But an interesting and strong personality will also hook her.
4. It looks stupid. Yesterday's good guy who turned on brutal is a comical sight. It will take a long time to learn to sincerely despise women and consider them second-class people. It's not enough to act like a bad guy, you have to be one. And this does not come from a good life: the “bad guys,” if you dig deep, have problems in childhood and those are also “cockroaches.”

Bad guys rarely end well. Yes, they live brightly, but they pay for it with the consequences of the mistakes they have made. The psyche of not every “bad guy” is able to withstand the incessant intensity of passions, which is why guys often end up in prison or become drunkards. A bad guy in the classic sense is not the best role model, but his strengths and qualities that girls love are worth adopting.

Genetic memory

In terms of instincts, humans are not much different from animals. Most of them were formed even before the emergence of Homo sapiens (i.e. modern humans) as a biological species. And one of the basic instincts - reproduction - inevitably required females to choose a partner based on how strong, strong, proactive and, ultimately, dominant over other males.

Women of primitive society were attracted exclusively by these qualities, since it was they who provided food, safety for offspring and respect from their fellow tribesmen. Modest or weak men had significantly less chance. Tens of thousands of years ago, in order to survive and raise his authority among others, a man had to be aggressive, active and ruthless.

Centuries and even millennia passed, civilizations appeared on Earth and human society underwent a very serious transformation. In some ways, women's preferences have changed, however, modern women, just like their distant predecessors, are partial to male brutality, strength and charisma. Genetic memory, which at one time made it possible to ensure the survival of the clan and contributed to its development, is one of the important factors in modern gender relations.

Right choice?

The forbidden fruit is sweet, and that is why we choose those who do not hesitate to pick it? It seems that the “bad guy” has many advantages: he has his own opinion on every issue, which is important for a man. He will defend his (that is, his woman) to the last drop of blood without any politeness. A macho will enter through the window, if your door is closed and he wants to enter - there are no options, “the boy wants, the boy does.” No stupid trips to the park, only extreme sports, only hardcore - you won’t be bored! And finally, in a pair he is the undisputed leader.

But how long will you have enough patience with such a man? It’s nice to be weak and defenseless, but not non-stop. Sometimes you want to be treated not as a female who is “caught in the head with a club and into a cave,” but as an intelligent, interesting person who has his own opinion and with whom you can consult.

Of course, we've covered two extremes: nerd and creep. It's rare in life to meet people who are so one-sided. Therefore, having fallen in love with a “scumbag,” you can find a cute nerd in him (for example, when he lovingly sorts through a collection of Kinder surprises, but he’s a macho!), and in a sweet, serious nerd you can unexpectedly find a brave Rambaud while playing paintball!

Don't forget, it's the woman who makes the man! Not 100 percent, but 80 percent, that’s for sure. So go ahead and sculpt from what was!

Tags: psychology of relationships, men, ideal man, couple relationships, feelings

Novels and short-term relationships are the alpha's strong point

Many girls claim that brutal males are an ideal option for a short distance. During this period, the woman will experience such a rush of emotions and a volcano of passions that will last for many years to come, or even decades. Psychologists say that for family and stable relationships, they still prefer good guys. But this does not mean that similar attempts were not made during the alliance with the bad boy. Moreover, even in case of failures and hassles, the girl will still do her best to hold on to the alpha so that he still wants to get married. And many succeed, but how a marriage turns out is a purely individual story, different from each other.

New “adult” impressions3

Most girls are raised like little princesses. They try to protect the girl as much as possible from the negativity and harsh truths of life. Mom and dad diligently protect her from all troubles, but at the same time they strictly ensure that the daughter does not allow herself anything unnecessary, does not make friends with “unreliable” children, from their point of view, and is well-mannered, neat and obedient.

But childhood ends, and the matured girl understands that the world around her is much more complex and, in addition to pink, there are many different colors and shades in it. And at this very moment she meets some “bad guy” who desperately embarks on any adventure, is independent, loves to experiment and is generally so different from those “good” children whom her parents or grandmothers admire. The girl quickly realizes that with this guy she can afford many things that she had never even thought about before, things that were strictly prohibited. Something that will allow you to escape from parental care and feel like an adult and independent. The effect of contrast between the past “childish” life and the new, full of adventures, adult life is triggered. And this daring guy, independent of public opinion, plays the role of a kind of guide to that brave new world.

Charisma4

How can you imagine a bad guy without a certain magnetic charisma? Such guys are able to hook girls one or two times. They are always well-groomed, have fresh hair, ideally a beard or stubble, and confident behavior that borders on what is permitted.

Such people love themselves, every morning, looking at themselves in the mirror, they say: “God, how good I am.” And they go to work or school with a confident smile. They do not get hung up on worldly problems; their interests are always far-sighted and practical. This is why girls like guys like this, they like them on a subconscious level.

Causes

A girl chooses a bad guy because she knows he can protect her.
Young people often face difficulties when they want to start a love relationship. They are especially struck by the situation when crowds of girls pursue brutal, dysfunctional guys, and no one looks at high intellectuals. The thing is that girls like bad boys. This will really amaze those who tried with all their might to be a good boy, tried to conform to the image accepted in society. A guy can play sports, have no bad habits, study well, and be what all girls seem to dream of. But at the same time, he notices that the young ladies do not pay attention to him, not to the image of the prince, they are carried away by hooligans, the dregs of society. This is surprising, but girls would prefer a relationship with a womanizer, a foul-mouthed guy who behaves obscenely, than with a normal young man.

Many guys are amazed by this paradox. Looking at the situation through the eyes of a man: “a girl gives up a stable future for the sake of a relationship with someone who cannot be called reliable.” How a girl reacts to a bad guy: “how charming and incredible he is!”

1. Considering the situation from a psychological point of view, one can come to a reasonable explanation of the current paradox. If you go far back in time, women were attracted to strong men with strong hands and sharp teeth. It was then that young ladies chose those whom we now call bad guys, because they had no choice but to admire the cruelty and brutality of their chosen one. It was these qualities that made it possible to provide for a primitive family and gain respect among their fellow tribesmen. In our time, power is determined by connections and money. Now the leaders are not bouncers and die-hard strongmen, but video bloggers, singers, comedians and actors. That is, after tens of thousands of years, alpha males lost their position in society to those who were previously outcasts. However, the emotions and animal instincts of women have not disappeared; they continue to give preference to men who are stronger and can stand up for them and protect them.
2. The cruel reality is that young ladies today do not pay attention to noble deeds and are not led to have a good attitude towards themselves. Many people choose such young people who cause them suffering, tears, a feeling of uselessness, and the development of complexes. You ask, do girls really like to suffer? It turns out that young ladies are subconsciously looking for young men who will allow them to feel suffering. But this applies only to those who have been accustomed to suffering since childhood - they grew up without a father or he behaved indecently towards the women in his family, humiliated them, perhaps beat them. If a young person grows up seeing her mother suffer or is herself a victim of violence, she gets used to this role. She knows perfectly well how to behave in order to get along with a bad guy. Moreover, she may feel his insults, assault, public humiliation, she will cry, but will not part with this young man. The whole point is that she doesn’t know how to live differently, she believes that this type of behavior is the only correct one.
3. Another factor that influences young people to become interested in bad guys is the media. The girl watches shows, series, programs, she watches how women fall in love with bad men. Thus, on a subconscious level, she is taught that she needs to choose a narcissistic, rude and arrogant guy.
4. Game of hormones. During puberty, girls rarely pay attention to “nerds”; they are attracted to hooligans. All this is explained by a hormonal surge.
5. Endurance. When a girl sees a guy who may neglect his health, for example, smoke, regularly participate in fights, or even have police records, she notes that he has a strong, healthy body and horse endurance. According to scientists, women consider such men as one-time lovers.
6. Lack of prospects for long-term relationships. Girls, until they enter into legal marriage, want to take everything from life. But this does not mean that they will be promiscuous. But getting experience from communicating with a brutal man is the best thing. The bad guy is unprincipled, reckless, and has special power over female representatives.

Scientists at the University of Belgium conducted the study. 239 young women were interviewed who preferred smoking and brutal men as lovers for one night. When the question concerned a partner for marriage, the girls chose intelligent young men who did not have bad habits.

The trouble is that some young people pay attention to the fact that girls are interested in brutal types and become such themselves in order to attract the attention of young ladies. However, you should not strive to be bad for the sake of it.

Boredom and stability

We women are contradictory creatures. We want to be like behind a stone wall and at the same time - on a powder keg! So that passions burn like no Santa Barbara has ever dreamed of! Well, it’s hard to imagine that “my dear accountant” will make a mad dash into the night and write on the asphalt how much he loves you. He will show his love by washing the dishes for you! It's great, but... Boring! Unlike men, our emotional background plays a much more significant role in life, and a temperamental man will keep this very background in good shape!

“I have many nerdy friends, and I can say what they have in common: a lack of thirst for life,” writes forum member Nicole. - They don’t have fire, drive, that vein... Yes, they are smart, sometimes you can even get them to talk (and even for me - not all of them), but for the most part they are lazy and passive, they go with the flow. Especially nerds, of whom there are more divorced than you can imagine. Yes, it’s practical with them (if they make money) and reliable (few people cheat), but... somehow they lack emotionality.”

Why so many people are turned off by good men

Why are women repelled by sweet, kind, caring and gentle men who are ready to please, give pleasant surprises and live next to each other all their lives? Many girls don’t like nice guys for the reason that they have many negative qualities, which for some become more significant than the positive ones:

• too soft and sentimental;
• they do not know how to stand up for themselves and the honor of the girl next to them;
• uninitiative;
• insecure, have low self-esteem;
• many complexes;
• they do not know how to achieve the assigned tasks, and they do not set tasks as such;
• a lot of problems and “cockroaches” in my head;
• boring and uninteresting;
• not sociable.

This is the answer why some people don’t want to see a good guy next to them, but are drawn to bad and frivolous ones.

READ How to interest a girl and attract her attention in further communication

Associations with bad fights in the film industry

In this industry, films and characters have a profound impact on audiences and even entire generations. Of course, you will no longer see primitive big men as males, but still these are alpha hunters, only succumbing to evolution and the criteria of modernity. Specifically, bad guys in movies most often have the following characteristics:

• composure;
• devotion and loyalty to family values;
• adventurism;
• masculinity;
• sense of humor;
• charisma.

This is the ideal woman’s set. There are many similar characters among the heroes of Hollywood films - this is Tony Stark from “Iron Man”, and the legendary James Bond from the famous franchise, and Clyde Shelton - the main character in “Law Abiding Citizen”. There is more than enough example and the listed images clearly appeal to many viewers (given their popularity). I believe that you are no exception. Girls look and perceive them with different eyes, and for guys they become standards and idols.

Alpha is a prize for girls

His behavior and position regarding his reluctance to enter into relationships attracts the fair sex even more. An independent bad guy, a leader with animal strength and brutality, programs the girl for re-education, which she needs to lead. For her, this is an unsurpassed achievement, since with others he stayed as long as he considered necessary, but with her he stayed and started a relationship. As they say, +100 to self-esteem.

A large number of girls dream of taming and making an ideal other half out of an asshole; it’s in their blood. A kind of pink, snotty dream that arose during adolescence, when girls watched the development of events in youth TV series and saw similar stories. If it’s possible in a movie, then why not make it a reality - thousands of girls thought and began to look for a victim to implement the script. Therefore, bad guys often have several ladies in mind at once, each of whom dreams of taming the male and starting a relationship with him.

The ladies' ambitions do not end with a love union - a strong and daring male seems to be an ideal option for a family and the birth of a child. Since childhood, my mother repeated, they say, don’t even try to get involved with such crooks, but this only sharpens the interest in assholes, and their intransigence and resistance sometimes completely blow the minds of the weaker sex.

How not to confuse a charismatic person with a scumbag

There is no scientific way to determine who is in front of you - a charismatic or a scumbag. But there are some qualities by which it will not be difficult to guess the fact. If you meet a terrible person on the way, then run as far away from him as possible. Calculating it is not so difficult:

• constantly whines and complains about fate;
• closed and closed;
• asks how much you earn;
• extremely aggressive and unrestrained;
• criticizes unkindly;
• not confident in himself;
• nervous;
• judges other people;
• feels intense envy;
• does not rejoice at the successes of relatives and friends;
• disappears abruptly and returns.

There is no need to cast your lot in with such a scumbag, because in the end there will be a strong disappointment that will break your heart.

From a psychological point of view, women like bad men because they are strong and brave, real alpha males and company favorites, funny and charming. But serious relationships with such people are practically impossible, and even if they are possible, the woman in them is always unhappy, since she does not receive the proper attention and tolerates a disregarded attitude. So be smart and think about whether you will like this life.

Who is Mr. Bad?

The bad guys, as a rule, are the guys about whom they said “nothing will come of him.” He was far from achieving high grades in school, and was not at all a role model; rather, on the contrary, parents constantly heard complaints from teachers about their child. In general, not a student, but a walking problem. However, even at that time he was in demand among people of the opposite sex and easily began affairs in adolescence. He exudes audacity, brutality, and confidence.

Guys are disgusted by his appearance, but girls, on the contrary, begin to be drawn to him. This image of a bad guy creates a silhouette of reliability and protection for the fair half of humanity. In addition, you never know what to expect from an alpha - with this approach the lady will not cool down, and feelings will flare up with renewed vigor again and again. Such an intrigue only increases a woman’s interest in the person of an asshole. What can we say, when a bad boy starts to act, he shows courage and his strengths. After this, most girls cannot resist his magnetism, energy and strength of the male.